Pain exploded in my shoulder suddenly as my body got rid of the shock. The waves of sharp agony made it to my brain. I'm not sure how wide my eyes are, but I'm assuming huge because their starting to dry out and I feel warm liquid seeping from the wound in the back of my shoulder and down my side.
Charlie looks sufficiently terrified. I've got tell him – he's got to know –
"Ch-Charlie," I gasp, and I'm falling to my knees. Vaguely I hear Jacobs talking into a walky talky about a bus, but I keep going. I look up at him, "I...I-I'm sorry, Charlie...I'm so sorry, I –
"...Kiddo..." He breathes.
And then it hurts too much to talk and I fall forward, at his feet. Charlie is frozen there above me and I hear Jacobs run over and order May to arrest Charlie. The woman stutters an apology that sounds so far away. Who shot me? Charlie? Jacobs? May?
"Jayden," Jacobs turns me over, "Jayden...okay?...bus...soon..."
He looks fuzzy and –oh god it hurts!
Jacobs look over at May, who's leading Charlie out the door and says more, "May....Seaton... out of it..."
The only part I really hear is Seaton. Oh god, he's going to hate me for this. He'll hate me. No. It hurts. He'll hate me. Hurts. Hate me. It –It-
"...Sea...ton...?" I manage to choke out.
Then I shudder one more time before my vision swirls into nothingness.
-
I see something – no, someone – everything's blurry and bright. I'm moving –
"...stop...bleeding!"
And once again everything fades.
-
My shoulder hurts, and once again something come into view. Lots of people though, in weird blue masks... They look sort of like Martians. Now I know I'm dreaming.
"...bullet...cop...man...not...loosing..."
I'm moving still, I realize, but not the same as before. I think I'm on a bed.
"He's awake...Ja...hear us...?"
Who are they? What the fuck do they want? Don't they know how tired I'm am?
"...use....operate..."
I feel a pinch on the underside of my elbow and the darkness swallows me again.
-
Beep...beep...beep...beep...
"...looks good....wake.... that man...Okay?"
Beep...beep...beep...beep...
-
Beep...beep...beep...beep...
That sound is so fucking annoying. Is it, like, a bomb or something? But wait, why would there be a bomb here? Charlie isn't a terrorist, and even though Jacobs is an ass doesn't mean they'd...
Beep...beep...beep...beep...
I want it to stop. Damn it... hospitals suck.
"Ngh..." I choke out. My eyes are heavy. I manage to unbolt them, dragging them open millimeter by millimeter until they're wide open. For some reason, I'm too tired to move my neck to look around. "S...Seaton...?"
Before I can get a response, a wave of tiredness passes over me and once again I'm sleeping, sunk into blissful blackness and the irritating beep, beep, beep...
-
Beep...beep...beep...beep...
Light leaks into my eyes, which I force open for what I know isn't the first time; I just can't remember the last. Just brightness. I won't go back to sleep this time, I promise myself, and start to sit up, but a sharp ache begins to form in my shoulder. I bite my lip and gently sit up the rest of the way, grunting as sparks of pain shoot down my spine. I look around.
Beep...beep...beep...beep...
Oh, yeah. I'm in a fucking hospital. The television's muted and on stupid infomercials, the walls are a whitish eggshell color, the blanket are thin, and I'm in freaking dress made out of paper. And there, lying on the couch, is Seaton.
My lips are chapped, so I lick them, but it turns out it's no use since my entire mouth is dry and tastes stale.
Beep...beep...beep...beep...
Seaton looks so... I don't know, attractive? Not cute, exactly, and not his usual hot... but he's sleeping on the couch, one leg hanging over the edge onto the floor, a pillow propping up his head. His hair's messy as though he didn't comb it, and his lips are parted, calm breaths passing through them shallowly. He's so... god, I think I really do love him.
It's a while before he wakes up. His dark eyes flutter open and he looks straight at me, before jolting from his lying down position into sitting.
"Brat, how long have you been awake?" He asks, rubbing at his eyes, "You didn't have the decency to wake me?"
Although the words are those of blame, his tone is harmless.
"Sorry, Seaton," I say quickly, and he snorts.
"Right, I mean, it's not like you had to cock-a-doodle-doo or anything, but a quick 'hey, I'm alive, thought you'd like to know' would've been considerate," Seaton continues, standing up and running a hand through his hair.
"Sorry, Seaton," I repeat, "Um... what happened?"
"You were shot," He replies, and takes a deep breath. He's livid, I can tell, but he's trying not to show it. His eyebrow creases when he's holding back anger, "By May. It was an accident, she was aiming for Charlie..."
He looks at me, this time not hiding his anger.
"Why the fuck would you jump in front of a bullet to save... to save that thing?" Seaton demands, "I mean, I know. I've seen shit like this before, but, I don't know, I thought because- because it was you..."
"I'm sorry," lower my eyes to the thin hospital blanket, "I... just..."
"Yeah," He says, like he gets it. And you know, I think he just might, "Just.... don't ever fucking do it again. This couch is crazy uncomfortable six nights in a row..."
"Six days?" I ask, because this is news to me, "What? I- But-"
"You lost a lot of blood," He explains.
"Oh," I respond intelligently.
"The sting operation went wrong," Seaton admitted, scratching his head and then bringing his hand to hover over the pocket where I know his cigarettes are. "May and Jacobs got there late because Charlie... brought a friend."
"Wh –What? He –who?"
"James O'Brien, your father's drug dealer," Seaton scowled, "According to Charlie, when he met you at the alley he was... interested. He was waiting in Charlie's car, and when May and Marlin got out, he did too, with a gun. It delayed them. It would have never gotten as far as it did and..."
His hands curl into fists by his sides and he scowls.
"...and I tried to run up there myself to throttle the fucking bastard," He elucidates, "But Xiao restrained me – said shit about me only being a civilian now. If he'd just let me go you wouldn't fucking be here right now!"
The door opens and a pretty blond nurse peeks her head in, looks at Seaton and say, "Sir, I must ask you to quiet down."
Then her eyes drift to me, and they widen, "Oh my goodness, you're awake! I'm going to tell Dr. Karraker right away." And then she was gone.
Seaton looks at me, "Damn it Jayden, what is your problem?"
"I –I'm s –"
"Yes, you're sorry, I know," He growls in frustration. "In the beginning, you refused to go to a doctor about your broken ankle, next I find out your dad beats the crap out of you and you refuse to leave, then I find you lying down in glass, and then I find out you've been molested by a twisted pervert. And if that's not enough, then you throw yourself in front of a bullet for said pervert? What the fuck?"
I don't –what –I can't think. I just stare.
"So tell me one thing, you selfish, annoying, insane little brat," He snarls, coming over to lean right over me, his hands on the railing of the bed and my back plastered against the tilted up mattress, "Are you trying to make my go crazy with worry!? Because if you are, it's bloody well working!"
"Sir!" It's that nurse again, popping her head through the doorway, "Please. I'm going to have to ask you to leave if you don't lower the volume!"
And then once again, she's gone, and I realize... he's been here for six days. Six entire days. And he was... worried about me. Worried. About. Me. That... that has to mean something right? I mean –no I can't things like that. But still. Six days...
"No, Seaton," I answer, "I'm not trying to...I'm sor –"
"Stop," Seaton hisses at me. God, he's so close. I can feel him breathing. Please kiss me, oh god, please kiss me. "Stop apologizing. You look so –just –just stop. I can't take it anymore."
I'm sorry for that too.
"You're such a fucking..." he sighs, unable to find a word. And then he takes his hands off the bed rails and stands up straight, and I miss him being so close. I want that feeling again, please. "We got them though. Charlie ratted out Alfred, and Alfred ratted out Charlie. We've even got a testimony from a man from the poker night thing. Jerome Grail, I think."
I remember him. He... he wasn't too bad. I'm glad he doesn't give me the details, I don't want them.
"Okay," I say and nod, "When is... the trial?"
"Yesterday," Seaton smirks and I blink, "The Jury's verdict was practically decided for them. They're both going to jail for a long, long time Jayden."
Am I supposed to feel... happy about it? I suppose I am, but I don't, not really. I guess I feel... safer, but...
"What about... where do I go?" Seaton looks at me, tilting his head in appreciation for my question.
"Thought about that, your sixteen, right?" He asks.
"Yes."
"You're old enough to file for emancipation," He says, "And then, you could live anywhere you wanted."
Even with you? I want to say, but I just agree to getting emancipated. I then lean back in the bed, getting comfortable, and wince as my wound is disturbed. Only just when I get relaxed, a doctor with white hair and many wrinkles comes in with an everlasting frown imbedded on his lips.
"Jayden Norse, yes?" He asks, and I confirm it. "You took quite a shot."
"Yes, sir," I reply evenly, and Seaton looks uncomfortable with the other man in the room. I almost want to ask him to leave, so Seaton doesn't have to be uneasy anymore.
"Saw quite the amount of scars on you," He said, his eyes seemed permanently squinted and age spots covered his forehead, "Please lie on your side –here, I'll help."
And he lives up to his word, turning me onto my side, my weight supported on the shoulder that wasn't shot. I grimace and whimper slightly, closing my eyes from the pain, and when I open them, I see Seaton looking out the window. Is my body really that ugly?
"Ah –sir," calls Dr. Karraker, "Could you help me, please?"
Seaton turns slowly, still looking slightly troubled as he comes over to the bed and takes a hold of my arms gently and pulls me. Gods, I love when he touches me –ow! Finally, I'm fully on my side and Seaton lets go and starts to back away but apparently Dr. Karraker isn't done with utilizing his assistence. He unties the back of the paper dress and lifts it apart, exposing my entire back to the old man, and if I'm not mistaken, Seaton.
My entire face is suddenly hotter then the sun.
"Please, hold this over here," Karraker hands Seaton one end of the gown I'm wearing and tells hip to hold it onto my hip.
"Isn't there a nurse that does this shit?" Seaton snaps, taking the cloth in his hands and hesitantly pressing it to my side. I instinctively shudder and bury my cheek into the pillow. Doesn't this old geezer understand what he's doing to me?
Karraker takes the bandaged off slowly, making my cry out every time his fingers hit a sensitive spot, and all the while Seaton looks perturbed. He was a cop, so it can't be the blood or wound –he's used to that, and much worse. What wrong?
"Ngh!" I gasp when air hits the bullet abrasion and Seaton's hands tense slightly. The doctor reapplies the bandages and reties the paper dress around me. Seaton puts one hand on my back and the other on my upper arm to push me softly onto my back, which hurts less then the way up.
Seaton backs away a few steps after it's done, and Mr. Karraker starts talking.
"Everything looks like it's healing nicely," the M.D. says to me, nodding as he scribbles down some things on his clipboard, "The police have already informed us of your... situation. Those scars on your back, they're..."
"He doesn't need to hear about that," Seaton snaps at the doctor. "Talk about the bullet injury and nothing else."
"Right, well," Karraker looks phased and shakes his head, "Well, we've got you on morphine at the moment, small amounts. You should be able to leave the hospital in a few days if you feel up to it, and then a painkiller will be prescribed to you..."
Karraker clears his throat.
"Mr. Norse," he drones, "It has come to my attention that you were told that you mother died, but not how. Because you are a family member, those documents are open to you."
I blink slowly, and then sit up straight, wincing again at the pain. My mom? Elisa Norse, really? I could know...how I killed her as a baby? Do I even want to? I mean... god, I don't even know. Alfred never told me how, just that I killed her at birth. And there are hundreds of ways for women to die giving birth.
"Yes, sir," I say finally, "I'd like that."
"The condition was rather rare, I'll get a doctor who specializes in those sort of things to come in," Karraker tells me before walking from the room.
Seaton finally looked back at me, more relaxed then before. I want to ask him why. Does he know Dr. Karraker? I don't think so. He didn't seem hostile, really, just... uncomfortable. Hm. Maybe I'm reading too much into this.
"Brat," Seaton addressed me, and I looked at him. He was back to sitting on the couch, his legs parted in a normal, laid back pose and his arms on the back of the couch, looking cool and unwound. "Look, I –"
The door opens again, cutting Seaton off, and a familiar voice speaks.
"Man, those people looked at me like I was crazy, ordering seven meals with just me there..." Mr. Spencer walks in, holding four Styrofoam boxes full of what I guess is Chinese food, "I already gave Linda, Suki and Corin theirs, so you – Jayden!"
He puts the food down on the table on wheels that all hospital rooms have and rushes over to my bed, suddenly jubilant and bubbly.
"How long have you been awake?" He asks happily, literally bouncing on the balls of his feet.
"About an hour," I reply shortly and he pauses, turning to glare at Seaton madly.
"Why didn't you call me!?" He snarls angrily, "I go out for two hours to get you food and you don't have the capacity to call me when he wakes up!?"
"I figured you were on your way anyway," Seaton shrugs, smiling in a way that says 'no, I just did it to annoy you'.
"You –You –You bad word!" Mr. Spencer growls.
"Sir, do I have to ask you again -?" The nurse stands in the doorway with her hands on her hips, and then, realizing it isn't Seaton this time, he lips form a small 'o'. "I'm sorry, sir, but please quite down or you'll have to leave."
For the third time, she walks away from the door, closing it too. I shift to sit up straighter again, the angle this bed is at I keep slipping down into a slouch. I smell the hot food and for the first time in a while, I'm hungry. Like really hungry. Mr. Spencer ignores whatever rude retort Seaton throws at him and hands me a box.
"I'm sure you're starving," He comments, opening it for me and smiling softly, "You've only been living through that IV for six days."
Seaton grabs his own box and starts eating to, with chopsticks, the show off. I nod slightly, taking the food and begin to eat it slowly with a fork. Mr. Spencer merely grins at me warmly as I eat, and when I'm full (with only half gone) he takes it from me and hands me a glass of water, forgetting about his own food. He sits on the edge of my bed and looks at me.
"How are you feeling?" He inquires concernedly.
Like I was shot, "Fine, sir."
"That's a lie," the corner of his lips tug up, and I take a sip of my water, "Dr. Karraker said you could leave a couple of days after you wake up."
I nod, "Yes, sir."
"He's been here?" Mr. Spencer asks, and I nod once again, "Oh. I see. Well, then you know who shot you?"
"May," I answer and Mr. Spencer bobs his head once in affirmation.
"If they hadn't forced you into that stupid ploy this would have never –"
"Oh shut up, Spencer," Seaton snaps, his eyes narrow, "I hate that the operation went wrong too, and really hate that Jayden got shot but thanks to that operation Henderson and Alfred Norse are in jail, and they won't ever bother him again!"
"And what if that shot had been a little higher?" Mr. Spencer hisses at Seaton, "What if it got his head? What if it was a bit lower, and it went through his heart? Then it wouldn't matter if those idiots were in jail, because Jayden would be dead!"
Seaton pauses, speechless. I guess... huh. I could have died. Well, I didn't, so it's not a problem, right? But seriously, even if I had... the world would go on. Nothing would change, nothing would get worse or better than it is. My death would serve no purpose nor cause any tragedy. It would be...
I remember the death certificates on Mr. Spencer's desk.
It would be... a piece of paper, and nothing more.
"You're right," Seaton finally responds, and Mr. Spencer's eyes widen in shock, "I'm sorry. I... never meant for Jayden to get hurt."
"Yes, well..." Mr. Spencer fidgets uncomfortably in light of Seaton's apology, but he doesn't have to respond, because then the door opens for the umpteenth time, but this time the person is new.
A dark haired overweight woman with kind eyes and a toothy smile walked into the room with a folder in her tan hands. She looked around fifty or so. She walks over to me and holds out one hand while keeping the manila folder she's holding in the other. I take it hesitantly and she speaks before letting go.
"I'm Dr. Marcela McBayson, and you must be Jayden Norse," She says politely and then releases my hand, "I'm the doctor who delivered you."
"Oh," I say, because really, what do you say to that? 'Oh yeah! I remember you!'? Um, no, I think not. "Hello, ma'am."
"So sweet," She chuckles and then frowns, "I remember your mother. Pretty woman, blond hair, blue eyes... sweet too, just like you. She was so looking forward to having a child. I remember her quite well."
I just look at her, listening intently. Alfred never really talked about my mom, and the only pictured he had were in his room. I remember she had blond hair when I caught a glimpse of a picture that one time I entered his domain, but that's it. I want to know anything I can.
"Did you know you were premature?" She asks, and I blink before shaking my head, "I thought not. Well, you mother had a rare condition, which we first thought was preeclampsia. It's a common mistake among doctors when dealing with this specific condition."
"What is it?" Seaton asked abruptly, "Get to the point of it."
She handled his rudeness quite well, "It's called Mirror Syndrome, and it happens when the fetus is ill and the mother's heath mimics the babies. And you, Jayden, had a Sacrococcygeal Teratoma. A tumor. The most common of newborn tumors."
"I had a tumor," I repeat, flabbergasted. "So... my mom was affected by it too..."
"Yes," Dr. McBayson agreed, and then opened her folder, "I won't go into all the details, but we found it late, around your mothers seventh month, and we did an emergency C section to deliver you. We operated and everything turned out fine for you but... your mother... I'm so sorry, it was too late for her."
"Oh," I say again, a lump forming in my throat. So... I really did kill her. I was sick, and so she was sick. It... it is my fault.
"Would you like to see the file?" She asks, and when I nod she hands it too me, "I'll be back tomorrow. Do you have anymore questions?"
"No, ma'am," I answer, and then she leaves, and I'm left with Mr. Spencer and Seaton, who're both looking at me as I open the file.
My birth certificate. Hm... my middle name is Luis. I didn't know that. I was 4 lbs 2 ounces when I was born, significantly underweight. I guess I've stayed that way. My mother's death certificate. Yeah. Just a piece of paper. There's a picture of her, and she really is pretty. Blond, old-fashioned looking... I think, if she'd lived... she would had loved me.
Or at least, I hope so.
"You know it isn't your fault, right, brat?" Seaton asks, and I look up at him, "I know that's just the thing you're thinking, but it isn't your fault. I'm sure your dad told you otherwise but he's a big fucking liar. She would've cared about you, brat. You know that, right?"
I pause. But... no, I think he's right. Most of what my dad told me over the years were lies. So when he says it's my fault... maybe it isn't. I hesitate for another second, and then nod, "Yes, Seaton."
"You say so," Seaton tells me, "You better believe it too."
I think I just might.
As I lay back down, worn out from all the conversing, I realize that I haven't been noticing the steady beeping that's tracking my heartbeat.
I'm sure Seaton has something to do with it.