https://open.spotify.com/track/1RPFnPCvtBc46BFVOnzmPx?si=2IfCyO8XQP-EZ5m_gsuuPA
well, I've been afraid of changing
cause I've built my life around you
but time makes you bolder
even children get older
and I'm getting older, too
Fairy lights hung above the bed in a tangled, unordered pattern of stars. They were the once concession that had been made to the bedroom-I needed a nightlight, and these delicate chains of tiny bulbs shed enough light to keep most of the nightmares at bay. Them, and the sleeping pills, made my nights as black and bottomless as they had once been fraught. I was healing. I was happy.
It was the week after I had been brought home-Valentine's Day. Of course. I was gaining back my autonomy, one step at a time. I was still in pain with every breath, but less. I couldn't be alone without the image of a hand descending over my mouth coming to haunt me, but I was getting there.
Slow progress is still progress.
My cheeks were pink and full, and you couldn't count the outline of my ribs through my shirt. If you didn't know about the bandages and the slowly dissolving stitches, you would never have known about my accidents-none of the three of them. I looked, for once, like a normal teenager. I wasn't a frail, broken shell anymore.
Sunlight streamed through the open blinds, and I stared up at the lights above me. I was warm, curled into a mess of blankets. I was alone in bed, but I could hear the voices of maids chattering in the hallway, the run of a vacuum somewhere. The sounds of the house filled up the air, and I smiled. I never had siblings, never had the large, loud, family, but the happy noise outside the door made me nostalgic nonetheless.
Before long, though, I was up. I wrapped a pink sweater around myself, and opened the door. I didn't have bandages around my leg anymore, and as contorted as the scar was, none of the maids even gave it a second glance. They smiled warmly at me, waving me past. I got the distinct sense that my disappearance had ruffled them, too. We weren't exactly friends, but I had missed my mornings in the kitchen with them, letting their conversations wash over me while I ate breakfast. They pointed me in the direction of the study, sharing secretive glances.
The door was ajar when I knocked, and I pushed it open. Lex had his back to me, standing in front of the fire, puzzling over some folder, his muscles tense as he flipped through pages. I tiptoed in, and wrapped my arms around his waist. He jumped as I made contact, but settled when he realized it was me. A warm hand wove through mine, and Lex turned.
"Morning." I said. "You been up long?"
Lex set the folder down on the couch, shaking his head. "Couple of hours. I had to make some calls. I tried not to wake you when I got up."
"You didn't wake me." I smiled. "Have you eaten yet, or is it just all work around here? Should I make breakfast?"
"Actually, I thought we could go out for a bit today. I have some real estate agents coming around later."
I frowned at him, puzzled.
"Real estate agents? Are you selling?"
Lex laughed, draping an arm over my shoulders, pulling me towards the open door. "No, my love. I like to know the value of my assets. I just would rather we didn't get in their way."
I stared up at the daunting staircase, sighing internally. I had just made it down, and that hadn't been a small feat. Lex took one look at me, and picked me up in a smooth motion. I shrieked in surprise.
"Hey!"
"I'm a busy man, and you were looking at the stairs like they'd offended you somehow." He said.
I draped my arms around his neck, my sweater covering my hands. The maids were nowhere to be seen, now, but the hallway still smelled like lemon cleaner. Lex set me down outside the door of the bedroom, my feet hitting the plush carpet.
"Dress warmly. It's supposed to be cold." He instructed me, as his phone vegan to buzz in his pocket. "I have to take this. Luthor." He answered the call, turning the pace down the hall. He was being secretive, more so than usual-but then again, he had been, ever since we'd been home. A byproduct of the attack, no doubt. He'd always been adamant I know nothing so no one could ever hurt me. It would be doubly important now. If word got out that someone had managed to snatch me from the manor, there could be more attempts. Security had been stepped up, and cameras covered every inch of the property. I could see the glint of one from the window, looking down over the garden, like some sort of menacing fly.
It was hard to know what to wear. Warm could mean jeans and a thick sweater, or warm could mean tights and a long sleeved dress. It's all relative.
I decided on the latter, easing a black turtleneck dress over my head and torso, careful not to disrupt the swathes of white dressings. It did look particularly cold, so I put on thick thigh high socks over my tights, just in case. It wasn't likely that we would be hiking, or even walking much. I was getting better. I wasn't healed.
***
Neither of us mentioned Valentine's Day, even as the storefronts downtown boasted red hearts and roses. There were people carrying bundles of flowers, or presents, all wrapped up.
We spent the better part of the day in the city, eating waffles and drinking burnt coffee at the tiniest diner we could find, and watching the buskers in Hero's Park. Couples were skating on the rink, hand in hand, and soft radio music played. Everyone looked happy, and in love. It was something I could finally relate to. In the past, I had hated Valentine's Day. Almost everyone came to school with exciting plans for the night, or with extravagant presents. I didn't. My parents assured me I was too intimidating for boys to approach me, that I was far out of their league-that I would find a successful man one day and make everyone jealous in turn. They were half right, anyways.
I kept catching Lex staring at me when I wasn't looking. Something was off with him, and it was making me nervous. He was scheming. It was his scheming face.
"What?" I finally asked, as we sped down the freeway. "You're freaking me out."
"Nothing. You just look so happy." He said. "Listen, when we get home, wait outside so I can make sure the realtors have gone, alright?"
A wave of apprehension washed over me, but I agreed, anyways. The lights of the manor spilled over the snow-and there were cameras and the night security guards. I wouldn't be alone. I would be fine.
I leaned against the car, keeping a vigilant eye out, but Lex was back in seconds, taking my hand. Relief hit me when I felt his hand on mine. I was okay. I was here. Home.
All of that, though, flew out of my head when I stepped in the front door.
Candles filled the foyer, flickering low and strong. Rose petals led in a winding path towards the great glass room, where all the parties were held. The room held an amber glow, as hundreds of flames flickered in the winter darkness. Above me, the stars glowed through the glass ceiling, winking down at me.
When my gaze came back to earth, Lex was in front of me.
On one knee.
I covered my mouth, tears blurring my vision. I could not believe I hadn't seen it coming-but more than that, I could not believe what was happening. Lex was smiling up at me, his face calm.
"Surprise." He said. I could not form words.
"You...." I bit my lip, my heart pounding in my chest.
"I have something prepared, if you don't mind." Lex said. I nodded at him, giddy.
"You are my sun, Ruth. The reason I have done all that I have. There is no justification as pure. You've always been afraid that I don't need you. That you're expendable." He said. "But you're not, Ruth. You're not. Last week, you thought I could never love you again. I don't know how to show you how wrong you are. I don't know how to explain how much my life has changed since you entered it, kicking and screaming."
I was on my knees, now, too.
"You are a war, Ruth. I can't win if I'm not fighting. This is me fighting. You will never be alone again, I swear to you."
He took my hand. I was shaking, visibly shaking. Every cell in my body wanted to implode with happiness. This was right. This felt right. Every horrible thing I had endured had led me here, to this moment. For the first time since I had moved to the city, something inside of me clicked tidily into place. I felt whole, at peace.
"Yes." I whispered.
"I didn't ask yet." Lex laughed, leaning his forehead on mine. His eyes shone in the candlelight.
"You don't have to." I said. "There is no world where I say no. You have won the war, Lex."
I half-expected him to pull out a ring with a rock the size of my fist. Instead, It was a subdued gold, the stone a clear yellow, surrounded by tiny diamond stars. Inscribed on the band were the words nam sol sidus.
"For my sun, my stars." Lex translated. "You are my universe. I think you always have been."
It fit perfectly, replacing the green kryptonite ring. Even through my tears, it was beautiful. More than that, the weight felt right. It was a reminder.
"Is this why we had to go out? There were no realtors." I gestured around me, to the candles and the rose petals. Lex grinned, helping me to my feet. With every movement, I caught a glimpse of the ring, and another bout of tears welled in me. This was real. I was going to marry this man.
"Not quite." Lex took a folder from the floor, and handed it to me. I opened it, confused.
Inside were pictures of a house. Smaller than the manor by far, but larger than anything I could have dreamed of living in. It was surrounded by flowers, the balconies and veranda dripping blossoms and blooms.
"I bought it." Lex said. "For you. For us. There's too much history in this old place. It's a fresh start. I saw it the other day, on my way to work. It reminded me of you."
I stared at the pictures. A new start. A new house, for a new life.
"When did you decide...?" I held up my hand, the ring glittering. "How?"
"I think I knew for the first time when I couldn't find you after the explosion. I knew again when you were abducted. I genuinely could not imagine a life without you in it. But when you told me that you thought I could never love you, because of your scars-that was when I began planning in earnest." He took my face in both hands. "I wanted it to be perfect, to surprise you."
"You did." I assured him. I looked down at the folder in my hands, of the pretty little country house.
"When do we move in?"
"After the wedding."
The wedding. Even the word sent a thrill through me. The wedding. I was going to be a bride.
"When is the wedding?"
"Whenever you want, darling." Lex took my hand. "Whenever you want, whatever you want. Anything for you. Forever. And that's a promise."
Whatever I wanted. Forever.
It seemed too good to be true.
A/N: did i cry writing this? absolutely
i heard the song, and i knew what needed to happen.
happy early Valentine's Day
(also if you follow me on pinterest (@/angelicivory) the board "wedding planning" is for MY wedding (like that will ever happen) there's no spoilies there, don't worry)