"We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will."
-Chuck Palahniuk
Living forever has never been a goal of mine; I know I will eventually perish, as will the rest of the human population. Death is inevitable. Fate is inevitable. I have been living in what seems to be a haze for the past year. How could everything fall apart so quickly?
How could I go from being this happy go lucky girl to who I am today? I have become no more than a shell of a person who is so consumed in her inner darkness that I cannot see the world passing me by, only my life falling to shambles. I have become someone my mother would not approve of, that is my biggest regret. I'll admit, I am lost, but who has been trying to find me?
I never knew how alone I could be until I woke up every morning to an empty and silent house. Depression consumed me and I became my own worst enemy. I turned to drinking first, then to drugs. They became a big part of my life. Another broken part of me. I knew the effect all of this was having on me; but despite my better judgement, I continued to walk down that dead end road. I believed that eventually, I'd be able to reach happiness again if I could get myself to the same place as she was. It didn't matter to me if I had to die to get what I wanted. My saving grace came to me in the form of a 19 year old named Ashton Wise. Despite what I'd turned into, he was my best friend. My anchor. As much as he cared for me, I had an unsettling sense of uncertainty that lingered over my head every time his eyes met mine. Was he a new beginning or an unforeseen ending? How could I know who I could really trust? After all, even the devil was once an angel.