"Sorry, I just can't stand clowns who are practically a joke themselves."
C H A P T E R T H R E E
AUDREY
I look down at my plate, trying to get rid of the underlying attention on me. I could hear my parents laughing hysterically from the other side of the dining table while I was trying to hide away from the awkwardness.
"So, your name is Audrey...right?" I look up to see Courtney staring at me. Even though her hair is a grayish-white color, she still manages to look classy and young. Her pearl necklace hung from her neck as she wore an elegant blue dress. Her dark deadly, brown eyes stared right into my own. The look that she gave me didn't seem like she was fond of me.
I could hear everyone's conversation in the background. I felt the cold breeze brushing on my face giving me goosebumps. Even the wind was mocking me, giving pity as if it knew that this would happen. This lady will destroy the small amount of self-confidence I have with a couple of words.
"Yes, that's my name." I rub my hand down my thigh breathing slowly. Counting to ten, I gave her a bittersweet smile. I look away to see Kylie, she's still nervous, more than me, and the lady isn't even talking to her.
I thought might have been because she is worried about me, but it seemed like something else.
"Tell me about yourself," the way she smiled wasn't comforting at all.
"Like what?" I felt someone's hand against mine. I look down to see my hand holding Connor's. His soft, delicate hands roughly take mine away from his. I put my left hand underneath my left thigh to set it in place. My cheeks blaze in discomfort, and I look away.
"What school do you go to?" She took a sip of wine, never breaking eye contact. I could feel the heat all over my body as I held onto my leg. I felt terrified, and I could tell that this isn't going to end well.
"Aurora West Academy, Courtney," I emphasized each word slowly, not sure if I should call her Courtney or not. I felt the air shift. Ryder, Connor, and Chloe had stopped talking. I didn't break eye contact with her, and I acted as if I hadn't noticed it. I took a piece of chicken in front of me and placed it on my plate.
"My grandson and granddaughter go to the same school. Isn't that right, Connor and Chloe? And they are in the same grade as you. If I'm not wrong, you will be a senior, right?" I nodded. She's smiling; maybe she isn't that bad after all.
Everyone knew them, but I don't think they could say the same.
"Call me ma'am. I only allow people that I like, call me Courtney. Anyway, what are your hobbies?" She put her fork down and clasped her hands together. The smile that was once on my face had dropped into a thin line. Ouch.
"Sports, I like to play and watch." I liked to play all types of sports, and I was on the team for a couple of them until my sophomore year. After that, I never went back after the incident.
"You don't seem like the type of person who would play sports," she said and looked at me surprised. She glanced at my body and then looked at me. I froze when she made eye contact. Why would she be surprised? Why does she think that?
"Sports? You must be warming up the bench, huh?" she said as she laughed.
"No, um actually I was a starter fo-" she cut me off. I stared at her confused. What is going on?
"Oh, you were, figures, are you planning to go back?"
"Uh-" She cuts me off again. And this time, the courage to speak again seemed quite hard.
Drip
Your off team, Audriana.
"If you are, then, you really should because have you seen yourself. I mean have you looked at a mirror lately?"
"I'm not sure what you mean?" I asked. I took a deep breath; I could feel my heartbeat racing as she chuckled loudly as if what I had said was funny.
Drip
"What I mean is you're a little too big, don't you think" she said.
Drip
Are you really gonna eat that?
Her eyes traveled down to my stomach, arms, and thighs, slowly ensuring me that I knew she was judging. I brought my hands beneath my thighs to my lap, trying to block everyone's view of me. I felt uncomfortable and exposed in front of everyone. I regret asking her what she had meant.
"You know the saying you are what you eat, you are a great example of it," she said and laughed once again.
She gets closer to me and whispers, "a lousy fat pig" she empahazed each one slowly.
Drip
"Grandma, I think its enough," Connor said.
"What! I'm just being honest. But don't you worry, Audrey! Chloe is here, this may be a challenge for you but I believe you can do it," She exclaimed as rubbed Chloe's back.
I felt vines slowly, slithering, coiling around from my feet to my neck. They seemed determined to squeeze the life out of me, tying knots making me struggle to catch my breath. Every time I tried to speak, the vines would gag me by wrapping around my mouth. I felt stuck, there was no way out. I am trapped so I focused on the plate in front of me, hiding the tears that were threatening to come loose.
Drip
She's right. I need help.
My dark circles were evident, while hers barely showed. My arms seemed thicker, my legs bigger. All the insecurities that I had locked behind a door was now broken, bare for everyone to see. I bit my lip hard, as the vines chocked the life out of me. A burning sensation erupted in my stomach. Looking down, I couldn't deny it. She's right. What I am, behind all this facade is plain ugly, who lacks natural beauty.
A lousy pig.
At this very moment, I am disgusted and embarrassed of myself.
Drop.
The vines, loosened and with all my strength I smiled and looked up at her, "Thank you for your honesty." I let out a shaky breath and looked down at my plate. At least I did one thing right. Suddenly I lost my appetite.
"Thank god, normally girls would cry over something like this. I know a great fitness instructure, and if it doesn't work out, plastic surgery is always an option," she said as she analyzed my face. I didn't look away and forced out a smile, but all I wanted to do right now is cry.
"It will be a lot of work, but at least you will look normal," she whispered, but everyone heard her. She smiled to herself as she took a sip of the wine. She spun the wine in circular motions, and when her eyes met mine, her smile widened—probably amused at my discomfort. I want to leave.
"Are you kidding me! You can't–" I look at Kylie, begging her with my eyes to stop. I did not want this to escalate. She paused immediately, but that didn't keep her from giving her infamous glare. Her eyes narrowed at Courtney, and a smirk had made its way on her face as she sat back against her chair.
Oh no, this can't be good.
"Sorry, I just can't stand clowns who are practically a joke themselves," Kylie chuckled lightly, and my eyes widened by her remark. Courtney's expression didn't change one bit.
"Apologize right now," Connor's sternly said as he glared at Kylie.
She hummed in response and nodded, "I don't think I said anything wrong. I'm just stating facts." He slammed the fork onto the table; I moved back, surprised by his reaction. I have to do something before this gets out of hand.
"I apologize on her behalf; she hasn't eaten all day she must be really hungry. I am so, so sorry," I said, making Kylie scoff.
"Kylie..." I pleaded. Her eyes widened, faltering in despair. The expression on her face said it all; she is devastated but, most importantly, disappointed.
"You can't be serious, are–"
"What is going on here?" I look over to see my mother angry. I flinch, taken aback by her tone. No, this can't be good. This is what I wanted to avoid.
"Nothing, we just had a little disagreement, but it is all better now. Isn't that right, Audrey?" Courtney asked.
"A disagreement?" Mother asked as she grabbed my shoulder. From an outside view it looks like her hand was just on my shoulder, but in reality she was digging my nails into my skin.
I swallowed down the pain and said, "It's all better now. It was a misunderstanding." Why did Courtney say that? Why didn't she tell the truth?
"This is bull-" Connor stopped when his eyes met his grandfather's. He slumped back down in his chair. His head whipped towards my direction, causing me to move away from him. He is hostile towards me, but why? Just because I knew who he was and didn't tell him how?
"Grandma's right. It's nothing," Connor spat out bitterly as he looked right at me. I shuddered, feeling cold as he scowled at me even though I hadn't done anything wrong. The hatred flared through his eyes as he lookde at me.
"Audrey, why don't you and take them to the living room?" I didn't have to look at her. I knew the drill.
"Well, it was a pleasure talking to you, ma'am," I forced out.
"Call me, Courtney." The smile she gave me was out of pity. She wanted to hurt me, and she achieved it.
"This way," I motioned towards the living room. It is right around the corner from the dinning area.
Connor gruffly got up, and I took a step back, ensuring we would not bump each other. Ryder jumped onto a couch, and Chloe sat down next to him. Connor sat down on the other couch across from them. Kylie decided to sit on the couch that is on the opposite side of the room. With that, I made my way towards Kylie.
I never thought that I would ever regret sitting down. Kylie pulled me closer to her so that no one could hear whatever she is about to say.
"Audrey, why didn't you say anything back there?" she asked disturbed.
"Not sure what you're talking about?" I countered. I tried to avoid the question, but it was useless because the look she gave me made sure that she wouldn't let this go.
Sighing, I look away to find myself looking at Connor. I am astonished. I couldn't believe my eyes. He is smiling at something someone had said. His shoulders shook as he laughed; his eyes squinted, but you could still see the tiny- specks of sparkles in his eyes. A strand of his hair fell from his messy bed-like hair, and a ghost smile made its way to my face. He wasn't the person I met a couple of minutes ago; he is a whole different person now. I finally understood what Sarah meant when she said Connor is another person with her.
What am I doing? Why am I thinking this way? Questions arose, and the more I had them, the more it made scared.
I looked back at Kylie before they could catch me staring at them, but I was too late. Kylie's elbow was plopped right against the couch with her hand against the side of her head. She was watching me the entire time.
"We will talk about whatever that was, later, but on a serious note Audrey, why didn't you say anything? She was insulting you and took it way too far. You shouldn't have let her." Her playful tone was now gone, and I realized that this is bigger than I had thought.
"Look, I couldn't, okay? I didn't want to be rude to Courtney because she is our guest," I tried to reason.
"You aren't getting the whole picture, Audrey; she will do this with other girls if we don't stop her right now. Her confidence will only rise. If you give in easily, she will continue to break you down. You need to stand up for yourself and–" I cut her off quickly as I felt my eyes heat up.
"There is no point, and it doesn't matter." I shrugged and crossed my legs together.
"What do you mean that it doesn't matter? The hell it does!" Her hands clasped, crimson-faced, lost temper erupted, blowing me away. She's enraged, angry by my remark. I felt them staring at us, ignoring them; I focused solely on Kylie. Trying to calm her down, but it wasn't working.
"Can we please just drop this?" I whispered. I knew deep down she is right, but I couldn't. I can't help but take in the words of others. I never said that I would never try. I did try at first, but what she said wouldn't push past me; instead, I would soak them in like a sponge. I couldn't help it, and I wish I could change it, but I can't. She nods in disbelief but still gives me a small comforting smile.
"I will let it go for your sake, but Audrey, it doesn't matter if she is a guest. No one is allowed to treat you that way because if you don't say something now, she'll treat you like that for the rest of your life," Kylie ran her hand through her hair but stopped midway as if she realized something or in this case, said something wrong.
What did she mean for the rest of my life? I thought this was a one-time thing, but I guess she believes otherwise. Why? Her eyes widened. Her left hand shook. She looked scared, but I don't know why.
"Do you have something to say, Kylie?" I've never seen her like this. I'm getting worried because Kylie never had her guard down. It's weird seeing her like this.
"I-I can't tell– I have to use the bathroom," she got up and walked away without making eye contact.
What is she hiding, and does it have to do something with the Black family?
I glance over at Connor to find his eyes on me.
Q/A: WHO DO YOU LIKE SO FAR?