After being off, you'd think I'd be excited to go back to work; I wasn't. I was simply terrified to go back to work after everything that has happened and being asked a whole bunch of questions on what happened to me. Thankfully, nobody has said anything to me. I was in my office looking over some of the ideas they have been discussing when suddenly, Tanner knocks on my door.
I looked up from my papers and slightly smiled at him. "Hey Tanner," I said to him.
"Hey there, Veronica," he said to me. "So I just wanted to let you know that Sarah and I made sure nobody bombarded you with questions about your days off. We understand you had a lot of stuff you needed to take care of and we just didn't want them making you feel uncomfortable."
"That's very sweet of you, Tanner. Thank you," I said to him. He smiled and nodded his head at me. "Was it your idea or Sarah's idea?"
"Actually, neither," he replied. "Shayne was the one with the idea." My eyes widen and Tanner chuckled. "Yeah, I know. He was just worried that it would make you want to take off more days and he knew that's not what you wanted. Who knew Shayne had a big heart?"
"Just like we didn't know he had a twin," I joked with a grin. Tanner laughed and shook his head at me. I know the joke probably gets old to him, but damn if he didn't look like Shayne's twin. As cute and nice Tanner is, I could never date Tanner Risner just for how much he looks like Shayne.
"I can see why you and Damien get along now," he said to me. I giggled and shrugged my arms at him. "We're glad to see you're back, Veronica. If you need anything, just come looking for me." I smiled and nodded at Tanner who then waved bye to me and walked out of office. He is such a sweetheart and such a laid back kind of guy. Shit, him and Shayne even have that in common.
"Hey," a voice said. And speak of the devil who made my heart drop down my chest. I looked back up to see Shayne Topp standing in the doorway. My heart made its way back up to my chest and started beating instantly. I didn't know how I was going to talk to him about Anthony and I since I made it seem like something between us could happen. I was in a fucking pickle.
"Hey, Shayne..." I slowly said. I cleared my throat and put the papers down on my desk. "What's up?" I asked since I didn't want him knowing how bothered I was.
"Just wanted to check up on you," he replied. There goes my breaking heart again. I wanted to say aww, but I had to hold back. Did I make the wrong choice? "I'm just glad to see you at work again."
"Yeah, me too," I stated. "It gets my mind off of everything and I miss seeing everyone. By the way, thank you for talking to Sarah and Tanner for me. It means a lot that I'm not being questioned by everyone about why I wasn't here."
"Oh, no problem, Ronnie," he said to me. "Olivia basically knows why you weren't here, Damien knows, and Ian knows, but nobody else knows. Not even Boze." And a huge part of me hated that. "I just didn't want everyone asking you and it making you uncomfortable. It was a fucked up situation that you aren't able to talk about and I understand that. They should understand that too and that's why I told Tanner and Sarah to tell everyone to not ask questions."
"You're a good friend, Shayne," I said. I closed my eyes after I said that and looked at the wall. I literally just friend-zoned Shayne once again. Fuck, what the fuck? "Shayne, I need to tell yo-"
Suddenly, Anthony walked into my office and Shayne just stood there staring at him. "Hey V, do you have the scripts for our next Every Blank Ever?" Anthony asked me. My heart started beating harder and harder by every second, but I nodded my head at Anthony before he started questioning why I wasn't responding.
"Yeah, I have them right here," I said as I opened my drawer up and pulled out a folder that had the Every Blank Ever scripts. Anthony walked over and stood in front of me as I handed him the folder. "Here you are, sir. I made sure there wasn't any mistakes and proofread everything."
"You're the best, Ronnie," he said as he leaned down and kissed the top of my head. I squinted my eyes and scrunched my nose up when he did it, but opened them right up when he pulled away and I watched him turn away to face Shayne. "I'll see you later on set," he said to him then walking out of my office.
Shayne just looked at me with an annoyed grin and shook his head. "You gotta be fucking kidding me," he said as he started to make his way out. I instantly got up from my desk and ran in front of him before he could walk out. I shut the door and leaned my back on it to face him. "Move, Veronica."
"Fuck that, we need to talk about this."
"What's there to talk about, Ronnie? It's pretty fucking clear on what choice you made!"
"Shh, Shayne!" I said to him. "I get that your upset with me, bu-"
"Upset? No, I'm frustrated and annoyed with the fact you would stay with someone who honestly doesn't make you happy and who went behind your back."
"Shayne, it's okay to be upset. I'm upset for doing this to you."
He looked at me confused and started chuckling. "Doing what exactly to me?"
"Putting you in this position," I replied. "What we did was wrong and we shouldn't have done it at all, Shayne. It was stupid and completely wrong and it was a mistake."
Shayne's face was in complete shock and he put his hand on his mouth. "Oh my god, Veronica. You're such a liar," he said to me with a small laugh.
"How am I a liar?"
"Because you wouldn't have slept with me a second time if it was a fucking mistake, Veronica Cruz. The first time was a mistake since we were both drunk, but oh sweetheart, that second time was all you."
"All me?" I asked him. "Fuck you, it wasn't all me since you're the one who kept hitting on me and trying to let it happen."
"I told you to tell me to stop if you wanted me to, but you didn't!" he said loudly.
"Right because a girl is just going to automatically stop when an attractive guy has his hands on her and kept bringing up what happened that night before."
"It's not the first time that's happened," he admitted.
"Okay, but I'm not Frankie, Shayne!" I yelled out. He looked at me in anger and shook his head. "Out of all people, Shayne, you should be the last person that would want something like this happening again. You knew what it was like to get cheated on so why is it okay now?"
He took a deep breath and sighed. "It's not and you are right, Ronnie. You aren't Frankie, but you sure as hell have a lot in common with her. You play with peoples emotions until everyone is hurt." My heart sank and I didn't know what to say after that. Shayne pushed past me and walked out of my office. I clenched my fists and went back over to my desk to grab my phone. Once I grabbed it off my desk, I walked out of my office and started making my way towards the elevator.
I had to call Tristan to calm myself down before I went off on everybody. I wasn't ready to talk to Boze yet only because talking at work is literally the unsafest place since everybody hears everything and starts assuming shit. That's what happened with Olivia and she's the one who told my business out to Anthony. Think of her knowing this shit between Shayne and I; I have and it's terrifying.
When I hit the down button to the elevator, I sensed someone watching me. I slightly turned my head and looked back to see Boze standing at the end of the hall and she just looked at me in concern, but shook her head. That'll be another conversation: this has just been the best week, hasn't it? The elevator doors opened up and I walked in, hitting the last button and watching the doors shut.
I leaned my back on the elevator and looked up at the ceiling. "Fuck me," I said with a small chuckle. I looked back down and went to call Tristan. I need to stop going to him for everything, but it's not like I could talk to Shayne about this or Anthony. But then it hit me: Damien is a great person to talk to about this kind of stuff since he is mutual about everything. Then again, he is best friends with Shayne so I felt like the only person I can talk to is in fact Tristan.
I put my phone up to my ear and pushed my head back into the wall while closing my eyes and taking deep breaths. "What's up, Ron?" Tristan asked me.
"Just fucking shit up, Tiss. So I guess you can say the usual," I said.
"Oh god, what did you do now? Sleep with another guy?" Tristan assumed.
"That's not funny," I said. "I didn't exactly tell you the choice I made yesterday."
"It's pretty obvious, Veronica," he said to me. "I knew you wouldn't leave, but that's not why you called me." The doors opened and I walked out of the elevator to make my way outside. Everybody was at work today and I know they wouldn't come outside anytime soon. As I opened the door, the sweet May breeze blew in my face and pushed my hair back. I sat on the steps of the entrance and put my hand through my hair.
"Shayne just found out today," I told him. "Found out the wrong way I should say. I wanted to actually talk to him about it, but Anthony came into my office and gave me a kiss on my head and it just set Shayne off."
"I'd say so since you only fucked him twice," Tristan stated. He wasn't taking any of this seriously and it only frustrated me more. "How else did you expect him to react, Ronnie? This guy genuinely cares about you and you're making it harder on him by dating someone that you aren't even happy with. Why would you even go back to Anthony to begin with?"
"He felt bad for what he did an-"
"So you started feeling bad for what you did so if you accept his apology and forget about what you did, then everything will be fine and go back to normal, right?" Tristan asked. I didn't respond. "What is normal to you, Veronica? Because to me, normal is you being happy but you forgot what that was like, haven't you?"
"I called hoping to vent but this wasn't worth it," I stated.
"Be stubborn all you want, Veronica but you know everything I'm saying is true," he said to me. "I'll talk to you later." He hung the phone up and I looked down to see my lock screen of Anthony and I. How real the smile was back then and I only wish it was still there for Anthony.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was pretty late, and I was still at work since one of the editors was still editing a video but was insanely tired from working all day. I told them they could go and I would get it finished tonight. Editing was something I learned when I first started doing my own videos, but ever since I got a job here, I wasn't able to post as much anymore as I use to. Anthony asked me if I wanted to be an editor, but I much rather be in my office 10% of the time and 90% on my feet doing other stuff with Tanner and them.
Editing was fun and relaxing though, and it's always funny to write little notes in it for them to see later on, but it was hard to look at some of these clips because it had Shayne in it and seeing his smiling face and remembering the face he had towards me today, it wasn't a pretty visual. It just sadden me for how bad I hurt him. If it wasn't him, I would've hurt Anthony and if I didn't hurt Anthony, I'd hurt Shayne. Either way, I was fucked.
After I finished the last clip, I saved it and logged out of the computer. I got up from the chair and looked at the empty office with it's dim lights. I never normally stayed past five at work, but this was the perfect time to just be away from everybody and be in my own thoughts for a bit. Talking to Tristan was a bust and I don't think Boze is too happy with me right now so I have honestly no one.
I walked into my office and went to my desk. I sat in my chair for a minute and put my hands on my face. I groaned aloud and put my hands back down on to the arms of the chair. I didn't even want to go home because going home meant I'd have to be around a boyfriend who is gonna make sure everything goes perfect in our relationship, but it wasn't. What am I going to do?
"Veronica?" a voice asked me. I looked over to see Shayne in the doorway. "What are you still doing here?"
"I should be asking you the same thing. It's unlike the Smosh members to still be here. Besides Mari that is," I said to him.
"I was just talking to Joe about our shoot tomorrow," Shayne said. "He's about to get going. Why are you here still?"
"Nick was really tired and was going to finish the edit tomorrow, but I just told him I'd finish it for him so he wouldn't have too much on his plate," I replied. Shayne nodded his head and looked down at the floor. "Shayne, I'm sorry, okay?" I put my hands through my hair and could feel my eyes watering very fast. "I fucked everything up with you and Anthony both, and I was scared of leaving Anthony by how hurt he was."
Shayne shut the door behind him and kept looking at me to continue. I knew why he shut the door and I was thankful for it. Why was it that he couldn't be pissed at me for long?
"Anthony knew it was over and if I had left him, it would've broke him. I was scared to see that look on his face and l-"
"But that's my point, Veronica," Shayne said to me. "You're so worried about how others feel when you need to worry about how you feel. Tell me, V; why are you still with Anthony? What is your real reason?" I honestly didn't know. "You felt bad for what happened with us the other night and then yesterday morning so to see how hurt Anthony was about hurting you from Miel, your conscious got the best of you and you thought that staying was the best option. Was it?"
"What's your point, Shayne?"
"Can you tell me something, Veronica?" Shayne asked as he started walking up to me. My heart started racing and he put his big muscular arms on my desk, still looking at me. His blue tee shirt was so tight on his muscles that it made bite my lip. "Are you scared of being happy?"
"No," I replied. I had to cross my legs and look at him as if he wasn't turning me on by his small grin and his arms being on my desk like that. I hated this boy so fucking much.
"Then why force yourself to be with someone who isn't gonna make you happy. Someone who doesn't fulfill your needs," he said. I was so tempted, but I bit my lip and kept myself still from doing what I was going to do. "Someone knows how to make you feel ri-"
Fuck it. I pushed my papers and everything off my desk, and got on top of it as Shayne met me halfway by putting his hands on my waist and pulling me into a forceful kiss. I put my hands on his neck and felt myself starting to sit down on my desk as Shayne started getting closer to me. He stopped kissing me and trailed his lips down my neck as I started pulling his shirt off of him.
I don't know why I was letting it happen, but was it bad to say it felt right?