The news spread like a virus throughout the entire community. It was as if everyone was in mourning for the events that had taken place just a month before. I haven't seen Jamie since before the accident, but I heard he was released from the hospital nine days after being admitted, and spent nearly three weeks recovering from home.
The gossip now is that he'll be returning to school for the first time today, and I can't help but feel just a little unsettled with the idea. Sure, I'm curious. People say he lost his entire left leg, so sure, of course I'm curious. But, I'm also nervous because I'm not sure how to respond to him now. He must be struggling physically, emotionally, and psychologically. There's no way he's not having a difficult time dealing with the loss. My worry is that I'll pity him and he won't want that. And yet, how can I not feel sorry for him?
My morning routine goes as normal. My mom fixes an elaborate breakfast, as always; makes me clean up her mess; and then kisses me on the cheek before ushering me out the door. I hurry down the walkway and swing my bag into the passenger seat before jumping into the vehicle.
Galena High stares at me with daunting eyes as I watch it appear in the distance. It's beckoning me closer even though I'm yearning to both obey and refuse its lure. School had finally returned to normal a few days after Jamie's accident, but it feels as if his arrival back will only shake things up. I'm not ready for that tension again. I'm not ready to see him, no matter how badly I find that I want to.
I park my car and make the quick walk to the main entrance. It's time to gather all the guts I possess and get this over with. Once I see him, it won't be so bad. And knowing Jamie, he's most likely joking around with his friends. He's never been one to let circumstances tear him down... not that I know of anyway. This might just be one of those situations that breaks him. I'd understand if it did. I know that if I were in his shoes, I'd be handling all of this horribly.
I push my way through the halls in search of Justine or Rosa. The bell will be ringing at any moment, and a selfish part of me really hopes it rings before I see Jamie. Just the thought makes me feel like a terrible person, but I'm honestly just so scared.
I round the corner, just steps away from my locker when I spot him a few meters down on the opposite side of the hall. He's got a smile on his face as he chats away with his friend Dillon. Both boys appear normal, but I'm most shocked by Jamie's expression. If I didn't already know what happened, I'd have no idea that his whole world had just been ripped out from underneath his feet—or, should I say, foot? How can he possibly handle this with such grace?
Individuals and groups of people keep stopping, some just welcoming him back, other's a little more curious about the details of the accident and his surgery. He handles their questions with ease, seeming to enjoy the attention, even though he's clearly exhausted.
Pulling my locker open, I sneak another glance in his direction, the hall's still too busy to get a full view of the damage done. I can see some students eyeing him as they gossip about his life. Either he's a genius at blocking things out, or he honestly doesn't notice the stares and whispers. I feel guilty for being one of the many people gawking at him, but I can't help it. I assume that out of all the people already watching him, there's no way he'll notice me. But I'm wrong.
I see him glance up quickly and then do a double take when his eyes skim over me. His face is relaxed and I can't tell if he's bothered by me watching him or if he's just curious as to why I'm attempting to hide behind my locker door. Choosing not to be the jerk that my mind is coaxing me to be, I wave my fingers at him, a small smile on my lips. Instead of the expected grin that I've grown so used to, he just nods before returning his attention to Dillon.
I'm not sure how to handle this discreet rejection. Maybe it was me who handled the situation wrong. Maybe he'd been expecting me to walk up to him, hug him—like I'd seen myself do in my imagination a hundred times before—and then promise to meet him during free period. Instead, he shunned me in the most polite way possible.
"Lover boy's back," Justine greets, her mouth inches from my ear. Her voice feels like fingernails against the chalkboard of my eardrum and for that split second, I want to melt her lips together so she can never speak again. Her morning voice is always so irritating.
"Yep," I answer shortly. "He just ignored me, though."
"Whaaa?" Justine's reaction is too animated for me at this time of day, so I continue rummaging through my locker in hopes of blocking her out. I fail. "That son of a hairless chimpanzee! How dare he! Should I talk to him? Give him a swirly? Shove him in a locker and demand respect for release? Threaten to take his other leg if he doesn't show some love?"
"Okay," I warn. "That's taking it way too far. That's not okay." I know she was only joking, but I'm feeling sensitive to the entire situation and joking about a tragedy is never a good idea.
"I know," she agrees. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry." She has the decency to look ashamed for a moment, and then her face morphs into a frown. "You handling it okay?"
I appreciate her concern and I find myself turning to face her completely, my textbooks forgotten.
"I don't know." I push a strand of my black, straight hair behind my ear. "I mean, we only really talked once, but we had fun. I sort of figured he'd at least acknowledge me as a familiar face. In a way, I guess he did, I just thought it'd be a more positive interaction."
"Well," she says, glancing over my shoulder, most likely at Jamie. "Don't be too hard on him. He's been through a lot. Especially having to deal with all that happened to that kid."
The reminder sends a wave of nausea up my esophagus. Justine's right; Jamie's been through hell and back. Of course he's seeking out the security of his real friends right now. I need to stop being so sensitive and realize that this isn't about me in any way.
"Yeah," I nod. "You're right." My lips twitch up into a smile just as the bell rings. "I'll see you at lunch."
"Later." She offers a sympathetic smile and a tender pat on my shoulder before spinning around and getting sucked into the swarm of students.
It's not until I turn, books in hand, to head towards my own class that I finally get a full view of what Jamie's become. The site throws me off for a moment because it just seems so unnatural. Last time I saw him he was whole, and now he's got an entire body part missing.
He's struggling to shove a book into his bag, a pair of crutches leaned up against the lockers as he balances on one foot. He has his back to me, so I take this moment to survey the damage. An odd sensation runs down my spine when I see the stump that dangles in mid-air. It seems so bizarre. I can see bandages peeking out from the bottom of the rolled up pant leg that's covering the half of his thigh that remains, and I wonder if the bandages are there to cover a still raw wound or to cover up the truth.
He tenses for a moment, one hand gripping the edge of his locker, the other struggling to maintain its hold on his textbook. It slips from his hand anyway, but Jamie doesn't react. He just remains frozen, his empty hand curling into a fist as he rests his forehead against the cold metal of his locker for a moment. I can't figure out what's happening, and I can't fathom why Dillon has vanished without offering any assistance. Unless, maybe he did offer but Jamie refused. As kind as Jamie is, I know he still has pride. No guy seeks to be babied.
I'm debating whether to head in his direction when I see him relax. He bends to retrieve the fallen book but bumps his crutches. They topple to the ground, creating a resounding echo through the dwindling halls. I've just made my mind up to help him out when another boy beats me to it. I watch as he stoops down to grab the book and crutches. He waits for Jamie to stuff the book into his bag before handing him the crutches, and with a nod of appreciation from Jamie, the kind stranger is gone.
That's when Jamie glances my way again. There's nobody to hide behind now since most of the student body has already vacated the halls. My chest constricts and for a moment I'm hoping that maybe I'd read him entirely wrong when he'd first looked at me. Maybe he'd just been distracted by his conversation and didn't realize his greeting had felt so cold. But, when he simply studies me with creased brows, I know he feels nothing. The truce we'd shared just weeks ago was simply a sweet memory to me now.
"Enjoying the show," he calls out, lines of irritation creasing his brow.
I hot wave of embarrassment spreads from my chest and up towards my face. My skin doesn't blush, but I'm sure I'd be a tomato right now if it did. I feel mortified. Of course he has a right to be upset. He's been through a lot, and in all honesty, I was staring. I just never imagined he'd express such hostility towards me.
"Sorry," I mumble, wrapping my fingers around the straps of my backpack. "Just making sure you don't need any help." I pause for a moment, debating whether to speak my mind. Instead, I just finish with, "Looks like you're doing fine, though," and then resume walking towards my first class.
I'm not sure where everything went wrong. Maybe Jamie's just bitter about his circumstances and is taking it out on others. But somehow it feels personal.
Somehow it seems I've lost him before I even had a chance.
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I'll be posting this story on Inkitt from now on (as well as wattpad), but Inkitt will always be a chapter or two ahead. So if you're anxious to find out what happens next, just click the link provided on my profile page and you'll be taken to my Inkitt profile where you'll be able to read further ahead... for free!!! (And if you enjoy supporting authors, just know that whenever you click that link, I get paid! Whoo hoo!!! So thank you ahead of time!) <3
Anyway, it's been a month since the accident now. How do you feel about Jamie's reaction to Lynn? :(