'Without him here I felt so deeply vacant...'
Once White...
I watched in silence as a crow sat on the edge of the high tower, bathed in the dying light of the sun. The academy was shrouded in twilight, the cry of a crow the only company among the endless rows of neatly trimmed gardens.
I flexed my hand, savouring the crack of bone and the movement of my blood pulsing through. Two pairs of footsteps entered the small study. It still smelt of iron.
"You should head back to the palace, dear." I smiled down at the ground as Conrad's concerned voice filled the dome. I wanted to laugh.
My blue eyes lifted to the crow. Its beady eyes looked down at me through the window. I felt like it knew what I was thinking, feeling.
"Am I being an inconvenience?"
"Aurora-" Alexus attempted to dismiss my question, but I was in no mood. They were too calm; it annoyed me. "Shut up." I shot them both a dirty look. I'm fairly sure by now it wasn't just my magic talking- I was livid.
Seeing Samaria's life-less body being dragged out of the study on a stretcher, a black sheet draped over her pale skin. Her hand had dropped over the edge and hung limply to the side.
I could still smell the blood. It was everywhere.
How many lives had to be lost before all these games came to an end? How much more pain could one person take? Stress? Grief? My nerves were shot and frankly, I was done playing the cool-collected 'nice' girl for everyone to lean on.
It's time someone kicked these idiots into shape.
If only Thanatos were here- at least he knew how to be efficient and not get distracted by trivial things, like politeness.
No one moved. So I filled the silence with sarcasm; "Samaria is dead. Care to explain to me again why or how?" I stood up, my arms crossed over my black shirt.
How convenient I was wearing black today...
"Aurora," Conrad sighed; "We are all shocked and angry, but like I told you, both Alexus and I-"
"Weren't here at the time." I finished his sentence. I smiled; "You gave class, yes?"
Conrad nodded his eyes wide with sudden surprise; "Dear, what are you insinuating?"
I ignored him and turned my icy eyes to Alexus. She narrowed her hazel gaze; "And you? You were at Thanatos' palace, researching?"
Alexus shook her head in disbelief; "Yes, Aurora, I was. Do you really think Conrad or I-"
"Don't." I snapped. I shook my head, my smile full of malice. I was in no mood to be judged or questioned; "Don't pretend like we're all innocent."
Their eyes widened. It was barely a whisper, but Conrad's voice got to me; "There was no way of us knowing that this was going to happen. Samaria, for all we know, could have been involved. She could have been a loose end-"
"A loose end?" I laughed loudly. My hands balled into fists; "Samaria! Samaria was a loose end? She fucking worked for you for five years! And you have the audacity to dismiss her murder as her own fault."
"That's not what I'm saying at all, Aurora!" Conrad held up his hands in defeat and stepped closer to comfort me. I backed away in anger.
"Look over there! You think she deserved to be stabbed eight times? Do you?" I pointed at the desk. It was stained with red. Bleach hung in the air.
"You don't need to rub it in our faces. We feel her loss just as much, even maybe more than you." Alexus shook her head, but her voice was far from angry. She looked concerned and sad.
"More? You have a funny way of showing it." I snarled.
Conrad suddenly stumbled against the desk. His eyes cast down and his hand over his heart. Alexus and I completely forgot our anger and sorrow and rushed to his side. "Conrad?" I yelled and lifted his chin with my hand, feeling for a pulse. It was steady.
"I'm alright. I'm alright..." He stood up straighter, but his face grew pale.
"Did you take your medicine?" Alexus asked, her hands on his back, helping him up right. His face suddenly scrunched up, like he was about to cry. "Yes, Samaria reminded me this morning."
The room grew silent.
I swallowed hard. My tone was weak as I spoke, meeting the old man's grey eyes; "I'm sorry for saying all of that. I shouldn't have... I didn't mean to-"
"How long have you felt this anger?" His voice was kind and filled with so much worry for me that I felt my throat grow dry. How could I be so nasty to them? I wasn't myself. I just... It was so hard.
I gritted my teeth. "A while."
"You need to take better care of yourself." Alexus grabbed my hand and pressed it to her heart. I nodded, but my mind was filled with racing thoughts and nightmares. "Your human body isn't enough anymore..."
I furrowed my brows and Conrad nodded in agreement with Alexus' words. "She's right. You need to ascend or this magic will kill you. Or worse..."
"Or worse?" I asked softly. Conrad and Alexus shared a look.
The old wizard's eyes shifted to mine as his hand reached to touch my cheek; "It will kill you or it will turn you into something awful. Something you'd never want to see."
I felt the sun's last rays set over the horizon. Samaria would never see the dawn again. I don't think the real realisation of her death had set in yet, but certainly felt the shock all over my body, locked inside my bones. Along with so much rage and frustration at... everything.
"You must ascend by the end of this week."
"Not if he's not home yet. I can't do this without Thanatos. I won't." Conrad nodded. He understood my fear and apprehension. I was scared into the depths of my soul. I couldn't face this without him by my side, or at least knowing that he was alright and safe.
Alexus shook her head; "If he isn't back in five days, you're ascending. You can't risk your life. The magic is eating at you."
"Alexus is right. Tables have turned. You're being fed off, and not the other way around anymore." Conrad reached for my other hand and squeezed it gently; "Besides, I don't think Thanatos would be too happy to find half the woman he loves when he returns. He might just kill us for not making you ascend sooner."
My mouth turned up slightly at the ends, but it was filled with so much fear and dread at the prospect of giving up my mortality. What was I even doing here in this world? I always knew I'd have to ascend sooner or later- but it was now sooner than later, and I was petrified. I'm not sure how I was going to do this, with how I felt inside. I felt weak.
I felt exhausted.
Without him here I felt so deeply vacant.
"Samaria is gone." The sudden realisation hit Conrad like a steam train. Alexus and I shared a look. Gods, the old man looked so fragile. "Oh..." He stumbled onto a chair and hung his head in his hands. Alexus gulped, not sure of what to do.
I, too, was feeling out of my depth- I'd never seen Conrad even slouch. This was... so heartbreaking. I reached for his hand and held it in mine. I looked into his eyes with care and warmth; "Conrad, go rest. Go to friends or family and rest you mind."
He nodded, but made no attempt to move. I looked up to Alexus; "Call Lady Claudia."
She nodded and left quickly to go call the old, kind mage. Her study was close and she would already have heard of the news by now. This place had been swarming with police and ambulances a few hours ago. I wonder if Samaria's family had already been notified...
I felt my heart ache.
I wonder what the Academy would say to the public, if anything at all? A freak accident? Would they even divulge that she had been stabbed to death, her blood smeared all over the floor? Probably not. Powerful and wealthy parents would not take kindly to news like that.
I leaned over Conrad; "Can I get you some sugar water?"
"A shot of brandy would be nice..." I chuckled lamely, but Conrad was serious. He pointed to the desks. "Top drawer."
I nodded, a small smile making my way to my mouth. It still held an awful amount of sadness. I moved to the desk, but stopped dead as I realised that I was heading to her desk. The blood stain caught my eyes. The wood would have to be polished down and- What does it matter?
Conrad saw my stiff figure standing in the middle of the floor, looking in the direction of where Samaria always sat. His voice was soft; "No, my desk."
I nodded, but said nothing, almost too afraid to breath. That smell of rust had caused me to heave up breakfast when I'd entered the small dome. I didn't want a repeat of it.
As quickly as I could, I got the bottle of brandy from the drawer and poured it into two small tumblers. I gulped down my shot in haste and refilled it. It burned, but it was a good kind of fire.
I left the bottle on the desk and brought Conrad his drink, my second one clutched firmly in my other hand. The old man took it eagerly.
I watched as he gulped it down. I joined him with my second glass. The gentle voice of Lady Claudia echoed through the hall. Alexus escorted her in. "Oh, Conrad." She looked so sad and angry, but even more concerned for her dear old friend.
She took him by the hand and helped him up; "Come dear, let's get some food in you and then you must go to bed. You're so pale."
I smiled at her as she squeezed my shoulder with her delicate hands, her smile reassuring; "Are you alright, dear? You don't look too well yourself. Of course, I understand. This is-" She shook her head and tried very hard to stay calm; "This is just..."
She was at a loss for words. I filled her sentence; "Yes, horrible." I nodded to Conrad; "Please look after him."
Lady Claudia nodded and left with the old wizard around her arm. The dome fell silent once more.
Alexus sighed and sat down. She looked exhausted. "I wish we'd see each other again after so long in better circumstances."
I sat down next to her; "Poor girl... She was so young. How could this happen? Why her?"
"Perhaps Conrad is right? Perhaps she was involved-"
"Do you really think that?" I shot Alexus a sharp look. After some time, her gaze drifted down and she shook her head; "No, I don't. Of course she wasn't. Samaria couldn't hurt a fly."
"Conrad is just saying that because he's in shock and scared of the truth. He's trying to rationalise this when it's evidently an act of barbarity. Bastards." I gritted my teeth and felt the skin around my knuckles stretch as my fists clenched up harder. My nails dug into my palm.
"What now?" Her hands fiddled with her dress as she looked at me with expectant eyes.
"I don't know..." I shook my head. "I honestly have no idea. But I swear, Samaria will be avenged. We will find those reasonable and put an end to all of this. For her. For Hecate and Zeus... For Pan."
Alexus nodded her head as her dark eyes drifted down to her lap. She spoke carefully, trying not to anger me; "What are your side-effects so far?"
I furrowed my brows; "Samaria is dead, and you want to talk about how I'm feeling?"
"I'm just trying to prevent the same thing from happening to you. Is that so bad?"
We looked at each other for a few seconds. I felt her penetrating gaze push down my anger. I lifted my eyes to the ceiling in an attempt to clear my head.
"My hands start to shake sometimes, I feel out of breath when I walk a bit too far or for too long. I get these headaches and sometimes they leave me dizzy and light-headed. Also," I cleared my throat; "my temper is so short. All I want to do is scream at people at how annoying they are or how slow or incompetent they've become. I can't help it. It's like the smallest things set me off."
"You've been keeping to yourself lately?"
I nodded; "Yes, I haven't been the best company."
Alexus bit her lip, her voice turning soft and cautious; "Aurora, I don't mean to pry or anything, but have you started to feel this way ever since you and Thanatos have been-" She let the question hang. I raised a brow at her, my anger resurfacing with explosive haste. "Since what?"
"Since you've been together?"
I couldn't believe my ears. "You really hate him don't you?"
Alexus scoffed and shook her head; "Aurora, I am just trying to look out for you! Maybe it's best if you weren't influenced by such a brute all day long. He's a maniac. No wonder you're so-"
"A maniac?" My voice was loud and filled with raw shock. "Who the hell do you think you are?"
"Aurora, please-"
"Alexus," I stood up and ripped at the air. A flash of blue filled the dome as my portal shot open and filled the study in a bright haze of light. I gritted my teeth and attempted to control my breathing through my nose; "I understand your concern, but I think I've had enough disappointment for today. Excuse me."
"There you are."
I growled under my breath as my portal closed up and left me stranded in the middle of the great hall. Apollo rushed up to meet me.
"I'm not in the mood." I quickly dodged left to avoid him, but he was quicker. Apollo blocked my exit, but decided that it was for the best not to touch me. My eyes were filled with daggers.
"I realise you must be heartbroken, but I think I have something to say that might lift your spirits."
"My friend was just murder. Stabbed in the chest eight times. I had to watch them fill buckets with her blood just to get the floor white again. Are you about to tell me that it was all just a horrible practical joke?"
Apollo cleared his throat; "Ah, no."
"Then I don't think we have anything to say to one another." I attempted to dodge right. He blocked me again.
"Here." The new king pushed a stack of small envelopes in front of my face, his eyes filled with a strange look. Was that... remorse I saw?
Before I could ask what these small envelopes were, or who they were from, Apollo opened his mouth explain; "They're letters. From Thanatos. To you."
My eyes widened. "What?"
Apollo looked sheepish as I took the letters in my hands and grazed my finger over the rim of the first one's wax seal. It had his family crest on it- the crescent moon. "Why? When-"
"He sent one every few days. Keeping you up to date- or so I assume. I didn't read any of them, I swear." I could see he hadn't. They were all still sealed shut. I lifted my eyes to Apollo's in disbelief.
"You kept these hidden from me?" I snarled; "Why? Why when you knew how worried sick I was!"
"I expect no forgiveness for my actions. I was-" He gulped; "I'm an asshole. I'm sorry, Aurora. I truly am. I should have given them to you, but I didn't want you two to conspire behind my back. It was selfish of me."
"You..." I swore under my breath and shook my head from side to side. For once, I felt my anger being overshadowed by my deep need to sleep. I was so tired I couldn't even care less about the world anymore.
"There's more."
I lifted my eyes to his; "I swear if you kept something else about him hidden from me-"
"No, but he did send a report while you were out."
My heart picked up. I could feel my palms grow clammy with sweat; "What does it say?"
Apollo rolled open the sheet of paper and carefully read from it. I tried to imagine what it would sound like coming from Thanatos' mouth; "'Apollo, Sybaris' head is on a pike. I hope yours isn't. And I hope nothing I discover when I get back will cause me to rectify that fact. Yours sincerely, the god of death.'"
I felt my lungs fill up for the first time in weeks. "Oh, thank gods!" I wiped away a stray tear, the dread and horror of the day all falling down onto me at once and with this good news, my emotions came bursting out.
"We should expect him back either tomorrow or the day after. He might still have some cleaning up to do. I suspect her children are not all dead yet."
"It doesn't matter." I laughed; "He's coming back!" I clasped my hand together and smiled broadly. "Thank you, Apollo." I don't know why I was thanking him, but I felt like thanking someone. I was far too grateful in that moment not to thank the closest person to me.
Apollo looked just as surprised by it, but equally happy to finally not have my anger directed at him.
"A pleasure, darling. It's good to see you laugh."
"How on Earth did he send them? The letters?"
Apollo smiled and tapped at the rolled up report; "The same way he sent these; with his shadow."
"Shadow?" I laughed as I thought of the adorable entity. Thanatos did promise me he'd keep in touch. I should never have doubted him. "Of course..."
"Again, I am deeply sorry about the letters-"
"Just tell me why now? Why did you decide to give them to me now? Because Thanatos would've asked me about them and you don't want him to skin you alive?" I lifted a brow at Apollo. He smiled down at the polished floor.
His grin turned embarrassed; "I won't lie- that was a fact to consider, but more than that I feel like I've wronged you."
"You have. You wronged us both." I didn't sugar-coat my irritation towards him.
Apollo pursed his lips, but he seemed hell-bent on rectifying things; "I know we might never be friends, Aurora, but I realise now that that is the one thing I truly desire. Your friendship is clearly worth more than gold. I would like to earn it, if you'd let me."
I felt my eyes widen, but I kept my arms crossed. Apollo saw I wasn't entirely convinced of his change in heart; "And in doing so, I will be honest with you, from here on out. I know how much you appreciate honesty. So let me tell you why else I decided to share those with you." He pointed to the letters.
I waited patiently and nodded for him to continue. He licked his lips and glanced around to check if we were alone; "Artemis was threatened this morning, by Ares."
"Is she okay?" I asked and took a step forward. Apollo shook his head in disbelief, a smile on his face; "Look at you; even for those who are jealous of you, you have sympathy." Apollo's eyes locked onto mine; "Thanatos is a lucky man..."
I broke the look; "What did Ares say to her?"
"Not much, just that she had better watch her back. He knows I care deeply for her. I suspect he wants to mess with my mind." Apollo looked genuinely concerned for his sister's well-being. "I know I've been trying my luck, as you so eloquently put it the other day, with you, but I think it's time I turned my attention back home."
I nodded, not sure of what he was really trying to say to me. Was he giving up on this little thing he had for me? I knew in part he was only flirting with me to rile up Thanatos, but sometimes it felt like more than just spite.
"Aurora, I realise now that you and Thanatos are made for each other- just like I was made for another. I won't deny the fact that I still find you incredibly attractive and I do still think you would make the best queen for Olympus, but..." He smiled down at me with sincerity; "I think you'd make an even better advisor."
My brain stopped mid-thought. Did he just...?
"Apollo, what are you...?"
"It's a job offer, if you'd indulge me. Think on it. I would very much like it if you were to become my personal- or rather the kingdom's advisor. Athena used to be my father's, but I feel a new perspective is needed. A more... worldly one."
"I don't know if I'm qualified to-"
"Nonsense. You're a born leader and planner. And with a match like you and Thanatos at my side, who would dare defy me? Like I said, think on it. I expect an answer after your ascension."
I nodded, my mind in a daze. This was the last thing I'd expected Apollo to ask of me. He was... really being nice. With no strings attached. Did the shock of Ares and Artemis really scare him that much? Or the fear of Thanatos getting home? Or perhaps I was wrong about him? I think it was a combination of all of it really...
"You're wondering why I'm being so kind?" He chuckled; "I had a realisation when I found you coming back through your portal, when you ducked out without telling me."
I forgot completely about that! I'd killed a Minotaur today and Trimorphe was still in the chamber with Trita and Sonya, resting after the fight. Poor thing! I need to get to them! Gods, another thing to do...
At least I had good news to bring them for once.
And the key I found! More good news... If only Samaria hadn't been- No. I can't delve into that again. Not while my feet felt so heavy and my heart hurt so much.
"You're not still mad about that?" I asked. Apollo chuckled and folded his hands behind his back as he shot me a look; "A bit, but it did open my eyes."
"How so?"
"I realised that all this time I had your honesty, but in actual fact, I needed your loyalty and trust. I won't make that mistake again."
Did my ears deceive me, or had Apollo just admitted to being wrong- again? What a strange day...
"Thank you for..." I didn't really know what to say so I just nodded and tried again; "Thank you." I lifted the letters up and pressed them to my heart.
Apollo bowed slightly and smiled down at the floor. His blue-green eyes found mine; they were filled with something I don't think I ever expected to see from him or any of the gods- humanity.
"Don't thank me; I'm just happy I could make you smile again..."
NEXT UPDATE- 15th of January
Samaria was murdered and Apollo has turned around his tactics- things are heating up...
Keep your eyes peeled! I have a small contest coming soon (^.*)