Chapter Five - The Explanation
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I jumped in fright when Axel threw his head back and let out a bark of laughter. I watched him as he laughed, his eyes crinkling with amusement. I couldn't help the small smile on my face at his expression. Lord knows the tension in this room was too great.
"You're too cute for words," Axel said, as he caressed my cheek, the pad of his rough thumb brushing my cheekbone. He let go of me before turning away to stare in front of him, his face serious once more.
"I was an assassin," he whispered in the softest of voices that I struggled to hear what he had said. When the words finally registered, I could only sit there and try to make sense of what he said.
This time I couldn't help but let out my own laughter. I tried to hide it, but it erupted from my lips and it filled the air. I don't even know why I was laughing but I couldn't stop, and then I started to tear up.
My eyes began to fill with tears and my crazed laughter turned into hiccups. From my blurred vision, I could see Axel giving me a strange look.
The first tear slid down my cheek and I bit my lip to stop myself from making any noise.
"Axel, you promised me you'd never do drugs," I told him, wiping away the tears from my eyes. My lip trembled and my thought process was moving as slow as a sloth.
"Baby, I'd have to be insane before I ever do drugs. Plus that wouldn't really explain what happened back in the house," Axel replied, smiling sadly.
"Okay, Axel. You win, okay? Whatever you're trying to pull, just stop it now," I told him, a feeling of irritation rising within me. "You've had your laugh, or do you want me to cry even more?"
"I don't know what to say to make you believe me, but I promise you that this isn't a joke or a prank," he told me, taking my hands in his. This time I jerked them away and refused to look him in the eye.
"At least let me finish my explanation, then you can be mad at me."
I slowly nodded my head before getting up from my place in the bed. I stood in front of the window, looking at the many trees that surrounded the house. I rubbed my arms, trying to get rid of the goosebumps that had erupted from Axel's words. I didn't want to accept the truth, I didn't want to accept that Axel could kill someone. I'd rather him be a garbage man than listen to the cold hard truth.
Axel wasn't perfect.
I heard him sigh again before he continued on.
"So I went to Germany, and there I was forced to sit in white-walled classrooms and be force-fed information about the world and their cause. Later on, I realized that that was the brainwashing phase. Once you pass that, your training begins. The first two years were the worst, and I was told if I didn't shape up then I'd be forced to stay longer."
"I didn't want to stay longer than I had to so I accepted everything that they told me. I accepted their cause, their reasons for killing, and the sacrificing of our humanity. My goal was to finish those seven years and to just get out of there. So I trained even harder, almost killing myself, but I became the organizations best asset. I completed all my missions and had a 15 percent chance of failing a job, the lowest out of all the other agents."
"W-Who did you kill?" my voice sounding distant and cold. Unrecognizable.
"Not innocents. I was a part of a group and we were assigned to jobs that required us to get our hands dirty. We threatened those who brought corruption, and if they didn't listen we'd bring them in to convince them otherwise. We eradicated terrorist groups, other assassins, hired murderers, and everybody else that worked to kill or bring about destruction. I finished my seven years and wanted to take my leave, but the organization tried to convince me otherwise. They bribed me with money, and any means for me to stay.
"But I refused, I didn't want to be a part of the organization in the first place and I only worked that hard so that I wouldn't be called back. By that time, I had already completed my bachelors and was going on to get my masters degree. So I left, and it took me a full year to try to find who I was again. The person who I was before was gone and I wanted to find him again.
"I went to therapy that was provided by the organization and got better. I didn't always feel like I was being watched, or that I had a mission to fulfill. That's when I began thinking of you."
His voice hitched and I heard the bed groan when he pushed against it to get up. His footsteps came closer and closer to where I stood, and then he stopped right behind me. He wasn't touching me, but I could feel the heat of his body.
I sniffed, wiping my nose with the back of my hand and brushing it on my jeans.
"In my first two years, I thought about you every single day. Your smile, your personality, your crazy hair, and just you overall. I thought about how disappointed you would be if you figured out what I was really doing. But when the years began to pass, I tucked you away as a warm memory that I didn't allow myself the pleasure of remembering. You would think that being an assassin was hard, and believe me, it was. Pulling the trigger the first time will always be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do."
Axel slowly wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into his hard muscled chest.
"But right next to that was when I had to break up with you. I still remember your heartbroken face so vividly, and the sounds of your sobs when I walked away. I still remember the way you begged and pleaded for us to try to maintain our relationship. I still remember when you asked me in a little voice if I didn't love you anymore."
"Axel, baby, please tell me what I did wrong," I sobbed, holding onto his arm. By this time, a crowd had already crowded and they watched silently as the scene unfolded in front of him.
"Nothing, you did nothing wrong," he said, quietly, not turning to look at me.
"Then why? You said you wanted to go to Crawford, you even got accepted there! You said even if you weren't accepted, we'd still try long distance," I cried even harder, holding his arm to my chest.
He jerked away from me and took several steps forward, away from me.
"Leave it be, Blaire," he said, in a strangled pained voice. "It won't work out."
"Whatever it is, I'll fix it. I promise! I'll change! I'll do anything just please don't leave me."
He doesn't respond.
"Don't you love me?" I moaned out in sadness and heartbreak. My heart throbbing painfully and my breathing uneven. He didn't reply, instead, I watched him with blurry vision as he walked down the hallway and out of sight.
"I hated my father at that moment, for making me break up with you and forcing me to go to Germany. But I couldn't let him die. I told my father I didn't want him in my life after that," Axel said. "And he never showed his face in front of me again."
I leaned my head back against his shoulder, sagging a bit into him. A rogue tear slipped from my eye and fell down my cheek.
"When I began thinking of you, I couldn't stop. I didn't want you to be with someone like me but I also didn't want you to be with anybody else. Slowly, it became an obsession. I searched you up and found you on facebook, looking radiant and beautiful as ever. I didn't want to taint you with my past, so I left it at that. I knew where you were, I knew that you were happy, and I knew that you weren't in a relationship. But soon even that wasn't enough. That's when I made the selfish decision to contact you. If you didn't answer, then I'd back off. But you did. You answered even though I broke up with you and cause you so much pain.
"I couldn't help it, I was so happy and I couldn't stop myself from wanting more. Then came the first phone call, and god what your voice did to me. You were so nervous and kept rambling about nothing," Axel continued, his hand reaching for my cheek. He lifted my face to look at him and I could see the white of his eyes were tinted red.
His warm hand lingered underneath my chin, and it left an unnerving tingling sensation.
"Then when I finally saw you in person, it took everything inside of me to stop myself from touching you and claiming you as mine. You were taken aback by my change but that didn't stop you from treating me normally, and the normalcy of it all was perfect. The best day of my life was when you accepted me back into your life and gave me hope for the future," He told me.
Axel pressed his lips to mine briefly before pulling away. He then sat down in the chair and pulled me to his lap.
" Eventually, I would have told you about my past and I dreaded that day with everything in me. This wasn't supposed to happen, I didn't want you involved in this at all. Some time ago, I felt like the organization let me go too easily, and I expected them to call back in the future. I didn't think they would release my private information," Axel said, bitterly.
"What do you mean?" I whispered, burning with curiosity.
"The organization I was a part of was called C.O.B.R.A and it's located in the mountains of Germany. They released my information to other associations similar to their own. They all want to use me for their own purposes, I just don't understand what they would gain from that," Axel muttered, as he stroked my hair. I leaned into his chest, resting my head against his shoulder.
"Now that information is out, and they know who I am. I just got word that other organizations are putting out a reward for my capture and yours."
"Me?" I asked in disbelief, moving my head from his shoulder. Axel stared at me for a minute before pushing my head down back down against him
"Yes. You're the only person I attached myself to," Axel whispered, his tone growing cold.
It was quiet for some time. The only thing I could do was sit and stare out the window. My brain hurt from all the surprises life seems to enjoy throwing at me. Then a question popped into my head and I couldn't help but ask.
"What are we going to do now?"
"The only thing we can do is lie low until I find us a way to get to Germany. I need to have a talk with my old supervisors," Axel replied.
"B-But what about our jobs?" I asked, raising my head again from his chest.
"My vice president already knows what to do. I called him before I reached the house and he knows not to ask questions."
"And my job?"
"I'm sorry," he said in a low tone. "It'd be too dangerous for you to go back."
I know it wasn't the time to get angry after listening to Axel spill out his whole entire life story, but I couldn't help but get irritated. His job wasn't compromised and he'd be able to come back. As for me, I worked tooth and nail to get that job, now I'm going to lose it.
Freaking fantastic.
I got up from Axel's lap and let out a sigh. It was a very deep very irritated type of sigh. One that I didn't use often.
"Alright," I said, shaking my head for no reason, I just felt like it was the only thing I could do. "So how long is this going to last?"
"No longer than a month or two," he said, getting up from the seat. By now it was getting dark, and the trees looked scary from where I stood. My stomach grumbled in hunger but I ignored it. Instead, I turned around to look at Axel with a sour look on my face.
"I know you didn't want this to happen, but right now I'd like to be alone," I told him, looking to the side, away from his face. I was disappointed, scared, and angry, all these emotions whirling inside of me was making my brain hurt. I felt dizzy.
"Okay. I'll go make dinner," I heard him say. I watched his back as he walked to the door and closed it gently after him. I sighed when I was alone, my hands tangling in my hair. I sat down on the bed and held my face in my hands.
Was this really happening?
Was Axel, my perfect sweet lovable husband, once a cold hard killing machine?
Why was this happening?
Why the hell was this happening?
I listened for Axel's movements downstairs and was slightly comforted when I could hear his footsteps. But then I was also scared. My head couldn't wrap itself around the idea that Axel had killed before. It seriously couldn't.
So I pushed that thought to the back of my mind and let myself sink into the bed. I looked at the ceiling, my brain slowing down its thought process. I was slowly lulled to sleep by everything that was trying to wear me down.
⇼
My eyes slowly opened, and I felt completely out of place with everything. I slowly got up into a sitting position and stared at the room around me in a daze. Then the events of what happened crashed down, and suddenly it felt like I was carrying the whole entire world on my shoulders.
"You're awake," I heard a husky voice say. I turned to see Axel standing in front of the table, his back turned to me. I could see the silver suitcase in front of him and the feeling of fear slowly crept up my spine.
Axel lifted the silver gun and began to check the bullets. The sound of the gun snapping shut and being loaded filled the once silent air. He placed the gun back inside the suitcase before turning around to look at me.
He frowned when he saw the expression on my face.
Axel took slow steps toward me, and I couldn't help but inch backward away from him. A look of hurt crossed his hard features and I bit the inside of my cheek in guilt.
"Do I really have to say the words that I won't hurt you?" Axel asked, sitting down on the bed.
"A lot has happened, Axel. For goodness sake, you're an effing assassin," I whisper yelled. "I don't even know what to believe anymore. Everything with you just seems like a lie. I bet you don't even wear glasses."
I don't know where the last bit came from, but it was a thought running through my mind. I tend to word vomit a lot when under stress.
Axel cracked a smile on his beautiful face, and my heart fluttered at the expression on his face.
"I don't, but I look really different without them," he said, taking off his glasses and putting them in his pocket. His green eyes shone even brighter from the radiating golden light in the room. It was still dark outside, and it looked like I had slept for maybe an hour or two.
"Listen, darling. The truest sentence I can ever say is that I love you," Axel told me, his eyebrows narrowing in sincerity. "I will do everything for you and I promise to protect you from harms way. After this is over, if you want to leave, I'll let you leave but I'll try to win you back in any way possible."
I almost stopped breathing at his words. I wanted to awe but I also wanted to pull out my hair at the same time. What a weird feeling.
I didn't respond and so we sat in silence for five minutes. Then Axel spoke the words that almost gave me whiplash.
"I'm leaving."
⇼
Authors Note:
Well, damn.
"What is happening?"