***warning: long chapter***
...
The next morning I was still a little flustered from last night, surprisingly. I looked over at Kevin who was still asleep. I didn't want to wake him up, because he got to bed late and I knew he would probably have a hangover when he woke up. I huffed and turned over on my side. I slid my hand inside of my panties and closed my eyes, letting a few soft moans escape here and there.
"You need any help with that," Kevin whispered in my ear all of a sudden. I jumped. "Shit Kevin. You scared me," I said rolling over on my back. Kevin chuckled and leaned over me, replacing my hand with his.
There was a knock on my door. "Aye Lys! You up?"
"Fuck," I mumbled. Kevin chuckled in my ear.
I nudged him playfully in the side. "Yeah."
"I just wanted you to know that me and Ty getting ready to head out. We'll be back up this way later today."
"Okay," I called out over my shoulder. "See ya later."
"Later," he said walking away.
Kevin grinned and playfully hopped on top of me. "Keviiin," I squealed in laughter.
Some odd minutes later there was a knock at the front door. "Damn. Who could that be? Terrance and Ty just left," I groaned. "What do they want from me," I said tossing my head back on my pillow.
"Well I know what I want from you," Kevin teased. I grinned and rolled on top of him. I sat at his hips and pulled my shirt over my head. I tossed it aside.
There was another knock at the front door. We ignored it. Kevin's hands ran over my hips and down to my ass. I leaned in and kissed him nice and slow.
The door burst open. "Alyssa Victoria James you didn't hear me knocking at the door! And I guess your phone doesn't work either?"
I hopped off of Kevin and grabbed the blanket to cover myself up. "Ma what are you doing here," I shrieked.
"While you trynna play house with your boyfriend your father and I have been trying to reach you. I've been calling you for the past fifteen minutes! I thought something had happened to you," she said flustered. "I'm not used to you not answering my calls."
"What," I said reaching over Kevin to grab my phone. "My phone didn't even ring."
"Well get up and get dressed. Your father and I are calling a family meeting. We have some things to discuss. I'll text you where to meet us," she said as she turned to leave. "Kevin you might as well come too. You're about to be family soon," she said looking back at us and opening the door. "Hurry up. We don't have all day."
...
Kevin and I pulled up to one of my family's old vacation homes. It was about thirty minutes out from where I lived. We hadn't been here in years. I forgot this place even existed.
We quickly got out of the car and rushed inside. Everyone looked at us when we came in. "Hey everybody," I said a little less enthused than I had planned.
"Glad to see you could make it," my mom said walking in my direction. Everyone could hear the sarcasm in her voice and was surprised. "Come with me," she said in passing, "we need to talk." She never stopped walking; just whizzed right pass me.
Before I could walk away Keyona grabbed my wrist. "Girl what did you do to get on mom's bad side," she mumbled to me. "I ain't never seen her like this. I need details sis."
I rolled my eyes and sighed. "We'll talk later," I said before walking away.
I followed my mom into a quaint bedroom. "Sit down," she instructed. I did as I was told. "I don't know what you thought, but your father and I didn't give you that apartment to have sleep overs with your little boyfriend---"
"Fiancè ma," I interrupted. "Kevin's my fia---"
"I said what I said," she snapped back. "I know y'all are getting married soon! I was there for the engagement. Listen you're an adult and I expect you to act accordingly." She took a deep breath. "I am not naive. I knew you were having sex long before today, but please---just promise me you're being safe. We don't need any more babies before their time."
I tilted my head forward and leaned inwardly toward my mom. "Is somebody among the James clan pregnant?" I whispered.
"That is neither here nor there, just be responsible."
"I am ma. What's the prob---"
She shushed me. "Please. Stop talking." She sat down and put her hand on her head. She had a woosah moment.
I raised my eyebrow. "Ma are you okay? You seem a bit---on edge."
"It's just that I was taken aback when I saw you and Kevin earlier. I'm sorry. My emotions are all over the place today," she said getting a little misty.
"Nope," I said slowly, "I don't think that's it." I looked at her for a moment. I raised my eyebrow. "Ma--" I paused and took a step back, "are you---pregnant?"
The look in her face told me that I hit the nail on the head.
"Damn ma. Does dad know," I whispered.
"No."
"Wow," I mouthed.
"You better not say anything to your siblings. Especially not Keyona. I know how close y'all are."
"You don't have to worry. You're secret is safe with me," I said standing up. I wrapped my mom in a hug. Mya opened up the door and stared in concern when she saw me hugging mom. "What happened," she mouthed. I knew our dad sent her to ask mom if she was ready. I held my finger up to my mouth and mouthed for her to shut the door. Mya was compliant and did what was asked of her.
"Ma," I said slowly unraveling my arms from around her. "Dad is probably wondering where we are. Come on. We have to get back out there."
My mom wiped her eyes and checked her face in the mirror. She tried the best she could to perk up. "Okay. Let's go."
We headed back into the living room where everyone waited for us. I walked over to Kevin and sat down beside him. "Everything okay," he whispered discreetly in my ear. I kissed his hand and nodded yes.
"Okay," my dad started. "I know y'all are probably anxious to know why we brought y'all here."
"Well. I mean just a little bit," our eldest brother, Faye, teased. He was named Lafayette which is our dad's middle name, but we call him Faye for short.
"Well let's get to it," my dad laughed nervously. He grabbed my mother's hand and she squeezed his hand back tightly. "Oh shit," I mumbled to myself. I knew where this was going.
"You're mother and I---" my dad paused for a second before reconvening. "You're mother and I have decided to go our separate ways---"
Everyone gasped and looked around at each other in disbelief.
"What," Tyreek said. "Are y'all serious right now!"
"Now wait a minute. If you all would just give us a moment to explain---"
Tyreek wasn't having it. He stood up and walked outside. Our dad put his head down in frustration. I ran outside and caught him before he got far. "Ty. Let's just hear them out at least. Come back inside. Please Ty," I begged. Tyreek sucked his teeth. "Why Lys! What the hell they gon' say to us that we don't already know, huh!"
"Just hear what they have to say and then if you still want leave, you can leave, okay? Please come back inside Ty." Tyreek reluctantly caved in and started heading towards the house. "I'm doing this for y'all, not for them."
"Fair enough," I said heading up the steps behind him.
Our parents were relieved to see Tyreek come back inside. None of us expected him to take it as hard as he did. When I sat back down beside Kevin he pulled me close to his side and kissed the top of my head.
Our mom resumed the conversation. "We want you all to know that this is a hard decision for us both. We know the kind of impact that this sort of thing can have on, even adult children, so we waited and tried to work it out as best we could, but---" Our mom shrugged her shoulders and let the tears roll down her face. "---there's nothing else left for us in this marriage. We're deeply sorry for letting you guys down. Just know that our love for you all is unwavering. We love you with all of our heart." A tear rolled down my cheek. I wiped it away quickly. Mya was wrapped in Keyona's arms; she was so broken up, Terrance was still in shock, and Ty was just angry. Faye seemed unfazed. It was as if he saw this coming.
Our dad was still holding onto mom's hand. "We've drifted a part. That's all," he said trying to reassure us. I looked at my mom who looked like a wave of guilt had washed over her. I made eye contact with her from across the room. She quickly looked away. Suddenly I knew what no one else knew.
My mom got up and walked out of the living room. I got up and followed behind her. "Ma," I called out. She went into the room we had left only minutes ago. I went in behind her and locked the door.
"Please Alyssa. Not now," she said shooing me away. I walked over to her.
"You had an affair," I whispered. "How could you?"
"You don't get to judge me right now. You may not like the way things turned out, but I am your mother and you will respect me," she said sternly. "Your father has no idea about the affair or the baby and I trust that you will keep it that way."
"Ma you can't ask me to keep something that big away from him. It's not right. It's only a matter of time before the truth comes out. Do you know what that will do to him? He really thinks that y'all have just drifted apart, but nah, you've just found a new man to fuck!"
"Alyssa watch your mouth," my mother warned.
I huffed. "The weight of this secret is seismic. It will crush him ma."
"You don't think I know that," she snapped back. "I'm the one who's done the deed and I'm the one who has to live with the guilt, not you."
"Well see, that's where you're wrong, because now I know the secret that you've been harboring for months. Thanks ma," I said sarcastically. "Now I have to carry that heartache with me wherever I go because, you're too much of a coward to tell him--" I paused briefly, "---and as much as it pains me to keep this from him, this is not my news to tell. It's yours."
"I ended our marriage, because I started asking the real questions. It's about time you start doing the same."
I turned to walk away. "You tell yourself whatever helps you sleep at night ma."
"You haven't lived. I wouldn't expect you to understand."
I waved her off.
"Are you even sure that Kevin is the man you want to marry," she blurted out.
I turned around and looked at her. I scoffed. "Excuse me?"
"I mean, is he really the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with?"
I looked at her in disbelief. "How can you even ask me that? You know how I feel about him. I'm in love with him, ma."
"How can you be so sure? I loved your father once. Look at how we turned out."
"Ma, Just stop. Don't berate me," I said turning away from her with tears in my eyes.
"Why? Because you know it's true? Think about it Lys. Are you really gonna tie yourself down to one man for the rest of your life? Is Kevin really the man that you want to have sex with for the next thirty or forty years; because, let me tell you something woman to woman, after a few years with the same man it gets dull. You're young. You're pretty. You could have any guy eating out of the palm of your hand. You're only twenty-two babygirl. You shouldn't be settling down so soon. Listen to me. Explore your options, because God knows I wish I did."
"What the hell ma! That is straight bullshit!
"Like hell it is. I was around you're age when I married your father. I married him in part, because I loved him, but mainly because I got pregnant. I wanted to raise our child in a two parent household like my parents raised me back in Guyana. I knew that your father could provide for me the life I always wanted. Baby, I settled only to miscarry our first child within the fist two months of our marriage. A year later we got pregnant with Faye and after that y'all just kept on coming. Alyssa I thought I was ready to be married at twenty-two, but the truth is I wasn't."
"Oh please ma! Don't feed me no bullshit like that! So what, we were the only reason you stayed with dad?"
"It's not bullshit if it's the truth Alyssa! Don't be naive! Don't make the same mistake I did. Learn from me!"
I wiped my eyes and sniffed. "Well first off I'm not pregnant, so we can cross that off the list of reasons why I'm marrying Kevin." I perked up. "Hey! That's also one mistake I'm not making that you did."
"Oh don't be cute. It's only a matter of time before you make the same mistake that all twenty-somethings make. You can't convince me that you and Kevin practice safe sex all the time. That's bullshit."
"You know what? No ma; we don't, but that does not mean I'm making a mistake by marrying him, just because you did with dad. We aren't the same."
She scoffed at me. "Yeah we'll see when you come crying back to your father or me about how it didn't work out. You may think I'm being harsh, but I'm just telling you like it is. Don't marry him. In the end it's not gon' be worth it."
"Okay. There is absolutely no way I'm talking to my mother right now, because you've been disrespecting the shit out of me since I got here and the mother I know wouldn't do me like that."
She stepped back and looked me up and down. "Oh you must be smelling yourself huh! You got your rocks off today and think you the shit. Don't try me, cause I'm still your mother and no matter how old you or I get, you will never be too old for an ass whooping!"
I laughed in disbelief. "I can't believe you right now. Who knew that under all of this," I said waving my hands around her body, "under all the makeup and nice clothes, lived a total bitch?"
My mother slapped me. I held my face to soothe the sting. "I would never disrespect my mother the way that you're disrespecting me right now," she said surly.
I huffed. "I can't believe I actually left my bed for this shit. I should of took an extra thirty minutes to fuck my man since you interrupted us this morning," I said brusquely. "I'm gone. This shit is for the birds," I said as I turned to walk away.
"Alyssa," she called out. I looked back at her and slammed the door behind me. I wiped the tears from my eyes and walked into the living room.
Mya bombarded me with questions. "Lys what happened back there? You alright? You were in there for a minute."
All of my siblings crowded around me. I sat down on the couch. Kevin grabbed my hand and held it tightly. Tears began to flow uncontrollably. I wiped them away. "Everything we thought we knew about our mother is a lie."
"Alyssa tell us what happened back there," Tyreek begged. Our mom walked into the living room looking as if she and I were never in a heated conversation just a mere few seconds ago. She put on a good front; pretending to be broken up over the divorce. She dabbed at her eyes and nose with a raggedy piece of tissue to make it look real. I stood up from the couch. "Where's dad," I asked them. She stopped and stared at me. "He went out back. He said he needed some fresh air and to be alone for a little while," Keyona said.
"Im gonna go check on him," I said as I moved past them. Our mothers eyes implored me not to utter a word to him. I ignored her request and made my way out back, through the kitchen. When I stepped foot outside it was silent. "Dad," I called out. I turned the corner and saw him lying in the grass. I ran to him with tears in my eyes. "Daaad," I cried out.
In that instance everything seemed to slow down. I fell on the ground beside him. I leaned my head on his chest to check for a heartbeat. I held two fingers against his neck to check for a pulse. I tried to shake him awake as I pleaded with God for his life. Kevin and my siblings ran outside. "Alyssa what happened? Alyssa!" I heard everyone talking around me, but they sounded distant and muffled. I was numb. I heard the ambulance coming down the street. I heard the commotion of the paramedics trying to resuscitate him.
I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. I felt like I was being awoken from a dream as I came to. I looked up and saw that it was Kevin. I stood up and scurried into his arms. My siblings so graciously surrounded me in love and wrapped their arms around me.
"Excuse me. Ma'am. Ma'am. I need you to tell us what happened," a woman said to me as she tried to break through the barrier of my siblings surrounding me. No one wanted to let me go, but I assured them it was alright. I caught my mother out of the corner of my eye. She stood in the doorway watching everything, but saying nothing. She had her hand up to her mouth. She looked worried and suddenly she seemed to have aged.
I refocused my attention on the woman asking me questions concerning the state I found my father in. I gave her what little information I had. When she was finished with me I walked over to my mother. Tears were standing in both her eyes and mines.
"If he dies it will be your fault and I'll never forgive you for it." I looked down at her stomach and suddenly felt sick. I ran inside the house and grabbed the nearest trash can I could find. I hurled into it. Kevin rushed over to me. "Baby are you okay?" I looked over at my mother who was still standing in the doorway; this time watching me.
"What did you do," I cried into the trash can. "What did you do?"
Kevin helped me up and took me to the bathroom to get cleaned up. When I was done he handed me a bottle of water. I drunk it quickly.
"Do you need anything else," he asked me. I shook my head no and stood up. Kevin and I walked back outside.
"What's going on now," I asked my siblings as they stood around anxiously.
"They're getting ready to take him to the hospital to work on him," Faye said. "One of us should ride with him."
"Faye I think you should go. You're the strongest one out of all us," I said.
He started getting teary-eyed. "I don't know man. What imma tell my kids if their pop-pop don't make it? They're over the moon about him. I don't know if I can handle that."
"Hey. We're all here for you," Keyona consoled. "We got your back like you always got ours."
"That's right," I said. We all agreed.
"If you don't want to ride with him," one of us will Tyreek said.
"I appreciate it big man," Faye said to him, "but ya know what," he paused, "I think I can handle it." He took a deep breath. We all hugged him.
"We'll meet you over there," Terrance said to him.
"Okay cool. See y'all in a little bit," Faye said as he headed over to the ambulance.
All of us silently headed back into the house and grabbed our belongings. We left out of the front door and headed to our respective cars.
For me and Kevin the ride over to the hospital was a silent one.
...