When I was able to open my eyes again, I noticed my surroundings were quite bright. I didn't understand why, as it'd been an average, cloudy day in Dark Root, and the whipping had taken place outdoors. After several minutes of forcing my eyes to open and adjust to the lighting, I realized it was bright not only because of the overhead ceiling light, but also the stark white walls that surrounded me.
I had no idea where I was, causing panic to slowly take over. Glancing down at my arm, I realized there was an IV placed, which also confused me, but helped me realize I was in the infirmary wing.
"You're awake," a deep voice came from my left, startling me all over again.
I turned to face the source and saw Dean standing from a small couch and approaching me. He was still dressed in his crisp, business clothes and appeared completely normal other than a slight flicker of worry in his eyes.
When my eyes met his blue and hazel ones, I was suddenly hit with my recent memories of what had happened. Those poor girls – I must have fainted. It was all too much.
Dean slowly closed the distance between us and sat on the edge of my hospital bed. He stared at me for a moment with an unreadable expression before reaching out in what I assumed was an attempt to stroke my cheek or tuck my hair behind my ear.
However, his action wasn't completed. As soon as I saw his hand coming for me, my mind flickered back to images of Dean striking Jessica with the whip, followed by memories of my father. I quickly jerked away from him and scooted to the other side of the bed, staring at him with wide eyes.
Dean's eyes instantly darkened.
"I thought we were passed this," he growled lowly.
I flinched at his tone. I'd certainly thought we were passed all of this too, but seeing him being so brutal over petty crimes...it affected me in ways I couldn't explain. It brought back haunting memories of my life with my father, it scared me, and it made me fear the future.
"Speak, Audrey," Dean commanded. I could tell he was trying to control his tone this time, as my reaction to his growl had been unfavorable.
I started to open my mouth, but I couldn't find the right words. I couldn't think of the best way to say to him what I truly wanted to say. Everything seemed so confusing now. Would we ever be able to be normal mates?
Before I could speak, tears began to stream out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I felt utterly stupid, sitting there with my mouth wide open and tears soaking my hair and hospital gown. Dean then reached out and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest before I had the chance to object. His touch brought comforting warmth and sparks from our mate bond, which calmed me, but also made me cry harder.
"I don't understand. Please make me understand. I want to understand!" He said into my hair as he pressed his lips to the top of my head and continued to hold me tightly. His voice was serious and gruff as usual, but cracked a bit, indicating to me that my crying was upsetting him.
"How could you do that!" I finally shrieked, all of my emotions slipping out at once as the sobs continued to wrack my body.
I felt Dean's body tense, "Is this about the whipping?"
His question baffled me. Was he seriously that blind?
"Of course, it's about the whipping! How do you not see anything wrong with it? Especially in my eyes! You know the kind of life I had before I met you!" I yelled as my body shook and tears continued to pour.
Once my mouth shut, I froze. Had that outburst truly come from me? I don't think I'd ever been so aggressive in my entire life. Dean had asked to understand, and that was the only way I could make him. My mind was a jumbled mess. My emotions were all over the place. My wolf was in my head, begging me to calm down, but I couldn't.
"I would never do that to you!" Dean growled, losing his composure again as he released my body and backed away.
"How am I supposed to know that? What makes me so different from those girls?" I challenged.
"You're my mate!"
Dean's tone was lethal, causing me to freeze this time. We stared at each other, his chest heaving as he forced his wolf back. One more outburst and he could shift in the middle of the hospital room.
I swallowed hard, waiting for further yelling, expecting the worst. My heart was drumming in my ears. I'd made a bold move, so I'd pay a bold price.
"I'm your mate, Audrey," Dean said again, this time his voice slightly calmer. "I will never be one to cause you pain, and I will do everything in my power to make sure no one else does either."
I hesitated, wondering if I should even speak the words that came to mind in response. After a few moments of contemplation, I decided to continue speaking my mind. I'd been bold thus far, so why not continue?
"You've already caused me pain."
Dean's expression quickly became unreadable as conflicting emotions hit him one by one. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. Rage. Hurt. Disbelief. Frustration. Pain.
His eyes darkened even further and his body began to tremble as every muscle tensed. It was too much. His wolf was demanding to break free. To do what exactly, I wasn't sure, but I really didn't want to find out. Dean was already old fashioned and rough around the edges as a human, so I knew his wolf's expectations and emotions would be even more serious and primal.
Although I was shaken, I did the only thing I could think of that would calm him at this point. I reached out and grabbed his hand, and then pulled him as hard as I could so that I was able to rest his palm on my cheek and have my body only centimeters from his. Slowly, I looked up to gauge his reaction. This time, he looked astonished, which was understandable since I was putting out some mixed signals. He stared down at me with his mesmerizing eyes, and little by little, they softened.
Silence surrounded us. It was clear that neither of us knew what to say at this point. I wanted Dean more than anything in the world, but I was terrified of all the unknowns in our still-budding relationship. I knew he could feel my whirlwind of emotions through our mate bond, and they were likely overwhelming him when combined with his own. For once, I was thankful I hadn't marked Dean yet. I wasn't sure I could handle someone else's feelings on top of my own.
Somehow without even realizing it, I'd ended up with my face buried into Deans' solid abdomen, inhaling his natural, manly scent. His muscles felt more relaxed now, and his arms had found their way around me, holding me close. It was a bit crazy, knowing only a moment before, I'd been explaining how Dean's actions hurt and scared me, but now I wanted nothing more than to be in the comfort of his large, firm arms.
"I'll try."
His voice was barely audible, but I heard it. Two faint, simple words warmed my entire body.
"I can't promise to ever change who I am, or what I value, but I can promise to try and take your feelings into more serious consideration before I act, and I can promise to try my hardest to make you happy," he added, this time louder.
I felt my eyes begin to water again, but this time from happiness. Although I was still skeptical and unsure of the future Dean and I would have together, his reassurance made my heart soar. His words confirmed that he did care about me and wanted me to be happy with him as my mate.
My father had only a couple incidents of regret and remorse involving his abuse of me. Once was immediately after my mother's death – the first time he'd laid a hand on me. For days after he was apologetic, and I was hopeful that everything would be okay. The other time had lasted only a day, and was very faint in my memory. He'd always go right back to being hateful, eventually.
It was probably unfair that I continuously compared Dean to my father in my mind. After all, Dean had never physically hurt me. He took care of me, provided for me, and kept me safe – all things my father failed to care about after my mother was gone. I knew deep down that Dean was nothing like my father, but his temper and ultra-conservative beliefs were a bit off-putting at times.
"Okay, thank you" I finally murmured in reply, my docile nature quickly returning. I felt guilty about my outburst, and was thankful Dean didn't seem too bothered by it. Regardless, it wasn't who I was. I didn't enjoy yelling or being assertive. Quiet and reserved were the safer options, and much more comfortable, in my opinion.
~~
The next day, I was released from the infirmary wing sometime in the early afternoon. Dean had surprisingly taken the day off from his Alpha duties to insure I was okay and able to settle back into our quarters properly. I hadn't suffered any injuries from my syncopal episode, but I felt a bit drained, both emotionally and physically.
Dean slowly led me back to our quarters, convinced that I should spend the rest of the day there, resting. I would much rather be doing something to keep my mind occupied, but I'd learned quickly that it was pointless to argue with Dean, especially when it came to his concern with my well-being.
His hand was resting on the small of my back, gently leading me out of the infirmary wing and towards the massive staircase of our pack house. Just as we were about to make our ascent, Dean paused.
"I almost forgot – Hana was wanting to tell you goodbye before they departed tonight," Dean told me.
"Oh!" I said in shock, bringing my hand up to my face in disbelief. There'd been so much going on that I'd completely forgotten that Luna Hana and Alpha Rhett were still visiting our pack. Now new questions entered my mind – had they attended the whipping? Something told me neither of them would approve, and that it was perhaps the true cause of their departure.
"Yes, I'd love to tell Hana goodbye before they leave," I told Dean with a small smile.
Dean nodded and changed our direction, leading us away from the staircase and towards the guest wing of the pack house. It was one of the smallest wings, as Dark Root didn't accept guests often and certainly not in mass amounts, but it was well taken care of. When I worked with the Omegas, I personally checked and cleaned the guest wing weekly, even if the pack hadn't had any visitors. It consisted of four suite-style rooms featuring a small living room and kitchen area, two bedrooms, and a rather luxurious bathroom. After all, when Dark Root did accept visitors, they were often of high ranking, if not Alphas and their families.
Once we reached the guest wing we walked to the end of the hall to the very last room where Hana and Rhett were staying. From what I'd put together, Wyatt had requested a separate room. I didn't know the full story and history of Hana, Wyatt, and Rhett, but from what I had heard, it was extremely complicated.
Dean reached out and knocked on the door firmly, but not loud enough to be startling. Within seconds, the door was pulled open to reveal Rhett juggling several large bags, which I assumed belonged to Hana.
"Dean, Audrey! So glad you two came by before we left. Hana's been dying to check on you," Rhett told me with a smile, his gray-blue eyes sparkling a bit. For some reason, it was refreshing to know that not all Alphas were as intense as Dean. I had no doubt that Blue Mountain loved and respected both Rhett and Hana.
"Is it Audrey?" I heard Hana holler from further back in the guest room. I appeared we'd caught them in the middle of packing.
Rhett chuckled and motioned for us the come in. Dean carefully nudged me inside, and Rhett shut the door behind us. Once we fully entered the living area, I caught a glimpse of Hana waddling back and forth in one of the bedrooms, carrying piles of clothing back and forth between suitcases. I couldn't help but smile – it was quite humorous watching this heavily pregnant Luna rush to re-pack all of her belongings.
"I told her she didn't need to pack so much," Rhett told us, trying to keep his voice low.
"I heard that!" Hana yelled, poking her head out of the bedroom door. "I've never visited any pack aside from Polar Moon, okay? I didn't know what the weather was like here!"
Hana then let out a bit of a huff and threw down the articles of clothing she had in her hands before coming out into the living room. She smiled brightly as she approached me, but her eyes held a glimmer of concern. Before I could speak, she reached out and pulled me into a tight hug.
"It's been so great getting to know you Audrey," she told me. "I'm going to leave my number with you, so you can call me if you ever need to talk. Hopefully we can arrange a time to visit with each other again soon."
I smiled back, "Of course. I really appreciate everything, Hana."
I felt some tears begin to form in the corner of my eyes. I knew Hana had her own life and own pack, but she was really the only friend I'd ever made. It was nice having her here, knowing another female had my back. It seemed the only luck I had making female friends here in Dark Root was with the elderly.
Hana squeezed me a bit tighter, bringing her mouth closer to my ear, "It'll all work out eventually. I promise."
FINALLY!!! Yes, I finally updated! I'm seriously so sorry ya'll. Not only was I busy because of the holidays, but I now have TWO jobs, so I've been training for the new one and such along with my usual life things (dog, cleaning, family, etc). I do have a little over a week left before my spring (AND FINAL!!!) semester of college begin, so my goal is to write as much as possible. I will be working some more this week, but I'm still going to try and make time for writing every day. I'm hoping I won't be terribly busy this semester so I can finally finish Lena (sooooon) and really start working on Zahra!
I hope you all enjoyed! Dean and Audrey still have plenty more exciting things in store for them. Please continue to read, vote, comment, and tell your friends about my stories!
xoxo -V