Laying in my bed.
There I was.
Sad and alone at home.
Wishing things could be better.
Wishing things could've worked.
A least I get a whole month to myself.
Without Austin.
Without Melanie.
Just without the drama.
But now with all this free time I've started cutting again.
Just crying in the bathroom.
Cutting my wrist.
Now that Austin's gone there's no one to help me with my problem.
I'm all on my own.
I pull out my arm from underneath the sheets.
Seeing my wrist.
All the scars left.
From pain.
From depression.
This is my only way out.
I feel bad every time I do it.
But I just can't stop.
If my mother knew about this she would freak.
That's why I've been trying my hardest not to let it show.
Not to reveal my painful scars.
I sighed.
It feels as if I've been dead for a whole month.
I haven't gone out once.
Only stuck in this room and every once in a while I'll stay downstairs with my mom.
I've been stuck in this dark house.
Not letting any light in.
Surprisingly enough Austin actually called me once.
I didn't bother to pick up though.
It would have only made things worse.
I sighed again.
Looking over at my clock.
3:15 pm it said.
My mom should be getting home soon.
I got out of bed.
Heading for the bathroom.
Washing my face off.
As I did I looked into the mirror.
Staring at my reflexion.
I was ugly and always will be.
I don't know what Austin saw in me.
No other guy will love me and that's a sure fact.
I just wish I could be pretty.
I wish guys could fall head over heals for me like how they did for Melanie.
Could I honestly say I was jealous of her?
Probably yea.
I mean she had the guys drooling over her.
And she also had what I wanted the most.
Austin.
Urg I really need to get over him.
I walked out the bathroom.
Heading downstairs.
Seeing my mother at the front door.
She looked at me and smiled.
"Hi mom" I said.
"Good afternoon, Jane" She said.
She dropped her bag on the floor.
Shutting the door behind her.
She then plopped on the couch.
I laughed.
"Hard day at work?" I asked.
She nodded.
"Very hard" She replied.
I laughed again.
Sitting down next to her.
She looked over at me.
"Jane you know it's been a month now" She said seriously.
I sighed.
I knew she was going to bring this up sooner or later.
"I know but please I don't want to go back to school" I said.
"I'm sorry, Jane, but you have to" She said.
I sighed once again.
Remembering what I have to go back to.
Austin and Melanie.
All the drama.
Having no friends.
Being a loner.
Eating lunch at a table of one.
And now I bet my grades have slipped.
I rested my head in my hands.
Remembering the painful memories.
Melanie saying Austin was happy I was out of his life.
Does anyone not know how hurtful that is.
Seriously.
My best friend says he's happy I'm finally out of his life.
I guess that means we were never truly friends.
It was all just one big lie.
A very believable lie.
I felt a tear drop land on my hand.
If I don't cut then I cry.
Crying is my other way to just let go.
To show that not everyone's as strong as they seem.
I sniffled as another tear drop fell.
I felt my mother's arm wrap around me.
"Jane" She whispered.
"It'll be alright" She continued.
"No it won't" I said.
My voice coming out harsh.
"Yes it will, okay"
I sighed.
Letting my tears flow onto my mother's sweater.
"Everyday I feel sad, happiness never seems to come my way" I whispered.
She rubbed my back.
"It'll come I promise you" She said.
I took in a breath.
Still crying into my mother's chest.
Hoping her promise will be kept.
That I'll one day find happiness.
Long lasting happiness.
Not the fake happiness I received from Austin when we were dating.
Honestly I'm starting to think Austin only dated me for my body not me.
He didn't look in the inside.
Only the outside.
And for that I hate you, Austin.
No matter what I will get over you.
I promise.
And I will find true happiness.
~Next day
I walked in front of the school building.
Here I am back at this horrid place.
Read to be lonely.
To be a no one again.
To let Melanie and Austin treat me like crap.
Walking inside I could smell the school scent.
The cafeteria food.
Which was always either over cooked or underdone.
The stink coming from the gym locker rooms.
Since some people never heard of deodorant.
C'mon people we are teens.
And teens need to wear deodorant.
This isn't first grade anymore.
Where nothing even mattered.
We could do whatever we liked.
We could go to school and know that we weren't going to get judge for everything we did.
I miss those times.
Those were my happy times.
But now it was all coming back to me.
I was actually back in high school.
Since a whole month.
Could you believe?
First class of the day French.
With guess who?
Austin of course.
Hopefully he won't try to talk to me.
I walked towards the class.
Bags, binders and pencils in hand.
Ready to learn.
After not being at school for a whole month I really have got to up my grades.
As soon as I walked in all eyes were on me.
I was a little later than everyone else.
I hated the attention but what could I do?
They hadn't seen me in such long time.
It was like I had just risen from the dead.
The teacher looked over at me.
A smile forming on her pale face.
"Jane you're back" She said.
"Unfortunately" I replied.
She laughed.
Then I looked over at Austin.
Who just couldn't keep his eyes off me.
Then I looked next to him.
The desk where I sit.
Or was supposed to sit in.
There was someone else sitting in the desk.
A boy.
He looked new.
He had choppy black hair with just one streak of brown.
Earrings in both of his ears.
All black was what he wore.
He looked like a boy version of me.
Except of course he was actually good looking.
I found myself staring at him.
He was just so beautiful.
I bet all the girls had been all over him by now.
Or maybe he had been all over the girls?
Well how would I know.
I've been locked up for a whole month.
He then looked over at me.
Our eyes locked onto each other.
A smirk then formed on his lips.
I blushed.
Then looked back over to the teacher.
"So Jane we let Spencer take your seat since you were gone, he just got here after your leave" She said.
"Oh" I replied.
Spencer.
That was his name.
I love that name.
Spencer got up from his desk.
"I can give you your seat back if you like" Spencer said.
His voice coming out deep.
I almost could feel the vibration through the floor.
He seems nice.
It was really cute how he offered my seat back.
Austin stood up.
"Or she could sit here" He said.
The teacher smiled.
"That's very generous of you, Austin" She said.
I rolled my eyes.
Oh wow, Austin.
It was only cute when Spencer did it.
He's only doing that so I don't sit next to him.
Well guess what, Austin I really don't want to sit next to you either.
I walked over to Austin's desk and sat down.
Austin slowly walked away still staring at me.
The teacher looked over the whole class.
"Now that we've got that all settled let's begin class" She said.
I sighed.
Resting my head on my hand.
Spencer leaned over at me.
"I'm kind of happy you chose to sit there" He whispered to me.
I smiled.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because I get to sit next to you" He said.
I giggled.
Then faced him.
"And what's so special about me?" I asked.
He chuckled.
"Well from just looking at you I can say you're beautiful and I'd really like to get to know you" He said.
I laughed.
I think that's one of the first times a guy has ever told me I was beautiful and actually sort of meant it.
"Trust me, you don't want to get to know me" I replied.
"Why not?" He asked.
I sighed.
"Well at this school I'm not really considered popular, the guys don't like me and the girls think I'm weird. If you hung out with me they'd think the same about you" I responded.
He laughed.
"But who said I cared what other people think" He said.
Then turned back to the teacher.
I smiled.
More like blushed.
Could he really mean all that.
Did he really think I was beautiful?
Did he really want to get to know me?
Did he really not care what other people thought?
No that's like impossible.
Almost everyone cares about what other people think of them.
It's like second nature.
Everyone is a little insecure in their own way.
Why would he be different?
And why did he just flirt with me like that?
I mean I barely know him.
And he barely knows me.
So why?
Maybe I could give him a try.
Let him get to know me.
Maybe there's a reason why he moved to this school.
Maybe there's hope.
Maybe he could be my new best friend.
A good best friend.
Maybe I actually could find true happiness.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So what'd you all think after such a long holding on this story.
I don't think this story is doing so well but that's just me.
If you think it's doing well then support me by voting.
And I know this chapter was short sorry :(
I'll try to make the next few chapters longer :)
Thanks so much to the people who actually read this crappy story :P