The kiss seemed to be unbreakable. My mind was screaming at me to stop, to break free, but my heart, oh my silly little heart, enjoyed it. He gently bit my bottom lip, and at that moment, I pulled away, breathless.
"I-I can't." I whisper.
"Why?" He asks me simply.
"It all feels so wrong. I feel that everything is screaming at me to stop, that I'm somehow betraying Devin. I-I can't do this. I can't do us." I admit, biting my lip. I also can't seem to shake off the feeling that he is just using me, like the rest of the hundred other girls he has kissed before me.
"Alex, listen..." He starts, but I shake my head and walk away slowly.
"Thank you for taking me out. I had a lovely time. I appreciate all you have done for me. Thank you Dylan, but I need to be getting home." I smile sadly and turn to walk away, but he stops me, holding my hand in his.
"Can't I take you home?" He offers.
"No!" I shout, and feel bad when he flinches. I run quickly away from him. I think I'm overreacting, but I still can't push off the feeling of being used.
I decide to walk home. I'm not too far away, but I like the feeling of the cold air on my exposed face. I cuddle in my coat a little more, and make my way home.
Did I just mess everything up? What did I just do? What did I want to happen, exactly? I thought that we would have a lot of fun, and maybe he would laugh at my stupid jokes, but never did I ever imagine that he would french kiss me before he had even asked me out on a real actual date. What did I expect from a player?
I finally arrive home and climb into my bed after changing into my pjs. I close my eyes, but sleep doesn't come at all. I toss and turn, and eventually, I walk downstairs to get some hot chocolate.
The doorbell rings. I look at the clock. 12 am. I sigh, and looking down at my makeshift pjs, leggings and an oversized shirt, I pull a jacket it, to cover it up. I ruffle my hair, and take a deep breath. I think I know exactly who is behind the door. I pull it open.
The person waiting on the other side shocks the life out of me.
"Devin?" Come a straggled excuse for my voice.
"Look at you Alex." He smiles, eying my leggings and shirt.
"What are you doing here?" I ask softly.
"I came to see my girl." He smirks.
"I'm most certainly not your girl anymore Devin." I put my hand on my hip, getting angry at him for being so insulant, and I get a strong whiff of alcohol. He's drunk.
"You are and always will be my girl." He slurs.
"You're drunk, and you need to go home. Back to Atlanta. What are you doing in New York again?"I ask.
"I-I" He starts, the slurs evident in his voice, "I came back to see you. To get you back." He leans on the doorframe to keep himself up.
"We agreed to be just friends. Devin, we broke up three months ago. It's a bit too late don't you think?" I ask softly.
"Noooo!" He shouts, gripping my arm.
"I think it's time that you leave. I'll call a cab to take you back to your hotel, where are you staying?" I ask, trying to get him to answer me. Instead, silence follows, and he looks vacantly at me.
I sigh, and pull him by his arm inside. I point towards the couch. "Sleep here. I'll go get you a blanket." Devin sits down on the couch and looks around absently.
I walk up the stairs slowly and grab a blanket from the cupboard. I walk back into the lounge and find Devin snoring loudly. I groan and unfold the blanket. I put it over him, and he grabs my hand, still fast asleep. I gasp loudly and try to break free from his grasp.
"Devin," I whisper, and try to pull free, "Devin, let go." I say louder. He is still snoring softly. I use my other hand to try and pull his hand off of mine, but it won't budge. "Devin!" I shout, "Let Go!" He still sleeps soundly, and no matter how much I scream, he does wake up. I pull harder, lick his hand, and try to smack it as hard as possible, but he still doesn't budge.
I sit on the floor, pulling my legs close with my free hand and tuck myself into a little ball. I groan. I feel like I want to cry. I can't do this. Tonight has been a nightmare. First, it's been Dylan, and now it's Devin, and he's here, on my couch once again, like all those many times before. I rest my head on my leg, and close my eyes.
~~~~~~~~
My eyes flutter open, and I let out a loud groan. I'm sore all over, and I'm lying on the floor. I furrow my eyebrows, confused as to how I got here, and all the memories from last night come flooding back to me all at once. I wince and bite my lip till it hurts. I rub my forehead and groan loudly.
"Morning beautiful." A deep, croaky and an all too familiar voice says next to me. My eyes drift upwards to the man sitting on the couch, his head resting on his fist.
"Why are you still here?" I ask, my voice coming out all croaky too. I scoff in frustration at myself. It was mean to be filled with venom, but instead, I sound like an idiot.
"I thought you still wanted me here, I mean, you let me stay the night Alex." He smirks.
"Well, I don't. So get the hell out!" I order, getting up off the floor.
"No I won't. We have undiscussed issues, and I think we need to solve them, let's talk, and then I will leave." He says.
"No we don't!" I scream in frustration and try to push him out the door.
"Clearly, we do. Otherwise, you wouldn't be reacting like this." He raises an eyebrow.
"Fine." I say, crossing my arms. "Why do you want to discuss Devin?" I ask again, this time, my voice is filled with sarcasm and annoyance.
"I think we should discuss the fact that I still want you and you clearly still want me back." He smirks again. I want to so badly slap that smirk off his arrogant ass face.
"No. I don't want to move to Atlanta with you, because clearly you haven't thought it through, especially since you want me to be a housewife, it seems to you that woman are only meant to be pregnant in the damn kitchen! I want so much more than that! I want kids, yes, but I most certainly want to work, especially since I studied a degree for six years-" I swallow, furious, "Six years Devin!" I scream angrily, my arms flinging about as I explain to this insulant idiotic, handsome man.
"I'm not moving Alex. They have decided that they want me here instead, so I came to ask you to be my girlfriend again. I think I still like you Alex. Really really like you." He admits.
"I think it's too late Dev. You can't just expect to want me back after all of this, all you have put me through. Dev, I can't do this." The last part came out as more of a whisper than anything else. I want to kick myself for it, but hey, I said what I needed to.
"I'm sorry Alex. I'm really sorry. I'll give you time. Come back to me." He said simply and left me standing alone, in my makeshift pyjamas in my apartment. He closed the door behind him and I groan. I find a glass on the counter and I throw it against the door watching it shatter against the wall. It doesn't make me feel any better.
"How could you!?" I scream at the closed door. "How could you trust Dylan? How could you let Devin in? How could you Alex?"
I need a shower. I walk up the stairs and into the bathroom. I switch on the water, making it as hot as possible. I let it burn my skin, and make me numb. I don't want to feel right now. I want to be numb so I don't feel a thing. So that I won't feel the pain.
~~~~~~~~
I walked into the office this morning, wearing a grey dress, along with high heeled winter boots, a beanie and a scarf, as well as a coat and leggings under the dress. It's freezing outside.
As I walked to my desk, it was oddly quiet. A deep silence and set over the office, it gave me the chills. As I looked around, everyone was looking straight at me. I raised an eyebrow. What on earth was going on? I put my stuff down, and walked to Dylan's office. I walked up to the door and peeked inside, as the door was semi-open.
"Yes!" Came a female voice. I blink and raise my eyebrow in confusion. I knock on the door.
"Come in!" Comes the same voice.
I enter inside, and my eyes catch a beautiful blonde woman, next to Dylan. She is smiling like mad.
"Er..." I say, Dylan is smiling too, and leans in and kisses the brunette. Shock and surprise run through me. The two kiss each other passionately, and I'm left breathless as I watch the two. I feel an undeniable feeling that makes my heart drop. I feel jealous.
"Um, so about that, Er... thing, yeah, I Er... have to go finish it." I struggle and dash out the office and run to the bathroom. I lock myself in the bathroom and bite my thumb. What am I doing? Why should I care about this? I hate myself for it. How could I feel this way?
Remember last night? You didn't want him did you? The voice in my head tuts. So why should I care?
You do though. You do care, because like it or not, You like Dylan.