I don't remember walking out of the crevice
I don't know if someone had to pull me out
But everything continued to move in slow motion
No one understands those movie scenes
Until it happens to them
The happy ones
And especially the sad ones
I could still feel the sensation
Of penny's hands under mine
It was under my fingernails
Under my skin
Everything smelled like him
Everything felt like him
I hadn't regained my body's physical conscience
I didn't want to
Because I knew deep down
That I would hurt even more
Than I already was
I could feel Rebeca's hand intertwined with mine
As we made our way out of the tunnels
The way I had done before
Multiple times
Yet this time
I couldn't remember the way
It felt like I was leaving something behind
Because I knew I was
I looked back constantly
Almost like an instinct
I don't know what I was expecting
Maybe I was hoping
To see Penny's silhouette standing there
Waiting for me
Like countless times before
I could feel Rebeca's voice
But I couldn't hear it
I didn't want to
I wanted to drown in my sadness
And get it over with
The sun illuminated the sky
As we made our way out
I wish we would've died back there
It would feel better
Than I did right now
I could feel the earth under me
The crunching of leaves
The softness of the soil
Oh
How I hated it
I didn't want to feel the ground
For the next 27 years
I didn't want to feel myself
Grounded anymore
I wanted to be numb
Completely numb
I wanted to be stuck in the air
Like Penny had left me earlier
27 years
I wanted to float
End
Book I