“Sage wake up, Sage it’s time to go,” I heard Grace say next to me as she gently shook my shoulders. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head, trying to ignore her.
I heard her sigh, and I gripped my blanket tighter when I figured out her intentions. She yanked but I didn’t release my hold. I’d hardly had any sleep. When Dan and I had returned from the Pitt, we’d arrived just in the nick of time to break up the beginnings of a fight between Todd and Banks. Though, I suppose it wasn’t really a fight, because for it to be considered that, it would’ve meant both of them had been involved.
No, really we’d just turned up in time to stop Todd from making the worst mistake of his life. He’d been yelling and throwing out threat after threat, pointing his finger accusingly and waving his fist, all while Banks had merely watched with faint amusement; completely carefree as he lay on his bed with his hands behind his head and his feet propped up on a pillow.
We’d taken Todd out of the room and managed to convince him to wait for them to be paired up to fight. However, I hadn’t been so sure he’d meant what he’d said. Aware of both Todd and Banks’ every movement, I’d slept on the bridge between awake and asleep; keeping an eye on Todd in case he decided to act moronically, and aware of Banks in case he decided to retaliate in the dark.
“Get up, Amar won’t like it if we’re late,” Grace insisted and I groaned a last time before I got up and shoved my covers away.
I had to stifle a gasp when I saw the state her face was in. The bruises I’d seen yesterday had darkened considerably; she was a patchwork of purple-green splotches.
“Is it that bad?” She asked, trying to sound as if she were joking, but instead sounding defeated.
I swallow and shook my head, trying to sound as earnest as possible.
“Umm, no?” I said, but frowned at my own lie. I’d have to do better. I took a breath and forced a smile on my face. “I’ve seen worse,” I added; which was true, I’d inflicted that and much more on bullies I’d faced back when we’d still attended school.
She chuckled and rolled her eyes, but I could see my failed attempt had lighted her mood.
“Haha, nice try. I almost believed you. Better keep practicing.” She grinned and then pointed at her watch again. “Hurry, we don’t want to be late.” She handed me a muffin.
I glanced at the bed across form mine where Carla was attempting to rouse Dan. He hadn’t stayed up, but it wasn’t a surprise to see him out like a rock; he always slept late, and I was sure if given the opportunity he’d waste the day away without ever getting up.
“Thanks guys, I’ll wake him, you two go ahead,” I said as I made my way over to his bed.
As they left, I managed to coax him up by promising him my muffin in exchange for his cooperation. I changed quickly, brushed my teeth and splashed water on my face, completely ignoring my hair as I jogged over to the training room with Dan in tow.
We made it with only seconds to spare, and I regret not getting up earlier to eat breakfast when my stomach growled in disapproval. I glanced at the board, and whatever drowsiness I’d felt evaporated, replaced instead with eagerness.
Dan would be up against Howard, Grace would be with Samantha, Carla against a somewhat-recovered Pam, me with Billy, and Todd against Banks.
These pairings were fair; Grace would have a better chance against Samantha who was about her same height and build, and though Pam was larger than Carla, she’d be at a disadvantage since she’d have to always keep one hand up to protect her splinted nose. Dan wouldn’t have a problem with Howard, I’d fought him yesterday and his weaknesses had been many.
What did worry me a little was the fact that Todd would be getting his wish; he’d be fighting Banks today, and this time neither Dan nor I would be able to step in if things took a turn for the worst. I could only hope that Amar would be quick to put a stop to things if he deemed it necessary.
Behind me, I heard a snide chuckle, and I didn’t have to turn around to know that it was Billy. Grace, who had come to stand at my side, flinched at the sound and I felt my old anger return. I clenched my fists and then slowly turned around to face him.
“Well, well, well, look who decided to join us.” Billy commented as Howard and Samantha snickering behind him. He leaned forward and raised his hand to his mouth, and then he proceeded to whisper in an ironic manner. “Don’t worry, if I knew I was up against someone like me, I wouldn’t want to show up either.”
He was so overconfident, so cocky and sure that he’d win. I took a step forward, but Dan subtly shook his head at me, and I saw out of my peripheral vision that Grace was ready to take my hand in an attempt to thwart me. I stopped, breathed, and then crossed my arms over my chest; choosing to replace my anger with a blissful zeal. I’d enjoy this more than I should.
I didn’t say anything as I continued to grin in his direction; my thoughts circling around just how pathetic I’d make him look. I’d make him regret he ever chose to cross me.
“What’s so funny?” Billy snapped after a moment of awkward silence. He fidgeted a little, and I knew my actions were affecting him the way I’d intended.
“Lots of things,” I said offhandedly, my voice smooth and pleased.
“Care to share with the rest of us?” He demanded rather than asked.
“Oh I’ll share soon enough,” I nodded at the circle where we’d soon be fighting. “I’ll share with everyone in the room.”
He seemed like he was about to say something when Amar suddenly walked into the room, behind him two other men. They were both older dauntless, one of which I recognized as Max, one of the faction leaders who’d met us on the roof. The other was someone I didn’t recognize, but it seemed as if he had some sort of authority too.
“Who are those two?” Dan whispered as we got in line to start the first fight.
“The older one is Max, he’s one of the dauntless leaders here,” I answered under my breath. “The other one I’m not sure.”
“Why do they keep looking over here?” Grace asked nervously.
I peeked and sure enough, both of the men appeared to be studying us intently. My eyes met with Max’s, and I watched as he leaned next to Amar and muttered a question.
“Maybe they came to watch the fights?” I suggested. It was the only thing I could think of. Perhaps they’d heard of the way Banks had attacked Pam, and they’d wanted to see for themselves the extent of his brutality. “Probably they’ll just stay to watch how Banks massacres Todd.”
Grace shuddered and I saw Dan nod as he took in my idea.
“That makes sense. But I think you’re missing a key part.“ Carla interrupted quietly. “They’re not just here to watch Banks, they’re here to watch you too.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, think about it, both you and Dan won your fights in a matter of minutes without sustaining any kind of physical harm to yourselves.” She shrugged. “It’s like in erudite, if they notice that you show promise, they keep tabs on you and later recruit you for higher positions.”
Dan grinned and I could see he felt flattered by the idea of being evaluated. I, however, felt my stomach churn in alarm. This was not good. It was dangerous for me to be watched when I had yet to control my divergence. If I wasn’t careful, they’d see the multiple-faction characteristics that I displayed, and wouldn’t think twice about killing me.
Nonetheless, now that I was in their radar, I couldn’t necessarily downplay myself. I wanted to impress them enough so that I’d be able to have a spot guaranteed in this faction. Somehow, I had to find a way to find balance; I wanted to be noticed and praised for my valiant actions, but not analyzed so much that my dark secret would become evident.
“Alright, first up in the ring are Dan and Howard,” Amar said as he motioned for them to go.
The fight began and ended almost as quickly as it had the day before. Dan, quick and lithe on his feet, had once again escaped his battle unscathed. Howard hadn’t been as lucky. Throughout their fight, I’d noticed that the two men behind Amar had studied Dan with praiseful eyes; as Carla had guessed, they were here to weed out who they liked.
I was happy to see that when Grace began her fight with Samantha, she appeared to be doing well. I’d almost had myself convinced she’d win, when out of nowhere Samantha managed to catch her arm and wrench it back. Grace howled and Samantha took the opportunity to shove her to the ground. She kicked her over and over, and I couldn’t help but look at Amar expectantly; I was confused as to why he hadn’t stopped the fight when it was obvious Samantha had won.
I frowned sullenly at Amar, but as I continued to look at him and the men at his back, I realized who the true culprits were. Max and the other dauntless man watched the fight intently, their eyes shining with what I could only describe as hunger. They liked the cruelty, and it was they who wordlessly ordered Amar to keep the fight going.
When Grace appeared to be nothing more than a pile of wilted limbs, I saw the two men nod at Amar; allowing him to announce Samantha as the winner. If I hadn’t been watching Amar so fixedly, I might have missed his faint sigh of relief; despite the fact that he was a very dauntless man, it was clear he didn’t feel the same as the other two.
Though they were of the same faction, it was clear there were different kinds of dauntless; the honorable kind who acknowledged the strength of others, and the ruthless kind that loved to see a person beaten beyond recognition. I knew deep down that if Max and the other man hadn’t been here, Amar would’ve called the fight long ago.
Though Amar hadn’t out-rightly chastised Banks when he’d put Pam in the hospital, he’d made it a point to tell us that the purpose of these battles weren’t to break a person’s spirit, rather to learn and grow from the incident, to find your weaknesses and work on them so that you’d be undefeatable. If you knew what you were bad at, it was easier to correct your faults.
As I helped Grace hobble back, I was relieved to see that the blood-lust that was present in Max’s eyes was completely absent from Amar’s. Though he wasn’t much older than me, I knew that I wanted to be like him; I wanted to be an honorable dauntless, not a monster who flourished in the inequality of a battle.
The next fight continued, and as I’d assumed, Carla was the victor. Pam had attempted, but she’d been limited with her injury. Keeping her hands around her face to protect her nose, she’d essentially been a walking punching bag for Carla, who’d won when she’d managed entangle her legs and drop her to the floor.
“Next up, Sage and Billy.” Amar said when Pam and Carla had cleared the arena.
A spike of adrenaline ran through my veins, and I grinned widely as I quickly made my way into the center of the ring. Billy ambled in at a much slower pace, taking his time as he crossed the line of the circle. I could tell he was using the time to try and scrutinize me; looking for a weakness that could give him the upperhand.
“Nice of you to join me. Don’t worry, if I knew I was up against someone like me, I wouldn’t want to show up either.” I mocked as I threw the words he’d previously used back at him.
He scowled, and then leaned forward slightly, putting his hands up by his face for protection. With light feet, he began to circle around me, getting closer as he moved. I could see determination in his eyes, and I knew that I mirrored that same look as I glared at him. Did he really think he’d make it out of this ring without a scratch? It was such a comical thought that I actually broke out into a grin.
That sole action seemed to trigger something in him, because as soon as he saw me smile, he curled his lip in fury and swung his fist at me. I ducked easily, slipping away as his arm sailed past me. He didn’t stop though; instead he proceeded to throw a series of failed hits towards me, using his fists, arms, and even a leg. He was fast, but I was faster.
Fluidly, I escaped each impending blow with ease. I could see sweat bead on his forehead and then run down the side of his face, which was flushed from exertion. He was more than angry, he was livid, and his pouting expression reminded me of a child who was the victim of a game of keep-away. I couldn’t help it and, no matter how inappropriate it was, I couldn’t help but snicker.
“Stop fooling around,” Amar snapped, sounding like he was getting irritated.
I stopped smiling, all traces of humor gone as I felt my muscles tighten in anticipation; it was time to finish this little game. A plan formed in my mind, and I waited for the opportunity to strike. When Billy darted in to throw an elbow at my face, I ducked and whirled, taking him by surprise. Still in a half crouch, I charged at him with my arms outstretched.
They say your true character always shows itself whenever you’re faced with imminent danger, and it was never a truer fact than now. As Billy saw me barrel towards him he turned to dash out of the way, his eyes wide and panicked, and I used the opportunity to throw my foot out and entangle his legs. With a loud oomph, Billy fell face-first, sprawled on his stomach. I reached down and clamped my hand around the neck of his shirt in an iron like grip.
Something shifted inside of me, and I felt it, a sort of beastly presence that enjoyed the feeling of complete power. Wrenching Billy off of the floor in a single movement, I glared stonily at him, letting all my accumulated fury constrict into a condensed ball of white-hot ire.
It was more than anger at what he’d done to Grace, it was my complete rage at everything that had happened to me in these past few days; that I’d found out my mother had lied to me for practically my whole life, that my father hadn’t died but actually been murdered, that I wasn’t normal, that my divergence not only put me in danger, but all those around me. It was this and more; all my frustrations embodied into a single action.
All awareness left Billy as my fist connected with his face. His eyes rolled, his mouth hung, and he wilted into a pile of limbs before me. As he slipped from my grasp and crumpled on the floor, dead weight, a switch seemed to snap inside of me. All at once, the dark thoughts that had made me act so brashly were gone, instead replaced by a cold fear. What had I done?
Regret flooded my body, and a cold shiver washed down my back and constricted around my chest. I was a monster. I’d meant to hurt him, but this had gotten out of hand. I’d never meant to knock him out cold; I’d just wanted to show him how unfair it was when the fights were unbalanced. Then I’d attacked using my internal conflicts as fuel and acted thoughtlessly.
Crouching next to Billy, I shook his shoulder hesitantly but he didn’t wake. My breathing was ragged, but it had nothing to do with the fight. My mind linked the image of Billy to the one of Pam, and suddenly I felt the cold around my chest tighten painfully; I was just as bad, if not worse than Banks, and the thought sickened me.
I was more than thankful when Billy finally opened his eyes. He blinked and looked at his surroundings groggily, and then when he spotted me, he narrowed his eyes and groaned. I hadn’t realized the room had been silent until the collective sound of released breaths sounded around me.
“Alright, everyone stop gawking. Get him up and out of there,” Amar said. “Next up, Todd and Banks.”
Billy tried to get to his feet, but swayed perilously, and so without pausing to think of what I was doing, I placed my arm under his shoulders and dragged him out. Billy groaned again and tried to pull away, and I was happy to see Howard finally come to his senses and jog over. I let Howard lead him back to his spot in line, and I turned to leave but not before I caught a glimpse of a chilling sight.
Amar stared at the board with his face set in a mask of indifference, but somehow I knew my actions had startled him. Max and the other dauntless man were a different story altogether; their eyes shone brilliantly with pleasure and delight, and they spoke to each other in hurried tones. I tried to ignore them, but I could feel their hungry eyes on me.
If that wasn’t enough scrutiny, I could also feel the eyes of my friends studying me like the odd anomaly I was. My heart gave a painful pinch when I saw out of the corner of my eye, that Grace had inched away. I didn’t speak, instead choosing to focus all of my attention on the next fight.
My feelings whirled and I managed to pin down a sole thought; I did not want brutality to be my legacy. I would fight again, because I knew I’d have to, but never with the same intensity. I couldn’t let myself become unreined, because when my raw emotions spurred a life of their own, things got dangerous. I refused to be remembered as the guy who beat his opponents senseless. Never again would I lose control like that.
My future was in my hands, and I had to learn to wield the power that came with my secrets.