“When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know”
- Adele “Don’t You Remember”
***
Once I was done with all the slices of pizza Colton brought, I sighed as my stomach was finally content. “Thank you,” I muttered for I knew if he didn’t baby fed me like he just did, I wouldn’t have touched a bite of food and more than likely I would have ended up in the hospital.
Colton, who was already looking down at me, with his dark brown eyes, nodded, “You’re welcome.” He started to run his hands through my hair, softly. “I’ve missed you Alice,” He admitted in a calm, relaxed manner.
I looked away from him as I pleaded with my lips to not reciprocate his words back to him because for some reason I just couldn’t let him know that I missed him too. “I’m fine now,” I told him as I tried to get out of his lap.
Gripping me and halting my attempts to get up, Colton shook his head. “I’m not convinced.”
“Well, you are going to have to be, Colton. Now let me go and please, just leave...”
“It has been two years since I have seen you, can’t you at least humor me with what you have been up too?” Colton asked as he clearly showed he was not going to let me go anytime soon.
A lump formed in my throat as I started to think about how to answer his question without lying because I know he would catch onto my lies if I tried. “The events that have taken place in the past couple years will in no way humor you,” I confessed, foolishly.
Colton furrowed his eyebrows, “How so?”
I shook my head, “I don’t want to talk about it.” His grasp on me tightened, and I knew I was making him mad but the truth would only anger him more.
You see, Colton was always super protective of me. It was in his nature ever since I was a baby. I can remember like it was yesterday running out of the doors of my preschool and racing into Colton’s arms. He was fourteen going on fifteen at the time, and he had an uneven tone of voice, which I later learned was due to puberty. Anyway, that is beside the point of the story ... I ran to him crying that some kid was teasing me about my glasses and poured sand in my training diaper. Colton looked furious at first but soon composed himself and asked who the boy was. I pointed him out through my teary eyes and Colton, with me in his arms, marched over to the boy. Colton managed to talk with a deep, venomous tone I’ve never heard him use. He told the boy that if he dares to even look at me at school that he was going to tell the Boogeyman to come to the boy’s room at night.
While now that threat seems trivial, it wasn’t to an average preschooler who was afraid of monsters. Plus, aside from telling the boy that, Colton confronted his mother and told her what her son did to me. Trust me when I say, the look in the mother’s eyes said it all: he was going to get a spanking, a good one.
That was the first time Colton ever stood up from me like that, but it is a complete and utter to lie to say it was the last. In fact, Colton has threatened, beaten and even went to jail once all in an attempt to ‘protect’ me.
“Why won’t you talk to me about it? We use to tell each other everything,” Colton proclaimed as he continued to run his hands through my hair.
I felt calm and at ease in his arms like I use to be... “I miss this,” I blurted out without even considering my words.
Colton gave me a smirk.
“Remember when you use to play video games?” I rhetorically asked. “And I would just sit on your lap ... like this ... I-I...” I gave a huff, realizing my words were going nowhere. Well, they were going somewhere, to Colton. I could see it in his eyes, he felt like I was starting to forgive him. “Forget about it,” I mumbled.
“No, no, I remember ... You use to hate sitting beside me while I played my games. I offered for you to sit in my lap, and you agreed ... damn, you were just a little bean back then,” He smiled. “You had to be what: six or seven when you started doing that?”
I nodded, “Yeah, I was six...”
“...So, you’ve graduated high school?” Colton questioned after a minute of silence.
I gave a cheeky grin, “Well ... technically ... my senior class graduated but ... Uhhh ... I kinda ... didn’t...”
Colton’s eyes slipped into thin lines, “What do you mean, you ‘kinda didn’t?’”
I started to fiddle with my thumbs, “Well, you see ... I didn’t pass all my classes. So, I have to take online classes. If I pass them, they will give me a diploma.”
“If you pass? You sound like you are not positive you will pass,” Colton hissed at me.
“I’m not the smartest apple in the bunch, Cole,” I exclaimed as the old nickname I had from him slipped off my tongue. I immediately regretted saying it because it brought back so many memories I have been shoving into the back of my mind for years now.
“Of course you are smart, you were top of your class sophomore year,” He added in shock of my words.
“That was two years ago...”
“What does it matter if it was two years - Allison Snow! Don’t tell me that you let your grades slip because of our fight?! What the Hell have you done?!”
I leaped out of his arms, catching him off guard. Spinning around to face Colton, I felt my eyes water up. “I don’t have to explain shit to you!” Turning back around I raced out of my room.
I ignored my mother’s dog Sparky barking at me as I dashed out the back door. I ran over to the big magnolia tree in the middle of my backyard and started to climb. I reached my usual thinking spot and sat there as tears raced down my face.
“I see nothing has changed,” Colton commented as he slowly walked over to the tree and leaned against it. “Still come here when you chicken out on something-”
“Shut up, Colton. I want to be left alone,” I stated.
“I’m not going to leave you alone, Alice! I have not seen you for two fucking years. Do you know how much I've missed you?!”
“Have an odd way of showing it,” I explained, “'Cause I was a phone call away.”
“I lied,” Colton said to me. “When I told you two years ago that I needed a break it was all a lie. I didn’t want you out of my life, Alice ... far from it. You have never been something I ever considered letting out of my life. Hence why I choose a local community college when I first graduated high school. I wanted to stay near you and help you out because whether you had liked it or not I had adopted you, mentally, as a sister and I didn’t want you out of my sight. But, my father confronted me. He said that it wasn’t right that you and I spent so much time together. He said I was nineteen, and you were nine. I was supposed to be out drinking and doing reckless things while you were supposed to be out having slumber parties at your friend’s house and wondering which color to paint which nail. He told me that you shouldn’t be coming over first thing in the morning, then me taking you to school and picking you up, followed by us spending the rest of the evening hanging out together...
“So,” He continued, “I decided to go to college as far away from you as I could. Yet, I couldn't completely cut you out of my life, so I stayed in touch with you every day and spent all my school breaks with you, hoping in the meantime you were living life.
“But,” Colton pressed on, “I had a talk with your mom one day, and she told me you went to school, came home and would wait by the phone for me to call. You feared if you left and missed my call that something bad was going to happen. Your mother then told me after you, and I would talk on the phone that you'd go to bed, and the cycle would repeat and repeat, never changing.
“I snapped,” He told me, “I saw that what I was doing wasn't working ... So, I decided to shut you out of my life, completely ... hoping it would give you the chance to live like a real teenager...”
When I realized he was done speaking I climbed down from the tree. The second my feet touched the ground I twisted around to face him. Anger boiled in my veins, “Who the Hell gave you the right to decided if I needed you out of my life?...” I paused for a second, coming down from my anger. “There is something I want to show you,” I told him.
He raised an eyebrow at me. “What?”
I casually took my shirt off. Once I was holding my shirt in my hand, I saw Colton looking at me with shock. “Come on, I know you are not a virgin, Colton, you’ve seen a girl in much less than a bra and sweat pants,” I teased before pointing to a printed black and white tattoo on my stomach. “The damn thing hurt like a bitch,” I pointed out.
“A tiger! You got a tattoo of a tiger!” I could practically see the veins about to bust in his forehead.
“Yep, your favorite animal,” Spinning around, I also showcased the detailed unicorn on my lower back. “Cool, isn’t?”
I could hear Colton growling from behind me. “Get your shit packed, I know a laser surgeon. You are getting those removed.”
I giggled at him as I turned back around and slipped back on my shirt. “You're funny, Cole, but I am keeping them.”
“Why? Why did you get them?”
Locking eyes with him and shrugged my shoulders, I spoke, “You leaving my life sent me over the edge, Colton. All I had known was you and then like a blink of an eye you were gone. I hoped that my wild child actions would somehow draw your attention. By the time I realized they didn’t, I was too far gone...”
“What do you mean you were too far gone? ... Alice ... what happened?”
Giving Colton a genuine smile, I chuckled, “Wouldn’t you like to know?” With that, I turned around and started to walk away.
“Don’t think I didn’t notice that belly button piercing!” Colton shouted at my retreating figure. “That will be the second thing to go!”
I flipped him off over my shoulder before walking back in the house.