I fell asleep against Joe's shoulder, but woke up alone on the couch-bed. That's weird, when did the bed get pulled out? And where's Joe?
As if on cue, the door opens and two people stumble through. "Shh!" one of them hisses while giggling.
I prop myself up on one elbow. Never mind. It wasn't on cue. Joe is not one of the two people. Steven is the second one, the redheaded girl was the first. Both of them look like they barely slept a wink, especially when the girl nearly sits on top of me. Steven catches her before he falls, causing her to throw her arms around his neck again. I bury my face in my pillow before I get to watch them kiss, because I don't think I can handle seeing that right now. No, not without Joe I can't.
I hear more footsteps, coming from the opposite direction Steven and the chick came. The footsteps freeze and so do Steven and the girl. The tension in the room is like a giant weight on my back. "What the fuck are you doing?" Joe hisses angrily.
Neither of them answer. "Go somewhere else, maybe?" Joe says, not really making it a question.
"Why?" the girl asks slowly. God, she sounds like a slut.
"Because there are people trying to sleep!" Joe snaps in a whisper.
"Oh," the girl mutters. "We were just leaving, right Stevie baby?"
"Uh, we just got here," Steven says uncertainly.
I hear them kiss. "Are you sure you want to stay Stevie baby?" she croons. "You don't want to go somewhere else?"
"Oh, yeah. Sure," Steven mutters between kisses. I chew my lip, still buried in the pillow. Just fuckin' leave already then!
I don't sit up when they leave... I keep my face buried in the pillow. Even when Joe tried to get me to sit up I don't. I know my eyes are red and there's two little tear spots on the pillow because my tear ducts refused to listen to my command not to release them.
"Annie, they're gone, you know," Joe tried again. I finally listened, deciding I was being a bit ridiculous, and peeked at him through my hair. Joe tucked the hair behind my ear and attempted a smile. I tried to return it. "He's no good anyway." I sniffle, staring at his perfect form.
I look at him, wanting oh-so badly to just tell him everything. But I can't. I can't bring myself to do it. I merely sit there stupidly, lips slightly parted, staring into his gorgeous eyes. He smirks at my look. "Can we do something today?" he asks me. "I feel like I need to do something. Really. Something..."
He continues on in a rush. Hmmm... How much has been up his nose this morning? His legs are shaking on the couch at a mile a minute. I smile. "Like what?" Admittedly, I'm intrigued.
Joe shrugs. "I dunno, something. Let's do something!"
Brad joins us, trudging in and plopping on the chair. He wiggles a little baggie, more than half empty, of white powder in front of his face, looking at Joe. "Well, that explains a lot," he says lamely.
--
"Are you and Elyssa still a thing?" I ask, trying not to sound too interested, just like I'm trying to make small-talk.
Joe chuckles, seeing right through my attempt at nonchalance. We were making our way slowly down the street, not really sure where we were going, my hand dangled limply at my side, wishing for him to grab it. I looked at him. The corners of his eyes were crinkled up in a smile. I don't want to seem like I'm pressing the matter further; I don't want to seem like I care too much, but give me a fuckin' answer already! Joe glances down at me. I quickly look away. He laughs at me again. "Not really," he says vaguely. I try not to growl at him. Not really?! "Why?"
I blink and stop walking for a minute, shocked. I recover quickly however, I don't even think he noticed. "No reason," I say almost more vague than him.
Joe chortles again. "Okay," he says slowly. We walk in silence for awhile longer. "Now tell me the real reason why," he suddenly demands.
"Nope," I say.
"Please?" he whines, hanging a sudden left into the record store. I shake my head with a smug smile.
Joe greets the cashier with a nod. She looks like she's about to pass out when she realizes who it is. Naturally, she takes out Get Your Wings and puts it on the turntable behind the counter for the whole store to enjoy. Joe grins when the crackling licks of Same Old Song and Dance sound through the speakers. I hum along to the song, while Joe sorts through stacks upon stacks of records.
The girl at the counter flirts insanely with Joe, which makes me just a little insane. However Joe pays no mind. Rather, he smiles pleasantly while she takes her time copying the price of the Led Zeppelin record and blabbing about how much she loves Robert Plant but that she loves Joe Perry and Aerosmith more. Joe slips his arm around my waist so that his hand rests on my hip. I grin at the girl when she gives me the look. She hikes her low shirt back up in defeat as Joe and I walk out of the store, happily carrying Led Zeppelin I and II. I'm not sure why we didn't already have those records... they came out in 1969...
"So Annie," Joe begins as we make our way to our next destination. It was near dinner time because we got such a late start. The sun was starting to set, tingeing the sky a beautiful orangey pink. Snow fell lightly in big flakes and melted on the sidewalk at our feet. I was, admittedly, content. What with Joe's hand around my waist still and the warm hot chocolate he bought me in my hand. He looked down at me, I up at him. He seemed as though he wanted to stay something more than just, "Whaddya want for dinner?" But he doesn't.
I shrug, not entirely hungry. I'm sure he's not either, but... I don't think either of us want to go back home. "What do you want?"
Joe shrugs too, gripping me a little tighter when I shiver from a gust of wind. I shiver again when he pulls me close inside the bar, but it's not from the wind. We sit at a little table in the corner, Joe orders two beers. "So, do you want to tell me the real reason now?" he asks suddenly.
He sits across from me, but leans forward when he speaks. He's no longer holding me and I wish that he would. "What?" I ask, confused as to what he's talking about.
"The reason why you asked if Elyssa and I were still together," Joe explains, taking a swig of the beer.
"Oh," I say quietly, "that." Joe chuckles, but I stare at my hands.
"I think I know why," he says slowly, quietly. "I'd just like to hear it from you." Again he laughs.
"Ass," I mutter. This time I laugh too. Joe's face of mock hurt and shock was tension-breaking and a real relief.
"Tell me!" he says.
"You already know," I whisper, not looking at him. I'm not sure how he heard me in the crowded bar (he wasn't supposed to hear me), but he did and let the conversation drop for the rest of dinner. We barely eat in a peaceful silence.
"Would you like a bag for that?" our waitress asks, bending down quite low so that she can take Joe's plate.
Joe's eyes get real big and he grins at her, but says, "No, thank you, I think we're done."
The waitress pouts. "No desserts? Cake? Pudding? Cheesecake?" She winks. I make a face like I'm gagging, behind her back so Joe can see. I almost have déjà vu of when Anthony and I used to go out to dinner. Joe had the déjà vu too, I could tell by the way he grinned at me with a wink.
"Not here, no," Joe says, trying not to smile. The girl frowns, clearing our plates that were still nearly full. "C'mon Annie," he said with a smirk playing on his lips, "let's go."
Joe coils him arm around me once again as we make our way home. Joe keeps trying to get the answer he already knows to escape my lips, but to no avail. I'm not cracking on this one. No way.
I suppose that it wouldn't be too horrible if I said anything, I mean, he already said that he liked me... A lot. So what harm would there be in repeatingour talk last night? And, of course, the wonderful kiss that followed. But I don't think that I just like him. Maybe. This is all kinda wierd, falling in love, trying to fall out of love, falling back in love. Or maybe I never didn't love Joe. Maybe it's always been there but I was too sidetracked with Steven to realize how I really felt...? Maybe I should just stop thinking.
--
Later, I'm back on the couch watching the TV, Joe's next to me. We're sharing a joint. Steven and whatserface aren't back, Brad and Joey went somewhere, and Tom is recovering in bed still from last night's antics... Whatever they were.
It's dark outside now, the snow still falls lazily, forming steam in the corners of our grimy windows. Our TV continues to go in and out of signal, though we're used to that. During a commercial break, Joe tries to get my answer again.
"You already know it!" I repeat, getting annoyed. I know he knows it; he's just not acting on it. I bet he knows it's driving me crazy too.
Joe puts his hands in the air, palms out. I surrender! "Wanna hear something?" he asks. I look at him like he's crazy. "It's for the new album." I shrug, hey, why not? "Great!" he exclaims, leaping off the couch and retrieving both a rough copy of a record and also the Led Zeppelin one we bought today. He places the needle down, turning off the TV, and the crackle breaks into a very rough version of their new album. The very end of Adam's Apple plays into a drum intro. Then Joe starts playing. I get the chills. Joe takes the record off after Steven starts singing. I think that song might be about me.
"Wow," is all I can say, and it's not very enthusiastic.
Joe frowns, placing the needle on the Led Zeppelin album. Good Times Bad Times starts to play. "So you hated it?" He plops back down next to me, putting his feet back up on the table.
"No!" I exclaim. "It's great!" I don't tell him that hearing Steven's voice was kind of painful, but I think he figures it out.
I was drifting in and out of consciousness when Joe suddenly said, relatively loudly, "I can't take it anymore!"
I jump, startled. Joe is literally never loud. "What?" I ask sleepily. He had gone through several more homemade cigarettes that aren't really cigarettes.
"I know why you asked if Elyssa and I were still together." Haven't we been through this already? I roll my eyes and place my head back on his shoulder. "Annie, have you ever broken a pact?" he asks. I consider his question, then shake my head no.
"No, no wait," I say, sitting up, waking up. "Janet called dibs on... Oh, what was his name? Oh! Janet called dibs on David in like seventh grade or something... Remember David?"
Joe smiles and nods. "Yeah, but that's beside the point." He faces me. The song I Can't Quit You Baby is blasting through our speakers. "What I'm saying is, it wouldn't be a big deal if you were to break a pact again? No hard feelings, nothing against it?"
I again look at him like he's crazy or something. Maybe he is, who knows? "I––I guess not," I say slowly, uncertainly.
"Good." He sounds relieved. "Because I've been waiting to prove to you that I know the answer all day."
I raise my eyebrows, trying not to smile. "Oh really?" I say sarcastically.
He takes my chin in his hands. Didn't I warn myself not to let people hold my chin...? Oh well. Our faces are inches from each other's. Our noses are almost touching. "Yup," he says.
I stare at his blurry face, he stares back at mine. It looks like he only has one eye, and I start to giggle because it looks kinda funny. He's grinning stupidly. "Then just prove it already," I whisper.
I feel like this is predictable. Faces inches from each other's, whispering, stupid grinning... Anyway, I'll tell about it anyway, because it was just so fan-freaking-tastic.
Joe smashes his lips to mine in the most perfect way imaginable. My eyes drift closed and I become completely absorbed in the passionate kiss that I never ever ever want to end. Yeah, so we're kissing and holding each other and it's really frickin' great. And the fact that underneath it all, I Can't Quit You Baby is playing and we're high as kites and it's all just so fucking trippy and surreal and hot that... Oh my God I don't even know. Seriously, the couch could be on fire but we'd be oblivious to it.
For the past month out apartment has been rather dimly lit, because the light-bulb died in the big lamp on the floor next to the couch, so now we've only got the one (which was already dim to begin with) on he table next to the couch.
So yes, the dim lights, the sexy music, the faces being inches from each other, the whispering, the intentionally unintentional flirting... It does all seem a bit cheesy, like a stupid romantic movie or novel or something. But hey, sometimes I think my life is just one sad, boring romantic story after another. I should write a book about it.
The best part was that Joe and I kept kissing. I didn't have to stop after ten seconds because this wasn't a dare, this was real life. Real life. Does he really like me? Does he love me? Do I love him? I think it's too soon to tell, but for now I just want to stay in this moment for all the rest of time.