"Damn you, old man," a voice screamed in the corridor, "Since when did you become a pedophile?"
I went to the door of my chamber to see a group of nurses peeping out of the nurse's station, giggling. The receptionist, her mouth stuffed with food, a half-eaten burger in her hand, widened her eyes and leaned against the counter to get a view of the commotion at the entrance of my clinic.
"Idiots," I muttered.
Just then, an old lady, with short silver curls, with a grim expression on her face, entered dragging a bald man in his late sixties.
He was crying at the top of his voice, "She is the one I have been waiting for all these years."
The oldie was somehow dragged into the room.
His wife swooped on me, "Doctor, what has happened to him? We have been married for 40 years now. And now he is going and banging on the door of my 21 year old neighbor, wanting to marry her."
Just then the door burst open and there stood Carmen, my friend.
Without caring for the crowd in my room, she lunged at me, hugging me, crying, "Help me, a stalker...that ugly, old man is after me. I didn't do anything. All of a sudden he came and tried to hold me. I ran for my life. Your clinic was the nearest."
"Where are you honey," a weak voice called out from the door. I saw another old man, bent double due to age. He had a bouquet of red roses in his hand.
Carmen hid behind me.
"That's the creep," she sobbed.
"Hey, you look handsome," I heard a comment and saw Nurse Elsa, who was looking at the newcomer with a rapturous expression. She moved close to him and without any warning placed a kiss on his wrinkled face.
"Will you marry me," she hugged him tightly.
"I love her," the man screamed pointing at Carmen.
"Get lost," Carmen clung onto me.
"Someone help my husband," the old lady pleaded.
I realized that something was definitely wrong. People were falling for the wrong age group.
"Quiet you all and get out of my clinic now!"
No one budged.
I swiftly collected a blood sample from all the weird people and left the room, dragging Carmen. They were still fighting and cursing.
"Manage the crowd and keep me informed of the situation, "I said, going out through the door, leaving her baffled.
2
"Look here," called Doc Willis, "The 'LOVE' virus."
I looked at the SEM projection on the screen. The virus which was present in all samples had a H1N1 (flu virus) structure.
"That is so weird. It is spreading through air," I muttered.
"This particular organism is affecting the amygdala of the limbic system in our brain. So the people are losing control over emotions," Paul, my neurologist friend, commented.
"We will do a research on the antiviral drug. But this may take a while," Doc Willis assured.
"You need to do something fast. This mutated strain is going to be big trouble," I commented.
They shrugged.
I left the place shaking my head. This is going to be tough.
I dropped Carmen home and reached the bus stand.
I received a text message from Lyra, "Come fast darling...Will go for a date. Be my valentine!"
I smiled to myself and sent her a flood of emoji, kisses and roses.
3
I was waiting for the bus, glancing nervously at the clock, when I saw a fat lady in her mid-fifties, wearing a short pink skirt, a necklace of pink plastic beads and a heavy layer of makeup, ogling at me.
I turned my face the other way.
She moved closer.
I instinctively stepped back.
"Hi handsome," she greeted.
"Excuse me aunty! I don't approve of it."
"Will you be my valentine?"
She came and wrapped me in a strangling embrace.
I sent a prayer to heaven to deliver me from this ordeal.
"Is he into older women?" someone from the crowd whispered.
"Her hormones must be super-charged," someone guffawed.
"I have a girlfriend, I am engaged." I pushed her back, glaring at the crowd.
A group of stupid girls behind me squealed in excitement.
I could hear mutterings as the lady kept trying to get closer. The crowd stared at me as if I was an object of display.
I prayed for the bus to come faster and it seemed to take ages.
"I love you," the lady adjusted her round glasses.
"But I don't."
Why wasn't the obvious visible to her? Oh yeah, the damned virus clogging her amygdala.
"I want you to marry me," she pressed on.
"I can't," I cried.
"Then I will jump in front of the bus," she threatened, attempting to jump onto the road.
"Wait, please," I caught her hand, unable to find any other way to restrain her.
I was afraid, that in her state of delirium, she might take a drastic step.
Being a doctor, I could not just let that happen.
"Oooooo, I love you soooo much," she gripped my hand, dragging out her words.
Seeing no other way I whipped out my phone and dialed a number.
"Yes dear?"
"Lyra please come over to the 8-B bus stand. I got into a mess."
4
"You really want to do this?"
"Do you know any other option?"
"Actually no, it's good that the priest agreed for the fake wedding."
"You aren't angry, Lyra, are you?"
"Why would I be silly? I understand the effect of that virus. It could have been me in trouble."
Getting the reassurance from my fiancée , I took a deep breath and walked over to the altar.
I cast a quick glance at my fiancée on one of the wooden pews.
She winked and gave me a thumbs up sign.
I looked at the woman beside me.
The fat oldie had even managed to get a veil and a wedding band from somewhere.
"Do you promise to..." the priest ranted on putting up the most serious expression on his face.
I nodded along when finally he said, "Now kiss."
My feet started to shake when I saw aunty lean towards me, her red painted lips in a big O-shaped pout.
I leaned back immediately.
Suddenly my fiancée was in between me and the strange lady.
"He is really very shy, and won't go for a kiss so fast," she explained to the lady who nodded along, "Why don't you take him for your honeymoon?"
My jaws dropped, "What?"
She gave me an amused look.
I hit my forehead. Even Lyra was enjoying my discomfort.
"You woman, I will see you later," I threatened Lyra, as the lady dragged me into a waiting cab.
Who had called the cab by the way?
Lyra grinned and replied cheekily, blowing me a kiss, "Enjoy your first night!"
I cursed myself and fate.
Soon we reached a grand hotel where it seemed someone had made arrangements for a couple suite.
"Hate you witch," I screamed into my phone.
"Love you but she is your valentine for today. Give some attention to her," she muffled one of her laughing fits, "Enjoy darling."
I disconnected the phone and looked at the walking disaster before me.
"Dearie, come to me. Finally those nitwits gave us some privacy," she said.
I felt like banging my head against the wall.
She hugged me again and planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek.
I immediately tried to push her away.
"Am I not beautiful," she batted her eyelids, trying to 'seduce' me.
"No," my straight reply.
"Oh honey," she came closer. I felt irritated and awkward.
I entered the bathroom and locked myself in.
She banged on the door, "You can't escape. You have married me. I will go to the police."
The mention of police made me scramble out as fast as possible. I didn't want to be in any more trouble than I already was.
I was horrified to see the sight in the room. That woman had stripped down to her underwear and was trying to unhook them too.
I didn't know what to do and stood like a dumb man.
A thousand thoughts flooded into my mind.
"Honey, I am not ready for this yet," I coaxed in a soothing voice, "Could we please wait for a while and put on your dresses please."
To my surprise she agreed.
Just then the doorbell rang and a voice called out, "Doctor Brown, I have the antiviral..."
I was almost ready to collapse with relief.
Swiftly I opened the door, snatched the pills from his hand and held one out to her.
"This will help us, believe me," I assured.
"Will you kiss me if I take it?"
"Sure," I nodded enthusiastically.
She obediently took it, gulped it down and then stared at me in a weird way.
Blinking her eyes the oldie asked, "Where am I?"
1500 words completed...
Thanks for reading everyone. This is for the humor contest... Hope you like it...