I've been busy. Doing a lot of things, working endlessly, chasing my aspirations. So busy I almost forget that I am alive. I am so consumed by my obligations I forget how to feel.
So busy sometimes I forget I am sad, I am lonely. During this hours, 12 midnight, I feel alive, because once again I felt the pain.
I remember him.
I eagerly search his facebook profile, greedily feeding this longing to see him. I deprived myself long ago to feed my heart with hope.
I see a very attractive girl. Wide, chinky eyes, pointed nose, great figure, porcelain skin. She is beautiful. Everything about her tells me of a woman so loved.
On the other hand, I see me. Wide eyes, filipino skinned, curly hair and wide figure. I never really felt insecured with the way I look. I feel beautiful, I always believe that the mind, your attitude is what makes you beautiful. I was told so, by my teachers, friends, relatives. A lot of them. But the truth slapped me hard I barely recovered. Truth is, looks matter. You fell first based of what your eyes see.
I want to believe there is hope in me. That someday, the stars in the sky will hear my prayer, that the Almighty will grant the desires of my heart
I love him. I want to believe he is for me. But life is screaming with this bitter reality.