So much has happened these past few days. Zouis smoking. Louis' dad all of a sudden appearing and sayIng shIt. they have a 'serious' interview tomorrow. It's too much! But anyways enjoy
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Since they all had that talk about niall and Liam crushing on each other no one has really brought it up. After zayn left I had called niall and I wanted to say yes when he asked me out but I couldn't. I couldn't play with his emotions like that. I mean I liked him but I can't find it in myself to move on from zayn. Even though he's moved on I can't. And I hate myself for that.
Even now as I was sitting here while niall started at me with fondness I felt terrible. I probably hurt him and I'm sitting here thinking about zayn and only zayn. While he's sitting there thinking about perrie and only perrie. And Louis and harry were too busy in their own world to notice. I was hurting niall and zayn was hurting me. i feel like a dickhead.
Not only that but last night my dad did it again. I felt nervous today for some reason. It's starting to get to me again and I'm trying too hard not to make it noticeable. I haven't slept in what feels like months and I can tell it's noticeable. He didn't hit me this time though the emotional damage was still enough to put me on edge.
"I'll be right back" I mumbled getting out of my seat. I exited the cafeteria and made my way to the boys bathroom. Looking at myself in the mirror I wasn't surprised when I saw the bruises under my eyes from lack of sleep. I sigh splashing some water in my face before gripping the sink tightly. Knuckles turning white.
Why couldn't I just be normal? Why can't I just have a normal social life and a normal family? So many questions where going through my head I didn't even notice when zayn had entered the bathroom. I sighed clearly seeing the concern in his eyes.
"I'm fine" I rolled my eyes. So now he's interested in me. I dried my face off with a paper towel making my way to the door. Obviously zayn wasn't having it because he grabbed my hand I couldn't help but tense up. He pulled his hand away immediately. That was probably the first time I reacted like that to zayn in a while. Before it was ok but he hasn't actually touched me in a while and I've been too into my thoughts. I can feel the fear slowly creeping back.
"Liam is something wrong" he comes closer careful not to touch me this time. I just shake my head no.
"Come on liam talk to me" I can tell his starting to get a little frustrated but I don't know why. All I did was shake my head what does he want me to do? He rolled his eyes before speaking again "I'm trying to help and you're not letting me."
"um no there's nothing wrong and you're getting irritated because of that?" i tell him keeping all traces of emotion out of my face. That probably sounded rude but I mean why was he being so pissy?
"Seriously liam" he snapped. I flinched because he's never gotten this upset just because of something so stupid. I furrowed my brows at him and glared slightly before leaving the bathroom.
I made my way back to our table and sat down sighing loudly. i don't understand him sometimes. I mean he's never acted that way before. Is this it? Is he finally planning on ditching me for someone else- perrie. The thought of he made me scowl.
"Uh you ok liam?" Louis asked from where he was sitting next to niall. I gave him a bored look before shrugging.
"Well ok" he said turning back to harry. I don't mean to be so rude today I guess the lack of sleep is finally getting to me. I groan dropping my head on the table.
"Seriously what's wrong" niall asks concern evident in his voice. I groan even more. I just wanted to scream because littler there were so many things wrong that I couldn't even put into words.
"I'm just so... tired" I sighed miserably rubbing my face with my hands. I felt someone touch my shoulder and I couldn't help but flinch away from their touch. I removed my hands from my face and saw zayn staring at me. I keep my face emotionless as he stared at me with those gorgeous eyes of his.
"You wanna come over after school" he asked casually. I looked him over my brows furrowed. Seriously he was just acting like a dick ad he expects me to "hang out" with him. Ok I really need a nap ive never been this mean ever.
I shrug "I guess." The bell rang and I made my way out before anyone could go. I was starting to feel a little anxious again. Like how I used to before I met the lads. That wasn't good. I tried to keep myself calm as much as possible. I mean I was going to zayns house so I wouldn't be home a lot today. This was good because I wouldn't have to see him and barricade my door to prevent him from coming in.
As I made my way to my final class and sat down I noticed that perrie wasn't here today. I didn't even notice. Wait ... zayn talked to me today acted like a bit of a dick then invited me to his house? This better not have anything to do with her or I swear. I groaned rubbing my temples lightly. I could already feel my head pounding from so much thinking.
I never really pay attention in this class so I put my head down. I stared blankly out of the window for what seemed like hours before finally the bell rang. I winced at the sound of the bell. My head was pounding and I felt like I just slammed my head several times into the wall.
I got up and made my way out but nearly scream when zayn jumped out at me. "Jesus zayn don't do that" I snapped making his smile falter for a moment.
I groaned pinching the bridge of my nose "sorry I just.. I haven't slept in what feels like months and I have a headache."
"Aw don't worry I'll fix that" he said motioning me to follow him. I followed him with sluggish movements out to the front of the school. He led me to his car and I got in after he unlocked it. I pulled my phone out texting mom that I would be at a friend's house. Not that she cared she was probably gone.
"Who are you texting?" he asked pulling out of the school parking lot.
"Jeez what are you my mom" I said giving him a look as if saying 'are you stupid'. He laughed shrugging before turning the radio on. Katy Perry's Dark Horse came on and I groaned out loud turning the radio off.
"Hey I like that song" he pouted turning it back on. I glared at him before turning the radio back off. He just laughed and I couldn't help but laugh too. Ugh zayn isn't exactly making this whole 'moving on' thing easy.
We finally got to his house and I got out not even waiting for him. He walked ahead of me unlocking the front door and dropping his stuff next to the door. I rolled my eyes but did the same. He led me upstairs to his room and I immediately ran to the bed after I saw the kittens.
"Kittens" I laughed as they crawled on me and licked at my face. I picked the black and grey one up and nuzzled my nose against its wet one.
"I see you enjoy them" zayn said coming over to his bed and sitting down playing with some of them. All I could do was giggle as I felt one of them rub against my neck. At this point I was cackling. Like literally I was laughing so hard I don't even know why anymore.
"Sorry" I kept repeating trying to control my breathing. I sighed loudly "sorry" I said again blushing as I looked at zayn. He just chuckled shaking his head. He picked the kittens up and set them on the floor. They scampered off chasing each other or scratching at things.
"So why did you ask me to hang out with you" I asked yawning softly all of a sudden a wave of exhaustion washed over me. I rubbed at my eyes widening them to try and wake myself up.
"Maybe you should nap you look tired" he said pushing me lightly so that I was lying down. As soon as my head hit the pillow I felt my eyes get heavy. I didn't even have the energy to stay awake I just let myself drift into sleep.
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"Liam wake up!" zayn said shaking me. I shot up into a sitting position breathing heavily.
"w-what what happened w-who what" I said in a panic looking around wildly at my surroundings. I didn't recognize where I was which made me panic even more. I don't even remember what I dreamed of.
"Liam its ok it's me zayn" he said holding my shoulders lightly. I looked over at him. We were both under the covers and I looked at the time seeing it was 9:37 pm. I was about to say something when a big boom was heard. I jumped slightly getting closer to zayn before realizing it was raining.
"s-sorry" I said scooting closer to the wall. He sighed and reached over pulling me into his embrace.
"Are you scared of thunder storms" he asked quietly stroking my hair. It wasn't that I was afraid its just when I was little I never had anyone to hold me during storms of tough times. I was always alone no matter what. I had to deal with things on my own. I guess I'm just scared of being alone through it again this time.
"n-no it's just..." I trailed off but he cut me off by shushing me. He continued to stroke my hair as I trembled slightly. He laid us down but still kept me in his embrace.
"You should stay over I wouldn't want you to be alone during a thunder storm knowing your scared" he said quietly lightly tugging my hair making me sigh and nod. He was saying soothing things to calm my trembling down while the storm continued.
"Zayn" I paused feeling relaxed now in his tight embrace "do you like perrie" I asked. I was so tired though I knew what I asked I just wanted to know. Did he like her? For a while he didn't say anything so I let myself doze off but then just as I was falling asleep he answered. And I swear my heart almost stopped.
"No"
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[Eehh no niam. But ziam cuddling awwh. As always I would like to thank you for reading I love you. Follow me on twitter: @ TsxLou bc well.. I guess im funny at times?]