At 2:30 we pulled up to the old house. To our surprise our mom's car was parked out front. The only question now was 'was she inside.'
We got out of our respective cars and headed up the front steps. Mya knocked. We were greeted by our mom. "Hey y'all," she said holding the door open for us. We filed into the living room, one behind the other and sat down. After locking the door our mom walked past me then stopped in her tracks. She turned back around and looked down at me.
"No Kevin today," she snarled.
I looked up at her. "He decided to sit this one out," I said dryly.
"Hm. He's backing out already? Smart man."
I tried to hold my tongue. I made a face at Mya. From across the room she motioned for me to calm down. My mom smirked at me and then walked away.
She sat down in a chair facing us and began. "I'm really glad that you all want to hear my side of this. It means a great deal to me." I tried not to roll my eyes or kiss my teeth. She started telling them the story. To my surprise she didn't deviate from what she told me. My siblings listened intently.
"I know that it will take some time to digest all of this, but I hope that you all will eventually find it in your heart to forgive me so that we can move on as a family." Tears were standing in her eyes. Everyone took their time to dissect what she had just admitted to them.
"Have you told dad yet," I blurted out. She quickly looked over at me in a state of surprise and sadness. "No. He's still recovering. I just need a little more time, but trust me when he's a bit more stable I'll talk to him."
I gave a quiet okay.
She perked up. "That's it? No smart remark? No judgemental glare? You're not going to debate me on this," she said in surprise.
"I'm sorry. I don't feel quite argumentative at the moment. I'll save that for my next visit."
"What a relief, because quite frankly I was getting tired of your snarky attitude."
"Is that right," I said dryly just before turning away from her.
"Okay. What is going on," she said sitting up. "Am I being pranked?" She looked around the room at everyone. "I miss that lovely banter of yours," she said sarcastically. "Have you given it up so soon?"
"Will you give it a rest ma?"
Her face stiffened in response to me and she raised her brow. "Who paid for your silence?"
I scoffed. "I can't be bought ma. Don't you know that by now?"
"Seeing as you're living in the apartment that your father and I paid for, no," she said with a smug look.
I opened my mouth, then closed it before pursing my lips and turning to face her. My hands were placed together as I held them up against my chin. "I've been trying to hold my tongue since I've gotten here, but you insist on provoking me. Why?"
My mother sat stunned. "I---uh---I'm just surprised that you don't have anything impertinent to say."
"Oh I do. I'm just making the conscious decision not to. Looks like you could learn a thing or two from me. Don't you agree?"
She stared at me for what seemed like a long time. "I will not be made to feel inferior in my home. You are my child and that's why I say what I want to say to you. You don't get to make smart remarks back. Twenty-two is hardly an adult and until you start making some grown up decisions there ain't a damn thing you can say to me although your entitled ass will try. So when I don't hear a smart alecky comment from you I'm surprised, because like damn, maybe my daughter is trying to be respectful for a change. I'm not wrong to question that."
"Wow. What a way to flip it. You dropped fucking missiles on me all day yesterday, the first time I've ever spoken to you out of turn might I add, and all of a sudden I'm the tyrant. Our relationship was solid before yesterday. Everything about this is your fault. So how dare you try to make it appear as if I'm the disrespectful one when clearly I'm the one being disrespected. You weren't keeping it honest with none of us and I'm pissed about it, so hell yeah you gon' hear my mouth."
"Wheeew," Terrance whistled. The rest of my siblings sat uncomfortably.
My mom adjusted her seating position and leaned her elbow on the arm rest. She leaned forward and glared at me. "Clear the room," she said to my siblings, though never taking her eyes off of me.
Everyone quickly got up and scurried out of the room.
"If you are going to continue to hold on to this and be disrespectful we can discontinue this relationship now."
"You haven't even given me time to adjust. It's only been a day. It would be unfair of you to ask any of us to move on from this and resume our lives like nothing happened. I mean, seriously, what world do you live in where people just get over stuff like this at the drop of a hat? You're asking for too much. It's not realistic."
"Well you better figure it out, because I'm not doing this with you every time we're in the same room together. No one else is acting like this."
I leaned forward. "They're still processing," I said slowly. "And while I still need more time myself, I did receive this information ahead of them. So," I shrugged.
"See all of that was unnecessary."
"No. You're unnecessary," I snapped back.
"Little girl. I'm warning you. Get rid of this insolent behavior or you will live to regret it."
"Well consider this relationship," I said pointing between her and I, "severed."
"So that's it? You're not even gonna try?"
I groaned and leaned frustratedly back into the sofa. "I need time to be angry. I'm disgruntled ma and you are refusing me the proper amount of time to deal with this, because you can't handle me being mad at you!"
"That's not true," she said in a hushed tone. Her eyes were watery.
"Then what is it!"
"Okay. Maybe that is it," she said quickly. I huffed and rolled my eyes.
"But I never meant for any of this to get out. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle the rejection and the heartbreak." She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." She covered her face with her hands for a moment. She wiped her tears away and placed both hands together pointing them at me. "I just want you to forgive me."
"I need more time."
She looked up at the ceiling and exhaled. She looked back at me. "Fine."
We sat in a record breaking silence; almost ten minutes. I looked over at her, now, stoic face.
"I want to meet him."
She quickly looked up at me. "Who?"
"My biological father."
She looked flummoxed. "What? Why?"
I gave her that same perplexed look back. "Because he's my father. I have a right to know him."
"Right. Sorry." She cleared her throat.
"You know what," I said standing up, "forget it. You probably haven't spoken to him in years and it's probably awkward that I asked. I'm sorry."
"No. It's okay," she said behind me. I turned around to face her. "I'll get in contact with him. I'll tell him that you want to see him."
"Wait. You mean you don't have to explain to him the whole situation?"
"Yes. I told him shortly after I found out and that he was not to have any contact with you or any involvement in your life whatsoever." I immediately felt heartbroken. She saw it in my face. I could tell. "I---I couldn't risk Aimé finding out."
I nodded my head. "Oh. Okay," I said in a hushed tone.
"Alyssa I'm so sorry."
"No. It's okay. I get it." I walked away and left her in the living room alone. I went to the bathroom and sat on the lid of the toilet seat. I held my face in my hands and took a deep breath. "You're going to be okay," I repeated to myself. "You're going to be okay." I stood up and looked myself over in the mirror. I took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom.
"Hey we were looking for you," Mya said as she grabbed my hand. "You okay," she asked me.
"No, but I will be."
Mya stopped walking and wrapped her arms around me. She stroked my hair. "I love you and I'm here for you, okay?"
"Okay," I sniveled. "I love you too."
Mya let me go and smiled at me. She looped her arm in mine. "I found her," she said as we approached my siblings.
"Oh good," Keyona said grabbing me from Mya. "So we all agreed that this whole ordeal with mom has been very taxing. So we decided to have a little family get together to keep our mind off of things. We're planning now and we need your help."
"Oh," I said with a puzzled expression.
"What's wrong," Keyona asked.
"I---I just---this feels a little sudden. I feel like I'm being thrown in to this too soon."
"Thrown in to what Lys? Help me understand," Keyona said defensively.
"I feel like y'all are forcing too much right now. We just found out that our mother is fraudulent as hell and instead of you taking the time to unpack the information or confront her on the role that she played in all of this, y'all throw yourselves into party planning. That doesn't sound odd to any of you," I said looking around the room.
"Some of us prefer not to spar it out with our mother when we're angry and instead opt for something that is a bit more gratifying. So excuse us if we don't handle situations in the same way that you do," Keyona snapped. "I'm sick of you always thinking that you got the answers to everything. Your way ain't the blueprint. Damn!"
"There's no need to get defensive Key. I'm just saying that it's okay to accept things for what they are and work through them instead of ignoring it with poorly planned activities."
"Girl boo. Ain't nobody die. Our mama just shaddy. That's all."
"That doesn't mean it doesn't take a toll on you."
"You're speaking from your experience not ours." Keyona looked around the room at our siblings. "I guess some of us are just made different," she shrugged.
"Come on Key. That was low, even for you," Faye interjected.
"Like I said we don't all get down like you. Whatever it cost you to bicker with mom I'm not paying for it. You already lost your dad. You wanna lose your mom too?" Instantly Keyona regretted her words.
I stepped back and looked at her in disbelief. "I can't believe you just said that." I looked around the room. Everyone was quiet. No one wanted to look me in the face. "Alyssa I am so sorry," Keyona said. "I didn't mean it."
"If you gon' regret that, then regret all of it," I scoffed. "Excuse me while I go mourn the loss of my parents. Bitch!"
I grabbed my keys and stormed out of the house. Mya ran after me. "Alyssa wait!"
I turned around to face her. "Mya I came here today for you, okay, but I'm not gonna stay where I'm not wanted. Maybe this whole thing is hitting me differently, because in the midst of it I found out that I don't share the same father as y'all, but tell me the truth. Was I wrong?"
"No you weren't and if the truth be told we're all freaking out in there. I think Key was just lashing out. She doesn't want to admit it, but it's a lot for her too. Can you please forgive her and come back inside," Mya begged.
I stood there for a moment contemplating if I should go back in or not. I huffed. "Alright. Fine. I'll go back inside."
Mya looked relieved. "Thank you."
I followed behind her and walked back inside the house. When I walked into the dining room Keyona stood up and hugged me instantly. "I'm so sorry Lys. I shouldn't have said that," she said squeezing me tight.
"I forgive you," I told her as I hugged her back.
"Listen we can scrap the whole party thing. I just wanted to do something that would take our minds off of everything."
"Nah. That's okay. Don't stop on my account." I looked around the room. "Did mommy leave?"
"Yeah. She left after you got up from the couch. She looked a little...out if it. What did y'all discuss," Keyona said sitting down, suddenly more intrigued.
I sat down across from her. "I told her that I wanted to meet my biological father."
"Woah. You sure you ready for that," Faye asked from behind me. I turned around to face him and my other brothers.
"Yeah. I know the news is still pretty fresh, but we've almost missed twenty-three years already. It's no need to miss another twenty-three, ya know?"
"Makes sense. I just wonder how dad's gonna take it. Ya know, once mommy brings him up to speed on everything," Terrance chimed in.
I pressed my cheek into my hand. "Yeah me too. I can only imagine what that kind of hurt will do to him."
"Same," Keyona added.
"I don't know. I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop or something," Mya sighed.
"Right. Like, what's gonna happen next? What else is mom or dad gonna spring on us," Tyreek said.
"You know what y'all," Faye started, "let's try to be more postive a'ight. We already got a lot going on. We don't need to occupy ourselves with no more "what if" scenarios, feel me? Let's just keep our mind clear. And Alyssa," Faye said looking at me, "you need to chill out with all the stressing and the yelling. You're responsible for another life now. Dial it down a notch sis." I smiled. "You gon' be alright. Just remember to breathe. Okay?"
I nodded my head. "You right. Thanks Faye."
"Don't even mention it." Faye checked his phone after it buzzed for the second time. "It's Keisha. She probably just want to check on me. Let me get on out of here and head home to my family." Faye started preparing himself to leave. We followed him to the front door. "A'ight y'all I'm out of here. Let's not wait for a family crisis to link up again, okay." He went around the room and hugged everyone. "Y'all can text or call me whenever. I'm here if y'all need me."
"Okay Faye. We got you," Terrance replied.
"See ya later," we said from around the room. "Be safe and let us know when you get home," Mya added.
"Kiss the babies for me," I called out. Faye laughed and waved us off. "Alright. Alright. Love y'all. Peace."
When Faye pulled off we all went back into the kitchen. I plopped back down at the dining room table. Mya joined me.
Terrance looked around. "I probably should get going too. I have to be at work in the morning. Money never sleeps."
"Welp. That's my que," Tyreek said. "He's my ride." Terrance hugged Keyona good bye, followed by Mya, then Me. Tyreek followed suit.
"Hopefully we can see each other under better circumstances next time," Tyreek said. "I love y'all."
"Yeah. What he said," Terrance shouted from the door.
"Yeah. Love you too," we said back.
"Please drive safe y'all," Mya shouted out behind them. Tyreek held up the peace sign. "Will do. See ya family," he said as he walked out behind Terrance.
"And then there were three," I said as I looked at Keyona and Mya sitting in front of me.
"You sure you don't have to leave," Keyona asked me. "Unlike Mya and I, you have a man at home waiting for you."
"Who says I don't have a man," Mya said defensively.
"I'm sorry. Do you have a man," Keyona asked with a raised eyebrow.
Mya looked away and smiled. "I mean he's something." Me and Keyona looked at each other and grinned.
"Okay Miss thing. Well excuse me. I spoke out of turn," Keyona replied.
"Yeah, well we're still figuring out the logistics."
Keyona and I side-eyed her. "Mmhm," we said in unison.
Mya looked at us innocently and laughed. "What!"
I leaned forward. "Mya are you still a virgin?"
Mya looked at me and raised her eyebrow. "Girl please. That ship is long gone."
Keyona and I laughed. "Well okay then!" Keyona snapped.
Mya smiled. "I probably should be heading out too," she said standing up. "I gotta get back to school. I have an exam to study for."
"Mmhm. You probably just want to get back to your lil friend," Keyona replied.
"Nooo," Mya grinned.
"What's his name," Keyona asked.
"Aaron."
"Well bring Aaron around some time. We'd love to meet him," Keyona grinned.
"I'll take that into consideration," Mya grinned back.
"You do that," I said raising my eyebrow at Mya. She nudged me. "Don't do that." I pulled her into a hug. "I love you Ya-ya. Please drive safe."
She squeezed me tight. "Of course I will and I love you too!" She hugged Keyona next. "I love you Ke-Keeee." Keyona smiled. "I love you more sis. Be safe and if you get into trouble call me or Lys."
"I think you were supposed to tell her to stay out of trouble," I interjected.
"Alyssa. I think you're underestimating our girl," Keyona said side-eyeing me. "She's nineteen. She gonna get into some trouble, okay!" She and I laughed.
"No worries. I got y'all on speed dial," Mya reassured us. She gave us one final goodbye and headed out the front door and to her car. When she pulled off I started gathering my belongings.
"Hey," Keyona started, "I really am sorry about what I said earlier. I was extremely out of line. I should have never said it." She grabbed my hand. "I'm also really sorry about your whole dad situation. It's really fucked up. Whatever I can do to help, just let me know, okay." I gave her a hug. "Thanks. I appreciate that."
Just as we were preparing to head out, we heard someone fumbling around outside. The door sprung open and our mother stumbled inside. We jumped back.
"Oh good you're still here." She looked up at Keyona and I and held up her key. "My key got stuck. I didn't mean to startle y'all."
"Ma. What are you doing back," I asked her.
"I actually came back to talk to you."
Me and Keyona looked at each other. "Talk to me about what?" My mom looked between the two of us. "Uh."
Keyona grabbed my wrist. "Listen. I'm gonna head out, okay? I'll talk to you later."
I looked over at Keyona and grabbed her hand. "Okay." She pulled me into a hug before whispering for me to call her later. "See ya Lys. Bye ma."
"Later Key," I said to her as she exited the house. I returned my attention back to my mother. "So what's so urgent that you had to come all the way back over here to talk to me?"
"Can you sit down," my mom asked me as she pointed toward the sofa. I sat down across from her and crossed my legs. "Okay. What's up?"
"I got in contact with your father and he wants to meet you too."
"Wow. Already? That was fast."
"He uh, wasn't that hard to track down actually," she said clearing her throat.
"Well that's great. Can I have his number so we can arrange a date to meet up?"
"Ya know," my mom said crossing her legs, "I didn't think you'd be this interested in meeting him, honestly."
"Why not?"
"Well, because you're a daddy's girl. You're Aimé's daddy's girl and I just imagined that your dad and I's current circumstances would make this harder for you. That's all."
"What makes you think that it's not," I asked raising a brow.
"Well, you just seem to be handling this better than I expected."
"Listen. I just figured that we've both missed out on twenty-three years together and after almost losing daddy, I don't want to lose my real father before getting to know him. You know, now that I know he exist and everything."
"Okay. Well. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to hear that."
I nodded my head. "Yeah, because if he wouldn't be that would make for a very awkward encounter." I cleared my throat. "So about his number," I said awkardly, "I guess you can just text it to me."
"Well I took the liberty of setting up the date. I thought it would be best if we all went out together and talked; get some things out in the open?"
"Oh," I said in shock. "I didn't know that you would want to do that. I just assumed that you didn't want anything to do with him seeing that you regretted that night and all."
"Yeah, well he's still your father and there are still some things that we need to discuss together."
"Right. Got it. So when are we meeting?"
"On the seventeenth."
"Wow. That's two weeks away."
"That's when he's free," she shrugged.
"Um. Not to make this any more awkward than it already is, but I just realized that you haven't told me anything about him. I don't know his name. Where he's from. If he has any other children."
"Right. Sorry. Your father's name is Dominick Moreno. We grew up together in Guyana, although his parents are originally from Belize. He moved away to the states several years before I did."
I nodded my head and exhaled. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," she said forcing a smile.
I checked the time on my phone. "If there's nothing else you want to discuss, I'm gonna head out."
"Oh okay," my mom said sounding a bit shocked. I hoped she didn't think we were gonna sit around and have a kumbaya moment. I grabbed my keys off of the seat beside me and headed for the door. "Thanks for arranging this ma. I appreciate it," I said turning the door knob. She stood up and smiled. "You're welcome. Glad I could do it." I looked back at her one last time before heading outside. "Later," I said behind me.
As I drove home I silently hoped that I had made the right decision to meet my father. Only time would tell.