❝ I NEED YOU
RIGHT NOW ❞
-
"You're leaving?"
She halted before reaching the towering gates. She squeezed her eyes and let out a rough groan which she hoped he couldn't hear, the disembodied voice of her father. She didn't have to turn to see the discouraged look, knitted brows and slight frown of the lips. But she did, anyway, as if to face up to what she did to him.
"I have to."
Once he saw her expression, reddened eyes and dark bags, his features shifted from crestfallen to confused. He shuffled his feet and glanced back at the community. She bet he would do anything to have her back there, safe and sound, in bed where nothing could hurt her. Where the cruel world couldn't taint her.
"Why?" He set jaw indicated defeat. She was an adult, and he couldn't do anything to stop her. "Why do you keep leaving?"
You'll know soon enough. "Just... for now, dad. I need to go."
With that, she stepped forward and pulled open the rusting gates. The sound echoed through the vacant streets of Alexandria.
"Please don't go."
That stopped her. The weakened voice of the only unbreakable person she'd had in her life, begging for her to stay. He'd reached his limit, and she'd pushed him there. It was time to face the facts.
She turned and hung her head, fiddling with her fingers, and tried her hardest not to meet his gaze. She knew if she did, she wouldn't be able to make it out the gates.
"I need to tell you something, dad. And i'll do it when I get back, but I need you to let me go right now."
The nod he gave was tentative and feeble, as if he were suppressing every urge to grab her and drag her back where she would be safe. Where he could protect her, like a father does a daughter.
"Take someone."
"What?"
"I won't be able to concentrate today if you don't have somebody with you. Please, just take someone."
She looked at the ground. How could she turn that down? Such a simple request. There's no way she'd be able to pull it off. Then she remembered.
"Okay. I'll take someone."
The smile was small, but she noticed it, and it meant everything to her.
"I wish you could help us take down Negan."
She swallowed hard and looked toward the canopy of trees, that peeked above the walls. Her stomach filled with nerves each time he said his name, filled with pure venom and animosity. She'd do anything to change that.
"I can't."
"I understand that." She wasn't sure if she did since she'd never given him a reason. "It's better if you're not here today. We might lose people with what we're about to do. But as long as we take him down, we-"
"I need to go," she interrupted, "I need to go get Vincent."
"I love you, more than anything in this world, dad," she said, adding on as if to relieve some of her own pressure. She loved him, he was her haven; if she didn't let him know, it felt like he didn't.
"Please be safe."
"Dad?"
He looked over his shoulder. She caught a glimpse of his saddened eyes, then looked away. She caused that. "Tell Carl I love him... please?"
"He knows."
Maybe he did. But maybe it wouldn't be mutual. Not after what she's going to do.
She went to get Vincent. He was sitting on his porch, as per usual, with a bookmark caught between his teeth and a small novel in his hands.
"The classic story of teenage angst," she commented, glancing down at the title. The Catcher In The Rye.
"What better than to relive some good old first world problems?" He held the book up with a smile. He rocked forward in the chair and stood up, taking the bookmark and sticking it between the fold of the pages. He placed it on the railing.
"Alright Holden, would you do me a major flavor, possibly?"
"Depends, what do I get from it?"
"Leverage for the future?"
"Sounds like something that could go to good use. What do you need?"
"I need you to take me to see Negan."
His lighthearted smile vanished. Slipping his arms over his chest, he tilted his head toward and narrowed his eyes. He looked scary, with the long strands of hair fallen in front of his face.
"What?"
"My father doesn't want me to leave alone."
"Negan knows I'm here?" He brushed his hair back with his palms. "Are you fucking kidding me, Vada? Do you know how much trouble that could get me in?"
"He figured it out a couple days ago. I didn't mean to tell him. I'm sorry. There's no way in hell I would ever let him hurt you. You don't even have to come in, I'll just jump out of the car and you can go wherever you want for a few hours."
Her attempts to abate his anger were unsuccessful. "Why should I help you?" He breathed sharply through his nose. "I hate Negan. You know that."
"But you like me, and I love Negan, and I need you to do this for me."
"You're making a mistake."
"I'm telling my dad, later today. I need a few hours with him. I need it, or else I don't think I'll be able to do it."
Vincent sighed and rubbed his hand over his eyes. "You don't think if I go to the Sanctuary his men will gun me down?"
"We're not going to the Sanctuary. Just this house not far from here. He's supposed to meet me there today."
There was a long, drawn-out moment of silence where she thought he may never answer. His foot tapped against the wooden porch as he bit harshly on his lip. She waited for the no.
"Fine." He passed her, almost bumping her shoulder. "Only for the leverage."
A smile slipped onto her lips as she trailed his steps. He was mumbling to himself in vexation. "I should be the catcher in the rye here. You're thwarting my catching, Vada."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You know, how Holden wants to catch the kids. I should be catching you."
"I've never read it, Vince. Why are the kids falling?"
He sealed his lips for a moment, then as they approached the towering gates, he slid them open. "Never mind."
The car ride was longer, almost, she watched the digital clock's numbers shift, but each minute seemed more like an hour. He didn't put on any music, so she assumed he didn't want to listen to any. With a small slit in her window, all they had to listen to was the dulcet whistling of the wind.
The dirt roads stretched on for miles, aligned by cedar trees where the occasional walker would flounder out and throw its arms in the air, salivating for human flesh. She watched each of them.
"Fuckin' Negan," Vincent muttered, after twenty minutes of silence. She tried not to laugh, although he looked serious.
"What's wrong?"
"I hate him."
"I know."
"Remind me why you're with him again?" His finger tapped irritably against the leather wheel, with his lip caught between his teeth.
"It's something much too difficult to put into words."
He glanced over. "Aren't you a writer? Give it your best shot."
"No, I'm a reader. I let other people do it for me." She cleared her throat and clasped her hands together. "I'll give it a shot. Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part."
"Is it inconceivable?"
"It hasn't subsided yet. Sometimes I don't think it does."
Surprisingly, the corners of his lips curled upward. "You really memorized that? What book is it from?"
"Corelli's Mandolin. I used to memorize my favorite parts from my favorite books."
The rest of the trip was silent. She was thinking of the words written by Louis de Bernières, and Vincent was probably thinking about what he'd say to Negan when they arrived. He didn't have much time to think because the vermilion, curved roof peaking vividly between the trees.
"We're here," she said, hiding the excitement in her voice. She remembered why she was here, that Negan wouldn't be too happy, and how the night would end, then suddenly she wasn't so excited; but joy lingered when she thought about seeing his face.
"What type of flowers are you bringing to my funeral?" Vincent joked, but the worry was still present in his tone.
"A wild violet."
"Aren't those weeds?"
"Exactly. You can try and get rid of them, but they'll keep coming back."
"I don't know if that's supposed to be a sign of my strength or alluding to the fact that it's the apocalypse, but I see Negan's truck over there, so you're free to go."
She followed his line of vision, her gaze landing on the ample black truck. Before she could get out of the car, the red door of the house opened and Negan came strolling out wielding his barbed wire bat.
"Oh... my god," she muttered. Inwardly groaning, she flung open the car door and shut it as quickly as she opened it. Negan was grinning ear to ear, swinging the bar by his feet while a mellifluous whistle echoed through the forest opening. He looked her up and down, then peered over her shoulder.
"A ghost drive for you?"
"Mhm. My guardian angel. Let's go inside."
The car idled, and she could sense that Vincent was too nervous to drive off in case of repercussions. Negan slipped his arm around her back, grasped her waist and pulled her flush against his broad chest. His lips met hers in a fervent kiss before he slammed the handle of Lucille on the hood of the car. She jumped.
"Come out, come out, Vinny."
There was a diminutive opening in the passenger's side window, so he could hear Negan's carrying voice beckoning him over. The driver's door slowly opened, and out stepped a boy. She was surprised at his ability to hide his nerves. Or maybe he wasn't scared of Negan anymore. His stoic expression while Negan exiled him from The Sanctuary supported it.
"Well look at who it is," Negan said, the ominous smile never fading, "my favorite goddamn person in the entire universe. How's life been treating you, Vinny?"
Vada slumped and lowered her head, wishing Negan would learn how to shut his mouth once in a while. It was amazing to see the shift in personality when they were alone.
"Living the best life I can."
Negan made an O shape with his lips and inhaled. He may have tightened his grip on her waist, but she wasn't sure. "Is it because you get to see this fine piece of ass every day? I don't fucking blame you. Not at fucking all. I get it, Vinny. I wish I was in your goddamn position."
"That could be part of it," Vincent twitched a corner of his lip up, and leaned against the roof of the car. "It could also be because of lack of despotic regime, nicer people, and a nicer place in general, actually." Vincent cleared his throat and placed a hand on his chest. "Anyways, I hope you guys have a wonderful time. I've got to go."
Vada's mouth fell open. Of all people, she would have never expected that from Vincent. The quiet boy that read books in the cafeteria, the one that would avert his gaze when Negan entered the room.
"Oh, Vinny." Negan's sonorous chuckle held more danger than what was put forward. "Gloat all you goddamn please, but in the end, you're not the one fucking her, are you?"
Vada pushed him away and crossed her arms. "Negan!"
He didn't pull his gaze from the boy, however, whose smile had dwindled and now was glaring at Negan with all the hostility he could conjure. Vincent tore his gaze from Negan and looked at Vada, only for half a second.
"I'm gonna go." He lowered himself into the car. "Have fun."
Vada watched, fuming, as the car door slammed shut and the idle car shot forward. He was down the road and over the hill in a matter of seconds.
Without a word, she turned on her heel and marched toward the home. She didn't even bother taking off her shoes as she entered the living room, still a mess with blankets and snack foods from their last visit, and plopped on the couch. She huffed and lowered her hands down her face.
"Why the fuck did you bring him?" Negan asked before the door shut behind him. She listened as he kicked off his heavy boots. As much as she wanted to give him the silent treatment, she had too much to say.
"Because my dad didn't want me going alone." She didn't turn back to look at him. "Was that too much for you to handle? Did it put a dent in your ego, that I showed up with my friend?"
"Friend? Did you see the look on his face when I talked about fucking you? He looked like he wanted to strangle me."
"He always wants to strangle you. In fact, most people always want to strangle you."
She got up from the couch and kept her arms across her chest. She didn't want to fight right now. She wished they were talking about something else, like how her father was going through with his plans, how she was going to tell him, or what he'd proposed to her the last time she'd been there.
"Get over yourself and get on to what's important, because he's going to be back in a few hours and I need you right now," she said in a low voice, indicating her seriousness.
Negan's chest rose and fell heavily, his anger was evident but it seemed to subside quickly as he stepped forward and lightly slipped his arms around her small frame. He lowered his lips and placed a kiss on the top of her mussed hair.
"Fuck, I'm sorry."
She didn't respond with an acceptance. She wanted to get to the point. "I'm telling him tonight. My dad." She put his hand on his chest, covered with leather, and continued before he could respond, "there's another important thing."
"What?"
"He's going through with his plans. Today. He didn't tell me where he's going, or how they're going through with it, but I can only assume they're heading to The Sanctuary."
Negan's features twisted into a hard scowl. "Fuck," he muttered under his breath. He pulled away from her and spun around, pinching the bridge of his nose. She watched him carefully. She wanted him there with her. Needed him. If he left, she didn't know what she'd do.
"If you need to leave-"
"No," he cut her off, and pulled the radio attached to his waist. He pressed a button and hesitantly spoke into it.
"Simon."
"Yes, sir?" The static voice came from the other end. Vada shuffled uncomfortably on her feet.
"Get ready for a possible attack at the main base today. Alexandria might be fighting back. Do not, and I repeat, do not fucking kill anybody unless it's the last fucking option you have."
A few second passed before the gruff voice responded. "Got it, sir."
Negan threw the radio onto the couch and emitted a large sigh. His gaze landed on Vada and stayed there for a few moments. It was filled with admiration, the way he looked at her, his lips hinting upward in the slightest as he took slow steps forward.
"You have too much fucking power over me, you know that?"
It took everything she had not to melt into his touch. "Good. Even leaders need some direction once in a while."
His grin widened gradually, before it was nearly touching his ears. "You said you needed me?" His hand slipped to the top of her thigh and slid up her body, until it reached the nape of her neck. He urged her head forward and connected his lips with hers, moving them gently against hers while his hands explored her body.
She mumbled, pulling barely a centimeter away from his mouth, both of their eyes still shut. "Emotionally, you idiot." He left gentle kisses along her jaw all the way down to her collarbone.
"We can get to the emotional stuff later."
He sat on the armrest of the couch and brought her between his legs. His moans were low and gruff and her favorite thing to listen to. He was right. They could get to the emotional stuff later.
She wanted him – she needed him, now, because she didn't know if she would be able to in a week, or a month, or in a year. She didn't know if she'd be able to after she told Rick what she'd been doing. She didn't know, and at that moment, she didn't want to.
All she wanted, was him.