Don't say that this didn't hurt,
I've cried all night,
And now it's your turn.
Things seemed to have a way of getting fucked up just as life seemed to be going right for Alex. Ever since she had met Piper Chapman things had gone from great to worse to even fucking worse and just as they were getting great again they plummeted back down. Alex sighed, running a hand through her hair as she tried to figure out what the hell to write to her cousin. It had been a week since Alex had received the letter about her aunt and she was fed up of putting this off. She never realised it would be so hard. She started off with the obligatory 'sorry' and 'things will get better' but then she had started to pour her heart out to her cousin about how she had coped, not so well, with the loss of her own mother but that her current frame of mind was proof to show that time made some of the hurt go away. Alex hoped that it was at least part truth. She felt bad for her cousin, having to go through this alone. Alex knew how hard it could be, even with the support of your family you still feel alone, like no one understands your pain. Alex spent an hour writing her letter before it was finally done, she put it in the envelope and placed it in / the mail pile. As she headed back towards her bunk she chewed on the inside of her cheek, thinking. Writing about her mother had made her realise she missed her more than ever, with Piper back in her life and some kind of future forming for the two of them she noticed that her mom had slipped her mind a little during all of this. Alex felt incredibly guilty about that and it must have shown on her face because all of a sudden Piper was there asking if Alex was okay.
Alex's brows shot up in surprise and she nodded, taking Piper's hand into her own and leading the two of them towards her bunk so they could sit down. "I was just thinking about my mom."
Piper nodded and waited for Alex to continue, knowing that her mom was a touchy subject for Alex. She squeezed her hand in encouragement.
"Well, really I felt a little guilty, you know?" Alex didn't wait for Piper to respond. "I was so wrapped up in thinking about our future together once we get out of this hell hole that I just completely forgot about her. I felt so fucking horrible about it, how could I forget about her?" Alex's voice was rising slightly now, indicating the stress she was causing herself.
"You're mom would understand, Alex. It's okay to not think about her all the time. Hell, I know she wouldn't want that, she loved you with every fibre of her being Alex and I know for a fact that the only thing she ever wanted was for you to be happy." Piper rubbed Alex's arm with her free hand in a soothing gesture, her words were calm and gentle but Alex could hear the truth behind them. Piper was right, her mom wouldn't want her to pine about her, she would tell her to get her shit together and move on with her life because the world doesn't stop spinning for anybody - no matter how fucked up their life is.
Alex smiled and let out a small chuckle, "I forgot that you met her. Jesus, how could I forget that." Alex shook her head a little at the memory.
"ALEX!" A loud scream erupted from the door of a large Victorian styled house. Alex sighed and shared a pointed look with Piper as she parked the car and heard her mother scream. It had taken them a few hours to drive to her mom's house in Ohio that Alex had bought her as an early birthday present about ten years ago.
"Jesus..." Alex muttered as she got out of the car, waiting for Piper to join her before walking up the drive.
Piper was unusually quiet and Alex could feel the nervousness practically oozing out of her girlfriend, she gave Piper's hand a gentle squeeze as she directed them towards her awaiting mother. Her mom didn't wait for them though and she sprinted from the door down towards them both and tackled Alex into a hug. Alex laughed, letting go of Piper to hug her mom enthusiastically. It had been far too long since Alex had last seen her mom, their weekly phone calls never did their relationship any justice. "Hey mom." Alex said warmly as she pried her mother off of her after a moment to draw her attention to Piper who was now watching Alex with a small smile on her lips. Alex realised that Piper had probably never seen Alex so composed and relaxed anywhere outside of their shared apartment in New York.
"You must be Piper," Alex's mother mused as she appraised Piper. Eventually she smiled and embraced her too, "So glad to finally meet you, you're all Alex talks about lately on the phone. It's all Piper this and Piper that. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love hearing how happy Alex is but it was quite hard to imagine one person suddenly making her actually commit." Alex's mother laughed, her eyes seemed to dance and despite the teasing tone in her voice Alex could see that Piper was genuinely warmed by her words.
"It's so great to meet you too, Ms. Vause." Piper replied politely, "Alex talks about you all the time."
Alex's mother looked pointedly at her daughter, "Hmm, all good I hope." She said the words with a hint of a threat towards her daughter before looking back at Piper. "Please, call me Diane."
Alex scoffed at her mother and walked back to the car to get their bags before heading inside, assuming the two would follow her. As she put the bags down in the corridor she could hear the distant babble of voices coming from her mother and Piper. She decided to leave them to it and headed up the stairs towards her own room. She had made sure that she had two rooms in her mother's new house, one for the old Alex and another for the new. She visited the 'new Alex' bedroom first and gazed over the warm interior, it hadn't changed at all since she had last been here. Dark, warm colours filled the room that reminded Alex of autumn nights spent on the floor in front of a fire reading a good book with Piper curled between her arms. Of course there were books lying all over the place but her bed was immaculately neat. She left the room without stepping inside and headed down to corridor, past her mom's room and towards her other bedroom. She opened the door somewhat hesitantly and stepped inside. This room was much smaller than the other room and was too filled with dark colour but it was noticeably colder colours; dark blues that reminded Alex of stormy winter skies. This room was filled with memories from Alex's childhood and teen years. Old books littered the floor. Even older posters and pictures hung up on the walls and she smiled at the memories of old friends. Taking another step into the room she gazed at her old desk that sat in front of the only window in the room, she sat down on the old chair and ran her hands over the wood that had been engraved with profanity and random words over the years. She smiled at some of the words on there, smiles turned into chuckles as she saw names encircled with love hearts that had been promptly scribbled out. She reached across the desk for the pile of writing journals she kept there and opened one, eyes flickering over the first few lines. Alex had written plenty and often during her younger years, she had written often about her father and what she hoped he would be like the day she finally met him. She had been filled with such hope back then. Alex promptly snapped the book shut and chucked it back onto the table, suddenly losing the warm feeling she had originally obtained from stepping into the room. She leaned back in her chair and spotted an old picture of her and her mother tucked away in the corner besides a bookshelf. A small smile graced her lips again. She felt a pair of eyes burning into the back of her head suddenly but she ignored them for a moment longer, embracing the memories the room evoked one last time before she put on her carefully constructed mask and turned to look at Piper.
"Hey," She smiled at her girlfriend and beckoned her into the room.
"You're mom said you would probably be in one of your rooms..." Piper's voice trailed off, showing her evident confusion at the statement.
Alex chuckled and nodded, "This one is my 'old' bedroom. Stuff I brought over from my mom's old house. The one we're staying in is across the hall."
Piper nodded and looked around the room with a new interest upon hearing this information. "Oh.. So this is all stuff from when you were younger?" She asked.
Alex nodded, her eyes flickering around the room again. In truth, she hadn't been sure why she wanted to keep all this stuff. Her childhood had been far from happy or pleasant and she didn't often dwell on the memories she had from it. Maybe she just had issues. Alex almost laughed at herself, of course she had fucking issues.
"What do you think of my mom?" Alex asked in an attempt to deflect any questions the room might have provoked as she stood up and took Piper's hand, beginning to drag her out of the room.
Piper grinned at Alex and let herself be dragged, "I love her. She is hilarious, I can see where you get your humor and no bullshit attitude from."
Alex chuckled and nodded as she led them back down the stairs and into the kitchen where she knew she would find her mother slaving away at the stove. "Mom I told you that you didn't have to cook for us.." Alex began in protest.
"Alex shut up and take that pretty girlfriend of yours to the table and sit down. Dinner will be ready in five minutes. I did not invite you here to listen to you object to me cooking my one and only daughter a nice meal." Diane commanded. Alex clearly knew to obey because she didn't attempt to protest again but simply followed her mother's orders and directed Piper to the dining table in the next room. After they had sat down Piper turned to look at Alex, her brows raised.
"What?" Alex asked dryly.
Piper smirked and shrugged, "Never thought I would see the days that Alex took orders without a complaint."
Alex shook her head, fighting off a smile and failing. "Yeah well, you wouldn't want to see the result should I complain about it." She chuckled, knowing that she had also gotten her fiery temper from her mother.
They had eaten their meal, laughing and bantering with each other constantly. Alex was delighted at how well Piper and her mother got on, it was surprisingly reassuring. Alex and her mother shared a knowing look and Alex couldn't help the grin that spread across her face as her mother silently told her that she loved Piper. Alex nodded and excused herself from the table to take their empty plates to the kitchen. She returned after a minute to find her mother and Piper talking about her.
"Jesus, I can't leave the room for a minute before you two start to gossip about me? I know I'm amazing and all but damn." She smiled smugly and the two glared at her in turn. She shook her head, amazed at how similar they were already.
"I was just telling your mom how you practically refuse to leave your bed if it's before 12." Piper commented, smirking.
Alex rolled her eyes, knowing full well that her mother didn't approve of her laziness.
"Alex, honey, you know staying in bed that late isn't good for your brain. You need to wake up earlier, the early bird catches the worm." Her mother nagged.
Alex glared at Piper, letting her know she would get her own back for this. "Yes mom, I know." Alex dismissed her mother's worries and placed a bottle of wine she had taken from the kitchen in the middle of the table. Piper squealed with delight and soon all three were drinking and talking again. It was 3am by the time her mother said goodnight to the two of them and dragged herself upstairs. Alex watched her mother go before she turned to Piper. Piper was undoubtedly drunk, she hadn't been pacing herself like Alex had. Alex took advantage of this in hopes that Piper wouldn't remember too much of what she said now.
"You know you're the first girl that I've ever let meet my mom." Alex said quietly, drawing Piper's attention to her and away from the wall.
"Really? Aw, baby, that's so sweet." Piper slurred, "I love your mom. She is literally the best ever. God, I wish she was my mom too. Can she be my mom Alex?"
Alex laughed and arched a brow, "I mean, I knew you were into some kinky stuff but I'm not sure that I'm down with incest Pipes."
Piper hit her sluggishly at that and laughed, "Ass." She muttered.
"Yeah, I love yours too." Alex winked at Piper and stood up, reaching for Piper's hand to drag her up. "Come on, lets get you to bed my little drunk goldfish."
Piper made a disgruntled noise, "I'm not a goldfish... I'm a beautiful angel. Look at my golden flowing locks." She giggled then, provoking another chuckle out of Alex. She loved when Piper was the kind of drunk where she became all innocent and childlike. It was stupidly adorable. They were about to enter their room when Piper held her hand on the door frame, stopping them from entering. Alex looked at her confused. "Pipes?"
"Why did you keep all that stuff from when you were younger?" Piper asked her, her eyes probing Alex's for an answer even in her drunken state.
Alex debated on what to say before she shrugged, "Guess I just have trouble letting go of some things, Pipes." She responded.
Piper nodded somberly and released her grip on the door frame to let herself be carried to the bed.
Alex took a deep breath, Piper's soft voice pulling her out of her mind. "You'll be okay, Al. I'm here and I'm never going to abandon you again. Ever."
Alex smiled and kissed Piper softly, running a hand over her cheek and along her jawline. Whatever shit was between the two of them, there was no doubt in her mind that she and Piper were meant to be together. They just needed to fight to get there; and fight was exactly what Alex was going to do.
Alex hadn't heard back from her cousin for a month and so decided to let it go. There was nothing she could do about it in prison anyway. Nicky was a good distraction for Alex as they often talked about their future that awaited them in Europe. Alex hadn't realised just how excited Nicky was about it till now. She had so many hopes for what her future brought her and Alex felt better knowing that she was helping to at least accomplish some of them. Alex was even more pleased to hear that Lorna had agreed to go with them to London. It really felt like the four of them had become a family. Alex knew that Piper and Lorna had gotten a lot closer over the past weeks and she was grateful that Piper had another friend she could rely on.
"So I was thinking that once we had gotten settled in we could totally take trips down to the south-east of London. I read that it was super cool down there, grimy in some parts but crazy posh in others. I'm pretty stoked about hearing all those girls with the accents too." Nicky was practically drooling as she leaned over the laundry table to talk to Alex. Alex had to hit her in the arm to snap her out of her daze.
"Jesus Nichols, keep it in your pants. You'll have Morello there to quench all of your needs." Alex chuckled.
"I know but damn, those accents..."
"Trust me Nicky, they are far too overrated. Not that hot at all. Although, a lot of the girls there are very leggy. Especially where the apartment is, we're in the central of where all the models live and goddamn.." Alex trailed off, remembering many a day that she and Piper would spend sitting outside a cafe as they watched the girls walk past rating each one. It had become a rather serious competition in the end, seeing who could spot the best looking girl first. "You'll love the nightlife though. The clubs in London are some of the best I've ever been to."
Nicky closed her eyes and sighed, Alex knew that they both couldn't wait to be free of these walls. "One day Vause, I will find a way to thank you for all this shit."
"No need to Nichols, you've done enough already." Alex replied firmly, letting Nicky know there would be no discussion on the topic. Alex was genuinely grateful to Nicky for all she had done for both her and Piper since they'd arrived and this was the least she could do to show her appreciation. Nicky was definitely a friend for life. "Just don't fuck it up with Morello, okay?" She smirked and got back to her work.
"Hey guys," Piper's voice announced her arrival. Both Alex and Nicky looked around at the same time to see both Piper and Lorna standing in the laundry room. Nicky walked over to Lorna and gave her a kiss, Alex looked at Piper and arched a brow when Piper avoided her gaze.
"Pipes?" Alex asked, trying to get her attention. She saw Lorna give Piper a concerned look before busying herself with Nicky. Alex frowned, "Piper." She said more firmly this time. The blondes blue eyes flickered up to her own for a moment and Alex saw the familiar look of worry in them. Alex had to refrain from sighing, if this was more bad news she was going to freak. "Piper what the fuck is wrong?" She demanded as Piper looked away from her again. Both Lorna and Nicky were looking back and forth between the two of them now but neither made any effort to move, both their to support their friend. Alex knew that if something happened Lorna would be there for Piper and Nicky for her. It was a little funny how they had unintentionally divided themselves like that.
"I uh..." Piper stammered, looking at Lorna for some support. "I talked to my mother today." She finally breathed out, looking up at Alex.
"Okay.." Alex replied, confused. "So what?"
Piper took another breath, as if to steady herself. "She asked to meet you."
The surprise was clear on Alex's face as she processed the information. Piper's mom wanted to meet her? Why? Suddenly it dawned on her that whilst Piper didn't have the best relationship with her mother, she probably knew all about the relationship Alex had had with her daughter all those years ago. Undoubtedly she had some questions for Alex and also some accusations to make. About landing her precious daughter in prison and Alex had no doubt that she probably blamed Alex for the demise of Piper and Larry's relationship too. Alex sighed and nodded. "Okay." She busied herself with her work again, trying to concentrate on it and not let herself stress out. It would be fine, Alex told herself.
"Alex no, it's not okay." Piper spoke up, finding her courage and walking towards Alex now. "I have no idea what she is going to say to you and meeting you in a prison is hardly how I had envisioned you meeting my mother for the first time." Piper sighed and tugged at her blonde hair, "I won't even be there to defend you. My mom is a crazy, WASPy woman and I do not want her to fuck around with your head."
Alex smiled a little, "You pictured me meeting with your mom?" She asked, curiously.
"Really? That's the thing you picked up on out of that?" Piper's voice rose slightly as she got more worked up.
Alex put down the clothes she was holding and placed her hands on Piper's shoulders, "Pipes, relax. I don't need you to defend me. I have some things to answer for, I know that. I'll be okay. It'll be okay. Chill the fuck out." Alex looked back at Nicky and Lorna who were watching them intently and smirked. "Dyke drama, huh?" Alex commented, making Nicky chuckle and shake her head.
Alex had forced them all to leave after that, insisting that she needed to get on with her work without distraction. They all reluctantly left and soon Alex was left with nothing but the sound of the machines and her own thoughts for company. In truth, Alex wasn't all that worried about meeting Piper's mom. She could only be a more uptight version of her girlfriend. She could feel herself already building walls. She was determined that Piper's mom wouldn't get to her, nothing she would say could break her. She was bulletproof. Unbreakable. She was Alex fucking Vause.
Authors Note:
Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, starting to feel out the new plot whilst trying to not make it too repetitive. Also fighting the urges to start a new fic but I must finish this one first .-. may the force be strong with me. Thanks so much for all of the reviews, they are very encouraging and it's good to know that people are actually enjoying reading these. Please review as they honestly do inspire me to write more and get the updates out more frequently. Hope you guys don't hate me too much for leaving you on a semi-cliffhanger there with the whole thing about Piper's mom! I also hope you enjoyed the flashback about Piper meeting Alex's mom, I have more of those planned and I'm going to try and get a few more flashbacks in here and there as I haven't done any in a while.
As always, please review and thanks for reading! :D