January 10th: Josaline Ray Suicide
On January 10, a mother and wife hangs herself in apartment 15 of Red Velvet Apartment Homes. Her suicide is believed to be driven by the supposed divorce between Josaline and John Grey (husband) week of January 15, one week from Josaline's suicide, John planning to be with Susan Ryce, already moved in together the weekend after the suicide, taking Amber Ray with them. Amber is the only child of Josaline and John, 10 years of age.
More about Josaline:
Josaline was born in Utah in the USA moving to Wyoming after the birth of Amber. She died at the age of 35. She had her daughter at the age of 20, and married John Grey at the age of 23. Her parents already passed, and no known siblings other than Ros--
I stop reading and shut down my computer. My mothers' suicide being the headlines in most news on paper and online. I'm not talking to my father. My mother had one brother and one sister, not knowing where her brother is. Her sister lived one unit down from us in Red Velvet Apartments. After my mother died, my father wasted no time to move in with his girlfriend Susan. My aunt Rose was out of town, on a trip, so I had no other option but to move with my father and the woman who tore the family apart. My father also said it would help me with the grieving of my mother if we moved out of the "murder scene" and I moved schools. And states.
That was seven years ago. That was when I was 10. I don't trust my father still. I don't trust boys. I don't trust Susan either, even now that she is my step-mother. She knows I don't like her. She tries to bribe me to like her with pets, electronics, clothes ever since they married. She works in an office all day, and my father works from home most of the time.
When I was 11, I used Susan's try-hard to change my name from Amber to Kaylee, a name my mother wanted my name to be. My father chose Amber. I'm not an Amber. The name just doesn't fit me. I died my hair to a midnight blue, cut it to my shoulders, and I wear black and sweaters all day, every day. Converse are my only worn pair of shoes. People call me emo. Or scene because of my hair. I consider myself an emo. I couldn't care less what other people call me. I listen to MCR, Pan!c at the Disco, Pierce the Veil, Twenty-One Pilots.
Bands like those. My father said I was too pretty to be changing like this, but... do I care what he says? He obviously doesn't know beauty. My mother was the person that made anyone jealous and self-conscious just standing next to her. It's Sunday, the last day before school starts. This year, my father decided to move me to a different high school for my last year. This is gonna be fun I think sarcastically. Crest High is the school I will be exiled to this year. And, unlike my small private school that is in the neighborhood, I can't walk because it is too far away. So, until I meet a friend with a car, I have to spend my mornings with Susan. Another reason to 'love' the new school
"Hey, Am—Kaylee, Susan is going shopping, I want you to go with her. I think you two should do something the last day of vacation. Get some decent clothes, you know. Other than black, and some emo bands. And, get a more colorful sweater" My father interrupts my thoughts leaning on the door-way of my darkened room. He is referring to my favorite sweater. Black zip-up sweater, with thumb holes in the sleeves. He doesn't approve of my change and clothes, and I really don't care.
"Yea, sure. I'll get a different sweater" I spin around in my computer chair to face him. The first time I've faced him without him telling me to. And, evidently, the first time I've talked to him today. It's already 12. I would rather not talk to him at all, but.
"Really" He seems surprised for me to agree with him for the first time. A lot of firsts today
"Yea" I say spinning back around to my computer "I'll get the MCR sweater I've been wanting." I add powering my computer on
"Kaylee" He says, frustration in his voice.
"What? It's grey" He goes into a long lecture on how he doesn't want me to ruin my life, and other things.
"... What would your mom want you to do, huh?" I stop. I don't look at him
"What would mom want? She would want you to be loyal. She would want you to be in Wyoming. She would want a son named Jonathan. She would want what ever made me happy. She would want a dog named Shruffles, a Labrador Retriever age 1. She would want her brother to come back. I know every hope and dream she had. You? You know nothing about my mother. Don't act like you know what mom would say about my change over the years. Because, you don't. You never cared about her or me. Only yourself. Don't act like you're my father because honestly, Susan is more like a father figure more than you even though she is a girl. That is how bad you suck at it. " I usually don't use Susan against him. But, he shouldn't use my mother against me.
He looks taken aback. He didn't think I would answer him. But I did. And I answered him the truth. Then, as if he is unfazed, (he probably is. After all, he did move on from my mother's death so fast, it seemed he didn't even know her), he says
"Kaylee, Susan is going to choose your clothes. Don't argue with her. Get along, and be ready when she gets home in about two hours." He turns and walks out the door, not forgetting to close the door. The one thing her ever does right whenever we talk anymore. I look at my closet, open to the side that is the death of me, full of things Susan bought me whenever she was shopping for me and I was banned from having a choice.
I turn my head, looking at the door to make sure he is gone, and I turn on my playlist. If you wanted to set me freee. Why the fuck wouldn't you say something. Yea, I was just over seventeen. Made of poison... Hell Above starts playing, me putting the volume to 80. The highest I can without my father yelling at me to turn it down, or off. I look up any concerts from anyone coming this week. Nothing. Then, I go to Hot Topic online and see what is on sale, and what they have in this week.
Two hours later
"I heard you are going shopping with me" A too-much-enthusiastic Susan says, bursting into my room. I forgot to lock it. She does that so much, I swear she would watch me sleep if I didn't double-check I lock my door before I lay down at night.
"Yea, let me just get my shoes on." I tell her over my shoulder
"Okay" She gets out. And, unlike my father, she leaves the door wide open. I sigh as I get up, and close the door. I put on my Panic shirt, Death of a Bachelor, and my black earrings with my spider-bite piercings. Something my father totally didn't approve of. I threw on my grey converse and my favorite sweater, grabbing my small black-and-white-stripped backpack, phone, and Skull candy earbuds before closing and locking my door. I got Susan to get me a lock that I can use a key and lock it. I don't trust my father with my room. I just don't trust him because he is him.
"I'm ready" I announce once my feet hit the second step on the stair case. Out of the kitchen, I hear Susan's voice saying a muffled "Okay". She never eats at the office. She has to eat at a restaurant or home because she doesn't "feel right eating in there"
"Let's go" She says coming out into the main room. She is wearing leggings and a burgundy and white shirt. Her feet squished into black heels. She has a peanut butter-and-jelly sandwich on top of a coffee mug filled with milk in her left hand. Her purple and white flowered purse on her right shoulder and in her right hand, her car keys. Her blonde hair in nice curls, hanging down over her shoulders down her back. She flashes me a bright white smile I've found fairly annoying.
I walk outside to her small red, bug car. I hear her yell a 'Bye, love you John' to my father. Knowing him, I know he responds with an insincere 'Yea. See you later' And she closes the door, looking pretty happy with life. She walks fast, to her side of the car, getting in. She puts the key in the ignition, turns it, and the car roars to life.
"So, when are you getting your license, so I don't need to drive and can relax in the passenger seat?" She asks putting the car into reverse. She asks the same question every time she drives me somewhere, as if she has nothing else to say. I's supposed to get my license December. I already have my permit, but my father doesn't want me driving without a license.
"Can I control the music?" I ask, seeing her hand already shooting towards the tuning button, freezing at my question.
"Uhm, sure" I know she doesn't love my music, but she doesn't complain either. I get my aux cable out of my backpack and plug it into my phone and the car, turning on YouTube. I play This is Gospel by Panic
"Who is this again. I like this song, you've played it before, but I can never remember the name or the band."
"This is Gospel by Panic at the Disco. Next is Emperor's New Clothes by the same band" I answer her, looking out the window
"Ah. I see" She answers half-mindedly. I don't understand why adults say that. What is there to see? I say that when someone explains something to me that is absolutely confusing in every way possible. Panic songs? Not the most confusing thing.
After 20 minutes of Susan trying to conversate with me and me answering yes or no while staring out the window, we come to the mall.
"Well, here we are" She says, turning the car off. I took my phone off the aux cable, and plugged in my own earbuds, putting both in. Susan checks her make-up, and says something to me. Knowing the drill, I say yes, knowing she asked if I'm ready. We get out and start walking, me putting my phone in my right back pocket, and my hands in my pockets. We start by going into Kohl's. She looks at some floral shirts. I'm staring at the pants across the room. My eyes shift back to Susan, seeing her looking at me, seeming expectant for me to answer something she asked. I took one earbud out.
"Sorry Susan, I wasn't listening. Do you need me?"
"Yea. Is there anything you would want to look at in here?"
"Can I wander?"
"Of course, just stay in here. Your father wants you to leave with at least one thing that is normal he said."
"'Kay" I assure her, shoving my other earbud back into my ear, walking over to the pants, because I need another pair. If I can't get some at Hot Topic, might as well try to get some decent ones to wear for a week until I can get to Hot Topic. I take my earbud out, turning my music down only a little. I see black skinny jeans. I reach for them, just as a lady reaches for them too.
"Oh! Sorry" She chuckles. Her name tag says Destiny. She works here. "I'm shopping before my shift. I didn't mean to be in your way. She flashes an apologetic smile.
"No, it's fine. I can go to Hot Topic and get jeans more my style." She looks me up and down, taking in my appearance.
"Oh. Kay. Thanks." She grabs the jeans, and turns back to me. Her tone or anything doesn't change, unlike other people once they notice what I look like. Instead she talks to me as if I'm what people call normal.
"Are you in high school"
"Yea. I'm gonna go to Crest"
"Really?" She sounds surprised, and her face lights up. She must know someone there or go there herself I think. I was right
"I go there! Last year?"
"Yea" I answer her, while she looks at her phone
"Oh, I got to go. Sorry. I'll see you around emo girl" She waves before walking away and disappearing behind the entrance to the dressing rooms. Probably to sort some clothes.
"Yea. Sounds good" I say, most to myself. I start walking, looking for Susan, no longer interested in looking for pants. I find her over by the dresses. Her arms are full. She looks over her pile, to my non-existent pile.
"Couldn't find anything?" She asks
"I did, but some chick got the last pair before me." I leave out the part where I could've had a chance, but didn't take it. For Susan, her motto is: find what you want, and if you have to fight for the last pair, don't worry about charges, or your nails. And she isn't kidding. You should see her during big clothes sales. She gets so vicious, I get scared. Her normal side and her peppy shimmer shine shopping spree side are two different people.
"Go wait for me outside. I'll pay for these"
"Sure, but I was wondering if I could stop by Hot Topic for a pair of pants. I need some new ones"
"Your father said not to let you. I don't want to fight wit him today. Maybe next week" I don't know what fights she is talking about. The only time they ever loose their patience with each other is when he drinks.
"But--" I start, but then remember father said not to argue. "fine"
"Thank you" She waddles over to the cashier, as I head towards the door.
As I was about to go outside into the fall breeze, a voice stops me.
"Oh, hey, you're leaving" I turn around and see Destiny in a red apron on, hanging some clothes out.
"Yea"
"Cool. Reach inside my right apron pocket. Get my phone"
"Okaaay" I answer reluctantly, I don't know why, but I do it anyways. I reach in and get her phone out, facing it towards her. Instead of taking it, she instructs me some more.
"number"
"what?" I get confused by her lack of words
"give me your number." I can tell she is the friend that takes control when needed. She didn't even ask.
"uhm... yea sure, I could do that"
"it's not locked" I turn it on. Her wallpaper is a puppy Labrador Retriever. mom. I shake the thought and slide my finger across the screen making bubbles on the puppies coat. I press the green phone and go to create contact. When I was done, I put it back in her apron.
"Kaylee. You're still here? Let's go." Susan is now carrying bags, only cutting the things in her arms down by half. She starts walking, and I follow, not forgetting to wave to the girl that puts my new school at a little bit of ease.
"Who was that?"
"A girl I just met. She goes to Crest"
"Ah." I could tell she wants to ask more, but was holding back. I plugged my earbuds into my phone, and turned on YouTube. Susan turned the radio on, only to come to a commercial.