Day 18 of rehab: 28th of May 2019.
I've started eating again - or at least, trying to. It's hard when you've barely eaten for almost a month. But so far it's been enough to keep the nurses (and my family) off my case for a while. Admittedly, it's just barely more than a few mouthfuls here and there, maybe at breakfast and dinner only, but everyone seems to be happy that I'm at least trying to eat again.
I think Ant's surprise really kind of spurred me back into action again - made me realise that there are so many people out there who actually genuinely want to see me better again, and that I wasn't getting anywhere feeling guilty and sorry for myself.
It made me realise just how much I was letting everyone down by basically giving up.
I know I'll look back on this part of my life and I'll remember the pain, the fear, the anxiety, the uncertainty. But now I also know that I'll remember the love, the encouragement, the positivity coming from so many friends and strangers - I think that's what's hit us the most, the fact that it's not just friends who are out there rooting for us to get back in the game. But there are so many people whom I've never even met that are still behind us all the way, and it's their support that I think means the most.
(Apart from that of my family and by best mate, don't be so daft!)
I really hope that I'll get to properly thank everybody soon, because they need to know just how much of a turnaround their messages have been for me, and how much they've pushed us into realising just how loved and supported we both are.
And for that, I'll always be eternally grateful.
*****
Day 21 of rehab: 1st of June 2019.
Happy summer!
If only I was actually able to go outside and enjoy it.
I've been here for three weeks now, and it's been a month since the accident, and things still aren't going quite so well.
I woke up this morning feeling pretty rotten, with a sore throat and just aching all over. I was tired and snappy, and I'm ashamed to say that I nearly made one of the young nurses run away. I'll have to apologise pretty smartly when I see her next.
Urgh, now my head's hurting - that's the last thing I need, a bloody migraine on top of the rest of this horrible mess.
Going to sleep now, hopefully I'll feel a bit better when I wake up.
*****
Day 21 continued:
Nope. Still don't feel better. In fact, now I just feel worse.
I started getting chills not long after I finished my last entry, and it took us ages to fall asleep, only to be woken a few minutes later by another nurse who was trying to force-feed some slosh down my throat.
Actually, it was pretty tasty slosh, but I felt so awful that I couldn't really enjoy it, and I turned away after just two mouthfuls.
She's clearly been informed about the struggles to get me to eat, but she seemed much more understanding than a lot of the other nurses, and she just patted me on the shoulder and left.
I was surprised at that, but grateful at the same time. Honestly, I was just glad that she wasn't going to try and force me to eat - that definitely wouldn't have ended well......
(The writing here starts to look wobbly and shaky)
Oh great, the shivers are back. Gonna stop and try and warm up a bit - feel so cold.....
*****
Martin popped in to visit his little brother on the morning of the 2nd of June, and was surprised to see Hilary leaning over his bed, a worried frown on her face.
"Everything alright?" he queried, own concern growing as Hilary shook her head, straightening up and putting something - that looked suspiciously like a thermometer - back into her pocket.
"He's developed some sort of infection during the night - it just looks like some sort of fluey-virus thing at this stage, but his fever has been worryingly high for most of the night and into this morning" she replied, just as Martin walked over and rested the back of his hand on his little brother's brow.
"Oh titch" he moaned sadly, feeling the scorching heat under his skin, "You're burning."
His heart clenched as his brother whined in his sleep and twitched his head in the direction of his hand. His eyelids began to flicker, and they sluggishly crawled open seconds later.
"Hey kidlet" Martin greeted quietly, frown deepening as the hazel orbs appeared wobbly and unfocused, before a mournful whimper was heard and they closed once more.
"How high is his temperature at the moment?" he asked Hilary, who checked her notes on the chart.
"Um, it was 39.9 when I just took it then" she replied, before adding "But it's been in the 40s before, I think the highest it got during the night - according to this, anyway - was 41.2."
Martin bit his lip worriedly, glancing back at his brother - who had just started to shiver very weakly.
Hilary also looked concerned at that, eyes flickering up and down his brother's body.
"I'm just worried that he's not going to have enough strength to fight this off effectively" she explained, seeing his confused and concerned look towards her. "He's only just started eating and his body hasn't had enough time to build up enough energy stores because what he IS eating is going straight into his cells because they haven't had the energy source for such a length of time."
Martin shot her a desperate glance. "Isn't there something you can give him, so we don't have to force him to eat? I mean, he's clearly not going to feel like eating now, and that's just going to make this worse, right?"
Hilary considered it for a few moments, eventually walking over to the phone in the room and placing a call to the head doctor on duty.
She explained the situation and then listened for a few minutes to the doctor's recommendations, nodding along with what they were saying in her ear, eventually smiling and thanking the doctor before she hung up.
"I just spoke with Dr Markui, our head doctor on duty today, and she has given me permission to set up a nutrient solution IV for your brother" she explained, smiling when Martin's shoulders slumped a little in relief.
"I'll just go and collect it from our drug-store, and I'll be right back" she promised, patting him on the shoulder before she left the room.
Once she was gone, Martin glanced back at his brother.
"You really couldn't make this easy for us, could you kidlet?"
He wasn't really surprised when Dec didn't answer.
*****
Hilary returned about ten minutes later, carrying a bag of solution, a fresh line, a cannulation kit, as well a vial of a drug in her hands.
Martin stepped in to hold his brother's arm still while Hilary set up for the cannulation - knowing just how difficult he could be when needles were involved. But Dec surprised him (and admittedly worried him even more) by staying quiet and still while Hilary inserted the cannula into his other hand.
Hilary raised an eyebrow at his expression. "Normally a fussy one, is he?"
Martin nodded, letting the arm go. "Aye, got a bit of a phobia of them, actually" he informed her, rubbing a tired hand across his eyes.
Hilary smiled sympathetically before she set about starting the nutrient drip, and finally going around to Dec's other side and inserting the other drug into his cannula.
At Martin's questioning look, she smiled and passed him the vial. "It's an antipyretic - Dr Markui suggested we try it out to help Declan's fever come down, which would help save his strength to fight off the infection" she explained as he looked the vial over - knowing nothing about drugs, he decided to just take her word for it and he passed it back, where she disposed of it into a sharps container.
"Has he had the flu recently?" Hilary asked as she straightened up, writing the time that she'd started the drip onto his chart.
Martin nodded, "About two months ago now."
Humming in thought, Hilary made another note on the chart before she left the room once again.
*****
The day passed in near silence, and Martin stayed by his brother's bedside the whole time, wiping his brow with a damp cloth whenever it got too warm, and singing softly to him whenever he appeared to be getting too distressed thanks to the fever that continued to reek havoc on his weak and battered body.
Finally, after a whole day of fighting it, Dec's fever started to come down at around supper-time, although he remained in an exhausted sleep for the rest of the night and right through until Hilary came back in to check on him during her nine o'clock rounds the next morning.
"Hello there" she greeted her patient when she walked into the room and saw that he was just waking up. "Feeling any better? You've been quite ill yesterday - had your brother quite worried about you."
Dec just blinked slowly up at her, not quite with it enough to follow her words just yet. Thankfully, Hilary just chuckled kindly and set about checking his vitals - pleased that his temperature was still coming down at an acceptable rate, and that his other vitals were improving as well.
Pulling back, she smiled when she saw that he was nearly asleep again, and she smiled as she replaced the bag of nutrient solution with a new one, before she walked out of the room and dimmed the lights as she left.
Dec was asleep before she'd even heard the door click as she closed it behind her.
*****
Day 26 of rehab: 6th June 2019.
Well, this is the first time I've actually felt well enough to even think about pulling this thing out and doing some more writing. I've spent the last five days sick as a dog - the damn flu, again!
As a consequence, since they worked out what it was, I've been under strict quarantine, so no one has been able to come and visit, so that they don't spread it to any of the other staff or the other patients. You'd think that I'd be extra lonely because of that, but to be honest, I've been so exhausted that I've slept pretty much all the time ever since I've been sick.
Hilary said I've also been put on a nutrient drip thing, to help my body get the nutrients it needed to fight off the illness while I was too sick to eat. I know, if I had been eating enough before I got sick, then I wouldn't have needed it, but you know the story behind all that.....
All past history now, because I'm feeling better - although still ridiculously weak and tired - but I've been told that I can't go to any of my therapy sessions until at least next week! Talk about a setback.....
*****
Day 35 of rehab: 15th June 2019.
So, finally got back into physio today, and then hydrotherapy this afternoon. I think I surprised everyone with how much I was able to do, even after being sick. I managed a fifteen minute session in the robot during physio, and then Trent tried me with just some strengthening exercises that he said I can do even in bed - so guess what I'm going to be passing the time doing.....
And then I managed a whole two laps of the hydrotherapy pool this afternoon. I find those sessions much easier than the physio, because the water takes so much of your weight, and I'm on my stomach for most of it, because Claire (my hydrotherapy coach, don't think I've introduced her yet, oh well) wants to focus on getting my leg-strength up in the water, so I've been using the kick-boards a lot.
So, after those two sessions, and thanks to finally having a bit more of an appetite, I'm starting to finally notice a bit of improvement. Maybe the issue was my strength all along?
*****
Day 37 of rehab: 17th June 2019.
Trent and Claire apparently had a chat, and they decided that I'm going to keep going with the hydrotherapy for a while, and leave the physio sessions for a week or so. I can still keep doing the exercises that Trent gave me, but he wants to get my leg-strength up more before he tries anything else.
I will admit that part of me is relieved - because that robot suit is something that I don't think I'll ever get used to, it just feels too damn weird......
Anyway, went to hydro again this afternoon, and Claire and I were so happy when I managed five and a half laps of the pool!
At last, we're making progress!
*****
Day 40 of rehab: 20th June 2019.
40 days and 40 nights. Bloody hell, where has the time gone?
It's been nearly seven weeks since the accident, and I think everyone can see that I'm getting fidgety and restless. And this collar is still bugging the shit out of me, so that doesn't help my mood any.
My leg strength is continuing to improve, and I honestly feel like I'll be out of here soon. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful to all the staff here, they are amazing.....but I miss home, I miss my wife, my best mate, my dog, my job, my life.
I think I'm so determined to get out again that I'm doing Trent's leg exercises pretty much all day when I'm just lying in my bed, just to feel like I'm doing something to help me accelerate my recovery - even just a tiny bit.
This doesn't count as 'rushing things', right? I don't think so, anyway......
Anyway, got a meeting with the doctor tomorrow, and hopefully she'll say I can take this stupid collar off!
*****
Day 41 of rehab: 21st of June 2019.
Oh praise the heavens, I was right!
IT'S FINALLY GONE!
After seven longs weeks, that blasted collar is finally off! I don't have to wear it anymore! Huzzah!
Dr Markui looked at my latest scans and said she was very happy with how the fractures had healed, and that she was happy for me to stop wearing the collar - provided that I promise not to do anything too strenuous that might cause the inflammation to spark up again.
I did promise - I don't want another setback, thank you very much.
It was such a wonderful moment, having that thing removed. My neck and shoulders felt breeze for the first time in seven weeks, and I immediately started to scratch at an itch that has been bothering me for at least a week....oh, it felt so good!
Mart, Mam, and Ali were all there with us, but Mart and Cam have to go tomorrow. I'll be really sad to see them leave - they've both (especially Martin) been such a big part of helping me recover, and I don't think I could have gotten through with as much of my sanity as I have without them.
Ali also had to head back to London tonight, she's never able to stay more than a day, but I could never begrudge her for that. She's still working her butt off, doing what she's best at, and still working to keep mine and Ant's lives under some semblance of control; and all the while, she's been at home by herself (most of the time), with Rocky and worrying about me.
That's the one thing I still regret about all of this, is the amount of stress and worry that Ali was and still is going through, because of me.
She tries to assure me - during our nightly phone calls - that it's fine, but I can't wait to get home and make a true fuss of her and spoil her rotten.
Because - honestly - after the past nearly two months, she more than deserves it.
*****
Day 52 of rehab: 2nd July 2019.
I've just gotten the best news ever. Trent just told me after physio today, that as soon as I can walk on my own - without the help of the bars or a walker - I can start counting the days until I get to go home.
It's been nearly eight weeks in rehab, nearly nine weeks since the accident, and I'm more than ready to get out.
I've been practicing my exercises more than ever, keen to do as much as I can to build up my strength so that I can really impress the team and they might just agree to let me go home sooner rather than later.
At least, I hope they will.....
Anyway, got another physio session tomorrow, and Ant's supposed to be coming up to visit again. He's not been up since his surprise, and I'm really looking forward to seeing him.
*****
Day 53 of rehab: 3rd July 2019.
Today's the big day. If I can show Trent that I can walk on my own without help, then I'm looking at perhaps a week more in here.
Ant texted me earlier, he's definitely on his way, so it'll be good to have a bit of moral support there too.
Oh wow, I'm so nervous: what if I can't do it? What if I've psyched myself all up for this and I fail again? I don't think I'd be able to handle that - I've waited for this day for so long, and I just don't want anything to go wrong.....
Oh God, Trent's at the door now. He's come to collect us for the start of the session.....
Wish us luck.....
*****
TBC.....
*****