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Need is different than want. Want is a desire, a thing you wish you had. Need is something you must have in order for survival. I need my brother. I need Shawn, and now I have realized, that I need Dylan.
"Before we enter this maze of childhood chaos we need some rules," Dylan said as she turned off the car.
"Okay, fine. I have a few to set as well."
"Okay, here are mine. Number one there will be no talk of family issues, meaning we will not bring up Cory. Number two there will be no mention of how we stopped talking to each other. Number three we pretend like nothing bad is happening like we have nee friends this whole time like everything has always been fine. We allow our selves to be happy, for one night."
"I like those."
"You didn't have a choice."
"Oh?" I laughed
"Your turn." Dylan smiled trying to act seriously.
"Okay. There will be no mention of Shawn, especially about how you think I feel about him, and there will be no cheesy flashback comments, especially ones that relate to the last time we were at this carnival together."
"I guess that's fair, but before we get out of this car. When was theist time we were here?"
"We were 12. The summer before high school, the summer before everything went to shit."I said opening the passenger door.
"Wait, break one of my rules, before you get out, its only fair."
"Cory hated the carnival." I sated getting out the car.
"Wait!"
"What Dylan?" I said shutting the door.
"One last rule break. "
"Okay fine."
"Why are you so scared to tell him?"
I stood there for a moment. Of course, there was an answer, there just wasn't a short way to describe it, there wasn't a simple answer.
"Shawn has always been there, maybe that's the problem, maybe that's the feelings. I don't know. He dropped everything for me, for Cory. He knows when I need to talk about something, he knows when I need real advice and when I need him lie, to tell me things will be okay even though they won't be. He has told things they way they were, the truth, always the truth. He has been everything I need for so long, and somewhere along the way, I realized I liked him little more than a friend. I will never risk our friendship, I will never ever tell him because I can't risk this. I am not scared, it's just never going to happen."
"But Sammy, you two belong together, your risking that."
"Maybe, but our friendship is right now, a relationship is the future and if he doesn't want that, we ruin the right now.. understand?"
"No, but I see where your coming from."
"Okay, can we go in the carnival now?"
"Yes."
We pulled our tickets from our bags and handed them in before entering the carnival. It was your classic street carnival. Mainly booths for games and snacks, a few places to take photos, and about three rides. A Ferris wheel, the teacups, and then a small kids rollercoaster."
"I think that rollercoaster is too intense for you Dylan."
"Shut up, you were the one who threw up on them when we were kids."
"We have been here 5 minutes and you have broken every rule I have set."
"Fine, you can break another one." She laughed
"I don't think I want too. I really want to have a good time, just us. Pretending to be happy for one day, one night. I think I need that."
"Good."
"There will be no more breaking of my rules though."
"I am sorry." She laughed
Dylan, I missed her, and every ounce of time I spend with her I realize just how much I missed her. She was the friend I needed. I could have told her about Cory, and my family, she knew about the things I loved, the music, my room. I could have told her about Shawn.
I fall apart though, I meant new friends, something I was so excited about when entering High school. I met the wrong ones.
"How has school been?" I asked her
"Well you were popular, everyone has asked about you, then they started making jokes and spreading rumors."
"Like what?"
"Well before people were saying that you and Ethan did have sex, and you were pregnant or had some disease. I think Jill started that one, to be honest with you. Now the rumors are more about you and Shawn."
"Oh, I forget that those photos went viral. What does everyone think about Shawn and me."
"Well, I think most people think the truth, that you and Shawn are friends. A bunch of people were also making fun of Ethan though like dumb shit Ethan gets traded for sexy popster, Shawn Mendes."
"That's pretty good."
"I thought so too, I started that one."
"Of course you did. I laughed."
"Oh and Perry told everyone he was asexual, he has a girlfriend. I always thought he was gay, now I feel bad."
"It was easier than the truth. That was actually the last conversation I remember having with Perry, but the sadder thing is that's the only conversation I remember having with Perry."
"Why did you ever consider them friends."
"I didn't, they were just people that forced me to think about something other than my family, especially if they had no idea."
"Speaking of the devils themselves."
Tish and Jill stepped of the Ferris wheel and insistently spotted us.
"Let's just go the other way," Dylan said
"No way, we just got here, I want a pretzel and it's down there. They aren't my friends so I don't care what they have to say."
"But I do," Dylan whispered
"Why?"
"It."
"It doesn't matter. There is more to life than high school than mean girls and mean words and mean comments and mean perky fake boobs."
"Wait.."
"Yes, Jill is in grade 12 and she has fake boobs" I smiled
"No."
"Yes, let's get. pretzel."
There were many things that had changed since the last time Dylan and I were here. We were the kids with no friends, with no lives and no interesting stories, nothing extraordinary.
We were the kids that said we were best friends, yet I was best friends with someone else. We were the kids that were scared of other kids and we would keep our heads down when they walked passed.
I used to be the girl who would stand by and watch as they made fun of Dylan. I was the silent friend, the one who was always scared to stay up or to stand out.
Things had changed, I was not going make the same mistakes with Dylan, I was going appreciate Shawn and I's relationship much more. I had a new view on life and I was trying together through, but I would never take life for granted again. I was still learning, but I was never going to make those mistakes again, I was going try harder, and laugh longer, even if it hurt, even if I was scared.
"Why on earth are you hanging out will dull dill." Jill smiled
"First off, she isn't dull and I think we should be honest here." I started
"Sam?" Dylan questioned
"It wasn't dull dill, the nickname started as full Jill because she was a whore who couldn't keep her legs closed. I don't have the time for your stupid jokes and your comments Jill. Just walk around here for a few more weeks, you think your the queen all you want, but when we grade and those few weeks end, you will get the wake-up call you deserve. Life is a bitch and the things we love, the few good things we are given are not simple, they are also complicated and confusing. When you wake up, don't call me, don't apologize, you take the time to fix your trashy life. Let's go, Dylan." I smiled as I took Dylan's hand and pushed passed Jill and her friends.
"Full Jill?"
"I just made it up." I laughed
"I don't think I have ever seen her that quiet."
I laughed as Dylan and I walked down the street.
"I am sorry I stopped being your friend."
"You never really did, you just lost your way." She smiled
"Yeah, I guess I did."
"Okay, let's stop with the cheesy shit, and let me buy you a pretzel."
"Not going to argue that." I laughed
I stayed up all night to write this and surprisingly it's a pretty long chapter ❤️❤️ let me know what you think ❤️ again Thanks for 2K love you all... ❤️
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