Later Monday night:
7:18 PM
"Hey," I said to Justin, walking into our room where he sat on our bed, in sweatpants and a t-shirt with damp hair from a shower. "Do you have a lot of homework?"
"No, not really. Some stuff for Psych that I was looking at and I'm going to have to get my stuff done for Calculus."
"I'm so glad I'm not taking that math anymore." I laughed, crawling beside him and leaned into his side.
"You music majors."
"You engineering majors." I laughed, resting my head on his shoulder.
"I'm almost done, I promise. Then we can watch a movie or something if you want. Once we have the money too, we should get a desk in here."
"Yeah, we should." I nodded, kissing his cheek again. "I'll leave you alone and let you get that done. I should probably take a shower and stuff anyway."
"Well if you would have told me that I would have waited for you and we could have saved some water."
"Yeah, because we totally would have saved water."
"We would have! But no, you're getting one now."
"Oh boo hoo, finish your homework." I teased, quickly kissing his lips before ducking off into the bathroom.
I took a quick shower, letting the hot water relax my muscles, shaved my legs, and got out.
I tried to take my time, but I wanted to spend time with him and I was hoping he was done his homework. I did have a little bit, but nothing much.
And I'd have to get dressed out in our room...
He better hope he's done his homework.
I walked out, holding my towel around me and went for my dresser - which finally had all my clothes in it after the past three weeks or so we had been here.
I wanted to call my family and tell them everything - the road trip, adjusting, how cute our house was...
It felt like a new start was right here for both of us.
"Did you have a nice shower?" Justin asked, pulling me away from my thoughts.
"What? Oh yeah, I did." I blushed, picking out one of his shirts of mine and a pair of the underwear I had gotten over the weekend.
He was watching me, I could feel him watching me.
I was eating again I guess, I mean before I just...I don't know. He's been around all the time. Most of the time on the way up here from Washington he'd watch me just to make sure I took my first bite. At first I felt sick eating sometimes...but knowing I was hurting him like that...it killed me.
So I let the towel fall, slipping the shirt over my head and then the underwear.
He's still watching me - it's too quite for him not to be.
"So, did you finish that homewokr?" I asked, towel-drying my hair and looked at him over my shoulder.
"Oh, what? Yeah, at least what I wanted to."
"Good." I quickly combed out my hair, then crawled beside him, kissing his cheek.
"What do you want to do?" He asked, brushing his fingertips against my leg.
"I don't know." I shrugged, getting a little more comfortable where I was sitting. "I'm comfy now."
"Your legs are soft." He whispered, leaning in and kissed my cheek. "Really soft."
"I think that's a good thing." I laughed nervously, his thumb moving in a circle.
"Oh trust me, it is. A really good thing." His lips moved down to my jaw, his hand creeping up a little more.
"Are you excited for our classes tomorrow?"
"I am," He nodded, pressing a kiss to my neck. "You're going to be my lab partner, right?"
"I refuse to be with anyone else. You'd actually put up with me needing help all the time."
"We can study for tests together," Justin smiled, taking my hand and held it up so his fingers fell in between mine. "And have study breaks."
"Study breaks, huh?"
"Yeah, you know, if one of us gets stressed out along the way or something."
"Oh my goodness." I mumbled, laughing as he kissed my cheek again.
"So, after class on Thursday, I'm going to need you to go and get your nails done or something for a while. I have to do some things around the house."
"What kind of things?"
"Stuff."
"But I'd have to get ready."
"You could get ready when you came home. That's allowed."
"Ok..." I trailed off, feeling my stomach twist from excitment. "I have to go out tomorrow too and try to find a job."
"Benny told us he'd help with that."
"I know, but who knows what I'd get. I want to drive around to some of the recording studios and see if there are any internships available."
"Well ok, that's fine."
"You can get your homework done so I won't distract you so much." I reached up, grabbing his chin and squished his lips together.
"That's very true. The moment you went into the shower it was hard to focus."
"Oh really?" I giggled, letting my hans fall to his abs as he rolled over me.
"Um, yeah really." He nodded, placing a kiss on the side of my lips. "I wanted to hop in there with you the whole time."
"You should have." I blushed a little, looking down at my hands as they played with his shirt.
"Dammit, I had permission?"
"I think you always have permission." I bit my lip, allowing myself to look up so I met his gaze.
"I will remember that for next time." His hand rested back on my leg right below my hip, his face hovered over mine.
"Good." I reached up, running my fingers through the back of his hair. "You smell good."
"You smell good. Like a fresh shower."
"That's because I just got one."
"And so did I...now what do you want to do princess?"
"I don't know." I shrugged, smiling as he looked down at me. "We can just watch tv if you want."
"And cuddle?"
"Sure." I quickly nodded, leaning up a little to kiss him softly on the lips. "I love you."
"I love you too. Now come here." He laid back beside me, giving me a tug back into him by my hips. "You can pick what you want to watch."
"Are you going to fall asleep on me?" I asked, turning my head to look at him while he nestled his nose in my hair.
"No. I'm just enjoying some time with my girl and making sure I take it all in. I like it here, it's quiet."
"It is quiet...isn't it too quiet sometimes though?"
"Maybe sometimes, but then there are those nights when you fall asleep first and I'm still awake, so I get to watch you sleep. I enjoy those nights."
"I do that with you too." I smiled, intertwining our legs and turning on the tv with the remote. "You always look so peaceful."
"That's probably because I'm dreaming about you."
"Stop." I blushed again, turning so I could bury my face in his chest.
"It's true." He smiled, running his fingers through my hair and down my back. "You're so beautiful."
My head slowly lifted up, meeting his caramel gaze while he thumbed my lip.
"You're sweet."
"A little over a year ago I would have been gagging to hear someone talking like this - to even imagine myself talking like this."
"And how does it feel?"
"Like a drug."
i felt my nose wrinkle, my eyes breaking the gaze we held.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"It's ok." I shook my head, grabbing his hand. "You don't have to apologize."
"I have my meeting tomorrow...I forgot until now. I guess I won't really see you much."
"Yes you will. I won't be gone that long. We can eat before you leave."
"You can always come with me."
"I am curious..."
"Come with me." He whispered against my cheek, running his hand slowly along his waist under my shirt.
"I don't want to intrude though...there are other people that need it and then there is me. I mean, that's your time to talk about things bothering you - including me."
"You're not intruding," He shook his head, pulling me closer again. "You'd be supporting me - not that you aren't now. It'd just be nice for you to be there."
"Ok." I nodded, smiling as Justin placed a kiss on my forehead. "How are you?"
"What do you mean?"
"We haven't really talked about everything I guess," The words came out of my mouth in a whisper, and I was too anxious to look at him. "We haven't talked to our families since we left."
"I know." He frowned, giving my hand a squeeze. "We just have to be patient."
"You're honestly the last person I thought would be patient with this."
"It's difficult, but I know it's what we signed up for, and as long as I have you I'm ok. I really am."
"But your brother is graduating soon, I know you want to see that."
"I do. We'll be home by then. We'll be done school here. There is no way I'm letting us miss that, and we'll get to be home for a few days and visit our family."
"How do you think that's all going to work though? What if they're all still there, and someone recognizes us, going home-"
"Shhh," He shook his head, putting his finger under my chin. "We can worry about that later. You don't think they'd really let us go home just to put us back in danger, do you?"
"No." I sighed, slowly shaking my head.
"We'll take it all one step at a time. It's been enough finally feeling safe here, and I know how you feel about all that, and yeah it'll be an adjustment going back, but one of the reasons we did this and not our other options is so we could stay in otuch with our familes and go home. They'll let us go home when it's safe, call when it's safe, and when the time comes the last thing that is going to happen is something dangerous with our family and that effing gang. They're taking care of it. It's over, ok? Now it's us figuring out everything here - finally figuring out normal for once."
"Yeah, I guess we do have to do that."
"I like this though. Living with you, waking up beside you, cooking together, and now going to school. I don't know how I didn't see you in highschool."
"You know how quiet I am. I've always been one to head straight to my locker and then to class. If anything I looked right at you, drooled for a minute, and looked away."
"You were a little sophomore when I was a senior."
"I'm still little." A giggle escaped my lips, my cheeks starting to hurt from smiling.
"Yeah, you sure are."
I loved laying her like this...talking like this.
And this was my new normal.
___________
*Justin*
"Are you ready to dig deep into some Shakespeare?" I asked Bella, swinging our hands as we walked though the halls.
"No." She shook her head, clutching her books to her chest with her free arm. "Unless you talk to me that way and I understood it."
"I could probably manage that." I winked at her, a low chuckle heard out of me as that familiar blush covered her cheeks.
"Here, give me your books."
"Why?"
"So I can carry them."
"Oh, ok." A blush crept along my cheeks as I handed him my text book and notebook, his arm draping over my shoulders. "Are you sure?"
"Positive love bug."
"That's new."
"It just popped into my head. Did I tell you you were beautiful this morning?"
"Yeah," I nodded, blushing again while we turned the corner. "When I woke up."
"Good, because you're beautiful."
"Thank you."
"You're very welcome."
"I'm actually a little more nervous than I was yesterday."
"Why?" He raised an eyebrow, letting his arm fall from my shoulders as we walked into the lecture hall, but grabbed my hand and let his fingers fall through.
"I honestly think it's because I have class with you."
"Oh stop, if anything you should be less nervous."
"That is so not true. You'll be over here probably answering all these questions with these intelligent answers while I'm trying to pay attention - mean while you'll be doing something to distract me whether it's leaning over to whisper something in my ear, touching my leg, or just sitting there."
"So you're saying you probably shouldn't sit next to me?"
"No!" I shook my head, stepping up on my tiptoes while he chortled. "Don't you dare leave me to sit by myself."
"Do you really think I would do that to you?"
"No." I pouted, making sure I batted my eyelashes a little as he pulled me to a row of seats.
"Oh don't look at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Sit down." He sat our books down, pulling out a chair for me.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome." He said in my ear, kissing the skin by my ear and then sat beside me.
"You better behave mister."
"What?! I am! I will. I promise. I'm just excited to have class with you. It's like the experience in highschool we didn't have. Except I have no locker to share with you, so I can't come up behind you while you're pulling books out and scare you."
"You'd scare me?"
"Yes, so I could grab your little hips right before you turned around and playfully smacked my chest, and then I'd kiss you.'
"You can still do that now." I felt myself blush, his hand sliding on my leg.
"Oh trust me, I plan on it."
"You're cute." I giggled, resting my head on his shoulder.
"I remember cringing at those words."
"I remember you cringing at those words."
"And now here I am."
"I think that's the professor." I whispered, looking at the young woman who was fiddling with papers on the desk.
"Whoa, seriously?"
"Justin!" I whisper yelled, smacking his chest with the back of my hand.
"Ow! I was just saying...she's young. I wouldn't expect her to be a professor."
"I bet you wouldn't."
"Stop it." He scolded, wrapping his arms aorund my waist and kissed my cheek. "I love you."
"I love you too."
"Smile princess," He squeezed my leg gently, causing me to jump a little and shoot him a look. "Oh come on."
"Behave."
"I am!"
"Oh, are you?" I looked down at his hand, raising an eyebrow before looking back up at him.
"What? I can't touch your leg?"
"I'm not saying. I'm just saying watch where it wanders."
He smirked, leaning back into my ear. "And if I don't?"
"We will have serious problems."
"It sounds like a challenge. Do you not think you could handle that?"
His hand moved closer, my eyes growing wide.
"Justin Drew - knock it off."
"Or what?"
"Ok, we're going to begin now. I'm Professor Keating..."
Her words faded out from my hearing as I looked at Justin's smirk again beside me.
This was going to be quite an interesting class.
________________________
*Justin's POV*
4:38 PM
I put my Calc 102 book off to the side, sighing and stretched myself out on our bed.
I was surprised I was able to run to the store and finish homework - well at least start it. I still had to read that stupid Shakespeare play.
I'd make Bella read it with me.
I wanted to get all of my homework done before Thursday, because I had a picnic to put together.
I could probably do a little Wednesday, and I wanted to run home for lunch on Thursday - actually I don't think we have class after that. We can come home that'll give me more time.
Plus it'll give her more time to go out and do what she wants to do...whatever that is.
As long as she's happy.
"Hey, I'm home." I heard Bella's voice, and I jumped up, walking out into the hall as the door shut.
"Hi." I reached out, when I saw her, pulling her inby her hips. "Did you find anything?"
"Yeah, I applied for internships at three places. It'd be really awesome if I got one of them."
"I'm sure you will, especially if they need the help."
"One actually asked me a few questions while I was there...I think that's a good sign."
"Which one?"
"Paramount." She smiled, running her hands up my arms. "Hopefully I get a phone call."
"That'd be awesome, I hope so too." I leaned in a little, moving my hand to her neck and kissed her lips softly. "You should wear this all the time."
I smirked, looking down at her little black pencil skirt and then her white button up, trying to sneak a peek down her shirt.
"I see you, stop!" She laughed, trying to push me away. "Oh my gosh - can you see my bra? That's not ok. Oh my gosh that would be so embarassing. Justin!"
"No I can't see it, but I'm trying!"
"Stop!" She was still laughing, now turned around in my arms so her back was to me, but I tugged her back, tightening my grip on her hips.
"Let me see. Is it the blue one?"
"Maybe, maybe not."
"You know I'll rip it off - the shirt."
"Yes, it's the blue one."
'Let me see." I said in her ear, kissing her temple a few times.
"Later maybe."
"Maybe?"
"I promise. Later."
"Good. If not I'll force a peek with the tickle monster."
"Oh I bet you will."
"Are you hungry?"
"Yeah, I'm getting really hungry. Don't we have to leave in a little while?" We started for this kitchen, my hand holding hers in mine as we walked.
"At six thirty, we have time."
"Let me help you with dinner."
"Are you really going to help or are you going to distract?"
"You want to talk about distraction? How about that little stunt you pulled all during English?"
"No regrets."
"Oh trust me, you'll have regrets. Two can play at your little game and we have played this game before."
"I like playing games with you." I winked, bumping my hip against hers before letting go of her hand to go in the fridge.
"You won't when I'm done with you."
________________________
6:49 PM
"You're not nervous?" Bella asked, lacing our fingers together as we started for the building.
"No, everyone here has been pretty nice - and helpful."
"Good."
"Are you nervous?"
'Yeah," She nodded. "A little. If I have to - get up at any point, I'll just wait outside."
"Why would you get up?"
"I don't know, in case I couldn't handle it...hearing those reminders."
"But I'm hearing those reminders." I stopped walking, turning so I faced her in the parking lot. "It's what helps. I think it would be good for you...it would mean a lot to me. It's easier for me to talk in there...I guess it's beacuse I'm around people that have been through similar things. It'll help. Please?"
"Of course. I want to be there for you."
"You can talk too. This guy Chris brought his fiance last week."
"Me talk?"
"Yeah, like how it's effected you, your view on it. That kind of thing, you don't have to, but you can."
"Ok." She nodded again, and I pulled her beside me, hearing her take a breath as we got closer towards the doors.
I remember how hard it was for me to get out of the car the first day my dad took me back in D.C. Now she has to hear everything, including me talking about her. I can't shy away from talking just because she's here. There are things she needs to know.
I'd be nervous too...having to hear all that.
I held the door open for her,, then the next that was down the hall.
It was a highschool, and we met in the gym - and it didn't smell bad. At least not to me.
Bella didn't seem to mind either.
"I'm sitting next to you, right?" Bella asked, standing up on her tiptoes to whisper in my ear.
"Of course you are. I don't need somebody hitting on you here." I chuckled, but she just looked up at me, her eyes widening as she processed what I said. "Relax, I'm just kidding. Come on, Chris is here. I want you to meet him."
"Ok."
I pulled her over to him, smilng when we made eye contact.
"Hey buddy, how are you doing?" He asked, reaching out to shake my hand.
"I'm good, how are you?"
"I'm good...I'm assuming this is Bella."
"You know my name?" Bella asked, a small blush creeping up her cheeks.
"Of course he does. You act like I don't talk about you."
"I-I just-"
"It's ok." I coaxed, putting my arm around her waist and gently squeezed. "This is Chris, and Chris, this is Bella."
"Hi, it's nice to meet you. I've heard good things."
"Well I would sure hope so."
"I'm glad you could come. It's nice for us to have family around, it's really good support when you're just starting sobreity."
"Just starting? You mean the first few months, right?"
"Yeah," Chris nodded, meeting my gaze while Bella looked up at me. "The first few months are always the hardest."
"Tell me about it." I mumbled, causing Bella to look up at me again.
I had been struggling with it...I hadn't really mentioned it to Bella, just because a lot has been going on with us settling down, me trying to find a job to support us, school...I know she's going through her own things.
I can't tell you how many times though I've wanted to go and smoke, or drink. I think about it at least once a day.
I just know I can't go back to those ways...I'll hurt her all over again.
"Come on, let's circle up." Chris pulled me from my thoughts and I nodded, pulling Bella again and sat down with Christ to my left and Bella to my right.
I leaned into Bella's ear, watching as she shifted uncomfortably. "Are you ok? I'm sorry if I-"
"No, don't be sorry. I'm fine." She smiled at me while quickly nodding her head, tucking a strand of her wavy hair behind her ear.
I brought her hand up to my lips, kissing it gently a few times before sitting our hands back in my lap.
"Alright, we're going to start. Is there anyone that wants to begin?"
Chris did.
His fiance wasn't here tonight, but he talked about her a little. They were getting married in a couple of months. He's almost been sober for a year now - he was an alcoholic, most of us were here.
I guess you could say I was...I don't know. I just like to say I'm addicted to partying. I'm not addicted to one thing in particular, I like anything that'll help take my mind off of all the bad things in my life and my mistakes.
But alcohol and I didn't have a very good past.
"Who did you bring tonight Justin?"
"Oh," I looked at Rob - the leader I guess you could say - then at Bella beside me. "This is my girlfriend Bella, who I've told all of you guys about."
I saw Bella shift again, glancing at me while everyone said 'Hi.'
"Hi." She said back softly, meeting Rob's gaze and looked around a little more. "Thanks for letting me come."
"Of course. It's open to everybody. Is there anything you want to talk about."
"Oh, I'm just here to listen I guess. I don't really have much to talk about."
"How about you Justin? How was your week?"
"It was good." I nodded, sitting forward a little. "We started college again - which obviously was a big transition. We barely know anyone, well now I know some of you, so that's helped. I've been sober for...59 for days now I think. I feel pretty good - at least right now. I have my moments. Sometimes I don't know if I'll be able to get passed them."
"I know what you mean." Chris chimed, looking over at me before looking forward. "Everything just feels like it would be easier if you took that drink again."
"I didn't really notice it until I met Bella," I looked at her, her eyes locked on me for the moment I held her gaze. "You guys know about that - the gang...It was just normal for me, going to get a drink, lying about my age. I liked not remembering everything that happened that night. I used to go to sleep with my gun on my bedside. I remember one night falling asleep with a pocket knife closed in my hand. I never knew if someone was going to come in during the middle of the night because of something I did. I was terrfied for my life. I'm sure most of you have probably judged me for that - I don't blame you. I'd probably do the same thing. 'Here this guy is moping about his problems when he had a choice.' I know I had a choice, but it doesn't feel like I did. The only choice I felt like I had was being able to forget and just wake up for another day. I feel so much guilt, I don't even feel like I deserve to be here sometimes. I think that's one of the reason's I turned to alcohol. It just numbed me. I made really stupid descions. I feel like a failure most of the time - I failed my family, I've failed myself - I've even failed Bella when she was the only thing good in my life. I still have the nightmares though. I think I will for the rest of my life. Sometimes it's like I'm soffocating. It's those nights I want that numbing feeling - or when I get frustrated with myself for doing something wrong - that cigarette. I almost caved a few weeks ago, but I had to think of everything that would happen if I did that."
"You did?" Bella asked softly, her eyes glassy. I knew she had been watching me the whole time.
"Yeah, on Christmas Eve. It had barely even been a week. I know I had been drinking often. It wasn't one or two at that point, and I had stopped for 9 days. It felt like it got harder with everyday. I was still having those thoughts of getting a drink. I remember shaking and not knowing what to do. I just drank some water I think. My dad helped...he was an alcoholic too and I didn't know until a few months ago...I just - it's so frustrating. I don't know how I'm going to be when I'm actually at the legal age, when we're out with friends and everyone has those drinks. I don't know if I'll be strong enough. What if I give in. Then I fail again."
"I can't imagine what that would be like," Macy said across the circle. "I mean, I know what it's like to crave...but being stuck in something you can't get out of. That you're trapped in...Justin, if you don't mind me asking, how did you get out?"
"Oh, well..." I trailed off, looking beside me and saw Bella wipe her eyes. "I just told him I was done - he wasn't very happy with that. But for the first time in my life I felt like I was worth something, that I was important. I was on my own for so long, but now it wasn't just me. I realized I couldn't stay - I had to get out, or the people I loved around me were going to die. Everyone. Then I really would be alone. I hate being alone. I lived on my own since I was 17. I don't know how I did it. So many kids want to pack up at 18 and leave, I remember wanting that, but when it actually happened, I felt so alone. My family didn't want me anymore - I was still in high school. As tough as I wanted to be I...I wasn't. I was angry, and hurt. I was a kid. I stopped caring about myself, and I remember just wanting to die some nights. I'm surprised I didn't do it. I guess that's where the alcohol and the other drugs come in."
"What about now?" Rob asked, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees. "How do you feel about yourself now?"
"I know I'm not worthless. My family loves me - they just made bad decisions like I did. I made mistakes like a human. There's nothing more that I want than to be right here with Bella. I'm happy. I'm able to finally love Bella the way she's supposed to be loved, we're safe. I'm going to be able to have a family one day and really settle down. I know I'm not a failure. I don't need the numbing to get through the day. Not when it was destroying me too."
I heard Bella suck in her breath beside me, and she quickly wiped her eyes again, trying to hide her face with her hair.
She's crying...she's really crying...
"I've had those thoughts." She whispered, not looking at anyone in particular. "But I wasn't addicted to a drug or alcohol...I stopped eating for a while. I used to live in New York. At first it started just because I needed a way to get by, so I'd eat popcorn or Ramen for dinner...Justin noticed eventually, but I said I was fine. I think I was at the time...but I saw how skinny I got - I mean living in New York there's pretty high expectations for appearance I'd say. I don't think I developed anorexia or I'd still be like that today. But I felt terrible about myself...I was alone still trying to get familiar I had only been in a few times. This was all going on when Justin was drinking again...I broke up with him because of it, I thought I was cheated on. I came home one night when he was high and drunk. Basically I guess in the state I was in I didn't want to eat anymore. I didn't feel good enough. My parents divorced when I was younger because my dad always worked. My mom left us and moved away, I still see her, but I don't think I felt good enough either for her to stay. All those other thoughts effected me in other aspects of my life. I know now the less I ate the worse I felt...and I was curous about the drugs, weed specifically...I mean I know it's not that bad compared to everything else, but I tried it just to know what it was like, to see what was so good about it because I felt like I had been abandoned again - but this time for a substance, not even another person. I know that's not true now - it's just how I felt at the time. I'm sorry I'm rambling and I know I don't have a drug addiction, but I guess I'm just trying to say I can relate, and I've felt worthless too."
My mouth hung open a little as she looked at me, and I quickly closed it, looking over at Rob.
She smoked weed? When did that happen? Why didn't she tell me? Had it been recent? I hadn't smelled anything in the house - was she trying to get me to go back to my old ways? Was it when we were broken up for that week? Or gave it to her? Was it Trent-
"You don't have to use drugs to have an addiction. I think our own thoughts are sometimes like a drug in a way." Rob said, looking at Bella, and she responded with a nod.
Why hadn't she told me about that?
About an hour later we were done, I managed to talk to Chris for a couple of minutes while some people talked to Bella, then she came over to me, slipping her hand in mine at my side.
"Ok, well I think we're going to get going." I said, looking at Bella beside me and swallowed.
"Alright, I'll see you next week. It was nice to meet you Bella." Chris said, giving her a polite smile.
"You too Chris."
"Come on, let's go home." I said, nodding my head towards the door.
We left the same way we came, her hand wrapped around my arm.
"When did you smoke weed?" I asked, keeping my eyes forward while we walked.
"The Monday I went back to school after we broke up..." She whispered, tightening her hand on my arm.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't know how you'd react. I wanted to, I couldn't finish the thing...it's kind of embarassing. I just didn't see any point in telling you I guess, and I was mad at myself because I felt like a hypocrite. I wanted to tell you. I know I should have now, I'm sorry."
"It's ok," I sighed, letting my eyes fall down to hers as she waited for a reaction. "It's in the past. We can forget it."
She stayed quiet all the way to the car, even when we got in.
"Are you ok?" I asked, keeping the keys in my lap.
"I wish you talked to me like that." She whispered, keeping her gaze locked on her hands. "That was the first time I heard a lot of those things."
"That's why I wanted you to come." I turned to face her, putting my hand on top of both of hers.
"I know and I loved it, but my point is I shouldn't have to come for you to talk like that with me. You should...be able to talk to me like that whenever you're upset or you're craving...I never know."
"We've had a lot going on, and I've been ok...plus you were crying in there. How could I - I can't be the reason you cry."
"But you're supposed to be able to talk to me. I'm supposed to be your bestfriend - half the things in there that you said I'd never even heard before..."
"You are my best friend Bella," I sighed, leaning over and tilted her face up by her chin. "I guess I don't like talking about it because it's one of the reasons I almost lost you."
"But I want to hear it. I want to know. I want to know what's bothering you - I want to be able to be there for you. I can't if I don't know what's going on and I know sometimes you don't like to talk about how you feel but - "
"No. That's not how I am anymore. I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I'm sorry. I do want to talk to you about things, but I didn't want you to see- I'll talk to you. I'm sorry."
"It's ok. It's really brave of you to go in there and talk like that," A tear fell of her lashes, while I instinctivley scooted closer, moving the back of my hand along her cheek. "I didn't know how - I haven't seen how much you're struggling. I'm so sorry. I should have-"
"No, hey, shhh," I shook my head as she started to cry, pulling her into me by her waist. "I haven't been around you when it happens. When I feel it I go for runs. There wouldn't be much you could do for me in the moment. It literally takes over Bella - and it's not your fault you haven't seen it. I chose for you not to."
"I want to help. I want to be there for you."
"You help every morning when I wake up and see your beautiful face beside me, and you're here for me now, you were here for me tonight. I can't stress how much that meant to me." I took her hands, bringing them both up to my lips. "I'm really happy you came."
"I'm really happy I came too, and I'm really proud of you, Justin."
"Thank you." I whispered, resting my forehead against hers. "I love you."
"I love you too, Justin." She closed her eyes, and I kissed her, holding her close.
Mine, all mine.
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Hey guys! Hopefully it let's me upload it because there are so many words lol. WHAT DID YOU THINK AND HOW CUTE WAS THAT I CRIED AJKDJAKJKFJDKRJAKRJTKAJ. It's officially summer for me today, that's why I updated!
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