Taylor's POV
Oh, man. I was still too nervous, way too nervous. I had driven to school today, the first time that I've driven in a while. My parents didn't want me driving with the boot on, but since I got it off, I assumed I'd be allowed today. I probably should've asked, especially because today I was driving my mom's white Range Rover. It's alright, she was in Morocco at the moment, she'd never know.
The game had just ended, Jonathan was probably still changing. Even so, I didn't want to show up at his house right away. I didn't want to look desperate.
What if I just didn't go? I didn't really have to, I was only doing this for myself. But in a way I kind of did have to, I needed to talk to Jon. I needed the closure that I've been waiting for for almost a week. I needed to hear things for myself.
I decided to go through the drive thru at McDonald's and buy myself a coffee. Even still, I had only wasted about 5 minutes. I parked the car in the lot and called Cameron.
"Hey." He said once he picked up.
"Are you busy? I have to talk." I say, hoping he was free to speak after the game he had just played.
"Uh, no. What's up?" He replied. I was going to tell him everything that had happened with Jonathan. At least the story was long, I'd waste some time.
I made sure to spare no details, even telling him about my talks with Tom. He stayed quiet through it all, and since I couldn't see his face, I wasn't able to tell what he was thinking.
When I was done, he made a noise that sounded somewhat like a sigh. "And what'd you say you were doing now?" He asks.
"I was gonna go visit him, talk to him for the first time since last Friday." I say.
"What were you going to talk about?" Cam asks.
"I'm not sure. I was just gonna see how it goes." I admit.
"Taylor, listen." Cam sighs. "The whole situation sounds weird to me, especially because I didn't expect it in a million years." Yeah, me neither. "But the worst thing you can do for his ego is to lead him on. So please be careful what you say."
"Oh, I know Cam. I just don't really know how I feel." I frown.
"That's not good." He chuckles. "How do you plan to find out?"
"I'm not sure. I'll let him know that I'm a bit confused, though." I check the time and realize we've been talking for about 20 minutes. It was time for me to go. "I'll talk to you later, Cam, I think I'm going to go now."
"Good luck." Cameron said, and I breathed a deep breath before hanging up. I turned up the music to distract myself as I drove to Jonathan's house.
I was happy to see Jonathan's car in his driveway, at least he was home. I took another sip of the coffee, getting out of my car and taking my crutches.
I carefully made my way up the snowy path and to his door. I bid myself good luck as I knocked three times, setting my crutches against the wall as I put my weight on my good foot.
The door took awhile to open, Cathy on the other side. "Oh. Hi." She said, looking surprised to see me.
"Hi. Can I talk to your brother?" I ask.
"Yeah, I'll go call him." She says, disappearing for a second. I hear her yell "Jonathan, your friend's at the door for you!" and after about thirty seconds, he comes to the door. His eyes widen, he was definitely not expecting me.
"Hey." He said softly, moving forward so he could close the door behind him, giving us more privacy.
"Hi." I say, my voice not loud either.
"I wasn't expecting to see you here." He said. He ran a hand through his damp hair, perhaps he had just showered.
"Y-Yeah, I...". I didn't know what to say, so I just shrugged.
He looks down. "Your foot, it's..." He starts to say.
"I went to the doctor's yesterday, and they took off the boot. I still have the crutches, and I'm gonna have to go to physio to practice walking again." I tell him.
"Are you okay? Do you want to sit?" He asks. There was no seating on the patio, but I assumed he meant inside.
"Don't worry, I'm fine." I assure him. My eyes trail down to his white shirt and grey sweats, but there was something that stood out—his wrist.
"Oh my god, what happened?" I say, pointing to his wrist. He lifts it up, looking at the tightly wrapped bandage. I didn't even know he had injured it.
"It was from the game today. I don't think anything's wrong, I'm just being cautious." He informed me. Wow. Imagine he had gotten injured again after just having recovered from a concussion.
"I'm sorry." I say. He didn't respond, just gave a small shrug. "Nice goal today, though. It was awesome, seriously." I smile.
He cracks a smile as well. "Thanks." He chuckles, scratching the back of his head. "I was just happy to be playing."
I sigh. At least being here wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be. "Are you okay? Is everything okay with you?" I say. I wanted to cut to the chase and just be forward, no more beating around the bush.
"Yeah." He nodded, but it wasn't convincing.
"I'm serious." I say.
"Taylor..." He sighed.
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry that I was such an ass, and that the reason you're upset is my fault. I'm sorry that I don't know how I feel right now, I just know I have a lot of feelings and I don't know what anything means. I'm just kinda confused, and I'm sorry, I really am." I blurted. I closed my eyes, feeling like crying, but I knew I couldn't in front of him.
"Taylor, stop, please." He sighs again. "Please don't blame anything on yourself, okay? Nothing is your fault."
I pulled him into a hug, feeling shitty. I wish it didn't have to go here. I felt like such a bad friend. I moved back, taking his good hand lightly into mine. "Is there anything you want me to do?" I ask him.
He shakes his head. "Taylor, seriously. Don't worry."
"I just want to be your friend. I want to be there for you, I want to be someone you can confide in." I tell him, squeezing his hand lightly.
"I'm going to be honest, I don't know if I can do that." He says quietly. "I don't know if I can just... be your friend anymore."
Man. We really did screw it up. "It's okay. We don't have to figure it out right now." I reply.
His eyes trail down to our attached hands, and so do mine. I can't believe I hadn't thought of this before, but it was just something that I thought of here, in this moment. If I wanted to know how I felt about him, I would have to do this. Maybe my body could tell me what my mind was too confused to make up.
"I'm sorry, I have to do something." I whisper very lightly, I doubt he even heard me. I let go of his hand and put my arm over his shoulder, using my other hand to rest against his cheek before leaning in. I could tell by the look on his face that he did not expect this in a million years.
Nonetheless, I closed my eyes, and our lips found each other. They stayed connected for a few seconds before we both pulled apart, going in for more. I couldn't tell what thoughts were going through my head, other than the fact that he was a good kisser.
I didn't expect it to last for that long, and right when I was thinking that, he pulled back. My eyes widened. Why would he be the one to pull away!? I felt so embarrassed, obviously, because I can't believe I just did that. I kissed him. I kissed Jonathan, I thought that's what he wanted, and he just pulled away.
"I'm gonna go." I squeak, reaching for my crutches.
"Don't go." He says, stepping forward and blocking me from leaving.
"I'm so sorry, oh my god." I blurted out.
"Why would you do that?" He asked me.
"Do what?" I played dumb, obviously. I was still so embarrassed.
"Why would you kiss me?" He was being patient, that was funny.
"Did you enjoy it?" I ask.
He rolled his eyes. "Tell me why."
"Um..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say.
This time he took my hand, lightly rubbing with his thumb. He gave me the sweetest fucking smile, and a chill ran through my whole body. Oh my god. I can't believe our roles have been reversed.
"I just wanted to see how it made me feel." I say honestly.
"Yeah? And how do you feel?" He was giving me the most sarcastic smile and I hated him to death in this moment.
I couldn't help myself from laughing, he was the worst. It made him laugh, too, and I really loved hearing him laugh. "I need to think about it, I can't just tell you how I feel right now."
"Are you sure? You can kiss me again if you need help." He said, and I felt so embarrassed that this really wasn't the time for him to act all comedic.
"I think I'll go now." I say. My cheeks felt like they were on fire.
"No, don't go." He laughs. "But listen," He started, getting serious very quickly. "I don't want you doing this just because of what I told you."
He didn't want me acting all nice to him just because he told me he loved me. He didn't want me to feel obligated to immediately love him back just because he said that. "I know." I tell him. "That's why I can't tell you anything right away, I'm going to need some time to think about it."
"Okay, I understand." He said, finally letting my hand go.
"Now can I go?" I ask him, giggling like a stupid school girl.
He didn't answer, instead this time he leaned in and connected our lips. I wasn't expecting it, but I tried my hardest to go along with it as best I could. He took my hair hanging over my back and brought it in front of my shoulders, then taking my cheeks lightly. I couldn't really move with my foot unless I wanted to be hopping everywhere, so I had to awkwardly stand in place as he moved closer.
This time I pulled back after what had to have been a minute. His eyes were focused on my hair as he played with it. "Okay, you can go now." He said, meeting my eyes and giving me a cheeky grin.
"Okay." I say, grabbing my crutches. "I'll see you around, I guess," I walk away, carefully making my way down the four stairs before walking over to my car. I threw the crutches in the backseat, leaning forward and resting my head on the steering wheel, in what? Sadness, shame, happiness, fatigue? I wasn't sure.
All I knew was that as I was walking out, I felt more confused than ever.
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AHHHH!!! were yall expecting that? because woah. 😲 vote if you'd like !!!