3rd Gene's POV
Gene stared down at his feet. He felt awkward. More than just awkward, really. He felt like he shouldn't be there. He'd done terrible things, and he knew that. He just didn't want to have to face them now.
He could feel Jess's stare on him, and neither of them said anything. The other Emotions were there too, watching awkwardly and exchanging worried glances. Gene wanted to say something, but his mouth wasn't working with him, and instead remained clamped shut. He fiddled with the hem of his jacket and remained silent.
"So," Jess finally said. "Gene, right?"
Gene nodded, but he still didn't look up. "I'm really sorry for everything I did, Jess. I got too caught up in my own stupid emotions and ended up dragging you into something that you didn't deserve. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I barely remember it."
Gene tried to keep himself from wincing. Once everything had been resolved and Gene had finished crying, the Emotions decided that they really did have to put up a barrier—only this time around Jess's memory of the day. The barriers were originally supposed to be used to block out terrible memories, or fade out useless memories. Jess still remembered parts, like the fear she felt, but she couldn't remember the traumatizing images of her dead friends and family, which everyone agreed was for the best. Kawaii~Chan had remained close to Gene the whole time, and Gene knew that it was both to keep an eye on him so he wouldn't do something like that again, and probably because Kawaii~Chan still felt guilty about the whole thing. Zane, on the other hand, stayed away from him. Gene couldn't blame him. He couldn't blame any of them anymore.
Jess cleared her throat and looked at the other Emotions. "So. That's, uh. Yeah, that's finished." She crossed her arms, then uncrossed them. She was uncomfortable, clear as day. Gene focused his gaze harder on the ground. "I think I'm going to. Um. Take a nap. I didn't sleep well last night."
The others nodded. "It's good to recover lost sleep," Aaron said. "Just set an alarm so you don't sleep so much that you can't sleep tonight."
Jess waved him off with her hand. "Yeah, yeah. I know. I got it."
The Emotions nodded, said their goodbyes, and slowly disappeared. Gene lingered for a brief second, looked up at Jess, and then disappeared into the mindscape. The others were waiting for him when he arrived, and he looked away. Kawaii~Chan still had that sympathetic yet also apologetic look on her face and it made Gene's stomach tie in knots. Gene was the one who had done these terrible things to them. He knew he was the bad guy in all of this.
"So," Aaron said, his voice sounding like it was treading on eggshells.
"I'm just going to go to my room," Gene said instead.
In his peripheral vision, he saw them exchange uneasy looks. Aphmau asked, "Are you sure? You don't want to...talk about this?"
"Talk about what?" Gene tugged at the hem of his jacket and instead settled for putting his hands in his pockets. "What I did was awful, and I'm sorry, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make up for it."
Kawaii~Chan shook her head. "That's not—"
"I tried to kill you all. That's not okay. I don't care what kind of excuses you're trying to make for me. It's not..." Gene took a deep breath and wiped at his eyes before they could moisten. "I'm just tired. I want to go to my room and we can talk another time."
More looks. Did they have some sort of secret code that Gene didn't know about? It wouldn't surprise him.
"Okay," Aaron finally said. "We'll talk about it later."
Gene nodded and left to head to his room. He hadn't been to his room in...Well, in twenty years. He could barely remember what it looked like, but once he was in front of the door, it all came rushing back. For a long time, he just stared at the door. The handle was worn down, the wood chipped and lived in, the paint on the doorframe was peeling. But he knew that nobody had touched his room, despite the visible wear. They wouldn't have wanted to.
He went inside and shut the door behind him. The room smelled musty, unlived in. The walls were faded, and the place looked rundown, but while Gene and the room had grown, the contents of the room hadn't matured with him. The wallpaper still had rocket ships, the bed was still the size for a child, there were still small toys littering the room. Everything looked so small, created with the perfect size for a child, and with the same courageous spunk of a kid who wasn't afraid of anything.
As Gene stepped further inside his room, the room changed with him. It altered to the mind and age of its new inhabitant, like the room was finally welcoming him home. The wallpaper faded away and was replaced with a plain blue hue. The bed grew to fit his new size, and the red sheets changed to dull gray. The toys disappeared, but nothing took its place. When Gene finally sat down on the bed, the room looked bare.
There was a knock on the door and Gene jumped to his feet when he saw who entered. "Zane!"
Zane stopped in the doorway and looked around at the room. Whatever he was thinking, he didn't express it. Instead he looked back at Gene. Gene felt small under his stare, and he couldn't hold his gaze for long.
"Zane I'm sorry—"
"I know. Stop apologizing." Gene bit his tongue tightly before he could apologize for apologizing. His stomach bubbled and he felt disgusting for not apologizing anyway. There was a moment of silence before Zane said, "I don't want you to hurt her or Jess again."
Jess and Kawaii~Chan. He didn't want Gene to hurt Jess or KC. And, in an unspoken way, Zane didn't want Gene to hurt him again, either. Gene gulped and nodded. "I don't want to hurt anyone again."
Zane continued to stare and it made Gene feel uneasy. Zane's anxious energy really was stronger now that they were older. "You're different."
"What?"
"You're not... You've changed. Like. You have changed." Gene nodded at Zane's statement. He knew what Zane meant. He wasn't Fear, not anymore. "Are you...okay with that?"
Gene shrugged. "I have to be." Another long pause. The air felt thick and Gene wondered if anything would ever heal between the two of them. Or between Gene and the other Emotions at all. "Zane. I hurt you really, really badly. And I know you don't want me to keep apologizing. But if you need to...to do something, or have me do something, to make you feel better..."
"What, like try to kill you by torturing Jess?"
Gene bit his tongue tightly and looked down at his shoes. "No. That's not what I meant."
Zane was quiet and Gene didn't dare look up from the ground. "I'm not going to try to get revenge on you or something. You suffered. I suffered. I just... I want to focus on getting better. I see the negative side often enough. You'd be surprised how much the others can change a pessimist into an optimist."
"It'll take a while for that to work on me."
"You have about seventy years left." Zane told him in a joking manner.
Gene finally looked back up and met Zane's eyes. There was no hostility in them. It was more of a type of... tiredness. Zane was tired. Gene felt tired too.
"Right," Gene said softly. "I...thank you, Zane."
Zane nodded, the response implied. Finally, he turned and left the room without a word, shutting the door closed behind him. Gene remained standing for a moment longer, half expecting Zane to come back into the room, and shout at him or hit him, or do something in retaliation to everything that Gene did that day. But no one else came in. He was alone again.
Gene laid down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He let his mind wander. Gene had realized from the moment his nightmarish disguise had melted away that he was no longer Fear. He had been afraid, but he didn't feel the same as before. Zane was right when he said that Jess didn't need him anymore. In a sense they had killed him, but now he had simply transformed into something else. He was no longer afraid, no longer Fear. He was just Sadness.
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Okay guys! That's the end of the book. I know, I know. "Where's the ship moments?!" If you look closely, you'll find them. I didn't want to make it obvious, a true fangirl/boy notices every little moment. (Not true, but most do.) If you want me to make a book 2, let me know by commenting! Goodbye my sweet little kittens!
1510 words!