In this chapter, I wanted to show how strong Grace is. She has to face her fear and the man that attacked her face to face.
I hope you enjoy. Please vote or comment if you like what you read.
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Chapter 13
Luke 6:27-36 - "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."
Jake picked me up and drove me to practice on Saturday morning. Neither one of said anything the whole way there. When we pulled into the parking lot, he took my hand, kissed it and said, "Babe, I don't want you to worry. If you are not ready to face John today, we can wait."
"No. I am ready. I just need to make sure I have what I want to say straight in my head before I walk in."
"Do you want to run through it with me?"
"No. I think by the time practice is over I will have everything arranged in my mind and be OK."
"I love you!"
"I love you too!" I told him and leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
We walked into practice and Jake took his normal position on the bench with his stop watch and laptop. I ran into the dressing room to change. Once I jumped into the pool, my mind began to relax and roll all the stress away with each lap. As I started to relax, my thoughts came into focus on what to say to John. By the time practice was over, I was confident and in control of my thoughts and plans.
Jake could tell the difference in my attitude as we drove to the jail. He looked over to check on me several times and finally said, "You look relaxed."
"Yeah, swimming helps me clear my mind and put everything into perspective. I am ready to face him."
We pulled into the parking lot and walked in quietly to sign-in. We waited until we were lead back to the visitation room. The room was filled with tables with loved ones and prisoners in orange jumpsuits. I had expected glass in between us, but knew if anything happened Jake was there and would protect me and of course the guards would make sure he did not do anything to us. Jake sat next to me and held my hand under the table. He squeezed my hand when we saw John walk in and I could feel my body tense up. "God, please guide my thoughts, my words, my actions and my footsteps!" I prayed silently. John smiled when he saw me, but looked angry when he saw Jake sitting next to me.
"Hey. Thanks for coming. I knew you would come and see me." John said kind of smug.
"John, please sit down and let me say what I came to say." I needed to make sure I was in control of this situation. I was not going to give in to him. He sat down and looked at Jake and how close we were sitting.
"Who is this?" He said as he pointed to Jake.
"This is my boyfriend Jake."
"Why is he here?"
"He will talk to you in a few minutes, right now it is my turn."
"I knew you wouldn't stay away. You are not one to stay mad, that is why I love you!"
I started laughing. "For someone that loves someone you show it in a strange way! Now either let me talk or I will leave."
"Go ahead." He did not look happy that I was taking control.
"John, I came to tell you that you hurt me...you broke me physically, emotionally and mentally. However, with Jake's help, God has healed me. I have forgiven you." I leaned back and took a deep breath. "I have forgiven you, but I will not forget what you have done. You tried to rape me and if Jake had not shown up that night, you would have."
"You are dating the guy that hit me?"
"What were you doing to me? You were hitting me, punching me, trying to rape me."
"That wasn't my proudest moment. But, I still love you!"
"John, I don't love you, I never have and I never will. Something happened to you that night. It was almost demonic. I could see the evil in your eyes. I have come today to tell you three things. 1. I forgive you. 2. You need God. You need to ask him to forgive you and to save you. You have evil working in your life and you need to rebuke that and ask God to fill you! 3. DO NOT! I repeat Do Not contact me again. If you do, I will turn your letters over to the DA and I will not read them. I never want to see you again."
"Is that it?" He said sarcastically.
"Yes. I think Jake wants to say something." I turned and looked at Jake.
John turned and looked at Jake and closed his eyes like he was trying to block him out.
"John, I don't care if you look at me or not, but you will hear what I say. I want to thank you." John opened his eyes and glared at Jake. "I met Grace through your attack. I believe if we had not met that way, I still would love her and be dating her. She is my soulmate. But, through helping her heal, I fell in love with her. For a while I hated you. I could not touch her without her body tensing up. I could not kiss her without her mind going back to that Friday night and what you did to her. But, over time those memories and walls came down and I learned how gentle, soft and passionate Grace is. Grace also taught me that in order to truly love I must forgive. So, I have I have forgiven you. But like Grace, I will not forget either! You see, I saw what you did to her. I saw her broken and bruised body. I saw her broken spirit. But, God helped me heal her and put the broken pieces back together. I just want to tell you, I am in her life and although we have both forgiven you, DO NOT contact her again. Do Not feel as though she has any feelings for you, because trust me, she does not now and she never will!"
"Are you done?"
"Yeah, I think we are done here."
"Grace you have loved me since the 2nd grade and I have loved you since then too. How can you throw it all away over one night when I got mad?"
"John I may have had a crush on you in 2nd grade, but I did not love you. You don't love someone and punch them, hit them and try to force yourself on them! I want you to know, other than appearing in court to testify against you, once I leave this room, I will never think of you again. You will not enter my thoughts ever again."
"I am sorry you hate me."
"I am sorry your actions have put us here. I am sorry that you gave up your life and your freedom because you thought you could force yourself on me. I am sorry that your family and friends have turned their backs on you because of your actions. I am done." I stood up to leave and Jake stood with me. "John, I have prayed for you. It is now your turn, you need to pray for yourself and find God! I will no longer utter your name to God. I will no longer think about that night. I am moving on with my life. Goodbye." With that, I turned around and walked away with John sitting at the table. I did not turn around or look back.
As we got back to Jake's car, he pulled me close and held me for a long time. I felt my body relax in his embrace. I was home with him. When we got in the car he insisted on taking me to get something to eat. We went to the Burger Den to grab a cheeseburger. As we were sitting at one of the outside tables eating, Jake said, "I don't think I have ever been so proud of someone in my entire life."
"Thank you. You did great too."
"No, you faced your fears head on and did not back down. I thought I was going to lose it laughing when you told him that if he didn't let you talk, you were going to walk out!"
"I did enjoy standing up to him. But I do have a favor to ask."
"For you, anything!"
"I meant what I said to him. I don't want to think about him or talk about him anymore. So, can we not talk about him anymore?"
"YES! I would love to grant you that request! I do love you Grace, more than you will ever know!"
I called Mom on my cell to let her know I was on my way home and we could leave for Vero.
"I am going to miss you. Will you call me when you get back?"
"Yeah, but I don't know how long it will take us and then I think we are eating dinner there. It may be later tonight."
"No matter the time, please call me. And I was talking to Tim and we thought tomorrow afternoon maybe you and Hope would like to go with us to Vero to pick out our tuxes or suits. We thought once you know the color of dresses we can get something to match."
"That sounds great." We pulled into my driveway then. I leaned over and pulled Jake's face close to mine. "Thank you for going with me, supporting me and loving me." Then I pulled his lips close to mine, ran my fingers through his hair and kissed him like I was sending him off to war rather then leaving him for an afternoon of shopping. I slipped out of the car and walked inside.
Mom wanted to know what happened, so I filled her in and then made the same request, not to talk about him or that night again except in court. Within a few minutes we were leaving for Vero Beach.
It was funny when we had girl time and the four of us got together. I don't know who acted more like teenagers, Hope and I or our mothers. Since they had been friends since their childhood when they got together they were giggly and laughing and had a great time. Because of their friendship and the fact that Hope and I were raised so close, I knew that we would have that type of relationship through the years.
We went into the dress shop and we both knew what we wanted, but now to find the perfect dress, in the right color and style. I knew I wanted something in purple and was thrilled to find a lilac and deep purple dress. It was off the shoulder and hugged my figure in the right spots and flowed just perfect in the others. Hope found a gorgeous red dress that had spaghetti straps and was tight along her ample bust and had an empire waist. We found shoes that matched our dresses and I found a beautiful necklace and earring set. Not only did we buy our dresses, but our mom's picked up some new clothes as well. I was happy to see Mom buying things for herself which she did not do that often. After the mall we went to Timberlake's for dinner and just enjoyed our afternoon and evening together.
When I got home, I put my stuff away and called Jake. I was tired after my long, busy day. But, he wanted to come over and see my dress so I told him that was fine. I did want to see him, but I did not know how much longer I could stay awake. When he got there I brought him to my bedroom and he laid down on the bed while I got the dress out of the closet.
"I hope you like it." I told him.
"Gracie, you make everything beautiful. You could wear a garbage sack and make it look good!" He said with a grin.
"I think it looks better on, but you will just have to wait until the dance to see that." I told him.
"You mean I am not getting a fashion show?"
"No, sorry. You are just going to have to wait!" I pulled the dress out of the closet and turned around with it.
"Gracie, that is beautiful! The light purple color..."
"Lilac." I corrected him.
"The color is beautiful against you."
"Do you think we can match it at the tux store?"
"Yeah. I do. Tim and I were thinking about getting matching styles and getting vests and such to match Hope and your dress. What do you think?"
"Sounds good. I think I like the traditional black though. And I have a swatch of the fabric to take with us tomorrow for matching." I put the dress back in the bag and put it back in the closet. Then I went to sit on the bed with him. He sat up and pulled me onto his lap.
"I missed you this afternoon, but it was worth it. Did you have fun?"
I began to laugh. "We always have fun when the four of us go shopping."
"Did your Mom say any more about dating my Dad?"
"Not really. She was in a great mood and smiled a lot. She even bought some clothes that I know she bought because they are dating...date clothes I guess. But she did talk to me about something else."
"What?" He was playing with my hair and looked up at me when I told him.
"She is thinking about quitting her hospital job. She said she wants to spend more time with me, but I think it is so she has her weekends and nights free."
"Hmmm" He said as he began gently rubbing my back and arms. "How do you feel about that?"
"You know you sound like your Dad when you ask me that."
"I guess years of phycobabble will wear off on someone after a while." He said with a grin.
"I am OK with it. And honestly, your Dad makes her happy. I am OK with them too. Besides, in another year and a half, we will be away at college. They will both need someone."
"I guess you are right." He said. "Man, your shoulders are tight. Turn around and I will rub them." So, I slipped off his lap and sat between his legs. I pulled my hair to one side and let him massage away the stress that had formed in my shoulders and back. I leaned back just a bit and stretched to turn on the MP3 player next to my bed. We sat in silence listening to the music and enjoyed being with each other. After a few minutes, there was a knock on the door. I sat up immediately stiff, not wanting Mom to think anything inappropriate was going on. Jake sat up and turned his body throwing his legs off the side of the bed.
"Yes Mom." I said letting her know it was OK to come in.
"I didn't know Jake left..." She said as she opened the door.
"He hasn't yet. We were just sitting here talking."
"Ohh, I didn't mean to disturb you. Did you like her dress?"
"Yes ma'am. The color will look great on her."
"It does." Then she looked at me. "Grace come see me when Jake leaves if you don't mind."
"Yes ma'am." I said and she walked to her room leaving my door open.
"Opps."
"What is the matter?"
"Well, I have never really dated before. I don't think she likes that we were in here with my door closed."
Jake began to laugh. "Gracie, I really hope she does not have a problem with that! Because if things are going like I think they are going between our parents, we will be living in the same house pretty soon."
"Do you really think they are progressing that quickly?"
"My Dad told me that if he had not gone straight to college, he would have waited for your mother and he could see them married. Remember he was our age when they started dating. I understand him thinking marriage at that young age."
"Marriage? You think about marriage?"
"You know, I always made fun of kids that got married at 18. They have their whole life ahead of them. But, since I met you, I could understand why I would want to get married at 18! I don't know if we will...but one day I could see myself marrying you. That was how he felt."
"Wow!"
"So, she was his first love, and your first love is always your strongest." He said with a wink.
"Really? So you think one day our parents will be married?"
"Yep."
"Man, our kids are going to get shorted."
"Our kids? What do you mean?"
"They won't have both sets of grandparents spoiling them...they will only have one set." Jake just laughed.
"So, you agree that one day we will get married?"
"I could see that happening. But do you ever think about what if we don't...how awkward it would be visiting our parents for holidays and such, you with your family, me...with mine?"
"Nope, because I can't see me loving anyone else but you."
"I bet your Dad told my Mom that when they were dating too and look what happened."
"We won't have to worry about that. We are going off to college together."
"Yeah, but what if you get a scholarship to the University of Florida, and I don't...maybe I get one to Washington State?"
"Where you go, I will go!"
"Jake, it has been your dream to go to Florida!"
"Yeah, and yours too! We will be there together! I have no doubt about that!"
"I hope so. But, we don't know what the future holds."
"You know, you are always saying that God will give you the desire of your heart."
"Yes, but sometimes our desires are not his will."
"I can't believe God has anything better planed for me without you in my life!" He said as he leaned over and gave me a kiss.
"I am so blessed to have you in my life. But, I think Mom is wanting to talk to me. I will see you tomorrow morning at church. Then we will go to Vero for tuxes."
"OK. Call me when you are done talking with your Mom."
I walked him outside. He pulled me close and gave me one of his slow soft kisses that melted my insides. Then I watched him walk away before I went inside.
I walked to Mom's room and knocked on the door. I could tell she was on her cell phone, but she told whoever she was talking to that she would call them later. I figured it was Dr. Palmer. "Come on in Grace."
"I just wanted to let you know Jake left and I will be turning in."
"Honey, Come sit down and let's talk. I know you have been through a lot lately with the attack and everything. But, please know that I love you, you can talk to me about anything. But, I really want to talk to you about your relationship with Jake. Is there anything you want to talk about? Ask questions?"
"No mom. It is good."
"I know what you are going through, I have been there, first love exploring the feelings. I just want you to understand that the farther you go in a relationship, then the next time it is expected and they will want more, until you have given yourself away completely. I really do not like that Jake was in your room with the door closed. You are a young lady and you were raised to not let a boy take advantage of you."
I started to laugh. Were we really going to have that talk? The virtue and standards talk?
"Grace, this is NO laughing matter. I like Jake. But please take me seriously. I am worried."
"Mom, if you only knew what I am laughing about."
"Enlighten me please."
"Mom, Jake and I both are virgins. Yes, we have made out, but we have never gone that far. We have promised each other if it starts going too far that one of us will stop and we have. Jake is so kind and patient, even kissing him the first few times it was difficult because of what John did during the attack. Mom, I promise I will not go too far. Jake respects me too much and I respect him. And to be completely honest, there have been times that I have had to stop because we were going too far and times when he has had to stop. And the matter of me and him being alone in my room. That is nothing compared to what could happen."
"What do you mean could happen? I could just make a rule that Jake does not go into your room."
I started laughing again. "Mom, how serious are you and Dr. Palmer?"
"I don't know. I can tell you I have not felt this way in a long time."
"Jake seems to think that you and Dr. Palmer will be married before we leave for college! If that is the case, have you realized that Jake and I will live in the same house?"
"David and I have talked about that. That is one thing that we are concerned about."
"Mom, I am happy that you are happy. I want you to be in love. But, just so you know, Jake and I love each other too. Your relationship with Dr. Palmer will not have anything to do with Jake and I. We have talked about it too. We just ask that no matter what, if it starts to get serious you will let us know what is going on."
"Well, it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders." She said.
"Well, I was raised right!" I said as I stood and gave her a hug. "Goodnight Mom. I will see you in the morning."
I jumped in the shower and it felt so good, I turned the water even hotter. By the time I got out, the bathroom was filled with steam. I had to open the bathroom door to let all the steam out. I got ready for bed and read my devotions. Then I climbed into bed and called Jake.
"How much trouble are you in?" He asked without even saying hello.
"She did not like that we were alone in my room with the door shut."
"I am sorry. What did you tell her?"
"That we were just talking and that if things progress with your Dad and her, that we may be living under the same roof and she will have to either deal with that or think about it before she decides to move their relationship forward."
"Let's not talk about it anymore. Your dress is awesome. I can't wait to see it on you!"
"Three weeks, you can wait that long. I am glad you like it."
"Yeah, I knew purple was your favorite color, but that shade of purple...lilac is gorgeous against you."
I yawned. "I am sorry."
"It has been a long day. Get some rest and I will see you tomorrow. I love you. Goodnight Sleeping Beauty."
"I love you." And I hung up the phone.
Jake's eJournal
I have never been more proud of someone as I was today watching Grace face her fears and John. She amazes me daily. I am so lucky that she loves ME!
I came so close to telling her about my Dad tonight. But, I think she needs to wait and find out after her Mom. I can't believe he already bought the ring! It is only a matter of weeks until he proposes I am sure.