Some think holding on makes us strong,
But sometimes it is letting go
-Hermann Hesse
"You'll be fine Muna," Zayn whispered into my ear as he guided me towards the ballroom with his hand on my back. His voice that used to bring me so much comfort just left me empty. I wanted to get away from him.
The man I craved and wanted so much four months ago is now the man I wanted to be furthermost away from. That's the thing— it's in our nature, we humans. Love can easily turn to hate, resentment.
I crave Zayn in ways I have never craved any other man and his rejection made me grow to resent him. I craved his touch but also hated it because it made me fall deeper into his trap. He has so much power over me and four months ago it intrigued me but now it scares me.
I smiled weakly at him and nodded. It was our last night bound by his contract. The contract that I thought was going to give me the chance to change him, to make him intrigued by me as I was by him. Little did I know that his contract just added me to his list of women. I wasn't going to sign it a third time like he was expecting me to.
As much as it ached my heart, tonight was the last night I had to be with Zayn and I was going to have to take it as it came. Because as much as I convince myself that I hate him, I don't— that's why I have to leave him.
We entered the room full of elegant people, the old me would have felt out of place but being with Zayn has made me used to all these extravagant occasions. The only good thing, it has built my self-esteem in a way. He drew circles on my bare back as we approached familiar faces.
Mr Provenscal, an older man probably in his early sixties that I've grown to admire approached us with glee. I couldn't help but smile. Apparently, anyone can put a smile on my face except for Zayn.
"The one and only Muna."
He gave me a quick hug which earned him a scowl from Zayn but the old man just ignored him. Zayn tightened his arm around my waist, it made me feel wanted before but now it just angered me— I still feel wanted.
I smiled kindly at the old man before me.
"I'm glad you made it,"
He spoke cheerfully.
"Happy Birthday, I wouldn't have missed it for the world."
I finally spoke. Of all the events Zayn had taken me to, this was the only one I was excited about. The handsome man's eyes lightened up and I genuinely smiled for the first time the entire day.
Zayn remained his normal self, just said a few words but I chatted away with Mr Provenscal who had told me to call him Charles several times.
Sixty-four never looked any better.
After a long time of chatting with champagne glasses in our hands, Charles excused himself, leaving Zayn and me alone. I turned to see him staring directly at me.
"You are acting strange Muna," He said as he assessed my features. I didn't want to but I looked at him with so much love and admiration. I wanted to touch him but I knew better, the last thing I wanted was to get corrected.
"No I'm just feeling a little bit tired sir," I said with disdain, the word 'sir' left a sour taste in my mouth. I was only allowed to call him Zayn when we weren't alone but when we are I have to call him sir. He is my boss after all.
He reached out his hand to caress my face and I leaned in, savouring his touch. His beautiful brown eyes never left mine and I felt nervous under his gaze. It angered me because the touch I've grown to hate is the same one I cherish with every breath.
I meekly admired his strand that fell lazily over his forehead. His jaw clenched as usual and his eyes cold.
"You're lying but okay," He said flatly and withdrew his hand. He was clearly angry— I could see he was trying to hold back his anger. He would never hit me or hurt me but he did correct me. He hates it when I lie to him and as much as I like his corrections, I hate them with all my being.
I gulped hard and opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by yet another familiar voice.
"I've been looking everywhere for you." Alberto said. Zayn kept his eyes on mine for a second and then turned around to his best mate. His features immediately softened and I wish he could be like that with me.
"Muna?"
Alberto asked with concern dripping in his voice. I snapped my head in his direction and hummed in reply, earning a squeeze of disapproval from Zayn.
I'm not perfect Zayn! I wanted to say but remained silent.
I hadn't noticed that I had spaced out until Alberto called my attention.
"Are you okay? I've been calling you for quite some time," He informed me. I smiled, rolling my eyes at him. I only did that because I noticed Zayn had left to talk to some people not so far away.
"Of course I'm okay Perez. Don't worry about me!" I reply playfully and he chuckled. Alberto and I barely talk because Zayn forbids me from talking to his friends and even when I can, it should be formal. But whenever he isn't around Alberto and I never stick to that rule. I always wondered if Alberto knew about Zayn's sexual pleasures and about the contract but I never dared to ask.
Sometimes I wondered why I was still with Zayn in the first place. I wondered why I signed again after the first two months of solely giving myself to him through the contract. Most of all I wondered why he allowed me to sign a second time. But I was beyond ecstatic because I really needed the money.
"You are so full of yourself, miss Brooks."
He joked and I laughed. I never bothered talking to anyone at the events Zayn took me to so I was grateful that Alberto stayed and talked to me as Zayn occupied himself— caring about anyone and everyone except me.
Alberto and I took a seat in the lounge area and conversed back and forth. I had only a night left of being Zayn's girlfriend so I couldn't care at that point if my actions annoyed him.
"It's been four months already, how are you hanging in there with Zayn?"
Alberto asked and my mouth dried up immediately. He knows.
I felt embarrassed for some reason. It was a confidential contract and yet his friends knew? I probably looked stupid before them— and a slut.
"What?"
I choked out. I felt a knot form in my stomach. I just wanted the night to end already so I could never see Zayn again. My palms became sweaty and a bead of sweat formed on my forehead.
"He is a handful and very commanding and all that shit."
He chuckled but I kept my eyes on him.
"What I mean is how is your relationship with him so far?"
He asked, furrowing his brows. Relationship? Yeah right. I physically relaxed because I knew for sure that if Alberto used the term relationship then he didn't know anything. It was such a relief.
"It could be better." I shrugged, confiding in him and took a sip of the alcohol I had in my hand. I could be myself with Zayn gone. The rules in his contract definitely prevent me from being myself and encourage me to be the perfect bitch. His perfect bitch.
Alberto chuckled and opened his mouth to speak but shut it when Zayn stood before us.
"What's going on here?"
He asked, glaring at me, after all, I was the one breaking the rules and not Alberto.
"What does it look like? We are talking." Alberto replied offhandedly. Zayn's jaw tightened and he balled his fist, his eyes not once straying away from mine. . . He was angry beyond comprehension and I wanted to bring out the beseecher within me but decided against it.
I stood to my feet sharply in order not to provoke him more. Alberto knows how possessive Zayn can be and just smirked, totally oblivious to the fact that it wasn't because he actually likes me but because it was in our contract— His contract.
My feet carried me past Zayn and I muttered that I was going to the ladies. Heavy footsteps could be heard behind me and I knew he was following me but I didn't turn back. My heartbeat escalated as I trotted away for my mental health.
I increased my pace, walking faster. The bathroom came into sight and just as I'm about to enter, I felt rough hands pull me back and pushed me against the wall.
Malik.
I expected him to yell at me as he has been doing for weeks but instead, his lips found mine hungrily. His palm rested flat on my stomach. Knowing better than to touch him, I pressed my hands against the wall and kissed him back. I really did want to touch him, to know how it'd feel... He has never allowed me to touch him but I wish he would.
His wet tongue pushed its way into my mouth with ease and sucked on my tongue. I moaned into his mouth and he pulled away, looking me dead in the eyes. How I would give anything to have him love me and not just want me.
"I hope you know you are getting punished tonight baby girl?"
He asked, still pressing me hard against the wall. I nodded. I was looking forward to it— my last punishment, or correction, whatever term he uses.
"We should get going."
He told me firmly, taking a few steps back and walked away, expecting me to follow him which I did.
We arrived back to where everyone was and he told a few people we were leaving including Alberto. He guided me out of the building and my eyes landed on his black Mercedes Maybach S600 waiting for us.
He took his keys from the valet and thanked him. With a straight face, he opened the door for me and I sat in and watched him walk to the driver's side. He looked at me and smiled slightly which caught me off guard. I was definitely seeing things because Zayn Malik doesn't smile— not at me.
He always wore an expressionless face around me but I indeed caught him laughing his ass off with his friends a few times. I never told him though, he would have exploded with anger.
The ride was silent as usual. Zayn never really spoke to me no matter how I tried to strike up a conversation. We just have a sexual relationship which I'm being paid for and I understood that. I never pushed the line to get to know him after I had failed several times.
He parked the car before the big glass entrance and once we made an exit, he gave the key to the valet.
Zayn replied to a few greetings here and there until we reached the elevator. He swiped his card for the 11th floor to his penthouse, not saying a word to me as usual and I was sick of it. The elevator dinged signalling that we had arrived and it opened, revealing his perfect apartment.
That's the problem, everything has to be perfect for Zayn to be impressed.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and it caught his attention. His gaze fell on me but he didn't say anything.
There I was saying I wasn't going to sign another contract but I didn't even know if he wanted to continue with me. The thought of him using another woman sickened me. As much as I hate to admit It, I would kill just to be the only woman in his life and that scared me.
I walked past him into my bedroom— the one he assigned to me whenever I stayed over. He never lets me sleep in his room, that's a taboo to him.
I entered the bathroom and washed my face to get rid of the makeup immediately. I'm not a makeup person but he makes me wear it whenever we are going out in public. It had never been a problem but when it comes to Zayn, something about it makes me feel like he doesn't think I'm pretty enough.
Slipping out of my dress, I changed into one of the many clothes Zayn bought for me; sweatpants and a tank top. I needed to talk to him, to tell him that I wasn't going to sign another contract.
I made my way towards the door but stopped. Before I could talk myself out of it, I walked back towards my closet and changed into a lingerie. I wrapped a robe around my bare skin, pulled my hair from the elastic band and finally made my way out.
I walked past his playroom knowing it's the last time I was going to be in it— that's if he wanted to. It's not all the time that he wants to, but he did promise me a punishment. I never hated sex with Zayn and even though his punishments could be harsh sometimes, I was going to miss them.
He never forced me to do anything and I willingly agreed to sexual activities to be added to the contract— it was either that or no sex at all. Considering the amount of money he was willing to pay me, I didn't think it'd be fair if I didn't give myself to him— he didn't even need to pay to have it.
I knocked on his door and waited patiently for him to call me in but nothing came. Fuck it, I sighed, pushing his door open and stepped in. My heart was pounding against my chest. I heard the shower running and made myself comfortable at the edge of his bed.
I wasn't going to back down from this decision. The shower was turned off and seconds later Zayn stood before me with a towel hung loosely around his waist. I shut my eyes tightly in order not to fall at his feet and beg him to continue the contract with me if he had wanted to end it. He looked absolutely sexy and I wanted to run my fingers all over him— too bad I've never touched him, not in the way I'd want to.
He furrowed his brows. I wanted to trace my fingers over his tattoos. . . Ugh. He is indeed a very distracting sight to behold.
"What are you doing here?"
He asked sternly, his hair falling loosely across his beautiful features. I couldn't help but get distracted by how red the tip of his nose looked. I bit my bottom lip in anticipation. I was anything but scared compared to before, I was determined.
"I wanted to talk to you?"
I asked quietly, the last thing I wanted was for him to go batshit on me. He has anger issues.
"It could have waited until I called for you Muna, you know I don't like it when you break the rules."
He said calmly but I could tell he was annoyed. He never allowed me into his room without his permission and I knew full well that by doing so I wouldn't be on his good side.
I exhaled deeply and ran my fingers through my hair frustratedly.
"I'm sorry Sir, it's important."
I tried my best not to go apeshit on him. Like what the fuck? I just came into his room and that's the worst thing I could have possibly done? He was acting like I was the cause of HIV and Aids or even Malaria.
Fuck him.
He arched his brow expectantly and I rolled my eyes. His jaw clenched and I knew immediately that I fucked up. I expected him to drag me into the playroom and punish me but he didn't move. His eyes bore holes into my head and I couldn't help the chills that ran through my body. . .
"Don't roll your eyes at me Muna."
He barked calmly. What was with him and being calm today? I ran my fingers through my hair frustratedly again. It was so hard to tell him to his face like I had intended.
He raised a brow, waiting for what I had to say and I just sat there distracted by my thoughts. I knew it had only been seconds but it felt like an eternity. I knew for a fact that blood wasn't flowing through me at that point.
"What is it Muna?"
He broke the silence impatiently. My eyes snapped in his direction, I had been looking everywhere and at everything except for him. I sighed heavily
There goes nothing...
"I don't know if you know, but today is the last day of our agreement."
I spoke weakly. I internally prayed I wouldn't make a fool of myself. Waiting for his response— words. . . But he just nodded. I tried to focus on what I was saying but he was very distracting.
"I don't know if you want to continue with me or not b—"
I was speaking like I had hot rice in my mouth so it could come to an end quickly but I was interrupted.
"—Take it easy Muna," He said, clearly amused at my expense. It's either I was having a good dream or Zayn woke up on the right side of the bed because he had been sleeping on the wrong side ever since he met me. Because his attitude towards me always proved so. He was being overly nice, on a normal day he never spoke to me like this. I always had a feeling that whatever I was telling him was boring him to death.
"Of course I want to continue with you Muna," He added and my eyes literally flew out of my socket. I was a little shocked at the way he had been acting earlier but nothing can top what he just said to me.
Why would he want to continue with me? He did break his rule the first time by letting me sign it a second time but a third time? Silence engulfed us as he stared directly at me. I didn't know what to make of this.
For the first time since I signed the very first contract, I was feeling like I was wanted by Zayn. . . Then reality sunk in, I wanted to get away from him because he isn't good for me and just the heat of the moment wasn't going to change my mind.
"I can't do it Zayn," I whispered. I wasn't sure if he had heard me until I saw his dumbfounded expression. It wasn't his emotionless expression as always, he just looked to be the most shocked man on earth.
✯
A/N: There goes the first chapter guys. I have soo much planned for this book and I really hope it's liked.
Please don't forget to vote and comment any feedback if you like it.
•Princess T•