Get readyyyyyy for this
Also, a big thank you to @rileyyyx for this incredible cover! Isn't it amazing!?!?
*****
Chapter Eleven: First Day Part Two
The lunch bell rings and I jump in my seat, my mind being ripped from it's trance.
"Are you okay?" Miley asks me for the millionth time.
"I'm fine." I reply.
"You've told me that like seven times, Grace, and I just think that you're not okay."
"Well I'm fine."
I collect my things and head for the door. She trails behind me.
"Are you upset because Crystal is pregnant?" She presses. "I know you are, but is it because you're in love with Danny?"
"I'm not in love with him. I love him as my best friend."
"Well yeah, but-"
"Miley, I'm not in love with him."
"Alright." She lets it drop.
We walk side by side to the cafeteria. I follow her to the table they sit at.
Danny is there.
What the hell! Kyle told me he sits with Crystal!
My steps falter but before I can run, our eyes lock.
He stands up and makes a point to remove his backpack from the seat to his left, and then he points to it.
I groan quietly to myself and walk all the way over to him.
"It's about time you graced me with your presence." He says flatly.
With a roll of my eyes. I pick my bag up again and turn to leave, but his hand locks around mine before I can.
"Wait. I'm sorry. Don't go. We need to talk, Grace."
With my back to him, I shut my eyes and sigh, and then I turn back around and sit down.
He takes the seat next to me and I eye his tray.
"We can talk at home." I say.
"But-"
"At home." I repeat, lifting my eyes to meet his.
"Fine." He grumbles. "Can I see your schedule?"
I open my mouth to tell him no and then I text it to him.
I watch his eyes skim it over.
"We have the next three classes together." He says. "And also, my boss wants an interview with you."
"When?" I ask, swiping some of his fries. I move his tray between us and open the ketchup packets, dumping them on his tray.
"Tomorrow." He says. "At four. I sent her your number but she said you didn't answer."
"What's her number?" I ask.
"It's some weird area code. I don't know."
I pause. "Oh, I didn't answer that for a reason."
"Why?" He wonders.
"I thought it was my Mom."
"Oh." He says. "Grace,"
"At home." I cut him off.
*****
Lunch and the next three periods consisted of us talking about stupid stuff, making fun of the teacher, and me avoiding everything he tried to bring up that was even remotely serious.
Now we're at my house after his Mom dropped us off. We're sitting in my room with a plate of chicken nuggets, and neither one of us is talking.
I know we're going to have to talk eventually, but neither one of us knows how to bring it up.
"Grace," he starts at the same time I say, I just don't understand why you didn't tell me that she's pregnant."
We both sigh at the same time, and he presses his lips together.
"Crystal isn't pregnant."
I raise my eyebrows.
"She's not?"
"No." He says. "Kyle made that up."
"Why? Did you tell him to?"
"No." He sighs. "He was trying to get you to talk to me."
"So he faked a pregnancy?" I ask.
"Basically, yeah. I broke up with Crystal, you know. About two hours after you moved out, I broke up with her."
"I wasn't trying to force you to break up with her." I mutter. "I just think she's bad for you. She's toxic. You shouldn't be with somebody that treats you like shit. And also, if you guys are broken up, why were you hanging out this morning?"
"We weren't. I asked her to give me my jacket back."
I nod slowly as I let the information sink in.
The plate of nuggets is empty so I take it to the kitchen and put it in the dishwasher. I rinse the dip bowl and put that in the dishwasher too, and then I walk back into my bedroom.
He's standing up now.
"You don't have to be anxious. I'm over it. We can go back to being friends."
"Grace, I'm a virgin."
I pause before sitting down and turn to him fully.
"You told me you had sex with Crystal."
"I know."
"But you didn't?"
"Right. I was hanging out with her that day but we just made out and that's it. I didn't even grope her or anything. And we didn't do anything more than that during the four days we were together."
"Then why the hell would you tell me you guys had sex?"
He looks anxious, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Grace." He whispers.
"Why did you tell me you guys had sex?" I press.
"Because I was..." he trails off, swallowing.
"Was what, Danny?"
"I was trying to make you jealous."
Jealous? Danny was trying to make me jealous?
Why would he do that?
I frown, my eyebrows furrowing. With my lips slightly parted, I shake my head.
"I just don't understand why you would do that. Why would you try to make me jealous?"
He looks terrified. His hands are shaking and I watch as he shoves them in his pocket. "What's wrong with you?" I ask.
"Grace." He says.
"Yes?"
"I'm in love with you."
What?
"Wait...what?"
"I'm in love with you." He repeats, taking a deep breath.
"You're in love with me?" I ask.
"Yes."
"You mean...more than a friend?"
"Yes."
I take a deep breath and slowly sink onto my mattress.
He's in love with me.
I bury my head in my hands.
"I'm sorry." He whispers softly. "I know that...that telling you can ruin our friendship and I don't want that, but I've been trying not to tell you for a while."
I lift my head to look at him.
"How long?" I whisper.
"How long what?" He asks, taking a few steps closer to me.
His movements are calculated. He's moving so carefully, as if I'm a deer and he is trying not to startle me.
"How long have you been..." I trail off.
"In love with you?" He asks. I nod. He sighs, sitting down in my desk chair so he's straddling the back. "A while."
"How long is a while?" I ask.
He starts rubbing the back of his neck.
"Um..."
"More than a year?" I ask. He nods. "Two years?" He nods. "Five years?!"
He looks away from me.
"Danny." I whisper, gripping the edge of my bed so tightly that my knuckles turn white. "I want all the information."
"It was um...the summer before sixth grade." He whispers, keeping his eyes on the desk chair he's sitting in. "When my parents told me we were moving. It happened so quick, I never saw it coming. One second you were my best friend, and as a kid I would imagine my wife walking down the aisle and you being my best man..." he laughs a little. "And then my parents told me we were moving, and all I could think about was the color brown."
"The color brown?" I whisper, my hands shaking slightly.
"Yes. Your eyes."
My eyes.
"A lot of people have brown eyes, and a lot of things are brown, but your eyes remind me of tree bark, or chocolate. They remind me of planets. And I couldn't figure out why I kept thinking about fucking tree trunks until I was up in my room crying and I was staring at the tree in my yard and all I could think about was you. Your smile. Your eyes. Your hair...your lips."
His eyes stay off of me.
"And I remembered when we would ride to the rec center, remember the one? With that big blue slide?"
I nod.
"And I remembered your Mom's old convertible and us in the back seat and your hair was so messy from the wind, and I didn't see my best friend, but instead, a beautiful girl...and then I was seeing you walking down the aisle in white. And the day I left, the only thing that made me feel slightly happy was a fucking tree. Everything reminds me of you, Grace."
He lifts his eyes to meet mine now.
"I see you in the wind because it reminds me of your wind blown hair. I see you in the rain from when we would go play in it. I see you in the trees, in the clouds from when we would lie there and pick out shapes. I see you in the ocean because it's so open and free and it reminds me of the time our parents took us to the park with the big meadow and we went running in it. I see you in everything, and I thought it would go away. I really did, and that's why I've been so calm about guys you've dated. I always thought it would go away, but every single day when I wake up, you're the first thing I think about, and it's the same thing when I go to sleep. I flipped out on you and told you that we weren't friends because I was hurt that you weren't jealous. Every single girl that I've looked at, they're all to distract me from you."
I'm currently sitting back against the wall on my bed with my pillow in my lap. My knees are against my chest and I'm absorbing every word he says.
"Danny." I whisper.
"Grace." He says. "I know you don't feel the same."
I sigh.
"You're my best friend." I whisper. "And I've never looked at you as anything more."
He knew. Of course he knew.
But the look of pain on his face breaks my heart.
"I know."
We fall into silence and I can see his hands trembling.
"I'm sorry." I whisper.
He's quiet for a moment.
"It's fine." He whispers. "Listen..." he swallows. "I'm going to go home."
I broke his heart.
"You're still my best friend." I mumble.
"I know." He says. "You're still mine. Can we...pretend this conversation never happened?"
"Yes." I nod. "You don't have to leave."
"I know." He says. "But I need to..." he trails off. "Can I still tell you that I love you?"
I just nod.
"Alright. I'm leaving."
"Okay."
*****
I cried writing this
~Sam