KJ's POV
The weekend ends, all too soon, launching Layne and I back into our weekly schedule. Truth be told, the change was welcomed, as suddenly Layne was attached to me at the hip.
Wherever I go, she is two steps behind me.
So Monday morning, when I wake up, it's a much needed release to be able to get some time away from her. I relish in my shower, running my hands through my fro. The red in my hair was fading and I'm about a week past needing a haircut. I would've gotten one over the weekend, had I not been wrapped in Layne the whole time. I make a mental note to get one tomorrow after work.
I cut the shower off and get out, getting dressed in the bathroom and heading downstairs, a pep in my step. However, as I notice the kitchen light is on, I stumble, nearly falling the rest of the way down the steps.
I recover by jumping the rest of the way down and hurrying to the kitchen.
"Good morning," I find Layne downstairs, apparently waiting for me. She stands and kisses me on the cheek and I freeze under her touch.
"Good morning," I mumble, "What are you doing up this early?"
"Making coffee," she hands me a thermos.
"I was thinking we could carpool? Since we're both up and all," she suggests.
"Can't," I reply, "I've got a thing after."
"I can go with you?" she persists.
I clench my jaw, "Sorry it's something I have to do by myself," I quickly brush my lips against hers and flee the room like it's on fire.
"Ms. KJ?" At work, I find myself distracted. And Ella finds herself greatly irritated with that, "I'm trying to actually talk to you for once and this is how you treat me?"
"Sorry, kid," I tune back in to what she's saying, "Where were we?"
"No clue where you were," she sneers, "I was talking about what you're doing about Charlie and her hoe ass momma."
I cringe inwardly. In addition to things forgotten: Charlies trial was in few days and I could only get her to say small sentences, and even then she only whispered. Hope was starting to dissipate and things were not looking good for her.
But of course I can't say that to Ella.
"I'm trying my best," I try to keep my voice calm, "It'll be fine."
She gives me a look that says she doesn't believe me. She stands to leave, giving me one more displeased look on her way out. I can't take a single breath before a man with slick back hair is in my office.
"Hello do you have a minute? I'm Andrew Young," he shakes my hand, "Good evening." Young...
"Yeah... KJ Michaels," I take in his dark black hair, and near snow colored skin. "Do I know you?"
"I'm Charlie's attorney. And if you were noticing the semblance, I'm also her uncle," he smiles, "You've been working with her recently?"
"Yeah just the last couple months or so," I tell him.
"So you've been briefed about her sensitive history, yes?"
I nod, "What's this about?"
"Is she still mute?" he ignores me.
"I'm gonna need an answer to my question first," I press.
He exhales, "My sister, her mother, has decided to represent herself in court."
I sit back in my chair, "What's this got to do with me?"
"I was wondering if you would be willing to testify in Charlie's trial?"
"Hell no," I immediately shoot him down. I have a enough on my plate. I don't need court on it too.
"I don't think you understand the severity of this situation."
"I've been working with her I understand plenty."
"Then you know that there's no way this girl is fit to stand trial and the judge has given us enough extensions. This is not making it better," he pleads, "Ms. KJ please! She needs someone who knows her to speak for her if she doesn't recover enough! She needs you in her corner. More importantly, I need you to look her mother in the eye and tell that bitch no one's scared of her. Excuse my language."
"Get Ms. Lea to do it," I realize I sound like a kid, but I don't want to testify. As he tells me everything, my mind runs all the facts back. Fact: Charlie's mother was trash. Fact: Charlie's mother was bold trash. How else could you sexually assault your own daughter, then say you didn't and then believe you're going to get a jury to believe this lie as well? I didn't believe I was strong enough to look that type of evil in the eye my damn self, let alone be strong for Charlie too.
"I'm sorry," I apologize, "But I wouldn't be any help."
"I was afraid you'd say that," he hands me a white envelope, "Kaylie Jane Michaels, consider yourself served."
***
"So you're getting no strings attached sex, whenever you want, and you're mad about it?" Beck poured me a glass of moscato.
"You know," I turned to him, "I'm getting sick of y'all doing the thing where you repeat me and make me feel stupid."
After work, I'd driven to Beck's needing a break from Layne. Which of course he didn't really understand, but supported my headassery anyway.
"So you don't think you make sense either?" he takes a seat across from me, "Wow the dissonance."
"Can I stay here tonight?" I beg, "I'm starting to get...." I lower my voice, "Sore."
"You have to be shitting me, KJ," he rolls his eyes, "You can tell her 'no' you know?"
"No I can't!" I press, "The way she looks at me? I can't say 'no'," Even in her absence I can hear her voice, pulling me in, "It's like she's got a spell over me. Like I'm on drugs. Shit, I can't speak at all sometimes, Beck. She says jump and I'm already in the air."
"You do realize you've just described what it is to be in love, right?" he asks. I give him an annoyed look and he backs off, "Fine. You can stay. One night, only. And I'm not giving you my bed this time."
"Thanks," the doorbell rings and he returns with a pizza, his half with pepperoni and my half with jalapenos.
A large pizza and bottle of wine later, we're stretched in his bed, friendship style, with his head at one end and mine at the other.
"Can you explain it to me?" his deep voice still catches me off guard at times, "Like what---?"
"I get it," I exhale, "And I don't know, either. But she makes me feel things that I really thought were dead."
"I'm still hearing all positives, here," he teases.
"I know I know," I blow out a puff of air, partially wishing I had a blunt right now, "There's a lot of hurt there though too. Am I just supposed to pretend we don't have a past?"
"I think this is the part of the conversation you need to be having with her," he replies, "Good night."
"Good night."
Layne's POV
When Kaylie Jane doesn't come home, it doesn't particularly surprise me. Slowly be surely I was beginning to realize she had a pattern. She'd run to me, then push me away. Run to me. Then push me away. My Kaylie Jane did not know how to maintain one position on me. She swung between loving and hating me like she was strapped to a swing.
But I was getting tired of fucking with her, truth be told.
At first, it was cute to see her flustered all the time. I liked how I affected her. I liked how her eyes lit up when she saw me, even though outwardly she frowned. I liked when I kissed her, with my hand on her neck, the way she didn't admit that she liked, but I knew she did. How her pulse jumped under my finger tips. Maybe I was depraved, but even a relationship that was entirely subtext was still better than nothing at all.
I take my lunch and break at the same time, taking the time to bring her lunch. I find her office quite easily, the houses security seemingly none existent. When she sees me, she jumps, clearly surprised.
"Hey," I steal a quick kiss and offer her her meal, "I figured you hadn't eaten."
"Hey," she replies numbly, accepting but not reciprocating the kiss. I take a seat, knowing she won't ask me to leave.
"Where were you last night?"
"I didn't know I had to answer to you," she snaps.
"You don't," I pull back, "I missed you. And I just worry about you is all."
"You can stop."
"You know I can't," I reply, hurt seeping into my voice, "When are you going to stop pretending I'm the bad guy? I bought you food."
"I didn't ask you to do that," she shrugs, taking a bite of the sandwich I got her. That I got her. I know she's trying to get a rise out of me, and normally I don't let her, but something about the smug look on her face makes me want to wreck her.
"Do you like having sex with me, Kaylie Jane?" I ask, my mouth moving faster than my brain, "Am I hurting you? Am I forcing you?"
"Why do you think this is about the sex?" she lowers her voice, "And close my door, please. I work around kids."
I oblige, slamming it a little too hard, "Well what else is it? You act like you hate me, KJ. At first I didn't mind but it's starting to hurt my feelings. What did I do to you?"
"It's not about you," she replies. I clench my jaw, and lean in closer, lowering my voice as well, "I told you that I didn't want you lying to me."
"I'm not lying to you," she exhales, her voice steady.
Suddenly her gaze shifts to something behind me and I turn as well, seeing a thin and dark haired girl.
"Have a seat Charlie," she invites her in, "Just let me walk my friend out," she stands and I do as well.
"It's fine," I turn to leave and she grabs my wrist, then holds my hand. "Layne wait."
"What?"
"I'll be home tonight, a'ight?" she kisses me gently on the cheek, "See you tonight."
I nod, pulling away from her, "See you at home."
On the way back to work, I suddenly feel tired. I eat in my car, silently, the drain on my emotions deepening. She hadn't even thanked me.
There's a knock on the window and I jump, seeing it's Wren. Done eating, I get out, "Hey."
"How was lunch?" She walks into the building and I throw mine in the trash, "Good. I'm not hungry though."
"She's still on the same bullshit isn't she?" Wren asks. When she sees the confused look on my face she elaborates, "Our mutual friend, Kaylie Jane."
"Sometimes I don't know what it is she's thinking," I explain, "Other times she's open like a book."
"And other times you can tell she's fucking with you for fun," Wren guesses, "Yeah she's a grab bag of emotions. Are y'all having sex?"
I blush, which is enough of an answer for her, "Well stop it."
"That's more punishment to me I think," I blush harder and she grabs my arm, shaking me, "No it's not. KJ is like a cat. No matter how attached she is to you she doesn't want you to know. The only way to get her to show you is to act like you don't give a fuck either. Turn her down one time and she'll act right."
"I don't wanna play mind games like that," I lament, "I---"
She cuts me off, "Do you want her or not?"
"Of course I want her," I reply.
"Then that's the game and these are the rules," she pats my shoulder, "Now get back to work."
***
Wren's words weigh heavily on me the rest of the night as I debate what to do with this information. On one hand, I believed her. I'd studied my notebook long enough to figure that it was clearly skewed and biased. I mean, I was seventeen when I wrote the majority of it, so of course I viewed everything she did through rose colored glasses. But it was clear with the glasses off that our relationship was tumultuous, to put it lightly.
However, I was an adult now. If I piled more bullshit on top of hers what type of relationship would that even be? Not a stable one.
Still, as night rolled around, I couldn't help but let her lure upstairs with her kisses. She hasn't even noticed something's wrong...
"Are you okay?" Kaylie Jane pulls away from me, my body naked without hers pressed against mine. As her voice brings me back to reality, a surge of frustration shoots through me like adrenaline. We're in her room, our nightly fuck session interrupted by my impending break down. She peers into my eyes, searching for something.
"I'm not in the mood," I push her off of me, maybe a little to hard, but I don't care.
She stares at me in shock, "You aren't in the mood? Since when?"
"Since right the fuck now," I snap at her, my tone sharp.
"Okay, sorry," she apologizes, "You're not feeling it that's fine."
I look at her and see something like hurt cross her face, but I can't be sure.
"Can I have a kiss?" she asks. I nod and place my lips on hers briefly before pulling away. Even with a kiss as quick as that, I still felt the energy launch between us.
"I meant what I said earlier," I state, "If you're falling for me, and we both know you are, stop trying to hide it. It's okay."
"I don't know what you're talking about," she scoffs, her defenses going up like a flipped switch, "Actually, you don't know what you're talking about."
"Actually,I know more than you think," I try to keep my voice even, but as the words leave they become more and more forceful, "I know that I'm falling for you and your trying to push me away isn't going to work. Because that's part of the reason I love you. I know you're trying to protect me from something, and every time you hurt me you hurt yourself ten times harder. And I also know that you're tired of having to ward of my advances, because you find me absolutely irresistible. I'm like air to you. You can't help but need me."
She says nothing, as expected. I've just cut down any of her typical arguments, anyway.
I exhale and sit up, grabbing my clothes off the ground and starting to redress.
"You aren't sleeping in here tonight?" she questions softly, her voice almost childlike.
I shake my head, "We agreed this was about sex. We aren't having any so why spend the night?" I know I should just leave, but I pause giving her an out, "Unless you want me to?"
I attempt to meet her eyes but she avoids them, remaining silent. "Good night, Kaylie Jane."
As I slide into my old bed, I resist the urge to cry, leaving my eyes with just this burning sensation behind them. In the middle of the night, when I hear her screams, I don't go to comfort her, instead I grab headphones and try to drown them out.
Neither of us get much sleep that night.