“I'm so proud of you, bro,” Titus said to him, from the other end of the line. “You want me to call Ma and Dad?”
“Nah. I wanna do it.”
They both said good bye a few moments later, leaving Taivon with a sense of pride. His parents would be so proud that he was going to get married. None of his brothers were, so he'd be the first, and that just made him feel good.
From where she sat, wrapped up in his arms on the bench, Holly was humming. It was a light tune. Something fit for the beauty of today. He loved it when she hummed, or when she sang. Now, he could listen to her sing for the rest of his life.
Holly lifted her mouth invitingly, and he crushed her soft body to his chest. Leaning down, he planted a kiss on her lips, reveling in the feel of her soft mouth. She ran her hands up and down his shoulders, and Taivon kissed her deeper.
She'd said yes. He still couldn't believe it. He was engaged, to the love of his life, and he still couldn't believe it. Pulling back, he planted a kiss on her cheek, burying his face in her neck so she wouldn't see the tears.
“Taiv,” she sighed, into his ear. “It's beautiful. Perfect.”
He smiled. “I thought you'd like it.”
“I'm so...” Holly stopped and began to cry in his arms. “I'm just so...excited! When is it gonna be? How many people-”
“Holly,” he said. “Breathe. Okay?”
He waited for her to say something, but she didn't. Her hold on him was now loose, fingers no longer clutching at his back. He couldn't even hear her breathe.
“Holly?” Taivon shook her, tears pricking his eyes when she didn't move. “Holly!”
She wasn't doing anything. Her face was turned away, hair covering it as her body went limp in his arms. Even her chest was still. Anxiety gripped him, clogging his throat until he couldn't breathe anymore.
“Holly?” he whispered.
This time, she did respond. She turned her head and looked up at him, only it wasn't Holly. It was Alix. She looked scared, for him. Her hands came up to cup his face, and she forced his head down into her neck, silencing his cries.
“Taivon,” she whispered. “Sweetheart, wake up. Okay? Just wake up.”
It felt like he was being ripped out of water and deposited onto dry land. He came out with a gasp, his body shaking and racked with deep, dry coughs. Tears were pouring out of his eyes, but he didn't open them. All that came out were pained cries.
His chest squeezed, constricting and tightening until all he could do was curl in on himself and cry into the woman holding him. It hurt too much. All of this hurt too much. It was always the same dream, over and over again, night after night, ever since Holly had died.
And now, it'd just changed. Over the years, he'd gotten better at coping with seeing her die. He'd accepted it as a fact of life, something that he could never change. Until now. Now, it had changed, all because of Alix Romaro.
“A-Alix?” He could barely speak as the streams of tears kept running down his face.
“It's okay, Taiv. It's just a nightmare.”
Her voice sounded so concerned. No pity laced it, even as he sobbed himself into an almost comatose-like state. He liked that about her. Hell, he liked a ton of things about her, and he still didn't know the whole Alix yet.
She was making it possible for him to finally accept the past and move on with his life. And how was he repaying her? By using her. She looked so much like Holly. Alix was a double-edged sword, really. In a way, his past, and yet, his future.
He didn't know what to pick, or even if he could pick. The fact that he had a choice hurt all too much. He'd be losing something no matter what he chose or what chose him.
But now, she was protecting him, shielding him from the world, accepting him for the pathetic man he was. It was terrible, being this weak, this sensitive, and this fucking vulnerable all the time. He couldn't even talk right, and she still stuck with him.
“Shh...” She brought him closer to her.
Eventually, Taivon was able to stop sobbing. He kept his eyes shut and slammed his mouth closed, trying to fall asleep again, but it didn't happen. There was no way he'd be able to fall asleep now.
“Hey,” Alix said and forced his face up.
Opening his eyes, he saw the look of worry on her face. She was scared, too, he could tell. Probably asking herself, What's wrong with him? or Is it gonna be like this every night? If he was going to answer those questions honestly, he knew she wouldn't like the results.
“I'm suh-sorry.”
“Don't be. It was just a bad dream. Everybody gets them.”
“B-But I guh-guh-get 'em a lot.” He gulped. “It's juh-just one in p-p-particular.”
She kissed his forehead. “You can tell me about it, if you want.”
“Nuh-No,” he said. “It's nuh-nuh-not... I duh-don't like it.”
“Okay.”
He tucked himself more firmly into her. His bare chest was pressed against her breasts that were barely covered by the undershirt. Her hands stroked up and down his back, so soothing and so intoxicating. Taivon didn't want her to stop. Ever.
“Duh-Do you ever th-th-think about it?”
“About what?”
The skin of her neck looked shiny in the moonlight. Silky. Smooth. One day, he'd be able to make love to her and be the man she deserved, but right now, he was too drained. Both emotionally and physically. He'd be surprised if he hadn't thrashed around, like he usually did.
He kissed her neck. “Dreams.”
“What about them?”
“Wh-Why do th-th-they happen? Why c-c-cant we st-stop them?”
“I don't know, Taiv. It's something with the subconscious part of the brain, or at least, I think it is. But there's really no control over it, ya know? You can't just decide to stop having that one dream. I think the best you can do is get through it and then wake up.”
She was just rambling now, but Taivon appreciated it. He knew it was more for his sake than anything else, and it was helping. He found his heart had stopped pounding, and although his throat felt like somebody had grated it with eighty grit sandpaper, he could breathe better.
Taivon lifted his head, reached over to grab a mint from her nightstand, popped it in, and then kissed her for just a few short seconds. When he pulled away, he asked, “Do yuh-you have any?”
“What? Dreams?” After he nodded, she tightened her hold on him and said, “Yeah, I do, but I don't really remember them all too well.”
“T-T-T-Tell me.”
For the next few minutes – or maybe it was hours – Taivon looked up at the ceiling as Alix told him about her dreams. There were only a few he could remember, but she told them like they'd actually happened. Her arms would wave around, and she'd get so into it that every once in awhile, he just had to kiss her again.
At some point, they'd shifted positions. Instead of her holding him, it was reversed. Her head was now on his bare chest, and he held her there with a strong grip. She told him more stories as she played with his chest hair. Taivon had never felt so at home in his entire life.
“Your pillow talk is so deep,” Alix half said-half yawned into his chest.
“Deep?”
She shrugged. “Ya know, very in depth. I guess I shoulda expected it, though. You seem to like figuring everything out.”
“But...isn't p-p-pillow t-t-t-talk only after s-sex?”
“There are exceptions. We don't even have to count this as pillow talk, if you don't want to. We can call this...” She put a hand to her chin in a deep thinking gesture. “Regular bed talk without the sex.”
“How or-or-original.”
“Fine. You come up with something better, then!”
He thought for awhile, letting his mind clear of everything that today had in store for him. He forgot about work, about his morning workout, and the picture of Holly that was still in his pocket, lying on the floor. All Taivon paid attention to was Alix. Her scent. Her touch. Her smile.
“I c-c-can't c-come up wuh-with anything. You're t-t-too distracting.”
“Distracting?”
“Yes, ma'am.”
“Is it my bed hair?”
He played with the strands. As soft as it'd been the day before. “Nope.”
“Good. 'Cause you have a serious case of bedhead.”
“Duh-Do nuh-nuh-not.”
“Okay, Taiv. Whatever you say.”
For a few minutes, he just held her. The stuttering was getting worse, especially in these situations when he was with her, but he couldn't not do it. His speech therapist, Mr. Lanzig, had always told him to talk. He wasn't supposed to substitute words. He was supposed to say whatever he wanted to say, even if it one of those trickier ones that started with a “t,” “p,” or “c.”
And he'd been good, too. For the past seventeen years, Taivon had felt like he'd been cured. Mr. Lanzig had told him almost every class period to not be so sure of it and that he'd just have to keep talking and talking. Taivon hadn't listened; he'd always hated talking, and now, he was relapsing because of it. He just didn't know if it was Alix's fault or his own incapability.
“What are you thinking about?” Alix asked.
“Wuh-Why I c-c-can't t-talk right.”
“Why do you think about it?”
“Wuh-Would you buh-believe me if I t-t-told you th-that I used to t-talk really well until I muh-met you?”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” he said. “My mom t-took speech th-therapy when I was a-a-about nine. I wuh-was there for fuh-fuh-five years before I th-th-thought I didn't nuh-need it anymore. And then I met yuh-you, a-and now I'm all fuh-fucked up again.”
“Not fucked up, Taivon. Really, you aren't. Lots of people talk differently. Stuttering is just a normal thing. My uncle had a lisp, and sometimes, he still does it. But that's only for the word 'sassafrass,' so as long as you don't bring that one up, he'll like you.”
“I'm guh-going to meet him?”
“Well, yeah...If I'm going to meet your family, then you're going to meet my family.”
He took a deep breath. “When?”
“Thanksgiving. Christmas. Whenever. He lives about a half hour away, kinda by my parents.”
“I'm guh-gonna meet th-th-them, too?”
“Seriously, Taiv. Don't worry about it. If they like Mabel's boyfriend, they're gonna like you. You haven't even gotten me pregnant, so you already got one up on the guy.”
“Are th-they nice?”
She gave him a look as if to say, Of course, they're fucking nice. I wouldn't invite you if they weren't. Jeez. Okay, maybe he shouldn't have read that much into her little glare, but it was something she would say.
“I'll admit, though. I'm really interested to meet this Tobias guy,” Alix said and caressed the branding scar. “And Titus. I don't really know a whole lot about Trace, but that'll be okay, I think. And Thrane-”
“Th-Thrane is an as-as-asshole.”
“-seems like my type of person.” She gave him a wicked glare and stuck her tongue out. “Maybe we can compare tattoos.”
“Absolutely nuh-nuh-not.”
“I wonder where his are. Probably some on the arm or maybe chest. Yeah, definitely chest. No worries, Taiv. I'll figure it all out.”
“I duh-don't want you guh-going nuh-nuh-near him. He's been a t-t-t-terrible influence on T-Trace. I don't wuh-want you getting AIDS.”
“He has AIDS?”
Taivon shrugged, not really knowing but needing to keep Alix away from his older brother. Thrane got what he wanted, when he wanted, and with whom he wanted it with. He was a spoiled brat, his older brother. This Thanksgiving, keeping Alix away from the guy would be his top priority.
“P-P-Probably. It's not my p-problem, though. Huh-huh-he's the one who c-c-cant k-keep his dick in his p-pants. Unlike me. I'm fuh-fucking fuh-fuh-faithful.”
“That still doesn't answer my question.”
“What que-question?”
Alix looked up at him, those dark as night eyes doing terrible things to his insides. He didn't want to cry this time, though. No, he accepted what she did to him. Accepted it, and more.
“Are you a virgin?” she asked.
This again? He didn't even understand why it mattered if he was, even though he definitely was not. But maybe it was important to her. With what she'd been telling him about her past “boyfriends” - if you could even call them that – she wasn't one. Honestly, that didn't bother him.
“You asked muh-me th-this already. And duh-do you remember wuh-what I s-s-said the fuh-first time?” He waited, but she just stared. “I said th-th-that I wuh-wasn't and th-that I c-c-can perform well.”
Alix waggled her eyebrows. “'Well?' Like, a your-eyes-will-roll-back-into-your-skull 'well' or like a yeah-I-can-get-it-up-but-that's-about-it 'well'?”
He kissed her then, not holding anything back as he rolled over and pressed her into the bed. Her legs immediately wrapped around his waist. The feel of her squeezing him like that felt so good, and he took his time exploring her mouth, her neck, and the exposed parts of her chest.
He licked one collarbone, and then the other. She writhed underneath him. His responsive girl. As the silkiness of her thighs cradled his own, Taivon felt white heat moving down his spine. He was so hard it hurt, and so hard he was scared he would climax in his pants again.
Well, briefs. Either way, it'd be embarrassing.
Toying with one strap of her undershirt, he brought it down utnil her breasts were offered up to him and kissed a hot trail to her beaded nipples. She pushed him more firmly, and he suckled harder, loving the taste of warm skin and clean soap.
As he continued lavishing her breasts, he snuck a hand down to her belly, stopping only at the navel to circle the taut skin. She arched up into his touch. So she didn't think he was a your-eyes-will-roll-back-into-your-skull kind of guy, huh? He'd just have to show her.
Taivon dipped his hands into the waistband of her shorts. Immediately, he felt her heat. It was radiating from down below and spurred him on, his erection literally jumping in his briefs. For awhile, he just teased her down there, keeping his fingers at the very front of her panties.
Her breath was coming out fast now, about as fast as his. From under his lips, he could feel her heart pounding a quick tattoo. When she began to plead in a breathy voice that he barely recognized as hers, he went down to where that heat was emanating from. Not full skin on skin contact, but through the thin material.
She was wet. Really wet.
The arousal from her center leaked onto his fingers, moistening them as he pressed on her clit. She seemed to like that – a lot. Moans escaped from her mouth with every stroke he made; and with the more pressure he applied, the more she responded.
Then, he stopped, rolled back over, and threaded his fingers behind his head to look back up at the ceiling. Alix was gasping beside him, so out of breath in such a short time that Taivon couldn't help but feel a little shot of manly pride go through his system.
“What'd you do that for?” she asked, sounding indignant.
He didn't respond. She'd been the one to challenge him. Alright, if he was being honest with himself, he'd warped her words into a challenge. But that was semantics.
The next thing he felt was a hard slap to the chest, and it made a dangerous zip down to his pounding arousal. He'd take care of that later, but right now, Taivon would keep his hands to himself and make Alix think about what it'd be like making love with him.
Because he knew for a fact that he'd be her best. It was what kind of made him like Thrane, because in a way, he almost always got what he wanted. Even if he didn't, he sure as hell pursued it until it landed in his lap – or in this case, bed. Whatever.
Alix now flicked his neck. “Taivon Cantrell.”
“Yes, ma'am?”
“Did you really just...?”
“St-Stop?” He finished for her. “Buh-Because yes, I duh-did just st-st-stop. It's all about wuh-waiting, remember?
“I don't understand you sometimes.”
“R-Remember the rules?”
She nodded, and her eyes drifted shut. “Sorta.”
“Th-Then you know that I guh-gotta be m-m-mysterious.”
“Fine,” Alix said. “You're mysterious. Now, let's go to sleep before I die of sexual starvation.”
He said the two words that had become a custom around her. “Yes, ma'am.”