(edited)
I shouldn't crack now. I'm mad at him. He has George's blood on his hands and wants to kill my sister yet I still feel sorry for him. I should back away, go back to my room.
Turning around, I start walking down the hallway and back to my room but my legs stop me from doing it. I find myself in front of Silvio's bedroom. Again.
I stand in front of his door and take my time to think what I'm doing through, but I chicken out again. Swirling around, my body pauses and I close my eyes. With a deep intake of breath, I calm my thoughts down.
He's a monster. Don't feel sorry for him. Don't.
My legs slowly start moving away again but this time the door opens up behind my back.
"Willa, what are you doing here?" His voice is gruff and yet surprised. It's too late to run now, isn't it?
"Hi." I blurt out and look at him. He has a fice o'clock shadow around his cheeks and chin, and surprisingly he's dressed in gray sweatpants and a simple white tee shirt.
Go to your room, Willa. He doesn't deserve your pity.
I still contemplate in my mind whether I should stay and talk to him or get away. On one hand, I am so mad and angry at him that I wanna claw his brown eyes out but on the other I'm too nice of a person. I can understand he's suffered in the past and that everyone makes mistakes. But killing a man is something bigger than a mistake, isn't it?
"What are you doing here?" He repeats himself slowly. His brown hair is disheveled meaning he has been probably asleep until I came. And I am not blaming him for that. It's almost 12am so I should be long asleep too. Though, I do blame myself for not being able to close my eyes and drift off.
"I wanted to talk to you."
"Couldn't you wait until tomorrow?" He crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow at me.
"Probably, but I couldn't sleep so..." I leave the sentence trail off. Silvio steps back and makes a room for me to get inside. Once I am in, he closes the door behind us.
His room is the same as the last time I saw it plus with a few documents and folders scattered on his bed. He's been working I guess. The main light has been turned of so only the bedside lamp and the TV illuminate the spacious room.
A silence falls around us. He doesn't speak and I don't know what to say now either. I look at him, then turn away and remember what Rita told me about how his father had beat him up. What father does that?
"What did you want to talk about?" He is the first to break the silence. When I turn to look at him, his eyes are already on my face, trying to guess what I have to say.
"I just want to thank you for sending Rita today. I needed someone to talk to. That and if she hadn't come I wouldn't have known that you were worried." I tell him as I carefully watch his reaction.
"I wasn't worried." He answers me quickly and dismissively.
"You weren't?" I ask him. Why does my voice sound disappointed? Did I want him to be worried about me?
"No."
"Oh, okay then." And silence occupies the room again.
God, I really have to get out of here.
"You need anything else?" Silvio questions suddenly too rudely making me glare.
"No, I'll just go. Sorry if I bothered you." I say through gritted teeth and make my towards the door to open it. As my hand rests on the doorknob, Silvio lets out a small sigh and stops me.
"Listen, I know you were mad at me for killing that man—" He starts.
"I still am." My sentence cuts him off but he continues anyway.
"—but I had to. He would've compromised me and my men if he told anyone that I have you and I'm can't have that."
"You're a monster for telling Lorenzo to kill all of them." I tell him openly and turn the doorknob. I don't get too far out because Silvio takes me by my arm and drags me inside before closing the door. My back hits the wooden door as he presses his body on mine, trapping me easily.
"I. Am. No. Monster!" He tells me through gritted teeth, sending a jolt of shiver down my body. The hardness of his body presses even more on me and when I look into his dark eyes full of anger, my body fills with fear. Besides his body, his hand is painfully clutching my neck, the pressure cutting of most of my air to the lungs.
"Silvio..." My voice comes out shaky as I try to gasp for air. His hold starts to really hurt and my vision gets blurry but he doesn't notice. My eyes are forming pools of tears.
"Silvio what? You want to tell me how an awful person I am now? How disgusted you are of me? Or that I'm a murderer now? Well, go on, sweatheart. Tell me. That's not news! " His eyes are blazing with anger and I'm too scared to even look at them. My mind starts to fog and I can't think clear.
"Pl–please stop, Silvio. You are
hurting me." I croak out, hoping he'll be able to hear me even if my voice is so quiet. Just as I say that, his eyes widen and he jerks his body away from mine in horror. I stay frozen against the door and don't dare to move but I need to breath. With few big gulps of air I try to regain my lost oxygen and not to cough anymore.
"Fuck. Willa, I'm sorry." He runs his hand distressingly through his brown hair before taking a step closer to me and inspecting my neck. I try to get his hands away from me but he doesn't budge. As soon as he sees that a few deep red lines have now formed around my neck, he lets out a new set of curses.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"
"It's fine. I'll just head to my room." I cough once more and whisper, my voice hoarse. My hands slowly and carefully massage the throbbing area. I just want to get away from him as soon as possible.
"No, it's not okay. I hurt you, Willa. I didn't mean to. I–I... let me get some aloe gel for the redness." He says as his eyes look apologetically at me, the anger no longer visible. He takes a step toward me by I walk backwards, my fear of him taking over my motor senses.
"Just-Just don't. Don't come near me, Silvio." I say once more and disappear behind the door.
***
Morning rolls painfully slow. Maybe because I barely got any sleep or because my overthinking got the worst of me. I don't really know nor care up to now.
I rub the sleepiness from my eyes before I open them and the light from the sun attacks me. I groan at the bright light and quickly get up to go to the bathroom. As I brush my teeth, I notice the bruises around my neck. They aren't that big, but the small ones have already morphed into a disgusting purple and blue color.
I sigh, put the brush down and exit the bathroom.
"It's gotten worse." The voice of the man who kept me awake last night twirls my head around.
Silvio is standing in the middle of my room with a tray of delicious looking food in his hands. His brown eyes are locked on my neck and I try to cover it by letting my hair down. Silvio's hands start gripping the ends of the tray as if he wants to break it in half, and his knuckles are becoming white from the pressure. Why is he angry now? I should be the one angry.
"Just leave. Take the food with you and leave." I say to him in a quiet tone and walk to the window. Silvio doesn't listen to me so he puts the tray on the coffee table and approaches me. My body stiffens when he lays his hand traces lines along my neck very carefully.
"I am sorry, gattino. I never meant to hurt you. I just--I was angry and..." He voice trails off. I stay quiet. The proximity of his body makes me frozen in place. I can't move an inch.
Silvio sighs. "Look at me." He says pleadingly. I've never heard him sound like this. His voice shows vulnerability.
When I continue to stare out the window and don't meet his gaze, with the tip of his fingers Silvio tilts my head up softly making me meet his eyes. My chin burns from his touch and my mind remembers a flashback from few days ago that happened right here by the window.
"I've never hurt a woman in my life, Willa, and I despise myself for doing this to you." He speaks softly but it only makes me remember what Rita told me yesterday about him.
He saved her from his father's beating yet he hurt me.
"Can you go? Please?" I tell him in a bare whisper but he doesn't move. Silvio puts his hand on my cheek and with his thumb softly wipes the trace of the tear away I didn't even notice slip away.
"Please, Silvio." I tell him again. Silvio's eyes are fixated on my face, catching every small twitch and move I do. Then, he cautiously leans in, and before I can move, his lips gently kiss the cheek stained with another tear. My eyes involuntary close at the sudden contact.
"Okay, I'll go." This is the last thing I hear him say before he exits the room and leaves me alone as I asked him to do.
I know he wasn't going to kill me, but hurting me was enough. Even if I did anger him, he let his anger guide him and hurt me.
I look at the tray he left behind and huff, promising myself he won't treat me poorly from now on, no matter how hard it will be for me to achieve that task.