"i'm a missile that's guided to you."
- fall out boy
____________________________
WHEN GUS ARRIVED home, a startling silence greeted him as he walked up the patchy driveway. The yells he usually heard that seemed to vibrate through the thin walls were missing. Instead, he listened to the distant hum of crickets and the faint sound of the ocean as he walked to the ratty door and pushed it open, breath in his throat.
His eyes quickly scanned his home before landing on the doorway to his kitchen, where his two parents sat on opposite sides of the table, both heads snapping in his direction at the sound of his entrance. Gus' mother was the first to stand up. It seemed to only take her a second to close the distance between them and pull her son against her chest.
"I'm sorry, Mom," Gus murmured into his mother's hair. He looked up at the feel of a hand resting on his shoulder to see his father standing beside them, hesitating for a moment before wrapping his arm around his family.
And as they stood there, arms bound together, Gus began to feel whole again. The grey cloud of his parent's separation that had hovered around him seemed to lighten a little, until the sun peaked through rugged cracks. He didn't feel as sad as he once did, but rather the distant fear of an inevitable change nestled into him and Gus welcomed it, anything but the sadness.
"Don't ever leave like that again, Gus," his father said as he held his son close, fear lining the edges of his stern voice.
"We love you so much," his mother chimed in. Gus simply nodded, resting his eyes for a moment as he held his parents that he didn't share blood with, but something much greater.
I love you, he thought, but the words seemed stuck in his throat.
___
When Gus laid on his bed that night, smile on his face and stomach full, he reached for his phone, wanting to share this fleeting moment of happiness with only one person.
He sat up and scrolled through his contact list until he found Rory's number. With a sudden feeling of courage, he sent her a text.
Guess what?
Gus stared at his phone intently before the screen flashed. She had texted back! His face split into a grin. "Who is this?" the message read. His smile instantly fell flat before he remembered one tiny detail.
Gus, the guy you can't
stop staring dreamily at.
A second later his phone rang, Aurora's name flashing across the screen like a blaring siren. He pressed Accept instantly and held the phone up to his ear, collapsing happily onto his bed.
"Maybe amnesia is a side effect of dying, but I don't recall giving you my number." Aurora's voice greeted him hostilely over the phone. Gus squirmed awkwardly, suddenly glad this conversation was taking place with her at a safe distance.
"So," he began, "I may have went through the home phone in your brother's room and found it." Gus bit his bottom lip sheepishly, Aurora going dead silent on the other line. "Rory?" he asked when she still hadn't spoken.
"Sorry," she chirped in a moment later. "I'm just googling how to file a restraining order." To Gus' horror, he could hear the sound of her fingers hitting a key board in the background.
"You invited me into your house," he reminded her. "Curiosity isn't a crime."
Aurora paused. "You know you could have just asked me for my number. Right?"
"You would have made fun of me."
"No I wouldn't—" Her sentence was cut off by a small chuckle. "You're right. I totally would have."
Gus smiled to himself as he pressed the phone tighter to his ear. If he closed his eyes while she spoke, it felt as if she were here beside him.
"So, why did you call?" Aurora asked, the sound of her moving about filling the background. Gus heard the groan of a bed and imagined her laying on her back, staring at the ceiling.
"Just checkin' in to make sure your heart's still beating."
"I can't believe you're in love with me. Anything else?" she asked.
"Yes," Gus said slowly. "I'm sleeping in my bed, Rory." The other end of the phone went silent for a moment. Gus propped his free arm behind his head and waited.
"Congratulations?" she said, sounding confused.
Gus chuckled. "This is the first time I've slept in my room in over a month," he said, reminding her of his occasional slumber under the stars. "It feels weird— A good weird."
"Maybe get one of those machines that plays ocean sounds so you get the best of both worlds," Aurora suggested.
Gus smiled, thinking that may be a pretty good idea. "What are you doing?" he asked.
"Laying in bed," she responded, yawning.
And as he asked the question, Gus wished that he could see what she was doing instead of having to ask. He hated distance. Even the few roads that separated the two of them. Because, he realized, there were few things that topped being in Aurora's presence.
Gus sat up suddenly in bed, picking the phone up after it fell from his ear. "Can you meet me at the beach?" His words rushed out too quickly as his heart hammered in his chest.
"What?" Aurora asked, laughing as she said the word. "Gus, it's midnight."
"So?" he replied, grinning ear to ear as he spoke. "Since when do you pass up an adventure?"
Aurora yawned again. "The only adventure I'm taking tonight is in my dreams. We can meet on the beach in the morning."
"Oh," Gus said, running a hand through his hair. His heart seemed to deflate in his chest like a balloon that had just been punctured. "Yeah, sure. Tomorrow's fine, too."
"Gus," Aurora began softly.
"It's fine, Rory. You're tired. I get it."
There was silence on the line for a moment, a unfamiliar awkwardness settling between them. Gus searched his mind for something to say, something to ease the tension, but he came up short.
"I have an idea." Aurora's voice broke the silence. "You can plan what we do tomorrow."
Gus' eyes widened. "Really?"
"Sure. Whatever you wanna do, let's do it." She paused. "As long as it's not lame."
"Lame?" Gus repeated in disgust. "I never do anything lame."
"Remember that time on the roof —"
"Stop."
"Or that other time you —"
"Fine," Gus whined, Aurora's laughter ringing in his ear. "I promise it won't be lame. In fact, it'll be the greatest thing you do all summer."
"I'm entrusting the fate of my finale summer into your hands, Gussy," she said, voice stern. "Don't let me down or face living the rest of your life knowing you disappointed a girl who is about to die."
Gus knew Aurora was teasing him, as she always seemed to do, but her death was a joke he never found funny. Not even the slightest. But, for her sake, he managed a small laugh to brush off the heaviness that filled her voice, the same heaviness she thought she was a pro at hiding.
"Tomorrow will be a great day," he assured her, pulling the blanket up to his chin and laying on his side. "Goodnight, Rory."
"Night, Gus." A hum of silence lingered on the line before he hung up and placed the phone on his nightstand. Gus lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling and thinking of how he would spend tomorrow with Aurora.
When not a single thing came to his mind and the red numbers on the clock screamed that it was three-in-the-morning, a heavy exhaustion weighed him down and yet, every time he closed his eyes, he couldn't seem to fall asleep.
And so, Gus did what Aurora had suggested. He picked up his phone, opened Youtube and searched for ocean sounds. Then, he clicked Play and the sounds of the ocean filled his bedroom, transporting him to another place.
Now, when Gus closed his eyes and had both the comfort of his bed and the familiarity of the waves, he drifted off to sleep.