"This food looks delicious," Jang-mi smiles ad the waiter puts it down on the table.
"Sure does," Seulgi smiles. The six of us are sitting round the table laughing and chatting. Na-yu joined us at the restaurant.
"So," Ru-Ri begins. "Why was Tae at your house Jang-mi?"
"I've been exposed," Jang-mi says covering her face with her hands. "Don't look at me." She hisses. It's like watching a little kid re-enact a scene from a movie.
"Come on Jang-mi, tell us," Seulgi asks pushing her arm.
"Fine," Jang-mi says. She flicks her hair behind her should and leans forwards. "He came to talk to me about acting." Everyone sighs in disappointment but I realise the holes in her story straight away.
"What, for 4 hours?" I question.
"Okay fine," she sighs. "He came to ask about our relationship."
"You have a relationship?" Seulgi says raising an eyebrow.
"Well I got close to him 6 weeks ago when he and Ai-yeon broke up," she explains. "Then he came round a few times.
"Oi oi," Sam says wiggling her eyebrows.
"Not like that Sam. We just started talking about life and our experiences," she says, her words dropping off at the end. "And a couple days ago we kissed." She says the last bit so quietly that only Seulgi and I can hear her.
"I'm proud of you Jang-mi," Seulgi says. We all look at Seulgi in a questioning manner. On the outside it would appear that Jang-mi knows everything about everyone but on closer inspection you'll see that it is in fact Seulgi that does.
"She's proud of me because..." Jang-mi starts. She decides not finish the sentence.
"You don't have to tell them," Seulgi says comforting her.
"No I want to," she tells Seulgi. "I got abused by first boyfriend."
"Oh my god," Sam says. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine now," Jang-mi smiles. "He left no physical marks so my body recovered. It was never anything more than bruises." Now Jang-mi's attitude makes sense to me, she acts confident and cocky as if to say don't come near me I'm a strong person, even if on the inside she lacks all the confidence in the world. She's so nosey about other people love lives so she can live vicariously through them. We all nod and except her confession. I can see she's happy that she finally told us what happened.
"So now I'm getting into a relationship with Tae," she smiles. "I honestly thought I'd never be able to date again but Tae's so sweet and kind and caring that I'm happy I decided to get involved with him."
The conversation about relationships carried on. Seulgi told us nearly everything that had happened with Yoongi, from the day they met up to now. It was nice to learn about everyone's past, even if I'd never see them again.
We reach the end of the meal, everyone is finishing off the last bits of pudding from their plates and I finally speak up.
"I'm leaving," I say quickly. All their eyes divert straight onto me.
"What do you mean?" Ru-Ri asks.
"I'm leaving Seoul," I admit. "Tomorrow evening. That's why I was speaking to all the guys earlier to say goodbye to them."
"You can't do this," Ru-Ri says. "You can't just leave me like this. You're practically my sister and you just plan to get up and disappear." I nod my head.
"I'm going to start over Ru-Ri," I tell her. "It's not that I don't want you in my life, it's that I want to try again with everything." She breathes in heavily.
"I guess I'll have to let you go," she says. "I'm going to miss you so much."
"I promise you guys, one day, although I don't know when, I'll come back and visit you all," I tell them. "And I promise I'll never forget you." We spent the last hour or so chatting and catching up. All the girls had left except Ru-Ri. She didn't want to leave as she knew it'd probably be the last time she'd ever get to me. As we reach her front door, her eyes well up.
"Don't want you to leave," she cries and takes me into an enormous hug. "Never."
"I'm sorry Ru-Ri," I cry into her shoulder. "I don't want to leave you either." We sit on her doorstep crying and reminiscing about times when we were younger. She falls asleep after a while so I knock on the door and hear Jin fumbling with the keys on the other side. Once I hear the the keys I make a dash for the exit. I walk round the corner and look at them behind the wall. Jin picks her up effortlessly and looks around to see if he can see who left her. He opens his mouth.
"Thank you Ai-yeon," he shouts at the street. "Thank you for helping to create such a wonderful human being. Never forget what wonders you've done." His yells fill my eyes with tears once again. "I'll never let her forget you, just promise you'll never forget either." I smile and feel proud as I've just let my daughter get married.
I climb into my car and look at the roads around me. The trees tower around the clear streets. I reach my house and open the front door. Jungkook walks out of the kitchen. As soon as he sees me he puts down his glass and runs towards me. He gives me a massive hug.
"I love you," he whispers into my ear. I put my head into his neck. "I can't live without you."
"I love you too," I smile. "But you're over exaggerating."
"I was so worried about how late you've been out," he says. "I'd die without you, honestly. You're what I live for." I take his cheeks in my hands. I lean in and kiss his lips. They got perfectly as usual. Our kiss begins to heat up.
If this is going to be my last night with Jungkook, I'll make it my best night with him ever.
We make our way up to our room, to do what most young couples do. That is it, we're having sex. It's as good as ever.
***
I wake up and look at the clock. I yawn as I realise I have thirty minutes to get ready. I quickly hop out of bed and pull some simple clothes on. I leave Jungkook a note saying where I'm going for when he wakes up. With 6 minutes to spare I get out of the house and rush off to Sam's.
I knock on the door of the little shop then walk in. Sam's sitting at her desk filling out lots of sheets of paper. Her typical thick rimmed glasses and newly coloured hair. She sits very focused at her desk.
"Sam," I call out to her.
"Ai-yeon," she calls back. She gets up and runs over to me to hug me. I feel her bloated stomach against me.
"Damn Sam," I say. "I can't believe you're already three months."
"I know right," she answers. "It also means it's been three months I first met you but I feel like I've known you for years." I smile. "Oh I want to show you something." She pulls me over to a sheet of paper with loads of names written on it even though most have been crossed out.
"So Jimin and I were thinking about names for our baby, so for a boy we'd call him Jeong-min," she says. "And for a girl we'd call her Ai-ri, after you and Ru-Ri." I feel myself beginning to tear up again. I hug her so tight I'm surprised she's still alive when I let her go.
"Now you came here for a tattoo," Sam begins. "What would you like?" I explain my idea. It's small and simple. I only want a cute tattoo on my ankle.
"A red cartoon heart surround by eight black dots," I tell her. She begins to draw it. It's exactly what I'd planed.
"Any particular reason?" She asks.
"We'll it's a tribute to everyone here," I tell her. "The heart is Jungkook. The black dots are you, Jimin, Ru-Ri, Jin, Tae, Jang-mi, Na-yu and Seulgi." I see a sad smile go across her face. Tears begin to build up in her eyes.
"I'm going to miss you so much,' she cries. "I'm sure everyone's said this but please don't forget us." I nod my head. "Wait here a second." She stands up and runs off to grab something off her desk. It's a Polaroid Camera. A very old fashioned one. She holds it up. "Smile." She points it towards the two of us. I smile showing my two dimples that sit above the corners of my mouth. She smiles to. There's a flash and the image begins to print itself. After one is done she tells me to smile once again so both of us have a picture. She hands me the first one.
"Never lose this," she says putting it into my head.
"I won't," I tell her.
"Good now let's get you inked," I'm taken over to a familiar bed where she begins to ink my ankle. It's hurts more than the one on my wrist but takes nowhere as long time wise. After probably about twenty minutes she's finished I look down at it. It's perfect. I can now never forget anyone that lives here.
"Thank you," I say getting out my card.
"Don't," she says stopping me. "It's your going away present from me and Jimin, even though he doesn't know it yet."
"Thank you," I say. "Again."
"You're welcome," she answers. She's shows me out to the door. I wish her luck give her a final hug and that's it. I'll never see another one of my friend ever again.
***
I get home around lunch time. Jungkook has made himself a sandwich and is sitting on the sofa watching the tv.
"Hey," I say dropping my bag on the floor. He turns around, the bun stuck in his mouth. He looks like a little child, cute and innocent. I walk over and sit next to him on the sofa. He swings his arm over my shoulder. We watch the televison, or rather he watches, I'm caught up in my thoughts.
He told keeps telling me he can't live without me. I feel bad for leaving him but I know it's the best choice. He won't actually die without me.
"So Ai-yeon is it okay if I go out with him in this evening?" He asks.
Thank you Jimin.
"Yeah that's fine," I tell him. "I have some programs I'd like to catch up on. I can watch them this evening."
"Okay if you're sure," he kisses the top of my head and smiles to himself.
***
"I'm heading out," he calls out as I slurp my drink at the counter. I head over to Jungkook and give him a hug.
"Hyung is here. I'll see you later."
No you won't.
I begin to cry into his shirt. He hugs me clearly being able to hear my crying. I sniff and feel my mascara running. He holds me tightly.
"Why are you crying?" He asks.
"I'm just feeling a little queasy," I tell him. I'm not lying, my stomach feels like I'm going to chuck up everything I've eaten today. "I love you."
"I can stay if you want me to," he says. I shake my head.
It'll only make it harder if you stay.
"Go, have fun," I tell him pushing him towards the door. "You deserve that much a least."
"I love you," he tells me kissing my forehead one last time.
"I love you too," I say.
"Remember Ai-yeon," He says. "I can't live without you." With that he leaves. I'll never see him again. Not his smooth hair, silky skin, mahogany eyes. Not his tall figure or strong frame. He won't hold me in my sleep and comfort me through my troubles anymore. I can't cry into his arms when I'm sad or laughs and joke with him to make us happy. We won't cook meals or dance together. I won't ever get to go to the beach with him again and mess around in the water till the salt fills our lungs. I'll miss him, forever. I won't be able to marry him at the of summer like we'd planned. I won't be able to share a little cottage on a hill like we'd talked about. He won't father my children and we won't set up a happy family to enjoy the company of. Overall I will never be able to hear his comforting voice that slowly takes over my soul.
I gather my clothes and belongings together, making sure I don't leave anything significant behind. I place the necklace Jungkook got me around my neck. I write him a little note explaining what has happened but I haven't told him where I'm going. I grab a taxi and head off the the train station. The grey clouds finally decide to empty what's inside them and pour down on the world around us. The pitta patter of little raindrops scatter around the car like little memories.
I look out the window at the streets. The lights mixed with raindrops distort my view of the world around me. We drive past Sam's parlour where she is packing up shop for the night. The little child waiting to adventure into the world still waiting for the right time. She appears to wipe her eyes and puts up a black umbrella before stepping on the pavement and making her way back home.
We continue along the same road until I see a restaurant. Coming out of it I see Ru-Ri, Jin, Jang-mi, Na-yu, Seulgi and Yoongi. They appear to be laughing like old drunks. I snigger at them. They look so happy. I'm glad I've left them whilst they still feel happy.
We drive passed the park. The one and only park. I see three very familiar faces sitting on different parts of the apparatus. Jimin and Tae are on the slide and climbing frame. Jungkook is sitting in his signature place, a bottle of beer in one hand and a lit cigarette that's pressing up against his lips in between his fingers. I feel tears begin to appear in my eyes.
This is how it should be.
I take my things out the back of the car. The rain still splattering heavily either side of my umbrella. I take out my two suitcases. Out of my pocket I pull the one way ticket. I go into the train station and place my ticket into the machine. I'm on my way to Busan as the clouds now hail from outside. I place a foot on the train and the bring the other one to meet it. I breathe out a sigh as the doors begin to close behind me.
The man that lives for me, I will miss you. Goodbye and I love you, Jeon Jungkook.
[TO.BE.CONTINUED...]