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My eyes are bloodshot, tired and above all, full of sadness. My lips are damaged, cracked and broken. Tears falling down my face, onto the floor where they fall apart. Stained cheeks and a sad heart.
I carry all sadness and anger inside me that no one else can see. They hold me down like an anchor, it drowns me. Waves of sadness wash over me like waves of the clear blue sea.
My beautiful and pure Harry, his soul is one of a kind. One so utterly enchanting and so addictive. My lover, oh Harry. Why does it have to end like this, why oh why?
It is, as if all around me died, as if all air is being sucked out of everyone's lungs and some power stepped on our no more beating hearts. Life leaving the body, leaving it as good as dead.
Miserable, sad, angry -- all negative emotions surround me and one I so dearly cherish, but do not seem to find anymore, is gone. Hope is gone. Lost and never to be found again, I fear.
My mother, I rather call her the woman who gave birth to me, made sure I stayed here. She made sure I was not being able to run again and find the love of my life.
Blaming her for all the things she did against me, she did against me and Harry, I keep her far away from me. As far as possible.
The only thing I ask her is,
"Did you hear any news?"
And even now, when I already asked her every day, she sighs and says she did not hear anything from prison. I squint my eyes towards her. She's a liar, a filthy liar.
But the day after, when my question is again reaching her ears, she reacts different. She tries to hide it, but no, she fails miserably. Her eyes tell me otherwise and her whole body language is different this time.
"Tell the truth." I demand her. She keeps looking away, avoiding my piercing stare, but she has no escape.
"What is it?" I try again when she still is not answering. Her eyes are pained and her lips are pursed in a thin line.
"June, listen to me. Don't get mad,"
She starts, moving her hands in a calming way. She inhales deeply and I furrow my eyebrows when I see how tense she is.
"Harry... they, they.. uh..,"
She keeps stopping and inhaling air. No sentence is formed and I grow impatient. I stare at her.
"Spit it out." I rudely argue.
"They moved him to another prison."
She informs me rather quickly. In one breath it is out and she shuts her eyes after. Her hands shaking, hanging along the lines of her body.
"W-what?" I don't understand what she means exactly. I look at her in a questioning manner.
"They moved Harry to another prison, in another country. He has left The United States."
My eyes grow wide and I start shaking my head violently. My eyes land on an object, a lamp. Standing on a drawer I move towards the thing and out of anger, sadness, frustration and lost, I throw the thing against the damn white wall.
It breaks into pieces and the sound that follows when it collides with the wall, makes me flinch away. Shutting my eyes, I squeeze my eyes close.
"They figured you would not pay him an unwanted and forbidden visit when he is not in the country anymore."
I breath in and out sharply, my lips parted and I moisten them with my tongue.
"It is over, June. You won't see him again. They said he is going mental and there is nothing they can, nor want to do about it."
My head is shaking and my breathing is becoming rapid very fast. I close my eyes -- my lashes touching my cheekbones. I let out loud a cry and fall down on the ground, my body and its mind giving up. Reaching my lowest point.
"No, no..they can't." I whisper to myself, tears falling down on the floor. My hands are violently shaking and I feel myself slowly slipping away from my sanity.
"I am sorry, sweetheart."
My head shots up and even though my heart clenches out of sadness, I feel anger bubbling up inside me. I shoot a piercing glance towards my mother and she is just standing there.
"No! No, you aren't. You have wanted this since the beginning. You have never supported me since I came back. You tricked both of us." I let out a sob and my mothers expression does not change a tiny bit.
"- You are satisfied with how things are now. This is what you want!"
My mother crouches down to my level but I just move away from her body and turn the other way. She does not deserve my attention anymore and deep down she knows it too.
"Come on now. I did what was best for you. Now, Lauren is coming over, she said she wanted to see you again."
I frown and look at her again. She looks down at my sitting position and her eyes stare holes. My lips tremble because of all emotions I am feeling and I want to close myself off. Away from everybody and everything that reminds me of him.
I stand up and walk upstairs, making impulsive decisions, but ones I know will be best for me. Tugging my suitcase from behind my closet, I zip the thing open and just breathe in and out.
Tears are spilling out of me and only one name keeps replaying in my head. The love of my life, gone like that and I do not know where he has dissapeared to. He is gone, out of my life and the thing I feared the most, is happening and has already happened really.
Harry is out of my life, gone and to never return. Our romance, along with its ups and downs was short, too short. But it was worth everything. It was the most significant experience.
I will never feel his arms around me, feel his lips on mine and the touch of his blissful hands on my skin. The burning sensation and passion made me feel alive. He made me feel alive.
"June!" I hear my mother screaming, her footsteps echoing on the stairs leading up to me. I stuff my suitcase even faster. Tears falling down into it, but it does not bother me.
"What are you doing? What is all of this?" She mentions my now stuffed suitcase. Her wide alarmed eyes are begging me to stop my actions, but I just shrug it off.
Walking past her with my suitcase in my hands, trailing behind me, I run down the stairs and do what I need to do. For him. For me. For everything.
"June! Come here young lady!" My mother runs behind me and when I am taking my phone and putting it in my backpocket, before pulling my jacket on, she grabs my arm.
Yanking my body roughly, I stumble backwards and meet her fuming stare. Eyes full of tears and lips small -- in a thin line.
"Don't leave me. You will be okay, you just need to forget all of this." She tries to ease me, but I am not having it. Not anymore.
"No, you just don't get it!" I move myself out of her hold. "I have nothing keeping me here anymore. It reminds off him, everything. I need to go. I can not be here anymore."
I sob again and this time I feel my tears slowly coming to an end. All those tears finally at their limit.
"What is your plan! You can not just run off! That's utterly insane!"She fights me.
"I can and I will. Bye mother."
I look at her and she looks away, the pain in her eyes ignoring me and when I know she has nothing to say anymore, I go. And she lets me.
Leaving the house and city I witnessed it all in behind, I don't look back. I walk and make a plan. Without thinking too much I do what I secretly wanted to do all this time.
°
'Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. We have finally set foot on land. You have arrived in The United Kingdom.'
When hearing the voice speaking through the plane, I open my eyes and immediately look out of the window on the right of me.
Still getting used to the bright light, I see the country I grew up in, stretching out before me and I feel my heart skip a beat for a moment.
It was still yesterday I left my mother back in California. There, where it all happened and where I will never return. My life is here now and searching for a new home and paying my schoolfunds is gonna be hard.
But that's all not important anymore, because one thing I know is that I want to help people with a mentall illnes. They are those who feed the memories of my lost lover. They keep them alive and he will always be with me. A part of me.
Harry is always in my heart. Our souls are connected and it makes me cry a river, realising I will never know his end. Both the connection we shared will always be there and never will it be broken.
My lover, my soulmate, my Harry. I live for you, I love you and I will never stop loving you.
The voices in your head, along with all people around us, pulled us apart. Two loved ones, brutally seperated.
We all die, maybe today, maybe tomorrow. But our love and souls will never die.
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Really crying now, sorry. So I desperately want to hear your thoughts! I have been editing a bit and be warned, the previous chapters (especially the first ones) have changed. Not the story, just the way they are written. But I am not ready editing though. Hope you understand my writing has improved and it needs to be done. Vote, comment and share. ♡
Thank you for still being here.