A/N: Dedicated to Alirawwrs for reading voting and leaving lovely comments! Hope you like this chapter!
____________________________________
We ended up in one of the low buildings, a café/lunch restaurant. The season over since several months. There were only us and two older men sitting by a table each, barking at each other from time to time. The girl taking our orders more interested in checking her phone. The presence of the summer visitors could still be felt though. The place overall more functional than fancy. The flowers in the window plastic. The cutlery as well. The waxed cloth nailed to the tables with staplers. A kids menu with ice-cream included in the price. Allen lead the way to a table by the windows. We both giggled like preschoolers as I smuggled my vegan sandwiches onto a plate with fries. Fried with Godknowswhat. Allen looked at me half-amused half-skeptical as I arranged them to make it look like a meal offered on the menu.
"It's supposed to look like that." I said defensively.
"It's supposed to look like that." Allen repeated to an invisible observer to his left. Such a dork. I kicked his foot under the table. He didn't kick back of course. Too nice.
"You sure you don't want any of this?" He gestured to his own plate filled with fried fish and fries and mayonnaise made with Godknowswhat. Ugh.
I shook my head. "Fish have feelings," I declared solemnly, suppressing laughter. "They can feel pain."
Allen halted mid-movement, a fork loaded with fish and mayonnaise half-way to his mouth. "Even when they're fried?" I rolled my eyes, resisting the urge to kick his foot again. And Allen chuckled. "You got me worried for a second there."
I snorted, eyeing the fries on my own plate but resisted the temptation. Bit into one of my sandwiches instead. Suddenly so fucking hungry. There was some minutes of silence as we both dug in, focused on our food. An effect of the sea air maybe.
"It's a nice place, right?" Allen said in-between bites. I nodded. "Great to be back by the coast, my last school was also pretty close to the sea so in the spring-"
"What was it called?" I interrupted. "This last school of yours?"
"John Whitmore High School." I nodded, quickly adding it to the Allen-themed google list in my head.
"Did you like it there?"
"It's a great school," Allen answered evasively. "Great surroundings. We'd often..." He went on about outings or whatever, sounding like he was reading from an information leaflet handed out to parents of potential students. I couldn't listen to it. I stopped myself from snapping 'That's not what I asked!' Because there was an even more important question I needed the answer to. "Were you expelled?"
Allen halted his ramblings looking disoriented for a second before smiling. "Where did you get that from?" I immediately felt a bit stupid bringing it up.
"Uhm, there was this rumor, like when you started..."
"And you think it's true?"
"I wouldn't have." I shrugged. Finally deciding to go with my gut and abandoned my somewhat soggy sandwich for the fries. Delicious."But then why the rumor," I continued, chewing. "I mean, you're not exactly the kind of person that attracts those kind of rumors."
"Are you?"
I smiled. "No. More like that I un-accidentally almost burned down the science lab."
"Yeah I heard about that." Allen nodded, chewing on his own fries. "Was it..?"
"It was completely accidental. But it worked wonders for my reputation though, so don't tell anyone."
Allen grinned. "I won't."
I managed to put another fry in my mouth before realizing the obvious. "You didn't answer my question."
For a second that panic flickered by on Allen's face, before he leaned forward, lowered his voice.
"Yeah, right. I wasn't expelled..."
"Yeah, I knew that of course," I blurted out, "but-"
"No, Matt," Allen interrupted, almost desperately. "I got to choose if I wanted to leave on my own accord or be expelled, and of course I choose to leave, well, my parents chose, not that it was much of a choice really." He leaned back in his chair again, paler than usual underneath his freckles. What? And what to say? 'Sorry?' 'Wow, cool?' 'Why?' I was at loss for words.
"What did you do? Sing the wrong hymn at morning prayer?" I ended up joking pathetically.
Allen bit his lip. "I got in a fight with a guy and I hit him pretty badly. I was lucky though, could've been worse...I mean I almost broke his nose I think, so..."
What? Now I was completely lost. "Why?"
Allen looked up me wearily. "It's a long and sad story and now you already know the ending."
"Tell me anyways." For a second Allen's face wide-open and pained like he actually wanted to tell me. But then it closed. "Some other time, yeah?"
I nodded. The guy was probably a fucking crazy Jesus freak anyways. And Allen with his animal-saving hands. He'd probably been doing just that. Saving someone. "What happened afterwards?"
Allen told me about some legal stuff, about suing and countersuing and assault charges looming, blah blah, didn't really get it except that all that had been avoided. Thanks to his parents. And that his mom had been all freaked out and wanting him go to therapy. Because if you hit someone, surely there had to be something seriously wrong with you that required you talked about it for a hundred hours at least. Allen sighed. "I just really didn't want to talk about it."
"But they really made you leave, the school I mean, that seems pretty harsh." There would have been a lot of people expelled at our school every week if fighting was a qualification.
Allen shrugged. "I was lucky I wasn't expelled though, it will not look so bad for collage. I was actually glad to get out of there, I didn't like it much." He looked at me, like reminding himself who he was talking to. "I mean it was a great school and everything, but actually... I kind of hated it."
It was surreal having him tell me how he was like invisible, how he didn't fit in, that he had like two close friends. No yearbook committee, no dozens of girlfriends, no entourage left behind. "And even if you have like friends or know people, maybe they don't know you that well..." Allen admitted, pushing around some left over crumbs on his plate with his fork. The other Matthew in his phonebook was his second cousin. Was it just me or was it just religious people who had second cousins? I didn't have any that I knew of. "Sometimes I took pictures for the school newsletter, when the girl who usually did it was sick, but that was basically it. And the track team. And the basketball team, but yeah...." Allen mumbled, growing quiet again. Closed-faced.
"Because of this semi-expelled thing, Parks didn't want you?" I asked quietly.
Allen looked at me strangely. "Oakland Parks? I was never supposed to go there. My parents wanted me to go to a boarding school in DC, one where they wear blazers with crests, you know, but then they already had found the house in Oakland and I convinced them it'd be better if I attended the local high school. Lived with them. I mean, I've boarded since I was fourteen, because my mom thought there were no good high schools in our district back home, and then college...I guess I just want them to know me, and know I'm not like that," he bit his lip again, "They agreed to it but...maybe it was just because they didn't want me to get thrown out from a school where kids to senators attend."
He leaned his head in his hand, laughed self-consciously. "Sorry, I must sound like the most spoiled ungrateful brat to you."
"No," I said slowly and Allen looked up at me in his intense way.
"I'm glad I came here. And that I met you... and your friends."
I fidgeted under his gaze. "And the Bradford's' too?"
"Of course." Allen nodded shortly. "Will and Ethan and Darren , they're all really nice."
"I'm not nice?" I asked. Half-joking, half-serious. By the look on his face I wasn't sure if I wanted him to answer.
"You are," Allen said slowly. "It's just that sometimes I feel like I annoy you, and I don't know why."
I didn't know what to answer, and Allen looked down at his plate again, arranged his knife and fork neatly. He hadn't said it like an accusation, he just stated a fact. Because it was fact, because sometimes he still did annoy the hell out of me. But whatever, basically everyone annoyed me some time or another. Allen actually less than most.
I shrugged. "That's just how it is. Everyone annoys me. Or it's the other way around, I get annoyed by everyone, it's me. If I didn't want you hanging around, I'd just tell you to leave me the fu-, to leave me alone. But I haven't, so, you know..." Such a backward and swirly sentence I hardly knew what I was trying to say. And Allen just shook his head at my response, grinning.
"So you know," he mimicked with his northern accent, and yeah, maybe I'd picked it up from him.
I snorted, mushing the last remains of my sandwich into my plate. "You done? I need to smoke."
I put the cigarette in my mouth as soon as we got out. Tried to light it again and again but failed. It was just too windy, even when we'd turned the corner and stood hidden from the wind behind the café. In the end Allen cupped his hands around the lighter and I finally managed to lit it, fearing I'd burn him. I thankfully didn't.
"You shouldn't smoke though." Allen smiled wryly, removing his hands.
I snorted, shoving the lighter into my jean pocket. "I know."
The smoke whisking away as I exhaled. The need for the nicotine quickly waned. But I decided to have a couple of more breaths still. Allen didn't seem to mind much, standing close, a silent grounded presence, anchoring me to the earth in a way. Keeping me from being scattered. Scattered-brained. I had become a lot calmer since I met Allen I realized suddenly. Seashells and spring leaves. The bluest eyes ever. Faint faint memories from the weekend. Tiles against the back of my head. Allen's hands on my shoulders. What had I told him? Probably too many things.
Glowing ash falling dangerously close to my feet interrupted my thoughts. I made to throw away the left overs but Allen's hand on my arm hindered me. "You mind if I finish that?"
I silently handed him the half-smoked cigarette, watched incredulously as he inhaled calmly. And deeply. He exhaled, eyes closed, flicking of the cigarette with a precise well-practiced movement. O-kay then.
"Where did you learn to smoke?" I asked astonished. Because, hey, explanation needed.
Allen exhaled. "At this bible camp down in Iowa, I used to go there every summer until I turned fifteen."
I snorted. "You're fucking kidding me."
He shook his head, smiling. "No, no, it's the truth, I promise ya."
"What if your parents find out?" Not that they would, he'd managed to hide it from me, from everyone.
"I don't do it a lot. Never at home. There was a girl I used to smoke with at my last school. At Whitmore." Allen smiled almost secretively at the memory and I felt the pinch inside but achingly cold this time. "She's kind of awesome actually," Allen continued oblivious. "She has a piercing high up in her ear just like yours. Against regulation of course. And a tattoo on her shoulder, like a Japanese woodcut print with cherry blossoms, really cool."
"How do you know?" I probed. I had a feeling Christian schoolgirls weren't allowed to prance around the grounds in tube tops showing off their tats.
Allen smiled knowingly. "She showed me."
I was kinda stupid sometimes, but not that fucking stupid. "The girlfriend?"
Allen laughed. "You're so curious! No!" He took a final drag on the cigarette. "As a matter of fact, she had a girlfriend of her own so..." And he just said it so casually, handed it to me like here, here you go, take this. And I had no fucking idea what to do with it, because it was in a way even more of a surprise than the smoking.
"Like she was a lesbian? And you were cool with that?" I asked, looking out over the shore, feeling numb.
"Yeah." Allen answered lightly, almost dismissively. Like there was no reason in the world why he wouldn't be. When there were a thousand reasons.
And then I sort of put it together, lesbian and boarding school girls in my head, and maybe I should have made some jack-ass comment about how it was so fucking hot. Or asked if he did her anyway, but I wasn't like that really. Especially not with Allen, and Allen wasn't like that either, from what I could tell. A little part of me wanted to ask about if he was ok with guys being gay as well because girls, whatever, is there anyone who doesn't think it's hot with girls making out, school uniforms or not? And what about the reasons? What about the Bible and God and Hell and Mrs Thomas with the frosty smile and the right to life? The right kind of life?
"You're not?" Allen asked calmly, taking my silence as disagreeing maybe. Like I wouldn't be ok with it. Like I was the one more likely to have issues. No fucking way. I was pro-choice, pro-gay, pro-save the whales, pro-live however.
"Yeah, sure whatever, I'm cool with that. People can be whatever, I don't care."'
"You'd like her," Allen said evenly, "We used to smoke behind the kitchen entrance at my last school. If she managed to buy them, I'd pay for them. So rebellious!" He rolled his eyes and laughed a little before looking out over the sea again. The cigarette falling from his fingers and he absent-mindedly crushed it against the narrow walk way of concrete with his foot. I leaned my head against the weathered wall feeling troubled and strangely calm and really fucking weird. A thousand thoughts in my mind at once and one spilled over. "You're not like I thought you were."
Allen glanced at me curiously. "How?"
I shrugged, peering up at the huddling houses. "You're not like everybody else."
Allen softly replied to my right. "Neither are you."
_________________________
A/N: Thanks for reading! If you liked it, don't forget to let me know by commenting and/or voting!