Now that Peeta knows that I'm pregnant, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can finally breathe again. It's strange, though. I had only known for certain myself for not even a full hour but there was this pit in my stomach— this guilt or pressure, I'm not sure which— about telling him he was going to be a dad again. I don't remember ever feeling that way the first time around. Maybe it was because we had already been trying for a year and we were constantly waiting for that positive response together and this time I went and found out alone? Something was off and it was making me want to curl up in a ball and hide my pregnancy until it was time for me to deliver.
I think it all started when I came through the front door because I had been crawling out of my skin with excitement until then. Once I had seen the situation I walked into, I started second guessing everything. And then when he told me he didn't want to have another baby... I was devastated. But as soon as I said the words 'I'm pregnant,' it was like a switch had flipped and Peeta was beyond thrilled about our second little munchkin on the way.
After I told Peeta the good news, he went downstairs to make dinner and I stayed up in our room to 'rest' but I ended up spending the whole time admiring my belly. I walked over to the full-length mirror in the corner of our bedroom beside our closet, lifted up my shirt, and gazed at my reflection.
Now that I know there's actually a baby in there, I can see the roundness I had so obliviously missed. Peeta was right, this one is sitting differently. My bump is a little higher than it was with Willow. She sat right at the waistband of my pants. This guy is sitting more beneath my belly button.
I let out a sigh as I relax a hand against my bare flesh, "I guess I shouldn't call you little guy until we know if you're gonna be a girl or a boy, huh?"
For the first time, I notice a little flutter and it actually puts a smile on my face.
"Katniss," I hear Peeta holler from the bottom of the steps. "Dinner is ready."
"Yeah, mama! Come and eat," Willow joins him.
"You hungry?" I ask the baby.
I give my belly a quick rub and adjust my shirt so it is back to how it is supposed to be worn. It's so strange how my body was so oblivious to the life growing inside of it until now.
"See, I'm already getting back into the swing of things," I say, talking to the baby again.
As I travel down the steps, the little flutters continue and make my hand instinctively and protectively cover my baby belly. I want to tell them to calm down because we need to hide them from their sister still, but I don't know how to refer to them.
"We need to find you a nickname," I whisper quietly just before reaching the bottom of the stairs.
Willow gasps when I enter the kitchen, "Mama is here now we can eat."
I take my eyes off of her sitting all cute at the table and look over at Peeta quizzically.
"She was about to come up and get you," he says.
"You were bein' so slow and I'm super hungry," Willow whines.
"I'm sorry, Little bug," I frown, gently patting the top of her head.
"It's ok," she smiles, beautifully. "I still love you."
I chuckle, taking my seat a the dinner table beside her, "What did daddy make for dinner?"
"We are having lamb stew with cheese buns," Peeta smiles, setting a plate of cheese buns down in front of me.
My lower lip sticks outs, "You're so good to me."
"It was my idea, mama," Willow says. "I told daddy we needed to make your favorite food because you're sick and you always make me my favorite food when I'm not feeling good so we had to do the same for you."
"You're so sweet, Willow. Thank you," I open my arms to invite her in for a hug which she happily accepts. She crawls onto my lap and very softy wraps her arms around my neck and gives me the best hug. I kiss her forehead and reveal in the bliss of having both of my children on my lap. "I love you."
"I love you too, mama, but can we eat now?"
"Of course," I say, patting her little booty so she'll climb down and get back in her own chair.
Peeta brought the last of the food over and set it in the middle of the table. He makes sure Willow and I have everything we need, including something to drink, before he joins us at the table. I help Willow get her food before serving myself some. Peeta waits for my reaction to his cooking before he digs in also.
"Where do babies come from?" Willow suddenly asks in the middle of dinner, shoving a spoonful of soup in her mouth.
I look wide-eyed at Peeta who chokes on the drink he just took a sip of. He erupts into a coughing fit and uses the back of his hand to wipe off the trail of milk dribbling out the corner of his mouth.
"Katniss, can you take this one?" he says between coughs.
"What?" I exclaim, my eyes growing even wider. "Why me?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
I shake my head.
"You have all the same... I don't know, parts?" He mutters.
I look at the head of the table where Willow sits, oblivious to our conversation or just choosing to ignore it, and clear my throat.
"Willow, sweetie," I start.
"Yes, mama?"
"Why do you want to know where babies come from?"
"Because I think we should get one."
Peeta shoots me a smirk and I give him a glare right back because I don't know if we should tell her just yet.
"You do?" Peeta asks.
"Yeah," she nods, continuing to pick at her dinner. "My friend Violet at school is getting one. Her told me at school that her is getting a sister and so I want one too."
"You want one because your friend is getting one?" I ask.
"Yes, but no. I want one because I think they're cute and cuddly, a-and I could teach her how to paint and color like daddy and me," she drags out her words, kicking her feet excitedly under the chair.
"Yeah?" Peeta asks her, looking at me.
"Mhmm. We should get one, don't you think, mama?"
"What about daddy? Don't you think he should want one too?" Peeta asks.
"Well yes, but daddy, Violet said that her baby sister is in her mommy's belly so mama has to want it. Not you."
I throw my head back in laughter, finding my daughter's quick-witted humor hilarious.
"And what if you get a baby brother instead of a sister?" Peeta asks her after sending me a look of disapproval.
"I won't because we get to pick," Willow tells him, shrugging her shoulders and feeding herself another mouthful of soup.
"That's not quite how—"
"Will ya look at that," I interrupt Peeta, laughing nervously. He immediately stops mid-sentence and looks at me confused. "My bowl is empty and I'm on my last cheese bun."
I look at Peeta with wide eyes hoping he gets the hint. Willow dropped the conversation about where babies come. All she wanted to know about babies was if we could get one. I don't want to have the conversation about how they come into existence until it's completely necessary.
"Then get some more, mama," Willow says. "We have lots and lots, right daddy?"
"We do," Peeta drags out, still looking as confused as ever.
"Mama, you never finish all your dinner and ask for more! Are you not sick no more?" Willow asks, hopefully.
"I'm definitely feeling better," I say. "But Willow, honey, you never need to worry about me okay?"
"Okay," she says. "Can I have another cheese bun, please?"
"Of course," I grin, giving her the last one from my plate.
"She's definitely your kid," Peeta chuckles.
"Just be prepared to start making a lot more of them again," I tell him. "I already feel the cravings beginning to kick in."
"I'll make sure to bring home extra ingredients," Peeta winks.
"What's a cravings?" Willow asks.
"A craving," Peeta corrects her, "is when you really want something so badly."
"Oh," she says. "I'm really craving some sleep then. I am so tired," Willow yawns.
Peeta and I just both laugh at her slight misunderstanding.
"Well, if you're finished with your dinner how about I go give you a bath and we get you ready for bed?" I ask her, standing up from the dinner table, ready to take my dirty dishes to the sink.
"Yes," Willow happily cheers, climbing out of her seat, about ready to jump into my arms.
"Katniss, why don't you go rest," Peeta suggests. "I'll take care of everything."
"I got it," I protest, but when Peeta's eyes shoot daggers, I admit defeat. "Sorry, bug," I sigh, "Mama better go lie down in bed."
"You'll come tuck me in?" She asks with a pouty lip.
"Are you kidding me?" I squat down to her eye level and smile. "Of course I will."
My heart is screaming at me to take care of Willow, but my body is begging me to go relax in bed. Before heading upstairs, I take a detour to the office and search through the bookshelves to find the book I read when I was pregnant with Willow that is filled with pregnancy information. I slip the pamphlets Dr. Roman gave me earlier this afternoon inside the cover, hide the book between my crossed arms, and climb up the stairs. I crawl into bed and curl underneath the covers, and begin to read the book of information I need to refresh my memory on considering it's been five years since my last pregnancy.
The next thing I know, Peeta is gently pressing his lips to my forehead and whispering my name to pull me out of a very light sleep.
"Katniss," Peeta drags out sweetly.
"Hmm?" I hum, still half asleep.
"Honey, Willow is asking for you," he says, delicately running his fingers through my hair.
"What?" I ask, still not catching what he said.
"Willow is in bed. She says she won't go to sleep until you come tuck her in like you promised."
"Right," I yawn. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."
"It's ok. I see you were doing some reading," Peeta smirks.
"I was," I sheepishly grin.
"I'm excited that you're excited."
"You have no idea how happy this is making me. It's odd, I never ever thought I would be happy to be carrying a child."
"Gosh, I can't wait to see your bell fill out and get all nice and round again," Peeta relaxes his hands on my stomach, lifting up my shirt and seductively kissing my flesh.
"Ok, handsie," I giggle. "Let me go say goodnight to our daughter and maybe we can do a little something."
"Ah, I missed the crazy sex drive you have when you're pregnant."
"It's the—"
"Hormones," we finish together.
"Hurry up," Peeta says. "A not so little situation has arisen here. I'm going through withdraw."
"You are such a horn dog," I roll my eyes, getting off the bed and walking out of the room.
"I can't help the things you do to me," Peeta hollers as I walk away.
I journey the short distance into Willow's room and knock on her door to let her know I've come to say goodnight.
"All tucked in?" I ask her.
She shakes her head, "Daddy doesn't do it right. Can you fix it pretty please?"
"Of course, baby girl."
I walk over to her bedside and fix her covers the way she likes them.
"Mama?"
"Yes, sweet pea?"
"How come daddy got me ready for bed tonight and not you?"
I frown, realizing she's already feeling the effects of what a new child will bring into our household dynamic. Ever since I found out about this baby, I've been unintentionally putting the new baby first. Ugh, I have to stop calling this baby new. Willow will never be my old baby. She's always going to be my baby. I'm only going to have a second one, too.
"Daddy wanted me to have a little break so I could rest."
"Why? You said you were feeling lots better. Did you lie?"
"No, I didn't lie. I am feeling lots better but I still don't feel super great."
"So you're still sick?"
"A little bit," I say, sadly. "But don't you worry about me, Little Bug. I promise I'm gonna start feeling better very soon, okay?"
"Okay," she sighs.
"Alright," I smile, leaning in to give her a kiss goodnight. "I love you."
"I love you, too," Willow says mid-yawn, snuggling into her pillow and holding her elephant tight.
"Do you feel as snug as a bug in a rug?" I ask her, my smile never fading.
"Mhmm," she hums. "Can you sing?"
"Any requests?"
She shakes her head no only slightly.
I pop a squat at the side of her bed and run my fingers through her long, brown, curly hair as I rack my brain for something to sing. It takes a minute before something finally comes to mind. About halfway through the first chorus, Willow's eyes start to flutter shut. I continue to carry out the song until I notice her breathes becoming deeper and more even. I quietly trail off just to make sure she's fully asleep before I carefully rise to a standing position. I cautiously give her a kiss goodnight and turn out her little lamp.
I tiptoe out of the room and just as I'm about to shut the door, I hear my daughter's very tired voice.
"Mama?"
"Yes?" I say, quietly.
"I really meant it earlier when I said I wanted to get a baby."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," she stops to yawn. "Can we? I promise to be a really good girl and help you take care of her."
"We'll see," I say, watching Willow sleepily roll onto her side and go back to sleep.
I leave her door cracked open as she doesn't like for it to be completely closed and make sure that the hallway nightlight is plugged in before going back to Peeta and I's bedroom. When I do return to our room, I see him laying on his side of the bed all propped up in a sexy position with nothing but a book covering himself.
"Peeta," I squeal, feeling my face heat up. "What are you doing?"
"What?" he asks, harmlessly. "I thought you said you wanted to have sex."
"I never said that," I say, standing in our room dumbfounded and completely shocked. "Peeta, what are you thinking? What if Willow walked back in here with me for some reason?"
"It was a risk I was willing to take."
"Oh my goodness," I say, going over to the dresser to strip out of my clothes and put on my PJs.
"Wait, why are you putting on clothes?"
"Because I'm tired and we've got an appointment with Dr. Roman tomorrow to do that ultrasound."
"We do?"
"Yep," I say popping the 'p' and crawling back into bed. I reach over to my nightstand and squirt a little bit of lotion into my palm and rub it into my hands to keep them smooth through this harsh winter we're supposed to have. "It's your day off, Willow will be in school... it's the best time to do it."
"Shouldn't we bring Willow?"
"We have to figure out how we're gonna tell her first," I remind him.
"Dinner would've been the perfect opportunity."
"I wanna wait until we know for certain everything is ok with the baby before we tell her. She asked me again for a baby. I don't want to get her hopes up only to crush her dreams."
"Everything is gonna be ok," Peeta assures me.
"We don't know that. I'm sixteen weeks. That's almost half of my pregnancy with absolutely no medical care. Everything could be wrong."
"You have to stay positive! Remember? You said you don't want a repeat of last time, so... positive attitudes," Peeta says.
I sigh, "Are you sure this is happening at the right time?"
"For sure."
"Really? Because just a few hours ago you were saying we should wait."
"Katniss, I was overwhelmed with Willow's misbehavior. She had been in a sour mood ever since I picked her up from school and it was rubbing off on me. I didn't mean it."
"But—"
"But nothing, okay? This baby is happening at just the right time."
"How do you know?"
"Sometimes you can't wait until the perfect time. You have to dare to do it because life is too short to wonder what could have been."
"I guess that's a valid argument."
"What's gotten into you? You were over the moon until now. Did I do something?"
"No," I'm quick to say. "I don't know. I guess I just have a lot of thoughts circling my brain right now."
"Which are?" Peeta asks, raising his eyebrows at me.
I exhale, "That if you didn't want this we have a way out."
"What do you mean?"
"You know... if you think we should wait— if you aren't ready— I can have a procedure done."
"Katniss, don't you dare even consider that!" Peeta scolds me. "We intentionally created this life," he says placing his strong callused hand on my belly. "I want her so badly. Oh my... I couldn't imagine us going through with something that horrible."
"What if I wanted to though?"
Peeta sits there silently.
"Do you?" he asks.
"No," I answer after a minute of silence.
Peeta scootches closer to me, pulling me right up against him.
"I'm sorry I brought it up," I sniffle, feeling tears wet my cheeks.
"Don't apologize," he says, shaking his head. "We haven't really gotten to talk about this yet. If you aren't feeling up to this pregnancy, I need to know."
"Oh, Peeta," I cry. "I'm so thrilled that it hurts. I just... Dr. Roman mentioned it when I didn't really react in her office today and then I just read the chapter about it in the book before I fell asleep and I just thought it was the universe telling me this baby wasn't meant to be."
"Hey, hey, hey," he soothes me. "Shhh. This baby is absolutely meant to be! She hung in there for so long. She wanted you to be ready before you knew she was growing like a mighty oak inside you."
I laugh through the tears at his cheesy analogy.
"She's an avocado," I say.
"What?" he lightly laughs.
"The book," I tell him. "It says that at sixteen weeks the baby is the size of an avocado."
"Wow..." he says, staring down at my very teeny bump in amazement.
"You think it's another girl?"
"Yeah," Peeta grins largely.
"We are not naming her Oakley," I say, referring to his reference about the baby growing like a mighty oak.
"Why not? We'd have to trees then," he smiles, giving me a wink.
"Dr. Roman even said if the baby was sitting in the right position we could find out if it was going to be a boy or girl."
"Really?"
"Yeah! I mean, if that's something you wanna do this time."
"I think it would be fun to actually know this go around. Then if we have a third, we can have that gender be a secret, and the fourth we could find out again."
"Whoa there," I halt him. "I think this will be our last baby, sir."
"That's alright with me."
"So if it's a girl you'd be okay not being able to try again for a son?"
"Baby, I'd love to be able to spend the rest of my life being surrounded by women as beautiful as you."
"You are really trying to get into my pants tonight aren't you?"
"I'm just being honest."
"Go put some clothes on, Mellark. Then come back because I wanna keep talking about this baby gender thing until we fall asleep."
"What do you think it's going to be?" Peeta asks, getting out of bed and finally putting on his pajamas.
I put both hands over my plump little bump and smile, "I think it's a boy."
***
AN:
We'll find out in the next chapter!! Who's excited?? 👶🏼💗💙
Thank you all so much for being so so so patient! Life has been hectic but I don't wanna bore you with all the details!!
Hope to update again very soon! Lots happening in the next chapter!!! 😬
Merry Christmas! 🎄🎁❄️