I was so glad I found a new friendship within Karim. Since I had her going to school wasn't so dreadful anymore. I at least had someone to talk to. I was on my way home from school. You ever get that nervous feeling like something bad is going to happen? Well that's exactly what I was feeling in the pit of my stomach. I tried to shake off the feeling and continue on my walk home. Of course when I got home all the bad shit started to get in place. On our door was a big ass red Eviction notice. No my Ma never paid that electricity bill or any of our other bills if you were wondering. I sighed as I snatched the paper off our door and proceeded to go inside. It had gotten bad no electricity, no heat, and no food. I had been washing up in cold as water . But enough is enough. I had to steal a couple of items out the store just the other day because I was starving.
I have not seen or heard from my Ma in about two days. But it was nothing new she just did that from time to time. That's when I knew she had came up with a little money and was out enjoying herself with all the drugs she could buy. I wished she would just grow the hell up and be a parent for once. I would have to try to get a job ASAP cause Kash aiin about to be sleeping in the streets. It was times like this when I wished I had a Dad or someone else I could go live with. But all my Ma said about my Dad was that he was a Goofy Mufucka and if I wanted to see goofy I could go to Disneyland and see him. I don't even understand why she birthed me in the first place. She knew she couldn't take care of me so why keep me? Why not give me to someone who could take care of me. She's so damn selfish she been living in hell and she wanted to drag someone down there right with her.
I sat on the floor with my head in my hands sobbing uncontrollably. You know your heart is broken when you feel your stomach drop. What did I do that was so wrong that I was forced to live the life I live. Why me? I wasn't perfect but shit no one is. I feel like I was hand picked specifically just to get the short end of the stick. I wiped my tears and got the hell up off the floor. I always allowed myself to cry once and once I stopped I'd make sure of it never to cry over the same shit again. This is what it is this been going on for 15 years of my life.
I heard the door open and looked to see no one other than my carrier.....Kamiko herself. She looked so out of it. She use to be so beautiful and had such vibrant skin people use to mistake us for sisters. Now I bet they would say she's my grandma. I heard she had a new Love now which was heroin. She had track mark all up and down her arms. She just wasn't what she use to be. "Kash Money!" Hey baby she tries to hug me but I dodge her. " What's wrong with your funky ass" she turns her nose up at me. " I thought you was gonna pay the bills Ma" I keep it short and cut right to the chase. "Girl we straight " she tries to wave me off. "We straight ? Look around mom we don't have shit!" These candles are about to be burnt out real soon, we have no electricity, no heat, and no food how are we straight" I scream to the top of my lungs. " You better watch how you talk to me Kash Money" My Ma warns me. But at this point I really didn't give a damn she needed to hear this. " This been going on for years Ma, aiin you tired" I question her but she just looks at me. " Ima crack baby Ma, yes I got lucky and was born healthy but that doesn't change the fact of what I am" My eyes start to get clouded with tears but I refuse to let them fall in front of this lady. " That's all you've ever cared about you don't give a damn about me" " who leaves their child for days at a time "? " I'm sorry you feel that way Kash Money " My Ma just shrugs her shoulders. I just shake my head and laugh it off " Yeah me too". " We're getting evicted " was the last thing I said to her before I took off to my room.
I lay on my lumpy ass mattress and just stare up at the ceiling. She aiin never gonna change. I hear my Ma scrambling around like a bat out of hell looking for shit. Then I hear the door open and close. " Go ahead and leave, That's all you good for anyways" I say aloud to no one in particular. I close my eyes and drift off to a not so peaceful sleep.