He doesn't know where all this anger and sadness came from,why he's feeling it,and why does it have to be him to feel it.
It's so devastating to think and contemplate things on his own.
Nakakapagod.Nakakalosyang ng beauty.Kaya bakit magmumukmok siya sa gilid nang dahil bruhang yun?No way!He won't let her degrade him!Who is she to leave him anyway?He's going to prove her his worth.Na hindi niya na kailangan ng bestfriend na tulad niya.
Kung sakali man na magkita sila ulit, hindi na sila magkakakilalanan pa at wala itong magagawa kundi tingnan nalang siya.
Ngayon,naisipan niya nang pumasok ulit sa trabaho .Kahit medyo hirap ang kalooban niya,nasiyahan siya na makita ulit ang malaking signboard ng kompanyang pinapasukan niya.Hope Publishing Inc. Isa ito sa pinakamalalaking kompanya na nagpapublish at nag-eedit ng mga libro.This is the place where he vented all his frustrations for 2 years.
Oo nga pala.Napabuntong hininga siya nang maalala na meron pa pala siyang ie-edit na libro.He have been occupied with lots of things recently.Wala pa tuloy siyang nasimulan!
Bahala na nga.He thought as he headed inside the building.
Pagbukas niya ng pinto sa opisina nila, handa na sana siyang bumati sa lahat pero bigla siyang natigilan.Everyone looked so horrible and sullen,like they we're wearing this "oh sh*t expression" on their faces while they're tapping on on their keyboards furiously.
"A-ano.Kamusta?Anong nangyari?" He was stuttering out of the thought na baka may namatay or what.Everyone turned their faces at him in sync which creped him out.Para itong mga zombie na nakakakita ng taong makakain eh.
"Rayko ikaw!"
"Bakit ngayon kalang ha?!"
"Bilisan mo at magtrabaho ka na!" Sunod sunod na sigaw sakanya ni Jason,Mark,at Danny.
He smiled apologetically bago pumunta sa sarili niyang cubicle.
Kung hindi niya ito mga kakilala,matatakot talaga siya at iisipin na tunay itong mga lalaki.Buti nalang alam niya ang ang mga tunay na pagkatao nito bilang Cutie,Annabell at Angelina.It may be hard to believe but yeah iisa lang sila.Those gay triplets from the other day was them.
"Oy.Naano yang mga pasa mo?" Napatingin siya kay Katty.Katabi niya ang cubicle nito.Asal lalaki ito at parating tahimik kaya medyo nagulat siya na kinakausap siya nito ngayon.And she's actually the first person to show concern about his bruises.Kumpara mo dun sa mga bakla na pinagalitan lang siya kanina.
"Ah wala.Nakipagwrestling lang sa Kuya ko"
"Talaga? Nakikipag-rambol karin pala.Mukhang masakit oh" tinawanan pa siya nito.He was a bit amused.Marunong din pala itong tumawa
"Wala lang to" he replied slyly.
"Sabi mo eh-" bahagya itong bumalik sa sarili nitong cubicle
"T-teka" paghabol niya.She just raised her eyebrows waiting for his words. "Ano ba ang meron ngayon?Bakit ganyan sila?" Tukoy niya sa tatlong bakla na mukhang sinukluban ng langit.Her face suddenly turned smugly.
"Hindi mo sila masisisi.Wala pa kaming tulog at ligo" she paused and sighed like a old woman.Now that she mention it,ngayon niya lang napansin ang malalaking eyebags nito."May higit sampu pa na libro ang hindi pa nae-edit." She added at Abigla nalang itong lumugmuk sa desk na parang sumuko na to sa buhay.
"Sorry" It was the only thing he could say out of guilt.
"Hindi ayos lang pre.Sige magsimula kana" She said without even raising her face.She really seemed restless pati rin yung tatlong bakla.Kung titingnan parepareho itong nangingitim na ang mata.
Shit.Isang week mahigit lang siyang nawala,dumami na agad trabaho.Idagdag mo pa na may nakaassign din sakanyang isa pang librong ie-edit.
Hindi naman pwedeng basta-bastang ipublish ang libro.Isang word error lang siguradong alis agad sila sa trabaho.
But-it's fine.He can do this!
He opened the computer and started to focus in his work.
This may help drive his madness away.
***
"Hey faggot. How are you?
I can't help to think what are you doing this very moment.If you have gone berserk and made trouble again.I'm really worried you know.Do you remember?When I first met you,our classmates is beating you up upon knowing that you're gay.You were helpless.
We rarely talked to each other back then.But seeing you like that,my heart just thorned into pieces.So I helped you and since that day,we became best friends.
And I was there every time you'll cry.Geez.You were such a woman!You made me see that you were more fragile than me.So then I swore to myself 'I'll protect him no matter what'
But probably, I might have overlooked at myself. I never saw this day would come.That I'll break what I've been protecting.
I won't say sorry because an apology is never enough.
I won't ask you to forgive me because even I can't forgive myself.
Once I find my parents,I hope you'll let me comeback.Please let me see you...even for a moment."
Sayvel's hands were trembling as she finished writing those words on a note pad. Those we're all the things she have been wanting to tell him all this while.If only she can give him this paper,but she can't do that! Kung gagawin niya yun,siguradong gugustuhin niya lang na makita ito lalo.
Damn.She missed him.She's dying too see him.What is this feeling anyway? It's killing her.It hurts.
"Sayvel malapit ka nang lumabas-" natigilan si Clin nang makita siya nito.She touched her cheek unconsciously. Dang.There were tears.She's really crying.
"What happened?" She thought she saw a glimpse of concern when he said that.
"Uh sorry" she dried her tears with the back of her hands "tears of joy yata to"
With one snap,he suddenly hugged her."Clin?" she uttered his name quizically."I'm a cruel bastard but-I can't stand seeing you cry" he said in the most gentle manner.This was her first time seeing this side of him.But even so,it's still different-different from Rayko's warmth.With that thought,she felt tears welling up her eyes again.
They stayed like that for a few moments before she finally stopped crying."Ano...salamat" sabi niya.Ngumiti lang ito at ginulo gulo ang buhok niya."Wala yun.Papapasukin ko na ang make up artist para ma-retouch ka ulit"pagpapaalam nito bago ito lumabas.
Ilang saglit dumating na nga ang make up artist.Inayusan siya nito ulit.When all is finished,she stared at her reflection.
She looked so manly and handsome.No one will ever mistake her as a woman with this look.
"Imi shigan iya"( It's already time) The stage director signalled, as a cue for her to go out and perform on the stage.
"Neh" (Allright) she answered and followed.
This is it.Her debut as a male idol.She swore,she'll make her voice reach her parents wherever they are...
Also,a part of her is hoping that it would reach him too.