On the following morning the sun shined brighter than ever. I heard the little birdies by my window chirping away in happiness. A ray of sunlight illuminated my face. The sky had a nice shade of light blue and the clouds looked like a bunch of puffy cotton candy filling up the sky. It was truly a beautiful day, None like I had seen before. Although inside me there was no sign of happiness or ray of sunshine. There was only a storm. My eyes felt dry from all the tears I cried throughout the night. The emptiness in my heart was unbearable. A sharp pain in the pit of my stomach made me feel sick. I felt a nudge on my throat and a desperate feeling to scream and cry all at once but nothing came out.
My whole life felt like it was crumbling right in front of me and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I was watching myself die slowly as the love of my life despited me. If time really heals then I would need a lifetime to get over him. The pain I was feeling inside me felt as if I was being slowly cut with a sharp dagger. Not feeling his ecstatic touch on my body anymore. Not feeling his fresh minty breath on my neck or having his strong arms holding me tightly against his body through the night. All of those thoughts ran though my mind like a river just flowing their way through my brain and down my heart. Completely suffocating me from inside. My mind was just preparing me to what was bound to happen next. Getting use to the fact he wasn't going to be around me as much anymore or the fact that I had lost him for good. I was going to miss that nervous intensifying electric feeling I felt every time I was with him.
Once again the feeling of emptiness in my life followed me. How could I fix something that was so damaged. James placed his trust in me and I let him down. He had let his guard down and welcomed me into his heart. I was foolish enough to take that for granted and repaid him with dishonesty. I deserved everything that was happening. I was ashamed of myself for putting the intense one of a kind love we shared at risk, that fateful night Jakes lips touched mine. If I had just chosen to be honest with James since the beginning maybe I wouldn't have hurt him this much. Who am I kidding though, I couldn't even be honest with myself. I wanted to kiss Jake as bad as he wanted to kiss me that night. Knowing it was going to be our last kiss we ever shared. I was ready to let everything I felt for Jake go along with him.
Truth is some of the feelings resurfaced back when he took that bullet for me and almost died. I couldn't bare the thought of losing Jake forever. In my heart I knew James was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with ups or downs I wanted him regardless. In my mind I knew Jake was the right guy to spend my life with he'd be the perfect loving husband someday. They were both different. I fell in love with both and that was my biggest mistake. Although what I felt for James was always a lot stronger. Since the day I met him no matter how much I tried to stay away, I always found myself getting drawn back to him. He had a special hypnotic hold on me that I couldn't shake off.
My mom came knocking on my door asking if I was okay before leaving to work. I didn't want her knowing what was going on. The last thing I wanted to hear was a 'I told you so'. I kept looking at my phone wishing and hoping to get a call or text from James but I got nothing. As I swiped on pictures I had taken of us my eyes began to get teary but not one tear fell out. That was until I heard laughter coming from outside James house. I dared myself to get up and check but I knew I would expect to see the worst. I was to much of a coward to stand up so I stayed laying down on my bed.
From a distance I heard the laughter of Becca as she screamed for James to put her down. Then I heard James say in between laughs how much he was going to wet her for misbehaving. I couldn't stand the curiosity so I bravely stood up and poked my head out the window. I saw James playfully wetting Becca with a water hose as she ran away from him. There was sponges next to his car and a bucket full of water and soap. It was clear that they were washing his car but in the process they fooled around with each other as if they were a happy couple. My stomach felt like it got hit by a car and my eyes started to feel like they were burning as hot salty tears ran down my face.
I couldn't believe he had moved on that quick. From all the girls in this town why Becca? Did he really want to hurt me this much? Are they a couple now? Did he ever love me? Was she his new flame now? Or did that flame never really go out? All these questions played on my mind as I saw how happy both of them looked. While he was out there having fun and smiling. I was locked inside my room feeling depressed and broken. A storm of outrage was swirling like a tornado inside me. I felt like a ticking bomb that was about to explode any minute. Without putting anymore thought into it. I stormed outside my room and made my way through the front door of my house. As I approached them Becca swung her arms around James knocking him down on the hood of his car. She leaned on his chest and gave him a kiss.
Seeing her body lay on top of his was like gasoline being poured on me. The steamy kiss they both shared was the match that turned me on fire. I savagely grabbed her by the hair, pulling her away from James and throwing her on the ground. Before she could get up I got on-top of her and swung both of my fists repeatedly across her face. Each fist taking a turn to beat her senselessly. James tried to pick me up but somehow all the fury and rage I felt inside me made me stronger then both of them. No one was able to stop me. I was seeking blood and Becca's was the one I wanted. Suddenly she manages to throw a jab aiming straight at my jaw. She was wearing a ring so I immediately started to bleed. To her benefit I lost focus and she managed to throw me on the grass. She quickly got on-top of me and pinned me down. Holding my hands tightly against the wet grass. I furiously shouted and kicked trying to get her off me but she wouldn't let go. James finally took her off me and pulled me up. His eyes were full of fury as he glared at me.
Jazmin- So what you moved on this quickly James?
James- Shut the fuck up and get off my lawn!
Jazmin- Why the hell were you kissing her huh!
James- Jazmin leave!
Jazmin- No! Not until you tell me why the hell were you kissing her James!!!!
Becca- She deserves to know James...Tell her..After all this might be the only way she'll stop this obsession she has towards you...It's starting to look like desperation honey..
Jazmin- Shut the hell up you bitch!
James- We ain't together Jazmin! Get that shit through that thick skull of yours!
Jazmin- That doesn't mean we didn't have something special going on James!...So you are just going to act like nothing happened between us?!
Becca- This is pretty pitiful...If you don't tell her James then I will..
My heart began to beat rapidly. "Tell me what James!".
Becca- James and I are official now...So stay far the fuck away from him you got that!?
Jazmin- James...is that true??
Becca- Tell this desperate brat the great news baby..
Jazmin- James...say something!....IS IT TRUE?!?
James- YES IT IS!...Now get the fuck off my lawn!
Becca- *Laughs....Oh honey close your mouth you'll catch a bug...Eeew!
I just stood there staring blankly at James not showing any emotion. I tried to comprehend what they both mentioned but my heartache was shouting louder than my thoughts.
James- Let's go inside I needa get cleaned up..
Becca- I'll help you with that baby... *Winks...Byee Jazmin....Oh and don't worry no hurt feelings...I barely felt those hits...*Smirks
She wiped off the blood from her lip as I watched them both walk inside his house and closed the door behind them. I felt the urge to go inside his house and go straight for round two with her. So I followed the raging wild instincts I felt at that moment. After all he always called me his Tiger, I was about to show him how much of a Tiger I could really be. I barged inside his house and noticed they weren't in the living room or kitchen. I heard the water turn on from the bathroom upstairs. I rushed to get there while scenes of them bathing together played in my mind. Suddenly I stopped in front of one of the rooms. I saw Becca taking her clothes off getting ready to join him.
I quickly closed the door and grabbed a near chair. I blocked the door so she wouldn't be able to open it. She furiously screamed at me to open the door as she tried to push it open. I walked towards the bathroom where I heard the water running. As I made my way there, I noticed James inside the shower fully naked. The water ran down his strong back falling to his feet. I gazed at his body in amazement and desire. I had missed his touch and his kisses..I wanted him so bad. He placed his head against the wall giving his back to me.
He wasn't aware of my presence so I had to take advantage. I quickly stripped naked and before I took one more step. I thought of the possibility of him refusing to touch me or rejecting my touch. That would break my heart even more and it would clearly show me he never loved me. I had to take the risk and find out if Becca was the one he really wanted or was I the one he couldn't forget. It took all the courage inside me to take the next step but there was no going back I had to do this.