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12— Unbidden departure! (Part- 1)
“It was darkness: blinding with absolute rage, ache and emptiness. Everything felt constricted, everything felt out of place, out of reach, nothing seems right anymore, nothing seems to matter anymore. The power once felt so potent, so strong— felt like a thin thread of broken trust, bond and loyalty. Everything felt like the gripping darkness of the night, nibbling on the outside to reach the insides to take control. To take control of the mind; the grasping silence that has billions of emotions overpowering each other felt— an immense amount of numbness, surrounding it: surrounding the psyche in a death grip.”
— Saumya Tripathi
•••
November 3
Location— Cantt station, Varanasi.
Timing— 3:27 a.m
“If you came here to take us back then you are highly mistaken,” my voice came out stronger contrary to what I felt inside. “We are waiting for my uncle to receive us,” I emphasised. “We are going home.”
His unruly hair seemed messed up and wet with a few beads of droplets slipping past his forehead down his face.
“That won't be a problem.”
His answer was so vague I couldn't understand the meaning behind the short reply.
Now, when I think about my past; those mishaps that had occurred all so suddenly in a few past months and those which still seemed to be occurring— appeared so strange and indescribable. Which still made me wonder if— life had so much to take from us but nothing to give in return. Was it not?
Life was so unprecedented that we couldn't even predict what shall happen in the very next seconds. Was it not?
The silence was so eerie in the coach with him hovering over us at his full height which made me coercive to think if he were able to hear my heartbeats which were already leaping from my chest to my mouth. Even in the loud sound of rain when hitting on the hard ground of land heavily and sharply due to the force of gravitation, I was able to hear my own heartbeats and my own blood which was pumping in and out from my arteries. My body was like a block of ice as I sat numbed and breathless, and clueless.
“Then you should leave.”
Was it the fear that I was feeling right now when speaking the words out? But from what? And more precisely from whom? Why was I feeling mystified and baffled? When I knew he was no one and he would not be able to do anything in public!
I contemplated. It was obvious to think over.
Now, could he? He most probably will not! Then, why did I have this intense gut feeling of being in danger right now? Moreover, Uncle would be here. I must not have to fear. Why would I? I most probably must not! Soothing my torment of mental suffering, I decided.
I will not back down when I am this close to freedom.
Unanswered questions came one by one into my mind like bullets were being fired, rapidly. Only if I had known the complexity of the affirmative questions which were not as easy as I tried to solve them all at once, I would have seen the hidden inkling behind those anguished questions.
Breathing and blinking at the same time with my arms holding tightly my brother. I emboldened myself for my coming impulsive behaviour. I will not back out now! I will not! I emphasised over and over again in my already seething mind. I was feeling horrendous inside. But, I will not let him bully me, again. Whatever he wanted from me. I won't give him nor let him take it. Why would I? Moreover, he didn't know yet which family I belonged to and who my uncle was! Once he got to know which family I came from and what my uncle did for a living— that would be enough for him to get away from me! Upon which he won't be stalking me anymore. Yes!
Nodding at my self-proclaimed answer, I decided, now somewhat calm. Decisively, I breathed fast and hard, eyes blazing fire, ebbing away the small amount of fear that had me captured into its tirade, I found myself jolted awake when he took a step closer towards us. My eyes blazed, breathing fire, I glared.
“You are supposed to leave!”
Those eyes that were vacillating in making any contact with him a few minutes ago now glared with full ferocity at him. I won't back down now! He already had been given the upper hand in making me fear him. Now, I won't let him continue to belittle me. No! I most definitely will not.
Fear mostly caused wrong decisions. It had become the biggest enemy for humans. Because we let it manipulate us.
“Am I?”
Taking one more step forward from his long, clad jeans leg, he sat in the corner of the royal blue-coloured— leather seat, enveloping half of the seat with his robust morphological appearance. It was so implausible for me to believe him being here as somewhere deep inside me— there were doubts if I just was not hallucinating the scene before me.
His charcoal dark eyes stared at me the whole time, the movement I felt as being watched. His eyes were so black, so scorching, so deep, so grim, that I wondered if I just, not a very long movement ago had seen a very brimming storm inside of them. Such black pools of the storm. His eyes were demonic.
Not just his eyes but as a whole, he was a demon. I decisively agreed.
I did not know if I was being crass or overly gallant. But something in me snapped at his audacity and bravado.
I stared without blinking.
However, this time, it wasn't from fear but challenge and fury. I dared while observing him. I was so into a delusion of confronting him that I did not see an outrageous danger that was lurking behind those orbs of his! Only if I had known. Though, I wasn't at fault! How could I? No one would ever expect a total stranger to barge into their life and be forced to embark on a new chapter of life with them.
Impossible!
His stance somewhat seemed relaxed and— collected. His fair visage probed charade but without any worrisome lines on the forehead or near the corner of his eyes. His face was impassive nonetheless, but his dark— obsidian eyes had another story in them that were brimming inside those dark, large pools of his! As if the storms were coming. I might have felt it if I wasn't severely glaring at him with full force.
Sitting like a dictator if owned the whole train with the right ankle on another left knee along with both hands folded neatly on his thighs, he gawked at me from his bright intense black eyes, regarding me shrewdly, as a parent does to his child if they found out the mischief of their children.
He looked so young at that moment, I noticed. How did he end up like this? Moreover, he didn't look like a thug from his appearance. I mused rather distraught. White sleeves folded up to his elbows, his hair fully drenched with bits of stains of water on his whitish clean shirt and dark blue jeans slightly wet.
I chose not to reply to him in hope of him leaving us be.
For a good couple of minutes, we just peered into each other's eyes. None of us backing down. His intense dark pools seemed to be gazing deep into my soul. I sat there with disbelief and seethed anger within my calmed countenance. I wanted nothing more than anything for him to leave.
"It's not safe for two kids to roam outside at this hour of the night. But you do know that already. Don't you?" Without blinking, he uttered those words serenely, his voice sounding warm and soft at the same time. Though, the severe underlying threat in the tone couldn't be ignored as he said that.
Ignoring his remark of 'Two kids'! I stayed calm and quiet, glaring at him, nevertheless.
With anger and fear blinding me, I took a few moments to find my voice before answering him, "Hm…And, pray tell, who do you think you are to tell me that?"
Eyes clashed with one another.
Dark black eyes to light brown.
I was somewhat shaking internally at the look of his visage but did not dare to show him that. I needed courage and guts to tackle him in his way. However, my voice came out as squishy as a meek girl's.
He smiled.