That was a good movie. 'Mercury Rising' was what it was called. Really good. I liked it...
What was it about again?
I think I mostly enjoyed sitting on the couch with Seaton. He made popcorn and got me a coke and it was... nice. I really enjoyed it. I went home after that and didn't even bump into Charlie. Today was... relatively good.
I took a shower after I cleaned up the usual poker night mess and then went to sleep. I didn't even have a nightmare, how lucky am I? Then I woke up and felt... rather good too.
My first thought was 'I want to see Seaton'. I think I'm becoming obsessed, just a bit, but really, how can I not? I mean, he's the only person that's ever actually known about Alfred... and he helps me. He does it and doesn't ask for anything in return. I... I can't help but feel something about that.
Although, what that 'something' is, I'm not even sure.
-
When Alfred came into my room in the middle of the night on that following Friday, I knew what he wanted. It was time to cash in that favor. He threw a large plastic bag full of a bunch of tiny plastic bags filled with – with something that I don't even want to know. I get out of bed and throw on a shirt and a jacket and slip on my shoes.
"Dump out your backpack and put this in it," Alfred grunted and then left, probably to get his own stuff ready. I unzip my backpack and just pile all the papers and books onto my bed in a large stack and shake it a bit to make sure nothing's left. Then I put in the large plastic bag, trying not to look at it lest I truly think about what I'm about to do.
I swing the bag over my shoulder and go into the living room.
I look at the clock
Just after midnight.
Wonderful.
"Ready?" Alfred growls, walking toward the door with his own bag.
"Yes, sir."
I was lying.
-
I'll have nightmares about that alley forever.
It was dark and loud – but also hushed somehow – and everyone moved with a sort of stealth that was flawless, but also clumsy. Half of them were high, a lot of them were drunk, some were both, and the rest wanted to get drunk and stoned. It's illegal and I know it. It's a horrible thing to do, and I understand that.
I didn't want to do it.
I still did it though.
But I didn't want to. Alfred made me. But that doesn't matter.
Because I did it.
Am I a bad person for that?
-
It's New Year's Day, which means school starts up again soon, and I want to get as much time as I can to myself before being bombarded with class work, classmates and teachers. After discovering that I have a knack for selling drugs (apparently my age and 'innocent' face makes people trust that what I'm selling them is pure) I really don't want to think about it ever again.
But when I see Seaton I feel guilty.
"Littering is wrong."
What would he say about selling drugs?
I shouldn't think about that. I really shouldn't.
I sit on the couch and turn on the television, since I have nothing to do after making dinner for Alfred. There isn't anything good on, so I just stare at the screen until Alfred comes in and snarls at me.
"I've got a woman coming over tonight," He continues, "In an hour. I want you gone for the whole night. I don't care where you go."
"Yes, sir," I nod, and get some things ready. I grab a jacket and my backpack, which now once again holds books, and then put my shoes on. I then walk out the door and see Alfred eating in the kitchen. He doesn't even look at me.
I go outside and sigh, wondering what to do.
I look at Seaton's door, but no. It's Friday, not Wednesday. I can't expect anything like that and I won't ask him to do anything for me. If I start expecting anything, I'll only be disappointed. I shake my head and go over to the drink machine and sit down beside it and wish I'd brought a book. Not that I have one, but I wish I did. And I'm not actually going to read a textbook.
Where does Alfred pick up these women anyway?
The one for tonight is walking up the stairs right now, and she's pretty. She looks like she'd be nice too, and her golden blonde hair is cut in a short way that makes her looks old fashioned. She smiles warmly at me.
"You must be Freddy's son," She brushes a strand of hair out of her eyes, "He said you had plans for tonight, and so I could come over. Were they canceled? Would you like to join us?"
"No, ma'am," I shake my head and go along with Alfred's lie, "My friend's picking me up here. I'm just waiting for him."
"Oh," she nods, "Alright then. Well, it was nice meeting you..."
"Jayden," I tell her and she beams.
"Jayden," She repeats and waves before knocking on the door. She's let in a moment later and I almost want to rush after her and warn her.
She's too good for Alfred. Women comment on how good-looking he is, and I suppose he's a charmer, if you call being an excellent liar a charm. I guess I get my lying skills from him then. I sigh and lean against the wall and just wait.
I don't know what for.
I just sit there and stare blankly at the wall across from me, thinking about anything that comes to my mind. Homework, maybe? That brings me to Mr. Spencer, the nosy, meddling bastard. Okay, yeah, he's a really cool guy, a good teacher, and I like him, but it's practically due to his interference that I slept outside that one night and Seaton found out about my physical training. That reminds me of Seaton. No, I tell myself, there has got to be a time in your day when you're not thinking about Seaton!
Okay, how about Suki and Linda? We meet at the bookstore every Wednesday, and after that I... go to Seaton's place. That sure didn't work. Okay, how about Corin? He's an interesting guy, from what I can see. He's attractive too, with his blond hair and gray eyes. His gray eyes that are intense and deep... like Seaton's. What the fuck?
"What the fuck, brat?"
I look up and there he is again. He looks down at me and crosses his arms.
"Doesn't your father have a new calendar?" He says icily, "It's Friday."
"He's got a date," I reply softly. He's angry. At me? I hope not. He scowls deeply.
"So he sets you outside whenever he has someone over?" Seaton snaps, glaring a hole into the door of our apartment. No, not me. Alfred. He's mad at Alfred.
"Most of the time, sir," I respond evenly and he shakes his head and mutters something I can't hear before walking over to me and holding out a hand.
"Come on then," He says, shaking his head again. I take the offered hand and let him pull me to my feet, "You're coming in with me. I wanted to check on those cuts of yours anyway."
"Um...o-okay," I say.
Then I follow him inside.
-
Lots of kissing. His hands are going everywhere now, up my chest, down my skinny legs and, after a few weeks, into my pants. Touching everyplace and everything. It felt normal, after a while, I guess that's what he wanted actually. For me to feel comfortable. I started to rub back, and he coaxes me.
"Hey, Kiddo, do you think you could try to...?" He presses something hard into my upper thigh. I blush furiously.
"I...I never..."
"I know, Kiddo," He kisses my forehead, "Do your best, okay? I'll like it if it's you."
"K-kay," I whisper and fumble with his zipper...
"Get the fuck up," I'm shaken awake by a large, rough hand. I don't think I've ever been happier to see Alfred. These dreams...they're going to drive me insane.
"Yes, sir," I sit up and rub my eyes. Thank god he woke me up.
"I need you out there with me again," He snarls, grabbing my backpack off the floor and throwing it at me. I catch it clumsily to my chest and blink.
"But didn't I already do that?"
Smack!
He'd turned swiftly and brought the entire back of his hand on my face hard.
I nearly whimper in pain. Fuck. That hurt.
"Well, I need you to do it again, got it?" He snarls, grabbing my collar and pulling me out of bed and up to his eye level, which is about five inches taller than me, "You have a problem with that, you piece of shit?"
"N-no, sir," I stammer and he lets go of me, letting me drop to the ground as if he was throwing a dead rodent into the dumpster.
"Be ready in five minutes," He snaps and then walks out the door.
I dump out the largest pocket of my backpack again and pull on my shoes and jacket before going into the living room where my dad hands me... 'it' to stuff into my satchel. I sigh as he gets his own stuff ready, then we leave. I half hope Seaton's outside smoking a cigarette so he'll see me and make some sort of diversion.
The other half of me knows he'll hate me if he finds out what I'm doing. 'Littering is wrong'. Does that sound like a person that condones, or even tolerates, drug association of any kind? Rhetorical.
We go down the stairs and start the mile or so walk to the back of a large shopping complex, just between another one, making a narrow alley. It's pretty well known that drugs are sold there. I've even heard people at my school go here. I hope I don't see any of them. They might rat me out. Or worse, start talking to me.
I stay behind Alfred as per usual, because then I'm out of range.
Why did I dare ask a question anyway? Three months ago, I would have never taken such a risk, made such a mistake. Do I think that now that I have people who... well, not care, but at least notice me, that I can just talk whenever I please? That I can ask questions? That I can actually doubt anything he says to me? That I can possibly not do what he says?
I can't make that mistake again.
I'm starting to feel too safe.
We reach the shopping complex and start to head to the alleyway. Did I mention that I'm not looking forward to this? I hate this place, although I've only been here once, it was long enough for me to form a deep hatred for the smell, look, and feel of the entire dark passage. It looks like a slow night. We reach it and a man comes up to us.
"Ah, Al, I see you brought junior," He smirks and his ugly features twist with his lips. I can tell he's the man that was in our house that one time that Alfred was so scared of, "I would watch out for him if I were you. He might get... hurt."
"Sure," Alfred grunts and leads me away from the man quickly and we stand next to each other. I suppose it's a sort of comfort, for both of us, even though he comes here all the time.
A woman comes up to me first, her face hollow and death-like and sunken, like the only thing she ever consumes is drugs. I hand her some and she pushes a bundle of twenties into my hand and shoots me a smile. Then comes a man, older than the woman and less thin, but still slim and his bloodshot eyes tell me enough to know. He leans in and I tilt myself backwards.
"Don' got no money," His lips curl into a smile and I can see his yellow teeth, "But I could give ya... somethin' else..."
He looks downward and my face heats up. Alfred pushes him away roughly.
"Cash only," He sneers and the man shrugs and stumbles away to another person that'll take his... proposition. Disgusting.
Another woman, and then another, who attempts to make a similar proposal to me, and Alfred once again fends her off. About five more men, who look normal, like you could see them walking down the street or in a library and you'd never guess they were a junkie. Another man with frizzy hair and then a tall, lithe man comes over and smiles at me.
Oh, no. I hope it isn't another... 'offer'.
"Hey, aren't you a bit young?" He grins. He's got a mustache and a beard, and apparently he doesn't want to be recognized because he's wearing a high scarf around his neck that hides much of his chin and a baseball cap. Maybe he has a debt too.
"Er... yes, sir," I say, blushing and then tapping on the bag, silently asking him if he wants some.
"Yeah, yeah," He nods, pulling out a wad of money. Alfred's busy talking to another guy about twenty feet away. "Where'd you get that bruise?"
"I... um... I..." I just duck my head. These people are used to people who're hit by their parents or significant others, so it's best not to lie, I think. And this guy... I think he already knows anyway, and is asking just for good measure.
I start to pull the drugs from my backpack and hand it to him, with my other hand outstretched.
Then a few things happened so fast that I could barely comprehend it. The man snatches at my wrist and turns me around, slamming me up against the wall. A bunch of other people are also being attacked too, it seems. He yanks the bag from me and tosses it to someone else and a lot of people started running away. For a second, I thought I was getting jumped.
Then I feel cold metal snap itself around my wrist and I nearly gasp out loud.
The tall man pulls me away from the wall and starts pushing me towards the exit of the alleyway. I see many other people being pushed in the same direction. Excellent. I would get caught in a drug bust. That's just bloody wonderful. I count eleven cops, and twelve people. A couple of dealers (like...me) and the rest of them druggies. The cops are all saying something to the person their leading out of the alley and to a woody area where they hid their cars that I can see now, although barely.
Alfred isn't among us.
He must have gotten away.
Then the narc that had gotten me starts talking and it's that line I've only ever heard on television.
"You are under arrest," He states, "You have the right to remain silent..."
Well, at least someone doesn't want me to talk.