The offending messenger bag in my lap offered no assistance in my search for some sugary goodness. I sighed as my hand came back empty after searching the last pocket and I tossed the bane of my existence into the floorboard. Chocolate is supposed to be the cure for all problems. Or was that coffee? I guess it didn't matter which was true because I didn't have either of them, not that they'd help with my problems right now. My life was officially ending.
First and foremost, I didn't have any chocolate left. I'd suffered many years of addiction to the dark decadence and always kept it on my person, but I'd eaten my entire stash, as evidenced by the Machu Picchu pile of foil sitting in the cup holder beside me. Secondly, just try being the new girl during your junior year of high school, especially when you're concealing the fact that you're a teenage shapeshifter. Tell me how that works out for you.
Every day, I hid my other side, but sometimes I "wolfed out" especially when my emotions were overwhelmed. Believe me, that happened more often than I cared to admit. I blamed puberty and not my overdramatic personality.
What I craved, besides the occasional rare steak, chocolate, and moonlit run, was obscurity. It had been instilled in me by my Aunt Mauve and my Uncle Kalen. Obscurity equaled safety for all three of us. Obscurity meant that we would not be hunted down like animals.
Ever since my first shift, my emotions had seemed to grow more volatile and unpredictable and after a few shifting related mishaps, I had received the label of town freak. I was the prime target for bullies and strange looks. It ignited the saga of our multiple moves across the state of Texas and now, once again we were leaving.
I'd royally messed up this time.
Three days ago, I held the Mayor's daughter by her throat in gym class and let my wolf eyes emerge. All I'd say about this latest incident was that she deserved it. Don't get me wrong; I'd tried to be a normal good little human, like my Aunt, but if something simple set me off, my wolf wanted to take control. This knowledge forced me to remain distant and on edge, and knowing tragedy firsthand didn't help. I was damaged goods.
Twelve years ago my parents were taken from me by an evil, demented individual and if not for our pack's intervention, I would have become his third victim. Two weeks later, after suffering severe swelling in my brain, I woke up in the local hospital. My memory was sketchy. When I was questioned by the police, I wasn't able to answer many of their questions. All I remembered was the car crash. I remembered a strange cloaked man approaching, but after the figure shows and he opens my father's car door, there's nothing, just blackness, and fear.
For years nightmares have haunted me. That scene repeats itself over and over. Overwhelming guilt eats away at me. Why am I unable to remember? Do I really want to? The doctors say something is causing me to block the memories; that I'm protecting myself from something or someone that I am afraid of. This fear has allowed my parents' killer to remain free.
My Uncle Kalen, who was twenty-three at the time, and my human mother's Aunt, dear old Aunt Mauve, agreed that he would raise his brother's five-year-old daughter with PTSD. He did it without complaint and rebuilt my life with her help. He taught me everything I know about shifting and she taught me everything about being a girl. I owe them everything and my heart swells when I think about all they have done for me, but I am still an orphan, and because of my lack of memory I can't help the police catch the killer of my parents.
I used all my guilt as a reason for rebellion and I lashed out at anyone around me. Uncle Kalen stressed that I needed to channel my emotions into a hobby. Maybe then I'd get my wolf under control and my memory would return. Maybe then the questions and sadness in Uncle Kalen's eyes would disappear, and I wouldn't feel like such a failure.
Aunt Mauve suggested meditation and yoga. She felt this would keep my wolf at bay. She used this technique in an attempt to improve her sometimes lapsing memory, but neither worked for me. The solution for me has been more physical. Uncle Kalen introduced me to the world of mixed martial arts. Krav Maga is definitely my favorite. I love the intense workouts and I train nonstop. It gives me the outlet I need. If I work hard enough and punish myself, I don't feel the guilt of having survived when my parents didn't. Finally, after two years of practice, I rule my wolf for the first time, but my memory is still locked away.
In the large school, I had attended, I'd perfected the art of invisibility and skated through sophomore year unnoticed, that is until "little Miss Perfect" opened her mouth. This time luck has forsaken me. Now that we are returning to Serenade Falls, my family's hometown, I'll be the reason for questions and stares among the measly three hundred students who attend Serenade Falls High School. Fate must hate me.
I am terrified of this return. I feel danger, but the reason for fear remains a whisper in the farthest reaches of my mind. Uncle Kalen says that the pack will help me, but I don't see how a pack could be of any help.
I explained my apprehension of living in the same small town where I'd lost my parents to Uncle Kalen, but he brushed me off. When Aunt Mauve stopped in for her weekly visit, he broke the news of the move to her and she thought it was a great idea. She behaved as if she'd won the lottery or something and her reaction only made me more suspicious of the move from Texas.
If I break down and lose control, mob-filled streets will be our future. All my confidence collapsed like an abandoned building because of this sudden trek across the country. If Uncle Kalen and the community only suspected what I feared was locked away inside of me, I'd be completely alone, once again.
********************************
Our Range Rover devoured the miles of asphalt that separated Texas from Serenade Falls. Uncle Kalen insisted this move was crucial and I just couldn't believe his excuses of you'll see soon enough or many things in your life will change once we're back. Aunt Mauve told me similar cryptic messages or she just rambled nonsense when I asked her about his reasoning. In my mind, one small slip up like the one I had with "little Miss Perfect" shouldn't warrant leaving Texas and moving back there. I really didn't see how anything would be different for us in Serenade Falls. How could a pack help me? I'd still be constantly on guard and all the confidence and control I had worked so hard to attain might just vanish like a vapor. My arguments seemed to mean nothing to Uncle Kalen. Secretly, I believe he hoped this move would force me to regain my memory. I'd hate to disappoint him once again.
"Kit Kat," my uncle started by using his nickname for me. "I know this isn't ideal, but it will be great. You'll see. Even Mauve is coming with us." His attempt to ease my trepidation crashed and burned. Nope, I rather not go to Serenade Falls. Forget his so-called changes or ulterior motives.
"I thought we were doing fine at home," I whined as he pierced me with his fatherly scowl. "Okay, I shouldn't have scared her or shown her my other side. And no matter how much she deserved it, it was wrong. I won't do it again. I promise. Can't we please go back to Texas?" I normally don't use this tactic, but I needed to sway his decision and I was running out of ideas. I pulled my long, chestnut colored hair into a high ponytail and continued. "This is really unfair. How will being around people I haven't seen since I was five help anything? I don't understand. I only need you and Aunt Mauve. We're the three Musketeers, remember. This place will only make me worse and you know it. Being here feels wrong. Don't you feel it?"
I wanted a better reason for this move and I had told both Aunt Mauve and him as much while packing this past week.
"I told you that something will take place in your life and the Grey family can help us through it. It's not just about learning to control your shifting," he continued calmly without answering my other question. That was one thing I both loved and hated about this man, no matter how much I pushed him, he rarely raised his voice. Sometimes, I wished that he'd get irate and argue back, instead of staying so reasonable all the time. Aunt Mauve was way more fun in an argument.
"You won't tell me what type of changes you're even talking about, Uncle Kalen." I shook my head failing to understand his logic as even more miles grew between me and Texas. We didn't have to return to Texas. I just didn't want to go back to Serenade Falls. "Give me some more information on this and I'll understand your decision? I can turn into a wolf. What is more life-changing than that? Shouldn't I have a say in what is best for me? Is this because I can't remember "that night"?" I desperately tried to change his mind before he smelled the fear and guilt that surrounded me. I wondered if tears would sway his decision.
"Kitra, I'd never move us just because you can't remember. Maybe one day your memory will return, who knows? Right now, let's forget about that. It'll come back when it does." His voice grew distant. My guilt swelled higher than any skyscraper. He didn't deserve any of the manipulations I was planning. Previously he had told me that I wasn't trying hard enough to regain my memory and I agreed completely with him. I was afraid of what would be revealed. "But have I ever steered you wrong or made a decision that wasn't in your best interest?" I knew he hadn't and now I felt guilty about making his normally smooth brow wrinkled in frustration. I knew I had hurt his feelings.
"No," I answered after a full minute. He had always put me first. It was for this reason that Aunt Mauve always agreed with him. Why couldn't I do this one thing for him?
For a long time, I couldn't think about my parents without spiraling down a dark hole in my consciousness. How could he be so sure that I'd be happy and at peace in the place where this all started? This move could potentially undo me. Living in our old home and resuming relationships with the Greys might tear open the scars which now covered my heart and I wasn't sure how I would handle it. Is that what he and Aunt Mauve wanted? What if the memory was too much for me? Too much for them? I just hoped that if the old wounds opened they'd finally heal.
We rode quietly for some time eating away at the miles separating me from the past that I wasn't sure I ever wanted to remember. I was lost in my thoughts about the possibility of my emotional destruction. My wolf stiffened at the certain doom sure to find us.
My need for an explanation ballooned and I pointedly stared at my uncle until he continued. His sharp jaw-line was clenched like it usually did when he weighed the options of a decision. Everyone thought he was my father because of the similar coloring of our pale complexions, chestnut colored hair, and emerald green eyes. However, there were subtle differences, if you paid close attention.
His nose was what he called the "Frost" nose, very Roman and distinct, that leads to a thin upper lip sitting on a full bottom one. My nose, however, was soft, small and delicate. My eyebrows were fuller and arched. They resembled what many women only achieved with cosmetics. My lips were full with a perfect cupid's bow, identical to Aunt Mauve's lips. I was also very tiny in stature; my uncle's bulk of muscles towered over my slim, five-foot-two frame.
Sighing, he glanced over at me and nodded once. He had made his decision.
"Kitra, give us one month with the Greys." I started to protest, but he just ignored me and continued. "If after one month you don't agree with me and won't stay on your own accord, we'll all return to Texas or go somewhere else. Until then, I'll answer your questions when I see fit. Deal?"
Sitting back I contemplated his offer, I smirked. This was too easy. I would just mope around and complain for a month; throw in a few tears here and there. This would drive Aunt Mauve insane who in turn would complain constantly to Uncle Kalen and then we'd go home to Texas. I knew it was petty and I was acting like a child, but I loathed the idea of living in Serenade Falls. He'd already lost this war.
"Deal," I agreed with a smug grin. He didn't know what he was in for.
********************************************
I must have fallen asleep at some point because when I peeked out the window; the flat plains of middle-America were long gone. They had been replaced by rounded mountaintops that were covered in millions of trees.
"Where are we?" I asked awed by the sight of the gentle giants lining the valley we drove through. I hadn't viewed this many trees in a long time and they continued for as far as the eyes could see. My wolf was itching for exploration of the countryside.
"We entered Virginia over an hour ago. You've been asleep for quite a while, Kit Kat. We should reach Serenade Falls in forty minutes." Forty minutes to prepare me for the inevitable breakdown sure to come. I wondered what this one would measure on the Richter scale. Maybe a 10?
I stretched, working the kink in my back muscles out. I couldn't believe I'd slept most of the day away. I knew I was tired from packing and this was our second day of travel, but I didn't think I'd sleep a solid eight hours straight. A small ounce of fear weighed down with the worry about walking back into the past crept along my spine and the hair on my neck rose. My wolf stood vigilant against any impending danger. I knew Uncle Kalen smelled my fear, but thankfully he remained silent. I took calming breaths and focused on the dotted line on the road before us.
When we eventually left the interstate I almost hyperventilated. I held my breath for a count of ten and blew the air out through my mouth until the tension in my chest eased.
The Range Rover followed each snake-like curve to the summit of the mountains only to descend again into a small valley between the majestic ridges. A welcome sign boasting of being the friendliest community in Virginia sat on the right side of the road.
Serenade Falls was a quaint, picturesque town set between twin peaks. High-end clothing stores, a fudge shop, restaurants, and a coffee shop dotted the sidewalks giving the feel of upscale, small-town America. To anyone else, Serenade Falls was perfect, but to me, it was a place of murder and deceit.
A group of teenage girls was gathered around what must have been their leader at an outdoor café table. The girl at the center was the epitome of Queen Bees; long, honey-colored locks grazed her shoulders in soft waves framing her angelic face and she was dressed in designer labels. I knew because clothes were something I indulged in beside my two vices. As we passed, I imagined the laughter she shared with her companions. It probably tinkled like music. It always did with girls like her. They seemed sweet on the surface, but under the fake exterior lurked a jealous demon who attacked anyone she deemed inferior. At times, they reminded me of sharks in a feeding frenzy and I was usually the one being devoured.
Farther down the road, the shops thinned out and we made a left turn off Main Street and continued down a gravel drive with a stone mailbox marking the entrance. Walnut trees were evenly spaced along the road giving the illusion of passing through the Queen's Guard during a ceremony. At the end of the road, the trees parted following the roundabout driveway creating a perfect semicircle in front of the house.
"There it is," Uncle Kalen exhaled and I smelled his own fear rise. "Frost Manor." At least I knew I wasn't the only one unnerved.
The house in front of me wasn't really a house, but more like an English, country estate. Two-story, white stone was draped with ivy on the right-hand side of the house and stretched up over the roof. The large fountain at the center of the driveway contained a wolf howling with water descending from the dais the wolf was perched upon. Red and pink rose bushes and tulips were spread throughout the garden under massive bay windows in a manicured flower bed.
I had a sudden flashback of running through the yard and being chased by my father. My mother's laughter floated through the air as she watched from the door. As I closed my eyes, I battled the sting of tears. This was too much too soon. Pins and needles danced across my skin as my wolf emerged. The bones in my fingers snapped and elongated taking my breath in its agony. Then, my fingernails extended into claws so sharp they'd slice through flesh like a knife through warm butter. I knew my eyes would be a brighter, glowing green if I saw my reflection.
"Kit Kat, come here," Uncle Kalen called and reached for me across the console. His embrace was awkward from our positions and my partial shift, but it was just what I needed. "Everything will be alright. The three of us will heal properly here." I took a deep breath and pushed my body, reversing the shift. We didn't let go until my breathing evened out.
I seldom thought about their feelings through the story that was our lives. Sometimes I was a complete idiot. Here I was singing a "woe is me story" to myself, and not once did I consider how Uncle Kalen was dealing with the loss of his brother and sister-in-law or how Aunt Mauve was dealing with the loss of her favorite niece and my father.
She chose the life of a serial dater who spoiled me rotten and he led the life of a single father and nothing more. I don't think he had even dated since that horrid day. His chance at a normal life was stolen from him the day I landed in his lap.
"I'm sorry for everything that I have forced you to deal with since then," I confessed as guilt flooded my soul. "I've always wanted you to be happy too, Uncle Kalen." He seemed confused for a second before my guilt dawned on him. Fierce protectiveness shone through his eyes.
"Don't you ever think that young lady. This is not your fault. I hate what happened to John and Meghan, but I have never resented you. You're my daughter too, you know." I smiled through unshed tears and squeezed him hard.
"I love you, Uncle Kalen." I kept squeezing and pushed my love into him.
"Love you too, Kit Kat. Now, let's stop blubbering all over each other and get inside. The Greys had the things off the moving truck unpacked for us, but we need to get our rooms situated," he was the brave one and pulled away first. "And I need to make sure the guest house is ready for Mauve. You know how she is. Everything has to be in its proper place." That was another thing she and I shared.
Sighing dramatically, I consented. "Okay, let's do this. When will she arrive?" She chose to meet us here instead of tagging along. I knew she agreed with Uncle Kalen about coming back, but I was confident that she also needed time to wrap her head around being here.
Climbing out of the car, I turned my head in confusion. Something big sounded behind us crunching the gravel and alerting us to the approaching black monster barreling down the drive. The truck sat high on wheels that were taller than me and I saw only one occupant in the vehicle. As the truck stopped, the driver killed the engine and lithely leaped from the cab.
I was stunned because the man was enormous. He was even taller than Uncle Kalen, who stood over six feet, and the authority that rolled off him made my knees weak. The next thing I noticed was the musky animal scent which indicated he was a shifter. Wind tousled black hair and gun-metal gray eyes scanned us cautiously as he approached. The jeans and button up shirt he wore barely contained the hulk of the man as muscles rippled with each step. A gun was strapped to his right hip and a badge on his left.
My inner little girl crawled to the surface and I crept behind my uncle to hide from this stranger. He seemed familiar, but he was terrifying. I pictured him turning into the hulk and smashing my skull in.
My wolf waged her own war. She whimpered in the submission he commanded her to perform, but she was ready to prove to him that she was the more dominant one.
"No need to hide from me, girl," his gruff voice was amused at my antics. "Hello, Kalen. It's good having you and little one home." Little one? Only one person ever called me that. Lucian, this man must be Lucian!
"It feels good to be home," my uncle chuckled as he tried to pry open my hands that were fisted in the back of his t-shirt. My mind was misfiring. Lucian Grey was standing in front of us; my dad's best friend. I stayed hidden not wanting to face him. He always saw through my lies and he'd know I'd never really tried to remember that night. He knew that I saw something the night my parents were killed and refused to open that door. "Come on, Kit Kat. Say hello."
"Little one, I won't hurt you," Lucian called still amused. "Let me take a look at you." Lady up, I told myself. I could do this. I took a deep breath and tried to prepare myself for the onslaught of memories and pain. I also knew I'd see the questions still there in his eyes after all these years. Here goes nothing I chanted to myself.