Next day :-
Armaan thinks that again he is becoming weak about his feelings towards riddhima which is against his decision. He will be in his deep thoughts staring at the ceiling while laying on the bed in the morning. While thinking and talking to him self tears continuously flow from his eyes.
"What happened to me yesterday? Why I said those things to riddhima? Why I said my feelings to her? Why was she behaving like that? Why was she so curious to know about me and Sam's relation? Was she jealous? Or was she just concerned and worried for me? But my heart says that she was jealous of Sam by seeing her close to me. In past she used to get jealous even if a girl looks at me or talks to me because we were in a relation, we were in love. I know I love her.....and will always do.......i want her .....I need her.......i want her to be mine.......only mine.........but that is not possible...... The thought she being with someone else itself kills me from inside thousand times daily . If I want I can get back her now also by my love as I know how to make her fall for me..... but I want to do what she wants. She don't want me she chose Sid, she wants her marriage to work not to break and so I promised her that I will not interfere in her life anymore. I have decided then that if she wants her marriage then let it be because nothing matters to me more than her happiness and I will do anything for her to be happy. But today it is different, being someone else wife she was being jealous of Sam thinking that we are in relation. Does she love me today also, does she have feelings for me even today like I am having for her? Arghhhhh..........I am not understanding anything. Why it is always complicated for me? Why my love always have to face consequences? Why always riddhima confuses me about her feelings?.......I think I should stay away from riddhima to avoid such confusions and these feelings.......I don't want to complicate my life which is already complicated with full of problems and questions which have no solutions and answers. I hope the decision I have taken now will help us and our life to be less complicated. Just few days riddhima I think after implying my decision everything will be alright in your life.....I hope so."
Armaan will be talking to himself all these things with tears which he wipes away and glances towards the clock. It's time for him to get ready to go to hospital. He quickly jumps out of the bed and runs to get ready. He gets ready and goes to sanjeevani.
******
Riddhima on the other side also will be battling with her feelings. She will be thinking about yesterday's conversation between her and Armaan.
Armaan par sirf riddhima ka hak hai.
These words come across her thoughts and a small smile appears on her face. But when she realized the reality of her life that she is married to Sid and her smile fades away. She will be on her bed while thinking and tears flows from her eyes.
Why God why fate has played it's cruel game on us? Why it has taken away my life.....my love......my armaan.......... Why I can't be never happy? Why my life is so complicated,neither I can go back nor can move on in my life? Why can't I forget armaan? Why can't I accept Sid and move on with him? Why I am confused with my feelings? I cannot see armaan with any other girl but I am not letting him to be with me. I cannot choose armaan and break sid's heart as he also loves me and he is my husband. I cannot live with this confusion my entire life. Please God please show me some way ,some solution so that no one will be broken but be happy. I don't want both Armaan and Sid to be broken, Everyone should be happy. Armaan had suffered a lot already because of me and I don't want him to suffer anymore. Sid is suffering now because of me as I am not able to give him his rights fully as my husband .Oh God please help us and give us strength to fight with our problems. For now I should stop thinking about armaan and try to focus on my marriage and my work.
She thinks that she should not allow armaan or anyone to break the walls that she has built around her heart . She had already decided long ago that she will not allow anyone to enter her heart or break her heart and will not go with what her heart says . She also knows that armaan has that capability to break her walls infact only armaan and his love has that power to break her walls. So she decides to say away from him as already armaan's love is effecting her heart so much. She had stopped thinking through her heart and stopped herself act according to heart because it had always gave pain to her and to her loved ones. She was determined that she goes with what her brain says not her heart . And her brain says to make this marriage work,she cannot break this marriage, she cannot give pain to Sid and so decided to stay with Sid whatever happens . So she sticks to it and thinks to avoid what her heart says which tells to go back to her love.....her Armaan........She thinks that she should not think about Armaan and shut her eyes to back away all the feelings for armaan .
Riddhima opens her eyes when her alarm rings, she stops the alarm and started to get ready to rush to sanjeevani. She quickly gets her shower , gets ready and goes to sign in in sanjeevani.
To be continued............
Love AR.