"Hey Madelyn" Madison lowered herself onto the cold hard ground within the cemetery. She had been here with Rebecca a few weeks ago but now it was her turn to come alone. She looked at the old, worn down headstone and placed a bouquet of baby's breath and pale peach roses in front of it. "I know it's been a while since I last came here to talk to you... and I honestly might not have any right to come visit this gravesite at all".
She sighed again and became silent. She looked around the rest of the graveyard. This was a place for loved ones to come and morn. Was she intruding? She didn't actually know Madelyn, and she was now living her life. But she felt as though she needed to come and explain everything to the poor woman's soul.
"I'm the woman who has been living your life" Madison gave an awkward nervous laugh. "And it seems I really am living your life now. You see I'm pregnant". She raised her nail to her mouth and slowly started to nibble on it.
"I didn't mean to get pregnant, but it just kind of happened". She hung her head almost in shame "I'm excited about being a mother again but I'm also nervous. Right now Brandon is with me and we can do it as a team but what about when he gets his memory back? He will remember all about you and the child he lost. What if he still loves you? I would never want to replace you but I don't want to be forgotten either. I know how much he loved you and by the way everyone talked it sounded like he was never going to move past you. But now I love him. And I wish that he could love me the same way."
Madison picked at the dying grass around her "what if he's too scared to have a baby again? I mean he lost his first child. That is so difficult to move past and now here I am having his baby. Maybe he will get mad. What if he doesn't want it? What if..." she slowly trailed off?
There was only one thing she really needed to say but she didn't want to say it out loud. She was too worried. She didn't want to lose him. Certainly not now since she is carrying his baby. She had to say it. If she wanted to come to terms with it she needed to say it.
"What if he only loves me as a replacement for you?" she whispered. Small tears formed in her eyes. It had always been her fear but she never wanted to face it. "What if he only wants to be with me not because I'm me but because you're not here? He doesn't want me for me, but only the idea of me".
She looked at the headstone "I'm not you. And I will never be able to be you. And I think that's something that I'm scared of too. These constant expectations that were set up with you as his wife that I just can't achieve. I see it even with his parents. You were wonderful at entertaining. I've heard stories from Isabelle and Rebecca about the house parties you could throw. The elegant sit down dinners with clients or the backyard teas with the wives. I mean I'm okay with it but I don't have the same sparkle for it that you do".
"And the public. You handled it with grace and beauty. But I'm the kind that would trip over her own two feet. What kind of wife is that? I don't even really like dresses. I'm more of a laid back, sweatpants and hair in a messy bun kind of a girl. Not really very graceful".
"I can't compare to you. It's impossible for me to be you" Madison whispered. "I'm just me. And I want Brandon to love me for me."
Madison reached forward and gently touched the headstone. "I just came here today to tell you about the baby. I know that Brandon is going to make a great dad. And I knew he would have done an amazing job raising your son if he had lived. I don't want to replace your son either, but I hope this baby will give Brandon a second chance at being the father he deserves to be".
She gave a weak smile and climbed off the ground. Giving her clothes a quick dusting clean she headed back to her car. Today was the day she was going to tell Brandon about the baby. But for some reason when she awoke she felt drawn to go to the grave to visit Madelyn. It didn't feel right without informing her first and saying she was sorry. Sorry for what, she wasn't really sure. But she needed to say it.
Nonetheless she headed back to her car and drove the short distance home. She needed to get dressed and ready for the night. She had already made plans to go with Brandon to the Sloppy Seconds, the very place she met Brandon back at the end June. She wasn't sure how she was going to tell him. She hadn't done anything special when it was with Alexander and in fact he had been there when she took the test. But now she had to do a big reveal for Brandon.
Part of her was really excited but the other part of her was nervous.
Madison stood in front of her closet and had a stare down with her clothing. She couldn't decide what to wear. With tighter shirts she could show off the small bump that was forming, but baggier clothing hid it well. Finally she selected a pair of grey washed jeans, a tight white t-shirt and cream baggy knitted cashmere sweater. This way if Brandon wanted to see the baby bump he could and she could still keep it hidden until she revealed his secret.
She had finished just in time when the kids got home and headed downstairs to take a tray of mac and cheese out of the freezer. "Are you sure you're going to be okay with watching the girls?" she glanced over at Noah.
"Yeah mom I'm fine" Noah mumbled still on his phone.
"Noah I'm serious" Madison said sternly. Now she got his attention as he looked at her.
"I know. It's okay mom. I'll put the food on and I wont burn the house. They will watch some TV and you'll be home before bedtime. Trust me a little".
"I do trust you" Madison said "this is just the first time I left you home alone with them without Brooklyn being one floor away".
"I know" Noah smiled a little "but Isabelle is right next door. I got this".
Madison couldn't answer before Brandon came bursting through the front door. "I'm home" he called just as he did every day. He stopped to give his girls a big hug and then made his way into the kitchen with a bouquet of flowers. "Sorry I'm late baby" he planted a kiss on Madison's cheek "I had to stop on my way home for the flowers". He held out the beautiful mums and lilies for her to take "give me five minutes to get changed and we can go".
True to his word Brandon took no more than five minutes to brush back his hair; throw on a pair of black jeans and a pale grey sweater. Then he was downstairs helping his wife into her coat.
"Thank you" Madison smiled sweetly. "Okay babies we will be back before bedtime". She kneeled down and gave the girls a hug, followed by Brandon doing the same. Then she looked at Noah "remember-"
But he cut her off "I got it mom. I swear". With that the happy couple left their home and headed towards the small diner.
"Remember when we met here?" Brandon and Madison had just arrived at the restaurant and he had opened her door.
Madison was stunned for a moment. She sat there unable to move or even breath for that matter. She stared at him, her eyes round and her mouth parted. "W-what?" she stuttered out.
Brandon chuckled and helped her out of the car, a warm smile rested on his face "back in college when we met here. Come on I know I might have aged a little since then but I didn't think it was that badly".
She was stunned. He thought they met back then? She remembered a story from Isabelle about how Brandon and Madelyn met during college but that was at a party. But here he was thinking they met at this restaurant. Was it possible his memories of her and Madison were blending together into one?
"You know I was sitting there with Matt and you came and sat next to me" he wrapped his arm around her and led her inside. "When I saw you I knew you were special. And I just knew that I wanted to get to know you. You were so beautiful Madison. You're honey hair looked so sweet and your eyes looked as though they could se my darkest secrets".
"Had a lot of secrets back then?" Madison teased as he pulled the chair out for her to take a seat.
"Just as many as any other college guy did" Brandon joked taking a seat "you know the under aged drinking and the inappropriate thoughts of woman".
Madison shook her head and took hold of the menu "and your thoughts when you saw me?"
"My thoughts?" Brandon glanced from his menu to her. He thought for a moment before answering. "I'm afraid to say my first thought was how attractive you were. It was your looks that caught me but once I got to talk to you it was your personality that made me stay. You were so sweet and loving. I knew nearly right away that I wanted to marry and have a family with you".
She bit her lip a little "talking about family..." she trailed off only to be interrupted by the waiter coming to take their order.
"I'll have the rack of BBQ ribs, mashed potatoes, corn, coleslaw and the cornbread Brandon said handing the menu back to the waiter.
"Hmm" Madison nearly moaned "that sounds really good" she said. "I'll take the same. With nachos to start".
Brandon eyed her curiously. She wasn't one to eat an over and above dinner and he was a little taken back by the large amount she ordered. She also didn't really enjoy BBQ food. "You alright baby?"
'Yes of course" Madison smiled and took a sip from the water that the waiter had brought over.
"What were you saying about family?" Brandon asked watching her with a small smile on his face.
Madison started to fidget in her seat. How was she going to do this? Well come right out and say it would be the best thing to do. "Well a while ago you were talking about how you wanted to expand the family".
"Yeah a baby" Brandon said with a smile "did you think about it? I know you weren't really interested in it but think about it. Another little one running around. We have the space for another little one in the house and our hearts."
"Well you see" Madison started but Brandon continued on talking.
"Don't say no just yet," Brandon said quickly "so I know you might think that you wont be beautiful anymore but listen. You are gorgeous and so perfect in each and every way. I mean carrying our child will only make you more beautiful".
"I know" Madison tried again but Brandon still wouldn't let her talk.
"Now we have three kids already" Brandon said, "I know that seems like a lot but look the kids are old enough now. You wont have to worry about running around with several little kids. But Emma and Ella are old enough now to have another sibling and Noah is certainly old enough. Come to think of it the girls might enjoy having a new little playmate. You've seen them with Caleb".
Madison couldn't so much as say a word besides open her mouth before Brandon interrupted her "and before you even think it I realize that Emma has been having some behavioral trouble, but maybe having a little sibling will teach her she needs to get a good example and be a role model for the baby".
He was quick to continue "and don't even think about your age. You are so young and vibrant. You can be a mother to ten other children if you want. You're young and beautiful. And you can keep up with a new baby so don't even worry about that".
"Brandon" Madison laughed a little shaking her head, she was starting to find this sweet and cute now how hard he was fighting for having another child.
"Okay you have to hear me out and keep an open mind okay?" Brandon said, "Just give my thoughts a consideration".
Madison held a playful smile on her face and shook her head again. She was amazed at how his eyes twinkled with excitement. "Brandon, sweetie" she reached forward and grabbed hold of his hand "I need to tell you something".
Brandon's eyes lost a little of their sparkle, he gave her hand a little worried squeeze. He tried to force a smile but he seemed more nervous than anything else. "You can tell me anything my dear sweet wife whom I truly love with all my heart and soul".
She giggled a little and smiled happily "baby listens for a moment" she rested her finger over his lip. She was just about to tell him when the waiter came with their food and placed it in front of them.
Brandon thanked the waiter and smiled as he dug into his food. The moment had come and gone. Passed on with the existence of the food. The conversation might have been dropped but it was still on Madison's mind. It seemed as though she kept getting interrupted every time she tried to bring it up.
"So babe I wanted to get an idea pass you," Brandon said taking a bite of his corn.
Madison looked at him curiously. She shook her head to clear it from the thoughts of the baby. It seemed as though she was never going to get the words out. Especially now with Brandon changing the subject.
"So our fifteen year anniversary is coming up next month right. New Years Eve as you knows. And I was thinking" Brandon reached back and started to rub the back of his neck as though he was nervous. "And I mean you can say no if you want. But I think it might make our anniversary so much more special. The kids will be there and it could be a lot of fun to get dressed up and do it all over again".
"Do what again?" Madison asked in confusion. She truly had no idea where he was going with this
"Get married again," Brandon blurted out. He chuckled at himself for a moment as Madison's eyes widened "I guess the right word is vow renewals".
"You want to renew our vows?" Madison tilted her head to the side in confusion.
"It was one of the most wonderful day's of my life when I got to call you my wife. So yes I would love to do it again" Brandon said "the kids will get to be involved this time so that'll be extra special".
"I..." Madison trailed off a little. "The whole thing again? The long white dress? Walking the aisle? Big dinner? Dancing?"
Brandon nodded his head "yes ma'am. Everything all over again. You can plan a whole new wedding a second time".
She bit her lip a little. She knew she shouldn't have loved the idea as much as she did. Just to feel as thought she was marrying Brandon even for a moment was a dream come true. But it also felt like she was getting the chance to live a dream she had long since thought would never come true. She always wanted to be a bride in her white dress and dancing with her husband.
Many years ago she let those thoughts die and face the truth that it'll never happen. But maybe now her dreams were coming true.
"That sounds like an amazing idea baby" Madison's small curious smile now broke into a large beaming one of excitement.
Brandon heaved a sigh of relief and flashed her one of his smiles "you can plan anything and everything you want baby. Invite everyone you want to have there. This will be a celebration to remember".
"It would be a celebration to remember even as just a small dinner out with just the two of us" Madison said lovingly.
The happily, teenage like couple spent the reminder of their meal talking about the plans for their vow renewal. Madison already had some great ideas that she dreamed of coming true. Large branches of puffy pink flowers above the aisle as she walked towards Brandon, lanterns with candles lighting the steps along the church and maybe even hanging from the ceiling. A venue with a glass ceiling to watch the stars and Christmas lights hanging above. With outdoor wedding pictures with a horse drawn carriage and her dress with lace sleeves.
She was so distracted by the thoughts of the wedding she nearly forgot about telling Brandon about the baby. She didn't remember until they had arrived home and was ready to head inside. "Maybe you and I can go for a walk?" Madison suggested. "It's so nice out and some house have Christmas lights up".
Brandon smiled and linked his arms with hers "that sounds like a wonderful idea". They started to walk down the street together watching the lights flickering across some roofs. "I better get the ladder out soon and set ours out".
Madison nodded "maybe we can talk about that after. I wanted to ask you something first".
Brandon glanced at her "of course baby".
"What do you think of the name Ryan?" she glanced up at him. She was nearly holding her breath waiting for the answer.
"Its nice. Not my favorite" Brandon said, "I've always loved the names Adam and Lucas" he gave a little shrug.
"I always liked the name Kate for a little girl" Madison said leaning into his side lovingly.
"Oh Kate is nice. I liked the name Lucy and Maggie to. Classic names are always cute for me" Brandon agreed.
"Me too" Madison said, "I mean look at the kids we have. Noah, Emma and Ella are nice historic names".
Brandon nodded in agreement again "yeah but why are you talking to me about names?" he asked.
"Well they're baby name's of course" Madison stopped walking and turned to face him. A large smile plastered on her face.
"You mean" Brandon smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist "you've agreed to start trying for a baby?"
"Well you see... we don't need to try" Madison said. "I'm pregnant".
But just as the words were slipping out of her mouth a car raced by at an extreme speed blasting music. Causing the soft words she spoke to go unheard.
"What was that?" Brandon asked tilting his head to the side in confusion clearly missing everything she said.
"I said" Madison tried again "I'm pregnant".
He would have heard her that time if it hadn't been for two little girls squeals from down the street and running towards the couple. Brandon kneeled down to give the twins a big daddy bear hug.
Noah raced to catch up with them "sorry" he said "they saw you guys from the window when you drove up. When you didn't come in they decided to come get you".
Madison smiled softly to her son "that's okay dear we understand".
Brandon ruffled the girl's hair and smiled at his wife "you were saying my dear?"
She glanced around at the faces of her children. She hadn't planned to tell everyone together but since they've now been interrupting she guessed it was a good a time as any. She reached forward and grabbed hold of Brandon's hand. With a soft loving smile to the girls and Noah she looked at her husband. "I'm pregnant," she said in a strong clear voice with no interruptions or change of subjects this time.
"We..." Brandon gasped a little. His hand gave hers a reassuring squeeze "we're having a baby?"
"We are" Madison nodded.
A huge, undeniably excited grin of a father spread out across Brandon's lips. He didn't even hesitate to leap forward and lift Madison into his arms. Their laughs filled the air as they spun around together. "We're going to have a baby!" Brandon cheered just before his lips pressed against hers.
Noah watched the two with a soft smile. He was old enough to understand what a new baby meant but the two girls looked a little confused.
Once Brandon set his wife down the two of them kneeled in front of Emma and Ella "do you know what this means dears?" Madison asked the two girls.
Ella shook her head and Emma looked at them confused.
Brandon chuckled a little and smiled lovingly "it means that you two are going to have a new sibling".
"A sister?" Emma and Ella said hopefully together.
"It could be a baby girl" Madison smiled "but it could be a boy".
"I hope it's a baby boy" Noah said, "Dad and I are outnumbered".
Brandon chuckled more and reached over to Madison. He rested his warm large hand over the baby bump that was forming "I don't care as long as the baby is healthy and happy". He glanced at Madison and moved his hand around a little "is that the baby?"
Madison giggled, "it's the baby bump yes, but you wont feel it move for a while still".
He beamed at her and pressed his other hand against her belly "I don't care. As long as I know and feel that it's where the baby – our baby – is growing then I am happy".
Emma stepped forward "can I feel?"
"Me too?" Ella asked.
Madison laughed, her eyes shining bright with excitement and happiness of all the dreams that were coming true that night "okay but you need to take turns" she warned.
So there the Haywood family stood. On the sidewalk one cold November evening laughing and smiling as one by one everyone took turns to feel the new baby that was growing to what would soon complete their whole family.