I can't believe it. I'm gay.
"What's up dude?" asked Rhett all of a sudden the following morning during recess, putting an end to my thoughts, "You seem like you're in love."
Of course, I'm in love, I thought. With you.
His next move was just a small pouting of the lips; a narrowing of the eyes and a tilting of the head- but that was enough to cast a spell of lust onto me. The left side of his faint lip tugged upwards, as he created a sinister yet teasing smirk on his god-like face that made me squirm a little inside.
"I love getting lost in my thoughts Robin," I said playfully, as I flashed back a smile towards him, "That's the only place that really makes sense to me."
That little rise in the corner of his mouth he was oblivious to combined with the cool detachment in his eyes suddenly gave way to a guarded, stoic look filled with uncertainty.
"What's with the depressed tone?" he said, alarmed, "You had a fight with Tara and your parents again?"
Shaking my head, I replied, "It's not that dude. It's just that some things just don't make sense to me anymore."
"Like what?"
"Well, the fact that I'm in love with someone I'm not supposed to fall in love with is really terrifying," I admitted, without revealing the identity of my true crush.
"You're in love with Juliana?" he questioned dumbly before wheezing, "DUDE!"
The laugh came from him like a newly sprung leak - timid at first, stopping and starting. He wasn't done yet though, I could tell from the way he rolled his hazel eyes to the sky as well as his half-bit lip. From deep inside his chest came a great shaking motion and his face muscles grew tight. I folded my arms, eyebrows arched, obviously annoyed at his remarks.
In moments Rhett's laugh was more like a burst water main arching into the brilliant summer sky soaking everyone around him with unrestrained gales that debilitated him to a thigh slapping and pink-faced picture of glee. I wanted to stay straight-faced, flip my hair and storm off, but Rhett managed to sort of paralyze me from doing so.
"This is every Hollywood movie all over again," he chuckled, "Enemies who can't stand each other end up falling in love with each other."
"I'm not in love with her Rhett!" I said defiantly, "I'm in love with y-"
"MARK!"
Her shrill, yet arrogant voice came at the worst possible time for me as my emotions flared up upon seeing the pony-tailed, petite Spanish girl that was once my ally.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I scowled in annoyance, "You must have lots of balls showing up here after what you did to me."
"And that's why I'm here today," she said, with a more guarded tone than usual, "I want to say I'm sorry."
My face briskly registered a look of anger and shock.
"Sorry? You're fucking sorry?"
"Dude, I think she really means it," Rhett began, but I glared at him angrily.
"She's just doing this just to fuck me up again!" I yelled, as my veins began to boil, "I'm done with bitches like her."
Those words were the final straw for Juliana Alejandra. Brick by brick, her walls came tumbling down as she just broke down. Pearl-shaped tears rolled down her cheeks from the wide, luminous eyes she possessed. The sobs punched through as if they were ripping through her muscles, bones and guts.
"I'm not trying to fuck you up Mark," said Juliana as sobs interlaced her words, "I-I-"
"Don't use those fake tears on me, you two-headed snake!" Pushing my chair backwards as it crashed onto the floor with a thud, I stood up from my chair and gave her a black look.
"Mark, you've got to chill out dude," cautioned Rhett as he attempted to pacify me by placing his hand on my shoulder, a move that I resisted by darting away from his advances, "You've made her cry."
"I don't give a fuck about her crying," I said, as my nostrils flared, "What she did to me was truly unforgivable."
"All I did was post some lies about you on Facebook," sobbed Juliana, as Rhett's face expressed a distressed and pitiful look, "You shouldn't be overreacting like this."
My eyes darted towards Juliana's direction as tears continued pouring down her cheeks. ++
"Overreacting?" I questioned in a loud voice, "What I'm doing right now is completely justified, you bitch!"
My anger rose like a parabolic curve as Juliana continued to put out the flames between us with gasoline.
"It was a long time ago Mark," she defended herself as she moved back, "It was just a small screw-up."
"You called me a fucking misogynist on Facebook!" I yelled, attracting the attention of curious students who stared from their tables.
"Juliana, I think you need to give Mark some time to cool down." Those mature words came out of Rhett's mouth almost like water flowing through a stream, "Otherwise he's gonna say something that's really going to damage your friendship forever."
"We don't have a friendship anymore Juliana," I said defiantly, much to the shock of both Juliana and Rhett as their eyes both popped out, "I'm done with fake bitches like you!"
My words packed a powerful punch that sort of had an air of finality to them. I was not in the mood for an argument with my fists, especially with the amount of bad press that it would generate against me. The only possible thing that could be done was to walk away unscathed, which was exactly what I did without turning back. My feet were dragged to as far as it possibly could go from the cafeteria, with anger bursting inside of me.
"Screw you, Juliana," I hissed under my breath, "I can't believe you're just disregarding everything that's happened between us just so that you can be my friend!"
My breaths grew deeper and slower as I slowly contemplated my actions with Juliana at the cafeteria. As I continued breathing in and out rapidly, my thoughts immediately flashed to how Juliana and I got along so well when we were friends, once upon a time.
"You're our lord and saviour Mark. Please do turn into the Hulk and control the damn assembly."
"Your whole bag was filled with soy milk until everyone thought it was leaking your man fluid."
"You're a good friend Mark. Don't let anyone else tell you that."
Putting my head into my hands, I realized the absurdity of the situation. Why did I act like a complete ass to her? She's my best female friend and I overreacted all because of what she did to me two months ago.
My mind continued to conjure more happy memories of the both of us in middle school and in high school. Pangs of guilt began to fill my body as I had an epiphany regarding my awful behaviour with Juliana.
I've got to say sorry to her and fix this shit.
Turning behind like a tractor, I immediately sprinted back to the cafe, where my eyes fell upon my ex-friend and my crush- Juliana and Rhett, talking to each other animatedly as if they had known each other for decades. Juliana was laughing hysterically at one of Rhett's words, and Rhett, my crush, was smiling too. A tinge of jealousy filled my heart upon seeing both of them together- although I knew that there was no chance of them being together as lovers.
Well if Rhett can get along with that two-headed snake, then I suppose I can get along with her too.
Marching up to the both of them like a soldier, the words of apology flew out of my mouth like bullets from a pistol.
"Juliana, I'm sorry for being mean to you," I began with a sad voice, "Yeah I know what you did was wrong, but what I did today was even worse. I shouldn't have called you all those hurtful words. It was my mistake and I assure you it'll never happen again."
Juliana was overjoyed at hearing my apology and immediately embraced me tightly. Rhett, on the other hand, wound up completely shocked at my 360-degree turnaround towards Juliana, yet expressed a newfound smile at my changed attitude.
"Thanks, Mark," said Juliana, as tears rolled down her cheeks again- though they were tears of joy, "So I guess we're friends again?"
"Of course we are. " I said, beaming.
******************************
The mucky puddles and water splotches in the green blanket made of plush herbs and shrubs greeted me that afternoon as I walked home from school, content at what had happened. Sure, it was something quite unexpected, but at least I got my old Juliana back.
As I strolled down the walking path stuffed with beauteous and soothing flowers, my phone buzzed with a notification on Facebook Messenger. Briskly unlocking my phone to see the text, I broke into a joyful smile upon reading it.
Connor: Bro, how's it going? Everything okay? 😆😂
Light-hearted wheezes came out of my mouth as I saw Connor's message. Truth be told, even though it was almost a month since he left for the National Day Marching Parade, I had never once felt super lonely without his presence. It was my love for Rhett that completely masked any possibility of me missing him.
Mark: I'm okay dude. Just trying to live through school that's all. 🙂
Choosing not to tell him anything about my feelings for Rhett, I swiftly locked my phone and placed it in the pocket of my navy blue pants.
My long and arduous walk continued, as I felt the soft breeze caress me and cool my body down. The more the wind blustered, tousled my jet-black hair and cooled my fingers, the calmer my mind became. My breaths became less and less rapid despite continually stepping into puddles that splashed onto me like a leaking water pipe carrying high-pressure water.
"Dude!" yelled a familiar voice all of a sudden, "Why do you keep on surprising me?"
It was Rhett.
"Hey, dude." I wheezed, as Rhett's dimples grinned prominently once again, exhibiting a Chad Michael Murray-look, "What do you mean I surprised you?"
"Well, you're walking home. That's a start."
"I don't have enough money to Uber home," I admitted, as Rhett chuckled, "So walking's the only way."
"Glad to know you've changed," he grinned, as my insides melted once again, "In every way possible."
Nodding my head, I responded, "Especially in forgiving Juliana."
"What made you forgive her? The boobs?"
"No dude," I denied flatly, "You made me do it."
"Me?!" he said in shock as I carved a wicked smile on my face.
"Yeah, dude. You're a positive influence."
Beaming, Rhett continued to press further, "But why me specifically?"
"Because I love you." I was brave enough to finally let that slip- that I was in love with a dude.
Rhett's eyes withdrew almost immediately, in shock at my words. His nostrils puffed out, and he took a step back from me to process that landmark revelation.
"Dude, you must be fucking crazy," he shook his head in denial, "We're both straight. Stop this bullshit."
Well then, I thought, Time to come clean with him.
"But I want to rip your clothes off dude. I just can't stop thinking about you."
Those words were simply too much for him to handle. His breaths became rapid and his face turned grim as if he had seen a Dementor from the Harry Potter novels.
"Dude! Stop creeping me out! I'm not a fucking faggot!"
I'm not creeping you out, dude. I fucking love you and that's the truth.
As cheesy as it sounded, deep down I knew that I could never be frank with my feelings for Rhett. I had already seen the homophobia that was entrenched into him like vibranium in Wakanda and it was terrifying, to say the least. The only way out of here was to call it a 'joke' and deny everything.
"You are really easy to fool, aren't you?" Wheezes and chuckles broke out of my mouth in order to lighten up the tension that was lingering in between us.
Rhett, however, let out a scowl that clearly exhibited his annoyance. "That ain't funny dude."
I stopped dead in my tracks, as my attention was solely focused on Rhett's mannerisms. Sensing that the palpable discord was clear, I decided to defuse the tension between us.
"Come on dude. I like you because you're my Robin." I tried my very best to dissolve into a puddle of laughter by fidgeting my stomach haphazardly as if I was fighting a gale of giggles.
Rhett was still not amused.
"Just because I'm your Robin, it doesn't mean that I'm your sex slave," he said cautiously, as I sensed the tone of discontent in his voice.
"Dude, you seriously have to chill out," I told him in a friendly tone, "I was just joking."
"Well don't you ever joke about being gay with me again," he said menacingly, as he gave me an icy stare, "Cause I'm straight as fuck and nothing is ever going to change that."
You can say whatever you want Robin, I thought to myself, But I'll always be in love with you.
Carving a grim smile on my face to show to Rhett, we both continued walking in silence. But there was one thing on my mind- as always.
I'll get you one day Robin. And I'll be damn sure to make you fall in love with me too.