"Hum..I like you!! Let's be friends!"
That's where it all started. He was a cute 5 year old and I was a rebelious 10 years old kid.
Even to this day I don't know what he saw in me. I pondered about it a lot while we where together.
When he left I could only think what had I done for him to leave me.
We were so happy. I have been looking at our photos for hours, pictures full of happiness and young energy. Pictures full of friendship and lastly, love.
Pictures which make me revive all the moments we shared.
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It was my 11 years anniversary. Even though we knew each other for only 2 weeks he was my only friend so I invited him over.
We bonded easily and he often came to my house.
At 12 I went to 7th grade and he was on his 2nd grade. He was such a cutie pie. He was so smart but so young and innocent..I felt like I had to protect him.
When I turned thirteen he brought a new friend. His name was Youngjae. Youngjae was older than him but still younger than me.
He was a funny kid and we became a group of three.
At 16 I noticed how much everyone had changed. He was 11 now and his behavior was much more composed. Still he was a silly child with whom Youngjae and I liked to play.
On my 17th anniversary I invited the boys over for the weekend. He was old enough (12 years old) to come and his mother trusted me and Youngjae, who was 13 at the time, to take care of her child. The last one surprised us with the news that he got a boyfriend. His name was Daehyun and he had a brother named Junhong - very nice people, he said. This weird confession of a relationship made me think about my love life and the conclusion I got to wasn't my favourite one.
I was 18 when I finally admited I couldn't fight it and I accepted that I liked him. We had been together since little boys and I discovered I liked him. HIM. A BOY. MY FRIEND. WHO WAS FREAKING 13 YEARS OLD. I freaked out at that time. I isolated myself from all the group but especially from him. The thoughts inside my head told me I would hurt him if he stood in front of me.
Eventually my mom became worried and continuasly asked why I wouldn't hang out with the guys anymore. Apparently they had been looking for me. I felt bad at that time, I seriously did, but was somehow selfish enough to not do something about it.
Not until one of them actually broke my door. Which Zelo, like Junhong wished to be called, eventually did. Gosh that boy had energy.
None of them could understand why I distanced myself so they just made sure that wouldn't happen again. They followed me everywhere, even at a restaurant's bathroom.
Christmas came and at Christmas I was confessed to. By him. He confessed to me under a mistletoe kissing me on the cheek after. All my worries went away and I felt super happy.
Soon enough I was 24 and he was 19. We had our own appartment but we had almost no privacy since the guys would often crash at our home.
We were very happy together. The best memory of this year was when we went ice-skating. He was so clumsy and was continuously hugging me. When I did something more risky he would scold me like uncles do but soon enough he would be melting under my lips.
I took him on a trip to Thailand on Valentine's day once. He was 22 and I was 27. I was actually planning to ask his hand in marriage during our trip. It was supposed to be a wonderful 3 weeks trip. Unfortunately I came back after 2.
It was a cold afternoon when we went to a tea shop, we had been in Thailand for 4 days. The shop had a confortable enviroment and an amazing fragance was in the air. Fortunately the waiter was korean fluent so we communicated with no obstacle. However, that little date would ruin everything.
When we left the tea shop he looked different and kinda anxious. His face was flushed pink.
"Are you okay?" I asked. He noded and took my hand, leading us to the park.
The day after, he was acting strange with me. I couldn't understand why. On the second day after the tea shop I woke up with a cold space next to me. He was not in bed nor in anywhere to be seen. I called him, he didn't pick up. He came to the hotel some hours later saying he went to do some personal things. Personal things? He usually told me everything...
This kept happening for a whole week. Suspicious right? Also, he was never good at lying, his guilt showed on his face. I confronted him about it. The first few days I thought he had discovered about my marriage proposal. But it couldn't be anymore.
His answer was hearthbreaking. He told me he was tired of being with me. He said he needed some time to himself. I agreed and told him I would come back to Korea so he should rest and enjoy the rest of the vacation. I planned on leaving in 2 days. I was depressed. How could he be tired of me? We were so happy! I thought he like me!? He prefers to be alone then to be with me..Is it because I'm older by 5 years? Is it that big of a gap? Why does it hurt so much? I wanted us to be together forever.
So I did the stupidiest thing ever.
I went after him. I went to propose to him. It was my last shot. I got him, he was walking down the street. I quickly ran after him but then he hugged a person. And they kissed. Not like greeting kiss but a deep lovable one. I stood there, few metters away from them, tears running down my face.
I called Daehyun, telling him everything that happened. He said he was with Youngjae and would contact Zelo. I took a flight back to Korea, bringing with me pain and sorrow.
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I'm home now, 2 weeks have passed since the last memory.
I'm in my room. Door locked. I want no one next to me.
I'm crying while seeing our albuns. Crying even harded after all the moments came back to me.
I want to be happy. I was happy. Why aren't I happy now? What have I done to suffer like this?
I hear pounding on my door. I don't want anyone near me. I might hurt them. I know who it is. It's the boys, they have been coming to check on me the whole 2 weeks. I thought they finally stoped but guess not.
"Himchan!"
I hear my name being called but I don't get up to let them in.
"Himchan, open the fucking door!"
Damn, Junhong shouldn't be cursing.
I remembered something just now. The letter I left Him.
Gosh I love you so much. Why did you do this? Weren't you happy with me? I was gonna fucking propose to you on that trip..I loved you, still love you and always will. I hope this is all a big misunderstood. I wish that You still love me. That you were only confused and wanted to try something different because you've been with me since forever...Because you're young and you're stuck with an old guy. I hope and wish that. Thinking that this might all be some prank will help me sleep at night.
Remember this, I freaking love you, I always will.
I only had one shot and blew it. I ask no mercy from you so be young, wild and free and get agitated like a Hurricane. It Felt so Good when we were together, you were my Angel. I wish someone would wake me up from this dream but no one can because this is reality. So I throw my hands up and admit it.
I said this a hundred times but I love you very much.
Your ex-love, Channie
I cry harder now. The door makes an awfully loud sound. I guess now they're trying to break it.
"Kim Himchan, you are suffering for something that is a misunderstanding!! Open this damn door"
It was Daehyun's turn. Misunderstanding? I lost my hope after a few days. It was real. He rejected me.
"What do you know huh? You and Youngjae have each other! Junhong also has a Boyfriend now! You are young and happy!! Like I once was..You know nothing about how I feel right now!!!" I answered, yelling the last part like my life depended on it. I felt miserable.
"We're your friends!! And we have one person here who understands!!"
"I don't need a psychologist!!" I yell.
"Channie, please"
I drop the album I was holding and start sobbing harder. It can't be. That nickname..That voice..
I open the door and it is.
It is him.
The boys get in with no sign of courtesy and we stare at each other until he speaks up.
"Channie, would you let me explain? It isn't what you think, really!! I just needed to know if what I was feeling was true...If I really loved you or if it could be anyone. I wasn't tired like I said..I was just confused..And I hurt you so much because of it..Look at you..You're a wreck.." he declares with tears escaping his eyes while I cry even louder than before. I take a good look at him..he also looks devastated.
"You're also a wreck yourself."
He smiled. I missed his smile so much. I quickly forgave him. I mean, could you notice how much I love him?
"Then how about you forgive me and we hug and then you do your proposal? Cause I realised that I love you and I can't live without you. Even if you're a old rag haha."
"I fogive you but I'll have to change the hug for a kiss" I say. I don't care if I sound needy but I missed his lips. I really did.
He smiles as if telling me to do it. Our lips touch and it's as if millions of fireworks are exploding all around us.
"Guys, that's very sweet and all but could you get out of the door porch? The neighbors that passed trought the hallway were giving you weird looks." Youngjae remarks.
"Oh right" he says while laughing together with me.
We close the door and I embrace him in a bone crushing hug.
Suddenly I kneel down and pick up the ring from my rooms floor, which is actually a mess, and speak up to him.
"I love you. I really do. And now I know you love me too. I'm no good with talks so I'll go straightfowardly, will you marry this idiotic guy that is kneeling in front of you? Please say yes."
He smiles and there are tears in his eyes. The guys do a "oohh!" alltogether, which I role my eyes to.
"Yes, of course!!!"
I pick him up and start running around the house while he laughs in my arms. The guys were celebrating in their own unique ways.
"So next it's us." Says Daehyun to Youngjae.
"I hope so. I'll wait for the proposal. By the way..What was it about Zelo having a boyfriend?"
Junhong starts defending himself and they are all warmly laughing and talking.
"Tell us!! You told Himchan!"
"Yeah, cause he's old and has more experience."
"I don't know if that's a compliment or an insult." I say.
"Tell us you then Himchan."
"Don't tell them hyung!!"
"I only know that his name is Kim Yongguk."
"Hyung!!" Zelo pleads while looking at me with unbelieving eyes.
"Whoo!! That Kim Yongguk?"
"The oh so marvelous boy you've been crushing on since you were 13?" Daehyun questioned while wiggling his eyebrows.
"Hugh I hate you guys." Zelo growls.
I smile to myself, happier then I've ever been.
"What is it?" He asks.
"Nothing. It's just that I really love you Moon Jongup."
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Whoa, what was this guys? Suddenly I just really felt the need to write and while I was at it new ideas came up. I had so much fun writing this!! I pondered doing a bad ending but my trademark are the happy ending so...I decides to have them together. Did you notice I only mentioned Jongup's name at the end? I just thought it would be more impactful to the storyline.
Bye guys, love y'all
Kisses, Minjee ♡