Harry is going to turn fourteen and Louis fifteen and they’re still best friends. Yet, not like they were before… their friendship is much stronger and more real, still different though. So this just proves that Louis didn’t hear Harry’s parents’ words about him staying away from his son. He doesn’t care and he almost said Fuck you when they told him that he isn’t allowed to see Harry anymore, for the third time when Harry came back home, after the accident. He said in her mind not to create more problems and if his mother heard him cursing he would be grounded for sure. And being grounded for Louis is not seeing Harry so everything would be in vain.
Now that they’re on eighth and ninth grade they meet every Fridays and Saturdays to study together at Louis’ place. Well it’s for Harry to study while Louis keeps complaining or telling Harry some stories. Harry makes his best to force his best friend to study but he can’t find the way of Louis doing it. Maybe he can make him quiet for fifteen minutes but that’s all.
Harry doesn’t hear what he says most of the time but when Louis is trying to let out something that has been bothering him, Harry stops what he is doing and pulls away the books to listen to him. Louis trusts his life with Harry, he tells him everything and he couldn’t ask for a better listener than Harry. However he wished he could be the listener as well once in a while.
On the other days, when Harry manages to get away from his parents – they kind of gave up on making Harry not seeing Louis thing – they keep doing the things they used to do as kids. Even if now the topic of conversations are others and Harry’s draws have improved – Louis still haven’t had the opportunity to read what Harry writes in the same book but he hopes one day he has that privilege.
Louis can make Harry play football sometimes with him and that makes him feel like a great player because Harry… kinda sucks yeah. But Louis is a good player himself and when he joined to a football team last year, Harry started going to all his important games. He makes Harry going to the church with him on Sundays – and Harry doesn’t even believe in those things but he goes anyway, for Louis – so now he likes it better as when he was younger.
Louis is also keeping the promise he made with Harry when he went to the second grade so he still spends his breaks at school with Harry. They have lunch together, they keep sharing their snacks and after classes they spend most of their time together. And the best of it, on Louis’ point of view is that he still manages to make his best friend laugh and he decided, a long time ago, that it’s the best feeling in the world. The fact he’s the reason why Harry is a little bit happier makes him feel like God.
Harry still needs his time alone and he might have changed but there are days when he is a bit quieter than the usual but that’s nothing Louis is not used to and learnt to respect about his friend.
They have – they are – literally growing up together so it’s not weird – at least for Louis – to talk about how is body is changing, the weird things that happen to him – Harry shares with him as well, even when they are embarrassing – and how different him, both, had become. He also likes to compare himself with Harry – in a healthy way though and with that he’s still mad with the fact that Harry’s voice is still deeper than his, even after their voice changed.
“My school play is on Friday.” Louis says while they’re eating ice cream – it's almost spring in Louis’ defence – sat on the floor, in front of the TV.
“How many times did you talk to me about it already?” About ten, Louis thinks. But he always talked about it with the propose to listen to Harry saying that he’s going to watch him
“I’m excited!”
“I know.” Harry chuckles leaning the spoon to his lips. Harry doesn’t find weird anymore the fact that Louis keeps watching the way he licks his spoon sometimes, how he takes it to his lips and the way the pink from the ice cream contrasts so well with the redness of his lips. Harry doesn’t mind and he never pointed that out to Louis. Louis doesn’t even notice sometimes when he’s staring at his friend even.
“You could show more enthusiasm for me.” Louis plays mad and drops his spoon to the side, giving up on the ice cream. Harry looks by the corner of his eye at the pouty boy and shrugs, not allowing the smile he’s hiding to slip out of his lips.
“Didn’t they do that play last years?” Harry teases.
“Probably, but this time it’ll be better because I’m there.”
“Smug too much?” Harry jokes and Louis makes a serious face “Besides, I don’t like Grease, Louis.” he’s lying. Louis knows it but still feels offended.
“You piss me off sometimes.” Louis gives him a glower and Harry laughs because Louis’ face is the funniest.
“Well you’re still here so…”
“This is my house!” Louis voice is also the funniest – especially when he plays offended and mad, it sounds more acute – so maybe that’s why Harry is laughing so hard now. “Anyway… I’m gonna pretend we didn’t have this conversation. Tell me, are you coming or not?” Louis asks but his question is not really what apparent to be. It’s more like you’re going because I want to and there is no way in hell I’m going to allow you to say no. All of this in a kind way.
Harry stays quiet and Louis starts to feel worried about it “C’mon, don’t disappoint me in here.” He looks at Harry and now he’s not kidding or being ironic, he’s being serious.
“I hate disappointing you Lou… Especially in this kind of things. But you know my parents.” Louis notices how Harry is feeling because of this and how guilty he feels.
Louis sighs in annoyance “I hate your parents…” he says, he always says it only in his head but this time he notices that he just spoke it out loud “Shit, sorry.” He shakes his head “I mean, poop sorry.” This makes Harry laugh. Louis always makes this, every time he curses beside Harry he manages a funny way to change the word.
“It’s okay.” He says still chuckling “I also hate them sometimes.” He says more serious now and lets his back fall, laying down on the floor. “I know it’s not right, but yeah… They don’t make it easy.” Harry rarely talks about his situation with his parents so the fact he’s saying this now, it’s something big for Louis.
He lays down next to Harry, resting his head on the palm of his hand, while his elbow supports his weight “I’m sorry Hazz…” he says and starts playing with the boy’s curls. It’s one of the kind gestures they’re used to by now.
“Don’t be.” He keeps looking at the ceiling and after some seconds, when looks at Louis, he is already with a smile on his lips “So tell me about the play then.” Louis smiles back.
“The girl I’m going to kiss is freaking cute.”
“Something I didn’t hear yet…” Harry rolls his eyes.
“Right. Well, they’re going to make my hair look weird and that’s the only bad thing about this whole play.”
“Aren’t you nervous?” Harry looks more curious now. He knows Louis is good at acting, he had seen him practising. He always practices with Harry, every scene, and Harry helps him with it. He was every character already, since Betty, to Kenickie and Sandy. They even ended up dancing together and that was a good evening for the two of them. So Harry knows Louis is going to make a good job, still he crosses fingers to be right.
“Not really. I don’t know if I will be though. That’s why I want you to go.” Louis says and his tone is completely different from before because he’s only being honest. He needs Harry to make a good job there, to feel like there is someone in the audience for him – besides his parents – who is going to watch him with a grin on his face and feel proud by how good he is doing, by how good his voice sounds and someone who at the end will congratulate him in the right way.
“I will make my best to go Lou.” He says after some time processing his best friend’s words
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
~*~
Louis knows their promises are gold and very important. They’re something they do since kids and when they promise something it’s because it has a special meaning for them so they can’t break it.
Harry made it. Probably by luck, but he made it. It’s almost nine and he is in Louis’ car – more like Louis’ lap since they don’t fit all together in the back seat because of Peter and Zoe – heading to school. Harry’s parents had something to do this weekend for work and needed to go to America?
Harry told him once about them working at being consultants. He told Louis that they have to travel a lot because of their clients and make sure everything is in order and when they’re not travelling they’re at the office. Louis didn’t understand quite well that job but Harry killed his curiosity about some things he was wondering for a long time.
When Louis’ father parks the car when they reach, the school is already crowded. Louis makes sure not to leave them – more like not to leave Harry – till they reach their seat and then he tells them goodbye and everyone wishes him good luck. He wants to hug Harry and kiss his cheek to feel confident but he’s going to save that for after the play so he needs, he really needs, to make a good performance.
And he does. He definitely does and he feels proud of himself and that’s an achievement. He had fun doing the whole play and even if he forgets about some lines and his voice could sound better in the first song, he is one of the best students in the play.
He makes sure to check his family and Harry in the audience once in a while to see their reactions and he is always faced with five attentive and smiley faces. Even when he sings you’re the one that I want, he looks at Harry and he sees, he sees that proud expression already and at the end of the play Harry is the first one standing up from the seat to applaud. Louis wants to run out of the stage and go hug him right away, but he can’t.
So he waits. And then finally runs. He forgets about the teachers and the other students and his parents and runs out of the stage when the curtains shut the view. That is also the time Harry needs to go to Louis’ encounter.
Right when Louis goes down the small stairs from the left, which go to the audience, he sees Harry and this time he forgets about the whole people around them, the whole world. He jumps from the last stair and Harry opens his arms to catch him. They look like idiots but no one seems to notice them and they wouldn’t even care if that. They like to make this kind of things because they like to think they’re artists sometimes. It’s funny, they’re funny.
Harry’s arms are wrapped around Louis’ body tightly and both sink their faces in each other's neck. Louis is lucky that they still can do it properly since Harry is getting taller and taller. Taller than him and it’s not even fair.
“You did it so good.” Harry whispers in Louis’ neck and both have their eyes closed and both are enjoying the cuddle properly.
“Thank you.” Louis says and his voice sounds so happy.
This probably is nothing, performing to the school and the student’s parents. It’s really nothing. But for Louis is the world at the moment. He loves it, he learnt that thing about him, – with Harry’s help because it was Harry who made him try that and who helped him to see that he’s actually good at this – he loves performing and the fact that he had this opportunity was wonderful. And Harry was there, he is here with him, congratulating him for this and he just feels younger than he actually is.
Harry rubs his back and pulls him back. He rests his hands on Louis’ shoulders and leans over to give Louis a wet and long kiss on his cheek “I’m proud of you!”
Louis laughs and it’s his time to kiss Harry’s cheek because he wanted to do it. Harry had no right to kiss him first. “You sound like my mom.” He jokes and Harry shakes his head chuckling “But yeah… Thank you. For coming.” He keeps smiling and doesn’t think about stopping.
“Of course I would come. I wouldn’t lose this for anything.” Wrong, Louis thinks. If his parents stayed at home he would have. But he’s glad they didn’t. So it’s better not to think about it because Harry is here. Harry is with him. Always. “But… I wanted you to mess up a bit more. Maybe fall off from the stage or burp while kissing the girl so I could have a good laugh.”
Louis opens his mouth in indignation “That’s rude.” Harry shrugs and Louis’ parents appear behind Harry who is forced to shut his mouth when is about to speak something else. Something more serious by his quickly change of expression, apparently.
“Louis!” Peter runs towards his brother and hugs him by the waist. He’s still so little that rests his head on Louis’ belly.
Zoe walks with a smile closer to him followed by their parents. His mother with the biggest smile ever. They all hug him this time, except from Zoe who contemplates the scene with Harry and Louis feels loved. Which is weird in this situation
”You were great son.” Fiona says pulling away and looking in awe at Louis. Carl pats him in the shoulders and both share a look with a smile
“Thank you!” Louis’ cheeks are starting to hurt but he doesn’t mind.
There are already people walking around them, students, teachers and parents talking and sharing hugs, sweet words and smiles. But he still doesn’t seem bothered with them, it’s almost as if they aren’t there.
“We should all commemorate this!” Zoe says, only an excuse to hang out on a Friday night. She’s thirteen but has a sixteen’s spirit of a girl. Louis doesn’t like it, he once talked to Harry about how his sister is changing and how grumpy she is with him sometimes. Harry answered him that is puberty hitting her and Louis huffed.
“I’m tired.” Louis says looking at his parents and ignoring his sister’s face.
His father nods “I think is better if we go home then.”
They walk outside to the car twenty minutes later because Louis had to talk to his drama and English teacher first –the ones who organized all of the play –, he wanted to say goodbye to the few friends he made there and needed to give back the clothes he was wearing.
His hair still looks odd but for the first time, he doesn’t hate it. So he keeps the quiff – tomorrow he will wash it.
“Harry…” he whispers in their way home. Everyone is in silence in the car now – two minutes later Louis was talking about the play but he decided to keep the rest of the talk to discuss with Harry – but the radio is on, playing in a low volume a song that Louis doesn’t enjoy much.
“Louis?” Harry whispers back and looks up at him who is in his lap this time.
Louis caresses Harry’s cheek, only because he’s showing his dimple which means he is smiling and for no apparent reason. Louis likes it. Too much even. “Can you stay at my place tonight?” It’s been months that they don't do a sleepover and Louis misses it. They talk till 1am and in the morning they wake up snuggling next to each other, almost at noon. Louis forgets that he’s kinda tired.
“I don’t know…”
“But do you want to?” Louis asks and Harry nods “Then ask Mrs Barbara if you can.”
Barbara is the old woman who Louis is already used to see opening the door from Harry’s house for him since he is nine. She likes Louis otherwise Harry’s parents and Louis also likes her because she’s kind of on their side. She knows she could lose her job by allowing Harry going out this way with Louis but she still does it to see Harry happy. Harry once told Louis that she’s more a mother than Sarah will ever be to him. Well, she takes care of him since he came to Doncaster and it’s the second person he talks the most here.
“Okay, I’ll try.” He replies.
Louis already knows he is going so he informs his parents and doesn’t actually need their permission to it. He knows they allow it anyway so Carl and Fiona just say an Okay smiling but inform them that tomorrow morning they’ll have to go shopping so they’ve to stay at home alone. Of course Zoe protests about it but they tell her that she needs to go with them this time.
They arrive and Harry tells Louis to wait for him outside while he goes home telling Barbara that he’s staying with his best friend. It passes fifteen minutes for Harry appearing from his door with a blanket in his hands and already in his pyjama.
“Won’t you take a shower?” Louis asks while they cross the street to go to his house
“Took one this morning.”
“Doesn’t seem so, you stink.” He jokes and Harry punches him in the arm. He expected it but teasing Harry is always worth it because he’s the only one getting to see his amused face. Harry has a Louis’ face and Louis feels honoured and happy for it.
It takes them forty-five minutes to settle down on Louis’ bedroom. Louis dresses his pyjama as well and while his parents are watching TV and his siblings in their room, they go to the kitchen to eat cookies and drink cold and simple milk. They don’t look like they’re almost teenagers, really.
Eventually Louis finishes his talk about the play and tells Harry how he felt on stage. Harry seems to actually enjoy listening to him talking about those kind of things. He always looks so interested at Louis it amazes him how he never gets tired of his voice.
It’s when they’re in the room, Louis’ in his bed and Harry in the one on the floor – under Louis’ bed there is a big drawer where he pulls out and has a mattress so it’s basically Harry’s bed now – that the silence takes over them. Still not uncomfortable, Louis even takes the time to listen to some songs Harry recommended him on his iPod while Harry keeps looking at the ceiling. Only the light from the nightstand is illuminating the room but it’s a comfortable ambient. Harry definitely loves Louis room. Louis house basically. He loves Louis after all.
“Louis?” Harry’s voice almost echoes in the room and Louis pulls out his earphones to give him the attention Harry deserves
“Harry?” He looks down from his bed to be faced with Harry still in the same position he remembers from the last time he checked on him
“I want to–Did you…” Harry sighs and Louis frowns
“You can say it.”
“So, can I ask you something?” Louis laughs
“You just asked. But yeah, always.”
“How was it, I mean, how was kissing Amy?” Harry asks still not looking at the blue eyed boy
Louis bows his brow “Hm, good I guess?” Harry is not satisfied with the answer. Louis knows by the quick look he gives “I had done it before in the practises. Maybe twice. But it was good.”
“Don’t you have a crush on her?” Louis is surprised that Harry still remembers their conversation. But he shouldn’t be. He should know already that everything he says Harry memorizes it.
“Yeah. I think.” Louis makes a pause “I think I had. I found her cute that was all. But she’s kind of annoying when you get to know her better.” He laughs
“But you liked kissing her then?” Harry doesn’t laugh along Louis. Not unusual but Louis finds Harry's expression too serious
“I already told you it was good so yeah I suppose. But it was for the play so nothing happened.”
“All right.” The conversation can’t end here, Louis thinks
“What–Why this now?” Louis sits on the edge of his bed, touching with his feet on the floor
Harry takes some time to move and talk. Then he sits up as well on his mattress and finally looks at Louis “Wanted to know how it was kissing a girl. But apparently you can’t tell me.” He jokes and Louis feels relieved that Harry is okay after all
“It was nothing special, Harry. If you want to know try it yourself.”
“Not that simple.” Louis knows and chuckles. It’s not a thing to joke about but Harry laughs a bit so it’s fine, probably “And I don’t think I want to.” He says after some seconds when his face changes again to be serious.
“What?” Louis asks maybe too loud and Harry shrugs looking at his lap “Hey? Harry?” he calls him when gets no response and starts to feel some anxiety when Harry keeps playing with his fingers. He jumps from his bed and sits next to his best friend. He puts his hands above Harry’s to stop him. Harry doesn’t look at him so Louis is forced to make Harry doing it himself. “Look at me. What’s wrong?”
Harry opens and closes his mouth three times “I don’t know…” it’s all he says
“You don’t know?”
“Yeah, I don’t know! I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Talk with me then Harry. Please.” Making Harry talking about what’s going on with him, what he is thinking is some hard thing to do but Louis wants it. He wants Harry to be more open with him and talk about everything he wants to, like Louis does.
“Can I?” Louis knows what he means by this question
“Wha–Of course Harry. You can always. You always could, you know?” Harry looks at him as if he is not believing his best friend’s words but Louis hopes he understands them
“All right.” Otherwise his words, Harry takes another minute to talk again “I don’t… I don’t want to kiss girls Louis. At least, I don’t think I want to.” he starts and Louis is thankful that Harry keeps looking at him and they’re still close to each other “I kind of see myself kissing boys.” He admits but Louis doesn’t move, his face doesn’t change. He is surprised, shocked even and can’t understand what Harry is telling him but is better if he keeps still. Maybe the fact that he doesn’t understand Harry’s words quite well, doesn’t make him react to it “And I don’t think I look at girls like other boys look. I kind of look at boys like other girls look.” Louis is starting to understand it better. He keeps quiet for Harry’s sake
“I think this is not right. I think this is weird and I shouldn’t feel this way. The other day my parents and I saw two boys kissing and they said that was wrong and I don’t really want to tell you what they said because… it was bad.” Harry says “The thing is, I never kissed a girl. I don’t really want to, but what if I am wrong? What if I don’t want it because I never tried?”
Louis heart beats fast and he opens his eyes widely “Is this my fault?” are the words he speaks first, without thinking and Harry looks shocked at him.
“What?”
“I’m sorry.” Louis finds the urge to apologize because he shouldn’t have say it in that way. Those shouldn’t have been his first words “But,” he still continues thought “you only kissed me so maybe that’s why you are thinking this way.”
“We were eleven.” Harry says in indignation.
“We knew what we were doing!”
“We’re best friends” he says the same excuse Louis gave him “That doesn’t make sense!” They sound like they’re arguing now and Louis feels extremely regretted. “We were kids Louis.”
“You never kissed anyone, you don’t make friends how can you be sure of that?” Louis wants to punch himself for saying this to Harry this way.
“I’m not. That’s why I’m talking to you. But well maybe I should have kept quiet.” He says and gets ready to stand up when Louis grabs him by his arm
“No, no, no!” Louis says somehow desperate “I’m sorry Harry. God, I’m a jerk.” They sit down again and Louis keeps holding Harry by his arm “You did it well. I shouldn’t have… God, it’s okay. It’s completely okay. You can talk. I’ll listen and I won’t judge. I just… I’m surprised, that’s all. But it’s okay.” He keeps repeating “It’s not wrong Harry”
“It’s not?”
“No! No, it’s not. It’s fine.” He slides his hand down and holds Harry’s, making invisible circles in its palm without realising “I’m here. And it’s okay.” Harry bites his bottom lip and Louis knows it’s to hold his emotion. It’s his fault, Louis thinks. He shouldn’t have said it to Harry, he should have let him speak everything and then tell him it was all fine.
“This is wrong Louis!” Louis is forced to drop Harry’s hand when Harry takes them to his face
“Harry.” Louis doesn’t know what to do, what to say and this time he doesn’t even dare to touch Harry. “Look… It’s okay, you know? A lot of guys like other guys. I don’t think it’s wrong. You don’t choose those type of things. If you find yourself attracted to boys then… be. It doesn’t matter.”
Harry slowly looks at Louis again, letting his hands fall on his lap “But I…” he sighs and Louis knows he’s fighting with himself
“Look… How did you know, how did you found this out?”
“I think I just don’t like girls.”
“But do you have a crush on a boy from school?” Louis asks.
“How do you think I can have a crush when I can’t talk with people Louis?” Louis appreciates the fact that Harry talks in an amused tone. They never spoke about that issue. The small – big – detail about Harry which makes him not liking to talk with people, not making any friends. But he thinks they don’t need to. At least for now. “But,” Harry feels his cheeks burning now “I see them on the locker rooms and… god I don’t know if it’s this thing about our body changing and growing up but I don’t get that when I look at girls. I can’t find myself attracted to them, but with boys is different.”
“Harry! I never thought you could be this dirty!” Louis jokes, pushing his best friend’s arm friendly and Harry blushes even more. Louis has a lot more questions to make and he feels something weird about knowing this about Harry but is better if he keeps everything to himself now because the fact that Harry is sharing so many things with him is already an achieved goal.
Louis sees Harry’s expression changing for a moment to another and that’s not a good signal “Hey,” Louis calls for his attention “don’t hate yourself because of this.”
“Isn’t this weird? Aren’t you going to… to hate me?” Harry asks and Louis looks weirdly and confused at him “Aren’t you going to leave me now because you know I might like boys?”
“What are you saying?” Louis looks widely at him and Harry shrugs. He can be feeling a little bit awkward for now but he never put the option of leaving or hating Harry. “That’s just ridiculous”
“I don’t-“
“Listen!” Louis wants to hug his best friend now but he needs to tell him some things first “I’m not going to leave you, remember? Especially when you finally decided to share your thoughts with me. That’s amazing you know? So don’t ever say that again. I am not going to leave you. Ever. Even if you tell me you like boys, girls, babies or even ponies.” Harry laughs “Believe me if that was the case I’d have left you a long time ago. Right in the time I got to know you loved flowers. I was a stupid kid and flowers were for girls.” This time Louis laughs along Harry “I don’t care Harry. I want you by my side and I promise Harry, I promise I won’t leave you.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.” Louis smiles and when sees Harry making his best not to do that as well, he chuckles pulling the green eyed boy in his arms to finally give him the hug he wanted to “It’s okay.”
“It’s okay.” Harry repeats and Louis knows he’s telling that to himself. And that’s great, that’s a start.
“I’m so sorry for what I told you. I’m stupid sometimes…” Louis was waiting for Harry to make a joke about him saying only sometimes, but there’s just silence in the room.
They pull away eventually without a word, but that’s not a bad thing for them. Louis comes back to his bed because it’s half past midnight already and the tiredness he was feeling previously comes back when he starts to feel too comfortable in the mattress.
When he sees Harry getting ready under the sheets he calls him. In a soft, tender and sleepy voice. Harry looks at him and when Louis nods, he walks towards his best friend to lay down next to Louis. They keep their usual position, face to face to one another and their heads rested on the large, but only pillow Louis has on his bed. They share sweet smiles and Louis tells Harry something that makes him laugh for the last time that night and before they turn the light from the nightstand off.
“Goodnight Lou.” Louis’ hears Harry’s deep voice in the dark of the room when he is just about to speak as well
“I love you.” Louis knows better the meaning of this words now and he keeps telling them to Harry. He does love Harry. In a special way, he does.
“I love you too.” Harry answers and Louis can picture him smiling. He always does it when they speak those words to each other.
“Goodnight.”